darkSpyro

Chpt 1
Hugo was running down to the beach were Sonic Boom was training her babies.Then she saw they were eggs."Sonic Boom!"Hugo yelled."I've found it!"."Found what?"Sonic Boom asked."The cure for your eggs!"Hugo explained."WHAT!?!"Sonic Boom was shocked"Really?"."Yes it's the powder from a tooth of a Madness Dragon!"Hugo explained."MADNESS DRAGON!?!I would have never thought of that..."She said."There is one at the top of The Mountain of Madness.."Hugo said."But..but...that's a treacherous place!Full of 50x stronger compies,Undead Drow,and other horrible monsters!".Whirlwind came from behind."I will help.."she said.Then Lightning Rod and Warnado came behind Hugo."We're in too!."
"Thank you..."Sonic Boom said."Flynn will fly you there."Hugo said......

cool i will keep an eye on this

Cool!

oh sounds good

Chpt 2
Flynn was bragging about himself like always"You know what after this let's get some enchiladas.".Sonic Boom saw The Mountain of Madness up ahead."There it is!"Lightning Rod said."Well let's get you there now and I'll get the enchiladas!"Flynn said.He flew the ballon down and they got off."So what's so bad about this place?"Whirlwind asked."It is said to have Undead Drow,50x stronger chompies,and anything else horrible"Sonic Boom answered.Then Black Chompies attacked them.Lightning Rod put his hand up and called upon lighting to take them out."Go!I can hold them off!" he said."So what else did you say there was?Undead Dow?"Warnado asked.Then skeletons with with spears atttacked them."Undead Drow!"Sonic Boom screamed."Heyah!"Warnado yelled as he spun smashing them."Okay I think I can get them you two go!"Warnado said.Sonic Boom and Whirlwind ran towards the top of the mountain...

O3o interesting

O3o interesting

Quote:

Chpt 2
Flynn was bragging about himself like always"You know what after this let's get some enchiladas.".Sonic Boom saw The Mountain of Madness up ahead."There it is!"Lightning Rod said."Well let's get you there now and I'll get the enchiladas!"Flynn said.He flew the ballon down and they got off."So what's so bad about this place?"Whirlwind asked."It is said to have Undead Drow,50x stronger chompies,and anything else horrible"Sonic Boom answered.Then Black Chompies attacked them.Lightning Rod put his hand up and called upon lighting to take them out."Go!I can hold them off!" he said."So what else did you say there was?Undead Dow?"Warnado asked.Then skeletons with with spears atttacked them."Undead Drow!"Sonic Boom screamed."Heyah!"Warnado yelled as he spun smashing them."Okay I think I can get them you two go!"Warnado said.Sonic Boom and Whirlwind ran towards the top of the mountain...

when's the next bit out

Give her time to think please.

Oh I was waiting for someone to post! Because I didn't want to double...
Chpt3
Sonic Boom and Whirlwind were flying straight up the mountain when they saw a very peculiar creature. It was somewhat like Whirlwind."What is it?"Whirlwind asked."Hm....Maybe Evil Unicorn-Dragon Minion.."Sonic Boom suggested. It attacked with a actual storm cloud from the sky."Sonic Boom go ahead I'll handle this gal!"she said.Sonic Boom flew up the mountain but she heard shakes.
Lightning Rod was fighting the chompies and then a crack in the earth sent him down. Warnado had sent a tornado at the Undead Drow whe he heard shaking and fell into the crack. Whirlwind was fighting it off when it flapped it's wings. She fell down it as well.

cool.

o3o coolio

Thank you

I WAS LOOK RIGHT AT IT'S PRETTY GOOD YEAH!!!!!

for the wind

I will start with the bad
The chapters feel really rushed. I didn't get a good grasp on any of the suroundings, I didn't really feel any of the characters coming through in the story. The fighting scenes had zero intensity, and lastly, we made our way to the mountain very..VERY fast.

The good.
The plotline is pretty good. Alot of people would want to see a cure for the kiddos. Plus the dialouge isn't too shabby. And the promise of a huge battle in the latter chapters is a crowd-drawer. The other doom and gloom factor of more powaful enemies is kinda cool.

How to improve.
in order to make chapters lengthy, you must look into how the characters feel. Else it will just feel like a script and nothing more.
It would've been nice to describe the beach and the mountain. Just how it towered over the skylanders would've been nice. Some preparation, sonic's thoughts in the balloon, preparations for the battles. I mean, 50x chompies? lets prepare. The fights need to describe what action they used, the impact of shattering bones from the drow, the feeling of flesh give way to a flying fist.. Get into it! >.

Flame/hate all ya want, I'm just tryin' to help. I know you want to get to the heart of the story, but slow down a bit and start working on the small stuff and paint a picture for your readers. Good luck!

@IF hey this is not the judge your fellow Dark spyro peoples fanfics. but i think there will be more catches like how to make the cure work like magic words or an ingredients for a potion that can cure the baby griffins

Quote: Trix Master 100

@IF hey this is not the judge your fellow Dark spyro peoples fanfics. but i think there will be more catches like how to make the cure work like magic words or an ingredients for a potion that can cure the baby griffins

I'm not trying to be judgemental. If I am, my apologies. I'm just saying how the chapters are written could use some description. I'm not saying anything about the story itself. I actually think it could be great.

okay then

Quote: Trix Master 100

okay then

So...uh..yerrr.

yeah I'm alright with it as long as they're opinions and not insults (unlike CAV)

Quote: Trix Master 100

yeah I'm alright with it as long as they're opinions and not insults (unlike CAV)

Who or what is CAV? I'm not trying to insult, just genuinly offer advice in the writing feild.
Yeah, insults to try to bring down the writer ain't 'ok'.

CAV is one of the pains in my (censored) that said his opinion on one topics then butted something in as an insult

Quote: Trix Master 100

CAV is one of the pains in my (censored) that said his opinion on one topics then butted something in as an insult

really? ughk.
Cant tell if troll, or just another jerk.

I'm sticking to a that he is a hybrid of both

Quote: Trix Master 100

I'm sticking to a that he is a hybrid of both

The world is going to end because of his hybridity.

IKR!! MAN

This story is really good keep it up this is getting very interesting!

People? It's my fist fanfic what did you expect thank you for the review.

Hug???

Wait...

Quote: Kirby_rules

Wait...

*Leshrug* Still, try it. My writing was 56x worse than this when I was younger.(By about a year.) until I got more in depth about what was going on.

My friend can write better than me he uses all his free time on stories.

Quote: Kirby_rules

My friend can write better than me he uses all his free time on stories.

Lol. Tell him a stranger from the interwebs said he 'has dedication.'
I dont blame em'. Writing is fun when you get caught up in it.

Chpt 4
Sonic boom was Only a few feet from the top. She had a exiting scared feeling."Almost there..."she said to herself. As Lightning Rod fell he saw the chompies fall as fell but as they fell they turned to ash. He was confused."What?!?"he said then he heard bones cracking and saw Warnado battling off the Undead Drow as he fell send tornados at them there spears went flying towards Warnado."Warnado!"Lightning Rod said as he shot a bolt at a Drow behind him."Lightning Rod 12 o' clock sharp!"Warnado yelled. Lightning Rod turned and turned shot a bolt. "Guys!"Whirlwind was flying but behind was the Unicorn-Dragon. She scrapped her wing on the side of the crack."Ah!"she then went flying down. "Ho!"Lighting Rod said and called upon thunder defeating the Unicorn-Dragon."Whirlwind!"Warnado yelled and caught her on his back. Then they heard the voice of an elder who seemed familiar...Eon."Now skylanders go help Sonic Boom!"he said then they teleported.
Sonic Boom was standing infrint of a large Black dragon."Dragon of Madness please lend me one of your great teeth!"she asked."Why so you can cure something defeat me and I will!"the dragon streched out his wings and then Sonic Boom was in a maze but it was an illusion she was trying to escape but he made it that she would just go in a circle."Ah!!!"she was getting caught in Madness."Now..."he then flew up and grabbed her."Leave!"he said and threw her on the ground from great height."Ah.."she fainted on the ground. Her babies hatched again. They looked at her and the Madness Dragon.

cool :3

Thank you.

you are welcome..... BOOM!

Wow! The fight scenes were alot better! Plus, When we saw a bit of how sonic boom was feeling made it more in-depth.
Keep up the improvement!
Oh and p.s. The madness dragon leaving adds on another part of the story. C:

The Madness Dragon adds what?

another part. like a lot more chapters

i love ur story its soooooo cool

coolio

kirby I'm really sorry about before

she is not on now.... (you do know that you can look at the bottom of the forum and see who's on right?

its for when she looks