darkSpyro

**** you. **** you. no really, **** you. you fat piece of ****. they were in danger. the one thing i ****ing cared about and you were going to let them die in favor of an intruder. i don't care if it was small. it was still one of them. you fat ****. **** you. you *****. the only way i was EVER going to be good for you and him was to take care of it myself and you wouldn't let me. you fat ****ing piece of ****. the could have died. THEY COULD HAVE ****ING DIED. AND YOU WERE GOING TO LET THEM. if you had let me kill it none of this ever would have happened. how am i going to be a ****ing adult if you won't even let me ****ing handle this on my own you *****. you ****ing fatass *****. if he was here he would have beat my ass. i can't believe my ****ing sister is the only person who can agree with me anymore. **** you. id they had died, i would blame you. you *****. **** you. you *****. **** you you ****. ****. you. **** you. ****. you. this could have been prevented. I COULD HAVE SOLVED THIS MYSELF BUT YOU TRIED TO TAKE OVER. next time blood will be shed whether you allow it to or not. it was an ANIMAL. you cat like every little ****ing thing is precious. like every little thing matters. what if it was after your dog? or an animal was after you!? would you surrender yourself to an intruder? a predator? would you throw us under the bus because of you compassion!? **** you. you piece of ****. **** you. eat **** and die. **** you. **** you. **** you. **** you.

I have really stupid problems. I shouldn’t be as ****ing depressed as I am

honestly im really worried about you guys, i hope it all works out okay

I've been regressing a lot recently. That's no good. I need to remember the only thing I'm good at, the only thing that resonates with me, maybe then I'll stop being like this. Until then... I'll just keep getting worse. I'm not completely ****ed, I can heal all this. I can get better again. Nothing is lost forever.

If you're garbage and you know it clap your hands! *clap clap*

hot take: markiplier has a really grating voice

one of the people i live with likes to watch his streams really loud on our tv and i can hear it all through the house. they wont turn it down when i ask. i want to pull my ears out.

GOD, I am cringey sometimes. I need to learn when to shut up

This will be a great experience

my face is so greasy its actually disgusting

I'm not even good enough for Yuuka anyway. Not like this. Regressing this hard, I'm forgetting how I even found Yuuka in the first place. What it all meant. Now I'm back to my old self and this crap is exactly why I was so terrible at being a person. If... no, no ifs. There's only who I was then, now, and how I want to be. No "if I did this and that" because there's no point in focusing on what hasn't happened. What can happen however, that's different. I can change into who I want to be and I will - I know how I can change.
I wouldn't call this paranoia, more like... passably cautious. Only a single moment of weakness can be all it takes to lose everything.

Have I been of a bit of an ass on here lately? I apologize if I have

Guess I'm just feeling down a bit. I appreciate your response

To be honest this is helping my well being

I'm finally starting to write the book of "things I would have missed". It's making my chest hurt. Hopefully this will help...

- - -

I seem to have forgot why I'm regressing. I have so much more control over myself now, it's not like I'd be acting dumb without a reason. Yes. However, I also forgot one more thing. There are two ways this can go and it depends on my decision. Ultimately they should both lead to the same destination, the main difference is whether or not I'm totally alone on this path. What good are friends and the like anyway? I'm past that now. I'm good enough by myself. I have the power to achieve anything I want. Now, give up or keep going?
If I leave darkSpyro again like I did last year I feel like I'd be much less likely to return. I can't say for certain, nothing is certain, but the fact that I'm more in control of myself among other things leads me to believe I won't want to return back here next time. I've always said I only come here when I'm down, that's not far from the truth. I am much less depressed than I used to be. Then again there's always the possibility that I'll have a really bad day and return here again. Even then I've found a better coping mechanism for stuff like that.

I want to kill myself to be rid of this pain of losing you. The world would be better off without my poisonous touch

why do you insist on weakening me

oh im not tired anymore! i think it was a nutritional thing....

either that or stress. or a combination.

wow wasn't planning on remembering any of that trauma today lmao

im so done with this

i'm really, really tired of having a headache every day and a migraine every other day.

never mind im tired again
must be school

I'm thinking about this again? That's a good sign for sure. I gotta start writing things down asap.

trust issues... oh lawd they comin...

It is 3 in the morning, I have various levels of pain all across my body and my anxiety is flaring. I cannot leave my room to check what I'm anxious about because outside of my room during the night causes other anxiety issues. hooray. no sleep tonight

i'm boring

Man, I don’t care for a lot of people in that place

For whatever reason I've always had a gut feeling I would end up going to this school no matter what

This has been one of the best days I’ve had in a while. I’m glad I got out of there when I did and just hung out and talked to the people I love. Everything will be alright, I hope

this is where my seasonal affective disorder usually is at the worst but im doing pretty good, i think

what a complete and total waste of time
man, last night was great, whyd today have to be like this?

Man, I wish it was more fun to talk to you. I hate disagreeing with you all the time on stuff, but I know that friends will still have disagreements. Still, is it worth it to continue pretending like I don’t get affected by our differences?

i cannot believe how useless CPS is. they try to put children back with their abusive parents because the grandparents don't want to take care of him. Smh

lmao my ass off

I don't understand people who say if you're not in a relationship then you're a loser.

why be bitter and have an "anti-valentines day" when you could share the love of valentines day with your friends and family

Quote: willspyro

I don't understand people who say if you're not in a relationship then you're a loser.

Quote: Vespi

why be bitter and have an "anti-valentines day" when you could share the love of valentines day with your friends and family

I know it's taboo to comment on a PT thought, but thank you both. Seriously singles everywhere, don't be petty about it. Share the love, whether it's romantic, familial, or platonic.

__________________

It still.... Really hurts, maybe I shouldn't have talked to him yesterday. Maybe I should've just kept to myself and I wouldn't need to know.

But then if I didn't know I would be doting on him, not moving on. I wouldn't be able to look for someone else.

Still, it sucks, it's draining the life out of me. I want to be happy, but this hurts so much and I feel like dying right now. And to think I thought last night was helping me cope, and it did... But I go back to thinking about him and it hurts. I don't want to think about him though, I hate my heart I hate my feelings, I hate myself.

I just wish I could fade away, but here I am... Still trying to push on.

i hate thursdays at my dads. i despise every day here but i especially hate thursdays because it's nothing but scream at this, scream at that. him and my brother don't have inside voices so they whoop and holler and yeehaw about anything they feel like and it just gets old.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Let's hope this works, or at least gives me some form of usable information. Why must my brain speak to me in riddles?