darkSpyro

- - -

it's reached the point i don't even care anymore
i've accepted that who i am is fundamentally flawed and america wants me dead
what are they gonna do? not like me some more?
i really do not care anymore
might as well go all out unlikeable

god why won't you let me win just once

I told a lot about myself last night infront of my mother, i hate feeling like she knows more about me but i have a feeling she wont try to remember it because it was about me being anxious about everything and how that feels.I hope she doesnt retain the information.

i feel like you always argue for the opposing side in everything because you're still just an edgy teenager and think its cool to hate everything and disagree with everyone

Sometimes I wonder "What if?"; but then I get my thoughts together and like to convince myself that this solution was the best for the situation. Do I miss the times and the moments? Oh yes, I do. But to know how you've been moving on and achieving things in life is something that makes me day by day more assured that the decision we made was right one. Getting over this has been rather difficult process but I feel better and I hope you feel better and maybe someday we are able to communicate again like a decent human beings once more. Thank you.

you really know how to ruin a holiday, dont you?

I need more sleep l m a o

you have all these seats and you sit next to me?
pls do not people are scary

I'm more like Faust than Mephisto. Absolutely pathetic. Nonetheless, I will accomplish my goals.

i think ill only tell my family once im moved out. i dont think theyll react badly i just dont want to deal with them asking tons of questions or being weird about it. doesnt bother me too much i can wait

Something is about to go horribly wrong. Or maybe it already has.

4 hours.

I'm glad to be home, but I'm scared of myself again. I don't want to leave my room, or I'll hurt everyone again.

IM STILL CRYING

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it's just not good enough, is it

im sorry

I realize that I have been acting very destructive and erratic recently. I'm sorry to anyone that I have hurt. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, I know many of my friendships have been destroyed because of my behavior. I was gonna leave the website because I know it isn't fair for me to act like this and I think I just need some time to get myself back in a good spot. Many times I find myself typing out multiple paragraphs and then deleting them because I realize they are incoherent. Other times I post something short that pops into my head and I don't think about how it will sound or how it will affect other people. I wasn't always like this, as many of you know. These past two months have been really hard for me, and in a couple weeks I'll be coming up on the anniversary of something that is very hard for me to remember. It hurts me a lot to think about it.

It's one of those things where you think you have passed it, but then it comes back to haunt you, ya know? Or like in a movie where they defeat the bad guy, but SURPRISE! there is an even bigger bad guy that was the true villain all along!

Actually that's a pretty good summary of my situation right now. Last year I thought I was done with this. But there was something inside me i ignored all along and 2 months ago it was awakened

I'll probably delete this soon because I'm an idiot and I'll just keep hurting the people I love because that's what I do. I complain about my friends leaving but it's clear to everyone, even me, that I am the reason they leave and I just can't stop because I'm not strong enough to fight it. Pathetic.

Endgame spoilers

I’m slowly but surely fading away to nothing

Quote: 84skylanderdude

I’m slowly but surely fading away to nothing

You're too skeenee

-----

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: 84skylanderdude

I’m slowly but surely fading away to nothing

You're too skeenee

Dude, that's not appropriate...Like, seriously.

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: 84skylanderdude

I’m slowly but surely fading away to nothing

You're too skeenee

Dude, that's not appropriate...Like, seriously.

I will give him a milkshake and he will stop fading away

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

You're too skeenee

Dude, that's not appropriate...Like, seriously.

I will give him a milkshake and he will stop fading away

Stop.

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Dude, that's not appropriate...Like, seriously.

I will give him a milkshake and he will stop fading away

Stop.

What did I say

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

I will give him a milkshake and he will stop fading away

Stop.

What did I say

84 made a post about how he feels like he's fading away and you come in and make a joke that he's "skeenee" and needs a milkshake. You can't go and make a joke about to someone whose feeling troubled like that, it's not something you can act silly about.

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Stop.

What did I say

84 made a post about how he feels like he's fading away and you come in and make a joke that he's "skeenee" and needs a milkshake. You can't go and make a joke about to someone whose feeling troubled like that, it's not something you can act silly about.

The last time I had a friend begin to fade away the doctor told them to drink milkshakes. Then they began texting me a bunch of explicit things about their sex life. I was only 13 or so at the time and I didn't know what to do with this information. I would say it robbed me of my purity but I had already lost my innocence at that point.

They were one of the people who I thought was following me even though they were many states away, so I had to leave because they tracked me down and found me. But it turns out it wasn't them. It was all in my head. But it turns out when you accuse someone of following you they take offense to that.


Actually wait a minute, that wasn't that person, that was someone else a couple years after that. I wish I knew why this friend and I stopped talking, all I do know is they drank a milkshake and felt better. I wish I could drink milkshakes all day, that would be dope. But my biology professor (the one with the pet bugs) convinced me that is a bad idea. So now I can only have one on occasion. I have to watch my weight because I have back problems already and if I gained a bunch of weight it would become even worse. Maybe if I continue to lose weight, I will fade away too. I can't help but think things might be better that way.

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Quote: Gharlant

What did I say

84 made a post about how he feels like he's fading away and you come in and make a joke that he's "skeenee" and needs a milkshake. You can't go and make a joke about to someone whose feeling troubled like that, it's not something you can act silly about.

The last time I had a friend begin to fade away the doctor told them to drink milkshakes. Then they began texting me a bunch of explicit things about their sex life. I was only 13 or so at the time and I didn't know what to do with this information. I would say it robbed me of my purity but I had already lost my innocence at that point.

They were one of the people who I thought was following me even though they were many states away, so I had to leave because they tracked me down and found me. But it turns out it wasn't them. It was all in my head. But it turns out when you accuse someone of following you they take offense to that.


Actually wait a minute, that wasn't that person, that was someone else a couple years after that. I wish I knew why this friend and I stopped talking, all I do know is they drank a milkshake and felt better. I wish I could drink milkshakes all day, that would be dope. But my biology professor (the one with the pet bugs) convinced me that is a bad idea. So now I can only have one on occasion. I have to watch my weight because I have back problems already and if I gained a bunch of weight it would become even worse. Maybe if I continue to lose weight, I will fade away too. I can't help but think things might be better that way.

Listen I get that you're trying to be funny, but you're doing it in a topic in which the sole purpose is to vent about personal life problems without anyone replying to you.

What happened to the whole "I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone for my erratic behavior"? What happened to that mature, self awareness of trying to be a better person? Did you just give up on that or something?

yeah i thought not responding to pt was like the one unofficial rule we all agreed to follow. its not the place for edgy humor

--

Quote: TheFlyingSeal

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

84 made a post about how he feels like he's fading away and you come in and make a joke that he's "skeenee" and needs a milkshake. You can't go and make a joke about to someone whose feeling troubled like that, it's not something you can act silly about.

The last time I had a friend begin to fade away the doctor told them to drink milkshakes. Then they began texting me a bunch of explicit things about their sex life. I was only 13 or so at the time and I didn't know what to do with this information. I would say it robbed me of my purity but I had already lost my innocence at that point.

They were one of the people who I thought was following me even though they were many states away, so I had to leave because they tracked me down and found me. But it turns out it wasn't them. It was all in my head. But it turns out when you accuse someone of following you they take offense to that.


Actually wait a minute, that wasn't that person, that was someone else a couple years after that. I wish I knew why this friend and I stopped talking, all I do know is they drank a milkshake and felt better. I wish I could drink milkshakes all day, that would be dope. But my biology professor (the one with the pet bugs) convinced me that is a bad idea. So now I can only have one on occasion. I have to watch my weight because I have back problems already and if I gained a bunch of weight it would become even worse. Maybe if I continue to lose weight, I will fade away too. I can't help but think things might be better that way.

Listen I get that you're trying to be funny, but you're doing it in a topic in which the sole purpose is to vent about personal life problems without anyone replying to you.

What happened to the whole "I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone for my erratic behavior"? What happened to that mature, self awareness of trying to be a better person? Did you just give up on that or something?

I didn't realize I was trying to be funny. My life isn't funny, i don't know why everything thinks it is. Everyone thinks I'm just a big joker but I'm not. I'm not going to the freaking comedy club. Did I give up? I don't know what that means. A person told me you never learn from your first mistake. Maybe by your 100th time losing everything you begin to change? Idk. I'm glad someone understands me even when i push them away. Last year i wrote a similar thing in my journal but im just gonna keep blaming everyone but myself. I was fine, and i still am. I feel perfectly fine right now. But you probably won't believe me and say this is me trying to be funny or whatever. Lol. I don't have anything against you, or anyone else here. It just sucks that after so long it happens this way, you know? I was stupid to think it would last forever, i just have to hold onto what i have left wnd not let go

Yeah just keep talking behind my back and leaking my ****ing secrets to everyone and making them hate me. gg. real professional

Quote: Sesshomaru75

what the actual **** is happening

Welcome to my topic friend

lmao responding to people’s pt’s is kinda taboo anyways

Quote: parisruelz12

lmao responding to people’s pt’s is kinda taboo anyways

Yeah.

I don’t want to get out of bed. I _hate_ sunday

Quote: Iceclaw

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

Stop.

What did I say

The way you worded your post made it seem like you weren't taking Crunchy seriously at all and were just making a joke. Idk what your intentions were but it really didn't seem appropriate, especially because his post sounded troubling. I don't think his fading away comment had to do with his weight, and even if it did, you really could've worded it better than saying "skeenee"

It wasn’t about weight, I’m a fat ****ing loser

Quote: 84skylanderdude

Quote: Iceclaw

Quote: Gharlant

What did I say

The way you worded your post made it seem like you weren't taking Crunchy seriously at all and were just making a joke. Idk what your intentions were but it really didn't seem appropriate, especially because his post sounded troubling. I don't think his fading away comment had to do with his weight, and even if it did, you really could've worded it better than saying "skeenee"

It wasn’t about weight, I’m a fat ****ing loser

I don't care how fat you are, you will never be a loser to me.

Yeah and that same person deserves to disappear and never come back.

Can't punish myself for everything I've done wrong, it's too soon. They would notice and stop me. But I need to pay.

Quote: Gharlant

Yeah and that same person deserves to disappear and never come back.

Could you perhaps stop replying to other people's Personal Thoughts?

I get that you're pissed about a situation or 2, but you're literally only giving more people to start blocking you.

Quote: Trix Master 100

Quote: Gharlant

Yeah and that same person deserves to disappear and never come back.

Could you peraps stop replying to other people's Personal Thoughts?

I get that you're pissed about a situation or 2, but yu're literally only giving more people to start blocking you.

Honestly i don't care what they do anymore. Nobody knows. They should just block me from the internet so you are spared from this. Or mute me. Its nit gonna bother me what they do because i already know their thoughts /:

Quote: Gharlant

Quote: Trix Master 100

Quote: Gharlant

Yeah and that same person deserves to disappear and never come back.

Could you peraps stop replying to other people's Personal Thoughts?

I get that you're pissed about a situation or 2, but yu're literally only giving more people to start blocking you.

Honestly i don't care what they do anymore. Nobody knows. They should just block me from the internet so you are spared from this. Or mute me. Its nit gonna bother me what they do because i already know their thoughts /:

While idk wtf happened, the way you are going about it is exceptionally scary and unhealthy. I would ask for you to calm down and maybe take a break from the internet.