darkSpyro

death by a strand

cp1:death the dragon
cp2:i must fight
cp3:flying challange
cp4:gemna must die
cp5:i love you
cp6:eggs galour

chapter1
once in a small grotto a black egg was made his name was death his mothers name was flapi and his fathers name was kumurri death was a black dragon the rarest kind ever. death had a loving familly he had a papocu wich is a type of bird that i made up named popi death was a teenager he had a girl friend named brooke.
chapter2
once brooke and death were on a walk in flame berry woods until death scenced something he looked behind him and there was gemna an evil dragoness he told brooke two go hide for he knew she was after them death flew up two gemna and bit her paw and she jumped into the air and whaled death with her horns ontow the ground.
chapter3
brooke saw everything she flew up and smacked gemna with her tail and stuned her brooke walked up two death he was almost dead brooke used her life reviving power and now it was time for flying away but deaths wings had been torn he could not fly until his wings heeld gemna got up deaths wings heeld he could fly now.
cp4
gemna was not far behind them she blew smake bomms and it got foggy death and brooke could not see death fell out of the sky and slamed into the ground brooke reliesd it was not smoke it was sleeping gas and then bam she fell out of the sky 1,2,3,4hours later the awoke gemna was standing infront of them brooke and death used the light and dark fury combined and destroyed her.
cp5
brooke and death were tired they both fell on the ground BAM!!!!1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8hours later the woke up death was injured but miledly brooke was fine brooke said death i love you and death said i love you two they went homr two th grotto and deaths perents and brookes perents wer gone they had fled the land and death and brooke were the domnats now
cp6
as death and brooke grew up the had 4,908,563,713,90 eggs they wer gaurdains by then and they passed away in the year malefor was born

hpoe u liked it

Lacks formatting and a long plot, i appriciate the effort and your age, but have those two thing and realistic objects (not 474377546..whatever eggs... physically impossible).

Nice try however

It's rubbish. Boring, unoriginal, tacky, clitch(Sp?), spellings awful, boring charactors, far to short chapters, dull, and you really need to use spaces and captials more often.

Charactors were boring, Death is a Gary Stu, Brooke is a Mary sue. Storyline is SO unoriginal, we've heard it a million time:

There is a ultra rare dragon.
He has a super hot grilfriend who is perfect.
There is a super evil guy who wants to kill them. He attacks them and one nearly dies. The other saves them.
They save "I love you" to each other.
They get married and have hundres of perfect kids.

And SO many plot holes:

Why is Death the rairest kind ever?
Why is Gemma evil?
Why does she want to kill them?
How the heck did they have so many kids?
What happend to the rest of the charactors?
Why did they just accept their parents wre gone when they are only teenages?
Why did they become gaurdians?
What were they gaurdians of?

I could go on forever.

Your characters need FLAWS man!

YOU HAVE NO TALENT STOP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote: Tango

It's rubbish. Boring, unoriginal, tacky, clitch(Sp?), spellings awful, boring charactors, far to short chapters, dull, and you really need to use spaces and captials more often.

Charactors were boring, Death is a Gary Stu, Brooke is a Mary sue. Storyline is SO unoriginal, we've heard it a million time:

There is a ultra rare dragon.
He has a super hot grilfriend who is perfect.
There is a super evil guy who wants to kill them. He attacks them and one nearly dies. The other saves them.
They save "I love you" to each other.
They get married and have hundres of perfect kids.

And SO many plot holes:

Why is Death the rairest kind ever?
Why is Gemma evil?
Why does she want to kill them?
How the heck did they have so many kids?
What happend to the rest of the charactors?
Why did they just accept their parents wre gone when they are only teenages?
Why did they become gaurdians?
What were they gaurdians of?

I could go on forever.

for once i can agree with you 100% its stupid and just...foolish. not good at all you should stop your fandom at this piont its Exsacly like the "the story of brooke" wich was just as bad
//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=20950

ok im listning to shut me up but it should be shut YOU up honestly your 10 but honestly i can write better stories and im 12 >.>

... I went braindead on the first chapter.

well u dont have too b so mean about it

Quote: death horn

well u dont have too b so mean about it

It's called criticism.
>_>

well drrrrrr

Quote: death horn

well drrrrrr

You know what I find confusing about you... As soon as someone else says something that contridicted what you said you automaticly agree with them...

Anyway, on with the story... When reading it I think I was gonna run out of breath... No comma's! No gaps to breath, no realistic plot! Since when are Dragons 'made' like their some kind of car in a factory? Also, the chapters are really short and suddenly, out of no where, one of your characters has the ability to bring people back to life? To sum this up... Fail...

Quote: bionicle2809

Quote: death horn

well drrrrrr

You know what I find confusing about you... As soon as someone else says something that contridicted what you said you automaticly agree with them...

Anyway, on with the story... When reading it I think I was gonna run out of breath... No comma's! No gaps to breath, no realistic plot! Since when are Dragons 'made' like their some kind of car in a factory? Also, the chapters are really short and suddenly, out of no where, one of your characters has the ability to bring people back to life? To sum this up... Fail...

well i have 2 agree wit u about that

Quote: death horn

Quote: bionicle2809

Quote: death horn

well drrrrrr

You know what I find confusing about you... As soon as someone else says something that contridicted what you said you automaticly agree with them...

Anyway, on with the story... When reading it I think I was gonna run out of breath... No comma's! No gaps to breath, no realistic plot! Since when are Dragons 'made' like their some kind of car in a factory? Also, the chapters are really short and suddenly, out of no where, one of your characters has the ability to bring people back to life? To sum this up... Fail...

well i have 2 agree wit u about that

That is the most ironic thing I have ever heard in my life... Your agreeing with me on reasons why you think your story sucks?

D: This story made my migraine come back. DX

O.o I don't understand one bit of that story in any way. *rubs eyes* >.< Where is the periods and commas? And the paragraphs? D:

Quote: Cynder_fan

Lacks formatting and a long plot, i appriciate the effort and your age, but have those two thing and realistic objects (not 474377546..whatever eggs... physically impossible).

Nice try however

Enless they had a egg every day and thats a h*** lot of children to raise, its hard to find the food, shelter and all the other needs a baby reptile might need. So the land is basically a gravyard, filled with the bones of the hunted and hunters and the dead and wethered grass.

Relly short and hard to understand, i had to read it about once or twice before achally getting who said what and what happened. Since it was short it didnt add suspence like a sotry normally whould. And such a comon color made rare? At least make it a little diffrent.

Quote: Tango

It's rubbish. Boring, unoriginal, tacky, clitch(Sp?), spellings awful, boring charactors, far to short chapters, dull, and you really need to use spaces and captials more often.

Charactors were boring, Death is a Gary Stu, Brooke is a Mary sue. Storyline is SO unoriginal, we've heard it a million time:

There is a ultra rare dragon.
He has a super hot grilfriend who is perfect.
There is a super evil guy who wants to kill them. He attacks them and one nearly dies. The other saves them.
They save "I love you" to each other.
They get married and have hundres of perfect kids.

And SO many plot holes:

Why is Death the rairest kind ever?
Why is Gemma evil?
Why does she want to kill them?
How the heck did they have so many kids?
What happend to the rest of the charactors?
Why did they just accept their parents wre gone when they are only teenages?
Why did they become gaurdians?
What were they gaurdians of?

I could go on forever.

I agree with those things but the basic idea was semi okay. If it had better explaination and all of the dragons wernt so special then it might have a bit of possiblity. It could be made better.Pm me and I might be able to help.

It's not a very good story,many things need to be fixed,but at least you tried,all you need is a little help.

All you need is an actual education and you may be able to write something that isn't piontless as ****.

Death horn you fail at writing GIVE UP!

Worst... fic... ever. I am not saying this to be a bully or a meanie. I am saying my true oponion. You call that a story? Longtest chapter in it is at 4 lines!!! I got a friend who has writted two chapters of his stories, and they are so long, I had to take a break. But this!? Oh, for god sake...

Quote: Crush

Worst... fic... ever. I am not saying this to be a bully or a meanie. I am saying my true oponion. You call that a story? Longtest chapter in it is at 4 lines!!! I got a friend who has writted two chapters of his stories, and they are so long, I had to take a break. But this!? Oh, for god sake...

i lol'd at the last sentence thats going in your section of my anoucment

Oh dear, sweetie! Do you take all my quotes in your announcement? XD But it okay. I am honored about it, actully.

only the AWSOME onse

Thank you! *Bows and blow kisses*

OMG I LOVE THIS STORY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

death horn just needs help,but i've seen some 10 year old wright better stories,death horn,do you have a mental problem?Or are you not really 10 years old?

Quote: DragonLord

death horn just needs help,but i've seen some 10 year old wright better stories,death horn,do you have a mental problem?Or are you not really 10 years old?

she has the mentle age of a 3 year old

A lot of people have mental problems,so it would be normal if death horn had a mental problem.

Quote: DragonLord

A lot of people have mental problems,so it would be normal if death horn had a mental problem.

the sad thing is...she dos'nt

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................................

Quote: death horn

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................................

you cant wright you act stupid your 10 and you act like your 5 please just get of Dark Spyro

NO NO I WILL NOT UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!!!

Quote: death horn

NO NO I WILL NOT UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!!!

Death horn, seriosly... Thats what we're talking about... DC didn't yell at you but your responce is to yell at her and make a scene of it...

Quote: bionicle2809

Quote: death horn

NO NO I WILL NOT UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!!!>:(>:(>:(

Death horn, seriosly... Thats what we're talking about... DC didn't yell at you but your responce is to yell at her and make a scene of it...

But she did say some pretty insulting things. Telling sopmeone to get off DarkSpyro?

Quote: Tango

Quote: bionicle2809

Quote: death horn

NO NO I WILL NOT UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!!!

Death horn, seriosly... Thats what we're talking about... DC didn't yell at you but your responce is to yell at her and make a scene of it...

But she did say some pretty insulting things. Telling sopmeone to get off DarkSpyro?

So when Death Horn told DC to get off Dark Spyro was that not a bad thing in your opinion?

Quote: death horn

NO NO I WILL NOT UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!!!

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriosly GROW UP!!!!

Guys, this is a flame war now, ok, so Death Horn isn't the best writer in the world, atleast she tried!...

Quote: Cynder_fan

Guys, this is a flame war now, ok, so Death Horn isn't the best writer in the world, atleast she tried!...

i dont cear iff she tryed its AWFULL!

Ok, it admit that, but leave it at that, she can come on here, there's no limit, just because of one story doesn't mean she should leave...

she spamms the form and it 10 but acts like she is 5 seriosly she should leave

Please DC, just leave this alone, i'm not asking much else, but i don't want another flame war. We all agree it's bad, leave it at that

if she gets of dark spyro for 5 years..ill stop

.......

seriosly she is immature, stupid, and a troll

Quote: DARK CINDER

if she gets of dark spyro for 5 years..ill stop

i laghed so hard at that

Death horn; knows how to use the computer very well, but not a very social kid. No one wants to be with him no matter what he does, needs some time before he can mature enough to socialize.

Don't worry though, I've met kids 10X worse than him. But please don't look all over the world for those kids.

I have to admit, I kinda know a 33 year old with mental problems that is far more immature then death horn. Thankfully, I don't know that 33 year old in real life.

Quote: Swifty 88

ok im listning to shut me up but it should be shut YOU up honestly your 10 but honestly i can write better stories and im 12 >.>

I agree. I can wright better storys and I'm only two years older then death horn.

It doesn't make sense. I didn't know what you were talking about. And the "main character being special and haves a girlfriend and they both have lots off kids" have been use SO many times. And then there is the grammar. If you want to wright a story, then you should have good grammar so people can understand it. And the story was a bit short. Most storys go on for at list 2 pages and the chapters are long not just 4 sentences. And how on earth can they have over 40000000 kids!?

Quote: bionicle2809

Quote: Tango

Quote: bionicle2809

Death horn, seriosly... Thats what we're talking about... DC didn't yell at you but your responce is to yell at her and make a scene of it...

But she did say some pretty insulting things. Telling sopmeone to get off DarkSpyro?

So when Death Horn told DC to get off Dark Spyro was that not a bad thing in your opinion?

No that's bad to. Nither of them should say things like that. No one should say things like that.