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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Fandom > Fan Art > CinderLover's Art Topic (Requests Open)
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CinderLover's Art Topic (Requests Open) [CLOSED]
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1551 Posted: 04:56:05 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Then I'll just shut up about the birthday thing! ^-^
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1552 Posted: 04:56:49 29/11/2011
You dont have to....
My class does.....
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1553 Posted: 05:04:26 29/11/2011
That's okay. And I'll try not to make a fuss about it for you, I can see you don't like that. :{
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1554 Posted: 05:06:16 29/11/2011
Its not that I dotn like people making a fuss....
its that I dont like the way that the people around me become clingy and idiots....
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1555 Posted: 05:09:59 29/11/2011
Hmm..... I guess we both have suckish birthdays then, though mine is the complete opposite.

I hope you can manage tomorrow, I wish you luck.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1556 Posted: 05:11:09 29/11/2011
Thanks....Im going to need it
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1557 Posted: 05:27:29 29/11/2011
Yeah, I know how bad it could be. I feel sorry for you. :{
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1558 Posted: 05:30:02 29/11/2011
Its fine....its only 24 hours
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1559 Posted: 05:32:55 29/11/2011
I guess... But still.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#1560 Posted: 05:46:02 29/11/2011
My birthdays, I prefer to be with just my family with little gifts, I hate parties
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1561 Posted: 05:50:29 29/11/2011
Yeah, parties make you the centre of attention and I hate that.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1562 Posted: 05:58:55 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
How long was I gone? @_@

I dislike having huge parties (which mom and dad always want). I hate being the center of attention. I'm a shy, nervous person. Having a crowd of people at my heels makes me ... uncomfortable.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#1563 Posted: 05:59:45 29/11/2011
Talking about birthday's and centre, last year, when it was my birthday at my old school, the teacher would get a big 'Happy Birthday' sticker right int the centre of your eyebrows, so if you went to take it off, it'd rip the hairs out too O.o
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1564 Posted: 06:01:53 29/11/2011
Oh, I'd hate that!

And CL, I am the same as you. That's why I hate having all these other people join me and my friend at lunch now. smilie
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1565 Posted: 06:06:01 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
That wouldn't be a problem for me. I used to have ... err, difficulties, so removing a sticker from my forehead with a little pain wouldn't bother me.

I would hate that. I really would. Thank goodness I don't go to public school.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1566 Posted: 06:09:15 29/11/2011
Hmm......

Oh you are lucky.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#1567 Posted: 06:13:22 29/11/2011
I agree
I'm doing home school again next year.
But the way this school is going, my dreams of screaming out of the school and sctratching and biting the teachers until they let me go just might happen
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1568 Posted: 06:17:39 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Please don't ask.

No horde of people to bother with. Just wake up, get onto computer, do schoolwork. That's the life right there. ^-^
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1569 Posted: 06:28:53 29/11/2011
nice....I go to a public school and its killing me
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1570 Posted: 06:30:15 29/11/2011
^ Agreed..
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1571 Posted: 07:05:19 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Going to public school through elementary grades was complete torture. I was generally a nice person, very innocent and naive. Sadly reality catches up to you, and I was bombarded with the cold fact that I was not going to be an innocent person.
An example would be that when I was a lot nicer than I am now, I would sometimes offer to help the teachers and staff at the school. The cleaning crew for the school cafeteria were always busy. One day I offered to help them wheel the garbage cans by the tables where the Fifth graders sat. They shouted name after name at me, never letting up. They might ass well have taken some of my emotions, put them into a bottle, and sent that bottle into an abyss. They didn't seem to care that I was helping them and the staff. Horrible day for me! And thrust me when I say that this is only one account that scarred my tiny brain.
But they weren't the only people who seemed annoyed by my nice-...-ness. Soon enough I had at least five people who despised me. I don't know why, because I never did anything to them. One of them actually convinced me she was friend once, and looking back on it, I realize she was never my friend. She just wanted to get information out of me to blackmail me with. Why did I not realize it sooner, I have no idea.
I've never actually fit in with anyone my age. They're all complete assholes. They never want to really be your friend unless they get something out of it. I have almost no friends because I don't trust anyone anymore. barely anyone, that is.
When I was younger I'd spend my time around the adults, no matter how bored I would get. I'd let myself get lost in my mind, wandering through fields of golden honey and riding the swiftest steed in the land. I;d stop and talk to the people in my imaginary village. They were people unlike any other, most of the kind dragons that would be happy to chat over a soda and some bacon. I spent time with them, my characters. That's why I'm so attached to them. They come and talk to me when I'm alone. They comfort me when I'm upset. They're like real people, but without a body to call their own. So I created a body for them, a body that was neither real nor fake. It was true in every way, but not physical. Sometimes the people in my village would have to say goodbye, and leave. Disconnect from everybody else. Some had traveled long and with many hardships to come here, and rest peacefully. Some had always been there, and had no intention on leaving. And I was their leader. Their friend and leader who would wage battle against the fierce beasts of sadness and despair that poked and stalked them...
I guess I'm not as strong in real life as I am in my imagination ... And I don't think I ever will be.
The point is that being stuck around the people in school ruined my happiness. I've been a wreck trying to hide everything I know from my parents, and this is actually a stressful time for me due to other reasons. Homeschooling saved some of my sanity.
Why I'm typing this out to the internet, I don't know. I guess I just have to let it out to somebody ... And anyone I actually know isn't somebody I want to hear it.


I spoilered that text in case somebody doesn't give a crap about my feelings.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1572 Posted: 07:39:33 29/11/2011
I know how you feel CL, I truly do. Life is tough, and I hate it..
I've had troubles similar to this, and yes, everyone at my school hates me too for reasons beyond my imagination. I had done nothing whatsoever to them yet they hated me. I have a feeling it was because I liked dragons so much and used to draw them all the time. I once had a dragon charm and rumors went around my primary school that I thought it made me turn into a dragon. What a bunch of mouse-tails! Seriously, I liked dragons a lot, but I was no fool. And apparently I ate dirt too, that also went around my primary school and also made it's way to my high school, my current school. I never give a meow about what people say about me, but this was seriously beyond what I see as a speck of truth.
People at school shun me nowadays, except for my friend, my only friend that understands me to the limit. Yes she doesn't know my darkest secrets, but she almost truly understands me unlike anyone else ever had. She always has my back, though I am usually the one who stands up for us and she admitted it herself. No-one really likes us except some other people the I consider friends. Even when I sit with another group of my friends, I never seem to fit in and I always get this daunting thought that they don't want me there with them. I hope that isn't true though.
When it comes to my family, I hardly ever spend any time with them, always reading or drawing in my room by myself with the door shut or on the computer. I seem to relate to people on the internet more than I ever did in real-life though but they aren't always what they seem. I don't like talking about my friend on the internet to my parents, I get this feeling they don't want me forming friendships with people I don't know in real-life, like they are worried I would want to meet someone and they'll end up being an internet predator. I am not that stupid, I wouldn't agree to meet someone unless I truly know it is safe.
My parents never seem to care about me though, especially not my step-dad who is always falsely accusing me. Yes my mum does take my defense sometimes but I never seem to see the point it it because she does it sometimes too. When I am down or depressed they never come in to ask me what is wrong and that punches a hole in my heart. It makes me feel as if they don't care about my feelings, or me so I just stay away from them.
This rejection has made me feel closer to things such as toys or my OC characters, me thinking they are the only ones who care about me. I do know that they aren't alive or real but i still feel that way. The closest thing I actually have to me is my little toy dragon/dog/hippo thing. You may have heard me talking about him, or seen one of my drawings with him in it, but that doesn't matter if you have or haven't. I've never really settled a name for him, but he is really close to me. I got him when I was like 3 so he is around 9 years old and I discovered him under my bed late last year. Now I have really formed a connection with him and I swear I would die if I lost him.
But enough talking about me, you all have your own problems and I feel selfish expressing mine like this.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#1573 Posted: 07:53:37 29/11/2011
Quote: CinderLover
Going to public school through elementary grades was complete torture. I was generally a nice person, very innocent and naive. Sadly reality catches up to you, and I was bombarded with the cold fact that I was not going to be an innocent person.
An example would be that when I was a lot nicer than I am now, I would sometimes offer to help the teachers and staff at the school. The cleaning crew for the school cafeteria were always busy. One day I offered to help them wheel the garbage cans by the tables where the Fifth graders sat. They shouted name after name at me, never letting up. They might ass well have taken some of my emotions, put them into a bottle, and sent that bottle into an abyss. They didn't seem to care that I was helping them and the staff. Horrible day for me! And thrust me when I say that this is only one account that scarred my tiny brain.
But they weren't the only people who seemed annoyed by my nice-...-ness. Soon enough I had at least five people who despised me. I don't know why, because I never did anything to them. One of them actually convinced me she was friend once, and looking back on it, I realize she was never my friend. She just wanted to get information out of me to blackmail me with. Why did I not realize it sooner, I have no idea.
I've never actually fit in with anyone my age. They're all complete assholes. They never want to really be your friend unless they get something out of it. I have almost no friends because I don't trust anyone anymore. barely anyone, that is.
When I was younger I'd spend my time around the adults, no matter how bored I would get. I'd let myself get lost in my mind, wandering through fields of golden honey and riding the swiftest steed in the land. I;d stop and talk to the people in my imaginary village. They were people unlike any other, most of the kind dragons that would be happy to chat over a soda and some bacon. I spent time with them, my characters. That's why I'm so attached to them. They come and talk to me when I'm alone. They comfort me when I'm upset. They're like real people, but without a body to call their own. So I created a body for them, a body that was neither real nor fake. It was true in every way, but not physical. Sometimes the people in my village would have to say goodbye, and leave. Disconnect from everybody else. Some had traveled long and with many hardships to come here, and rest peacefully. Some had always been there, and had no intention on leaving. And I was their leader. Their friend and leader who would wage battle against the fierce beasts of sadness and despair that poked and stalked them...
I guess I'm not as strong in real life as I am in my imagination ... And I don't think I ever will be.
The point is that being stuck around the people in school ruined my happiness. I've been a wreck trying to hide everything I know from my parents, and this is actually a stressful time for me due to other reasons. Homeschooling saved some of my sanity.
Why I'm typing this out to the internet, I don't know. I guess I just have to let it out to somebody ... And anyone I actually know isn't somebody I want to hear it.


I spoilered that text in case somebody doesn't give a crap about my feelings.


I know how you feel smilie

I have been to four schools (currently at the fourth) and a couple of years ago I started suffering from quite bad depression due to the Earthquake that happened in Christchurch. What brought it on more was the fact we were flying up and down the country because I had a relitive who kept on getting ill and ending up in hospital.
I spent five months away from home, and started to forget what my room actually looked like at all. And whenever I tried to talk to my dad on the phone, I would burst into tears. I spent my 12th Birthday in the hospital (not because I was sick).
When we finally got home, we had the second big earthquake which again triggered my emotions to overload, making me fall to the ground, streaming with tears.
We decided to make a big move and move back up north, selling most of our stuff to get the money to head up with our pets.
When we'd finally arrived, my mum suggested I try out the local school for a few weeks and see how I go.
She never listened about what this school from friggin hell had been doing to me. And nine months later I'm still stuck in the trash hole they call a school.
When we ever have year 8 meetings, I have to listen to every conversation to know when one is because they never tell me. Its same with my Corrospondence English, the other girls who do it in my class never tell me and I end up way behind. They all make me feel as though I'm invisible to them, and that they don't want me here and they're all waiting for me to slip up.
Last term I entered a writing contest, and I wrote a true-ish fasle-ish story about the earthquake (false characters) I didn't get anywhere. And theose other two ass-wipes in my class, got highly commendible and won 2nd. One rubbed it in my face by saying; "I read your story, but...." and walked away.
Then recently, I got sick, the same girls thought I was waging because I absolutly hated the school. They were right about the last part, but I was NOT waging.
Again today, they're giving me adivce. Soon I'm gonna lash out at someone, maybe even the people I've managed to make friends with. I really just want to scream as loud as I can until it hurts and i loose my voice.
When I first started at the school, I was kind, now I'm becoming quite bitter and dark against all of them.
I've never told anyone this....
Every night I go to bed, I cry, thats how much I hate the school. And sometimes when I get home, I just stay in my room for hours, just drawing out my emotions.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1574 Posted: 08:00:53 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
It seems everybody I know is depressed nowadays ...
Eating dirt? Are they insane? If they believe that, they'll believe you if you tell them I'm a ghost who will come for them via their lightbulbs and suck off their noses.
My characters I feel I connect with in a way unlike any other. It's not a sisterly bond, it's not a friendly, bond, but it's not a motherly bond, either. It's like they're part of me, yet something--no, someone-- different. I have this stuffed bear, and I have a connection with her. When I got her I decided she was female. She's got a rather unusual name. She's called Beareta (bear-EE-ta). I may have mentioned her before, but I feel I should mention her again. I talk with her, and she's the greatest friend I've ever had. In return, she protects my dreams from invading evil. It sounds childish, but I have not had a nightmare for over six months, which is when I first truly connected with her. And there's Topaz, the bravest dragon there is. He's a golden dragon who connects with me and Beareta like she and I do. He takes his job seriously, though, and doesn't talk much. He stands guard beside Beareta and wards off the evil who tries to invade my mind as I sleep, and if one does get past his mighty claws and fiery breath, Beareta scares it off. We're all close, and that's the only way I can describe it.
My parents try to be nice to me. But sometimes I feel like they're trying to make something wrong. Like they can't understand that I don't have to be a depressed blob like my sister was. They support me a lot, but I also feel like they're trying to bring me to a lesser state so that they can "help" me. It's an odd thing, really.
Don't feel selfish. Some things you just have to let out. I've kept all that up there bottled up inside to the point where I thought I was going to explode if I shoved another memory down. I don't blame you in the least for wanting to share.


Your mother should listen to you. Or you should drag her to the computer, sit her down and make her read that herself. Screw the risk! I'm sorry you've gone through such thick crap. The people out there just don't understand, do they?
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 08:03:30 29/11/2011 by CinderLover
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1575 Posted: 08:10:34 29/11/2011
Hmm... It does, eh? Maybe that is why everyone comes on the internet, in hope to find some friends, unlike what they have in real-life.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who actually feels that way about their toys and characters. I felt like a weirdo because I though I was the only one who did that but now I see other people doing it I feel more like I fit in with others.
I guess it is normal for people to feel that way about their parents. At least you parents try to help you.
Hmm.... guess so. It seems like we are all sharing now so I guess I should feel selfish.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1576 Posted: 08:12:08 29/11/2011
Im not reading alllll of that.....but I get the main points....

I was bullied at my primary for hanging out with boys.
I was beaten up evry day
Nothin happened except for me never wanting to go to school ever again

Last year I was rumored to be part cat
People came up to me and would tease me and try to agrivate me...

This year somehow there is a rumor that I (or someone like me) gave a guy a blow job.

Im always going to be bullied,I have accepted that....
I mean,I guess Im used to it now....and the names do hurt...like The Witch B-tch.....but they dissapear after a while...
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6147
#1577 Posted: 08:15:11 29/11/2011
Yeah.

Seems like we all share the same problems. It makes me feel bad for everyone else who suffers this because we are only the smallest portion of people in the whole world who feels this way.

And Riolu, that makes me feel really sorry for you. smilie
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1578 Posted: 08:17:03 29/11/2011
I have come to accept my pain...
And I cant help but resort to it whne I hae something that I feel stressed about or something....

They say that the sore and bruises are accident.....but its sad to say that they are wrong
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1579 Posted: 08:23:07 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
We've all gone through a lot, to say the least. Emotionally traumatized, physically scarred, and there are times when our spirits are dulled. But we can't give up. There's a tomorrow ahead, dark or light is unseen. We have to be strong, and push through to the light ahead. Ignore the pain along the way. Not an easy task, no, but would you rather live in darkness?
And we have each other to help.
I guess we just have to remember that we're not alone ...
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1580 Posted: 08:24:08 29/11/2011
True....and atleast we have people that we can relate to...
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1581 Posted: 08:27:00 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Wow, I really feel a bit better on the inside ...

I should really get to bed ... I've spent a lot of time ridding myself of those truths. Thank you for listening.
Until next time!
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1582 Posted: 08:28:49 29/11/2011
alright...I hope you sleep well....
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#1583 Posted: 08:29:50 29/11/2011
I cry when I talk about this, but I lost one of my GREATEST friends a few years back.
Our 24 year old cat had to be put down, and when I needed someone to talk to, he was always there when I needed him.
I don't believe in God, but sometimes I just talk to nothing like he's still there, and sometimes I swear I see him. But my other two cats, I don't think I'm going to take having to part with tem too well, I've had them since they were born, and they are more close to me than really anything, all my pets are.

Everbody hates me at my school for no reason as well. But they think my art is good. But barely any like me.

I remember a song that I used to sing at my old school
I still sing it when I'm depressed and I feel as though nobody wants me smilie

No body loves me
Everybody hates me
I'm going down the garden to eat Wor-ms
Long big slimey ones
Big fat jucy ones
Ewy gewy ewy gewy worms
Long big slimey ones slide down easliy
But big fat jucy ones Do-n't
Big fat jucy ones stick to ya teeth
And the juice goes *Slurps*
Down Ya throat

There was a small rumor that one girl spread around that I was a vampire and a dragon shapeshifter, because a relitive of mine going back thousands of years drank people's blood.
That same girl accused me of having a Dragon additude and said she saw me sucking my thumb when it got slammed in a door.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1584 Posted: 18:52:50 29/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Heh, my cat Delilah is very kind. I think she tries to be human, sometimes. We're like her family. I'm her littermate, my father is her father, and my mother is her mother. I would be a wreck should something happen to her.
That reminds me of when my sister's dog, Harry, died. Harry had been there since before I can remember, and seeing that poor old girl die was horrible. She had a stroke in the backyard when she was Sixteen and a half years old. It was just .... oh, I just hope she's in a better place.

Instead of singing a song about eating worms, sing something that might make you feel better. When I'm just down, like somebody kicked me in the gut and left me there to deal with the pain, I try and think of merrier things than that everybody in the world hates me. Instead I try to think of funny jokes or people I know love me. It helps me push past all the sadness and deal with the fact that some people just dislike me, and I can't change their minds.

I'm sure her ancestors drank blood, too, so she has nothing to complain about. If they did, it would be due to spiritual beliefs of thirst. If you were stranded in a desert and somebody offered you some blood to drink, you would just drink it and be happy that you're not dying of dehydration.
Slam her hand in a door. See how she like it.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1585 Posted: 00:02:40 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Okay, since we're all expressing our feelings and such, I decided to post Rio's Birthday Present a day early. Maybe give somebody a bit of happiness.
This features Topaz (mentioned in the above posts, somewhere). As you know from what I said before, he protects my mind from the darkness that wishes to give me less-than-pleasant sleep. May he guard your dreams in the following nights, my friend.
[User Posted Image]
I am the bane of Darkness
Do nor fear
I will bring the raging evil
to a chilling halt.

Yeah, messing around with the layering on GIMP. I hope you like it, anyway.
I would have included a character of yours, but I couldn't think of one to fit with the mood.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1586 Posted: 00:17:53 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
But there is no shading, just fading/transparency effects.
Glad you like it. I was going for a serious, kind of grim setting.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1587 Posted: 00:22:08 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Yep ...
I really like the monsters, though. Perhaps I should build up more on them.
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Dragon-outcast Emerald Sparx Gems: 4191
#1588 Posted: 00:32:18 30/11/2011
That......is an AWESOME birthday present picture. That is really cool. smilie

And y'know, reading all these like, things that happened to you all. Well, I'm glad I'm not alone dealing with all that stuff. Y'know what I mean? Like I can relate to that. I mean, even today, I try my utmost to hide what I know and pretend to be innocent and stuff. For the longest time, I never knew those stupid innuendos like "that's what she said" even existed. Sadly, I was struck sometime around 8th Grade for me. Well, at least not in a bad way. I'd say that 8th Grade was probably my best year. The good thing was, no one was actually a jerk. I mean, the whole 8th Grade class for me was actually really nice. I mean not like, everyone pat you on the back nice. But I mean like, they just mind their own business and not call you crap stuff. It's only been 5 months and I miss 8th Grade. *siigh* Even though I go to a Christian School. That doesn't mean everything's perfect there. Literally, the same things happen to me that you guys are talking about with people who are just jerkwads. I'm just glad most of the teachers aren't jerks either. And now....I've just entered high school as a freshman and well....everyone's a jerkwad pretty much. I chose the school cause some of my friends who 'ditched' me in 7th grade were there. Yeah, they don't hate me. But they're so different! And now...well, I don't think I have a true friend here. My true friend is just God. I mean, it's kinda like your imaginary characters CL. If I feel like, really emotionally upset, then well, I don't exactly pray like, knees on floor hands folded prayer. I just talk to the sky pretty much in my mind. At night I do talk out loud, it's just, better. Listening to music helps to. I'm not talking about rock BA music. Cause in the real world, I am still so naive. I listen to a lot of christian music. I don't have a reason not to. It's not because I wanna be good. It's because I grew up with it. It's all I have. And right now I've hit a really strong wall. My dad's cancer. It's painful, so painful to watch it happen. Yet....somehow....I keep living. I have to. Somehow. A teacher told me this and really look up to this guy because of his actions, his personality. He said: "Just remember that everything is temporary. You feeling sad, it will pass. You feeling depressed, it will pass. You feeling happy, it will pass. Whatever's going on, it'll all pass."

Sorry. I kinda just wanted to get that off my chest. Writing does help me calm myself from the constant barrage of buttheads taunting me.

I also wanna say this: I don't care where you are in life, but I just want to let you know that there is someone else out there that will hold you. You can tell this person anything and everything. He's not fake. He's real. And for me, it's necessary to talk to him. I don't want to live in this world. I can't wait to die and truly live. This world is disgusting, warped, and perverted. I don't want anything to do with it. But I'm stuck here for a reason.
Don't be afraid. If you wanna talk, if you just want to chat, question me, go ahead. It's your choice. It's always your choice. But the choices you make don't make you who you really are.
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*insert edgy saying about the meaning of life*
Procrastination: Hard work often pays of after time, but laziness always pays off now.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1589 Posted: 03:06:33 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Aww, D-o ... *hugs*
I suppose that the five of us are really just going through similar things. My story is happy, mostly due to ignorance. But now, I guess after I grew up a bit, I can never look at life the same way. I feel selfish thinking my life is bad, when I look at people like Rio or daimondcynder. I feel awful, because you're all going through such hard times and I feel I can only offer words. Words tend to be forgotten, or may sound hallow. But ... Well, I tell you guys now that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. You may have heard this before, but it's always true. No matter what. Oh I'm getting a little upset. I sorry I can't think of anything more meaningful to say!


Well, they're not meant to stand out greatly. They're meant to be like creatures that have been there long enough to be mistaken for the rest of your mind, until a light comes up and lets you see that they're actually there, and must be exterminated.

Also, my left elbow hurts. I guess getting slammed onto the floor repeatedly ... causes pain? I have no idea where I was going with that.
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http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Dragon-outcast Emerald Sparx Gems: 4191
#1590 Posted: 03:15:44 30/11/2011
It's kinda funny how words are hollow here....but really, if we pass that aside, words tend to have very powerful power and effect over people. It's been said that the tongue is a double edged sword. It can heal, it can hurt. Badly. I was never really ever physically damaged in my short life, but I've been beaten and tortured many times by small remarks, disparaging looks, rotten comments, and racist jokes aimed at me.

Thanks CL. You have no idea what it means to say just a little sentence. Just a few words. It didn't have to be a big giant pep speech. It didn't have to be some overly pompous paragraph of big giant words and stuff like that. Thank you. *hug*
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*insert edgy saying about the meaning of life*
Procrastination: Hard work often pays of after time, but laziness always pays off now.
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1591 Posted: 03:37:46 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
The words that have been spoken by me and to me scar me forever. Is there's even a moment of silence, I start thinking about it, and the emotions from when they were spoken flood back into me. If I recall somebody shouting at me, I instantly start to feel like I've done something awful all over again. And it's very quiet around here, and it happens often. And them mom wonders why I'm practically obsessed with youtube ...

*sigh* Yes, words are powerful on either end ... Sadly the end that harms gets more use.
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http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Dragon-outcast Emerald Sparx Gems: 4191
#1592 Posted: 03:59:20 30/11/2011
Yeah. I mean, face it, we're in a crappy world. Nothing here is really, really worth it.

Y'know, I'm also starting to understand another concept one of my old teachers talked about. You see, he said that to discuss things, it's better to be right with that person, as to actually feel the sympathy and emotion. Next highest is by phone. Cause you actually hear the voice of the other person. Last resort is email or via online.

I kinda get it now. Cause online, you can't truly tell what the other person is feeling. You can guess by the text and all, but not really. And you can't exactly joke about stuff online either. People really take stuff the wrong way and you have no idea about it! To you it's a joke, but in reality you may have just crushed that person under a boulder. Ouch....

Wow....that is weird to me....smilie
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*insert edgy saying about the meaning of life*
Procrastination: Hard work often pays of after time, but laziness always pays off now.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1593 Posted: 04:49:10 30/11/2011
Thanks for the present...
Today wasnt at sucky as I thought it would be....and I got one EPIC present....
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1594 Posted: 04:50:55 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
I don't know what to say to the truth of that, D-o ...

That's good.
Cool, what is it?
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http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1595 Posted: 04:54:18 30/11/2011
A dvd of my fave movie.....^-^
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#1596 Posted: 04:58:40 30/11/2011 | Topic Creator
Epic, man. Just epic.
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http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#1597 Posted: 05:00:48 30/11/2011
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside my mind~
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I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
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