darkSpyro

2018 sucked just like every year

this has not been a good start of the year, but theres nowhere to go but up at least??

2019 more like im gonna die here lmao

I got a notebook for Christmas and so far I've been writing everything about this new idea into it. Better than having a ****load of notes all over my computer background. I've got the title, possible tagline (all bestsellers need taglines!), and main cast names with one word descriptions of their personalities. And some side characters. Maybe need to add some locations and jumpscare ideas, **** like that. Can't keep this all in my head (on in notes), that's bad practice. Nor will I ever probably use them though maybe they'll be useful someday... or for looking back on.
I wonder if I'll end up killing off any of the characters? I'm not sure how to feel about that. Also reminds me of cast size - smaller cast means lonelier (and creepier) atmosphere, larger cast means more characters to kill off. Preferably in a graphic manner. You also need to make it so that the characters are in-depth and likeable. Then when they get killed off, it's even worse. So much better than killing someone the player actually wants to die. There's no coming back from the dead either - when characters keep coming back to life it really loses its effect.
Then if I do kill them off... what then? I've lost people I could use so well. Maybe near the end I'll kill them all off, everyone the player has gotten close to, because once a character doesn't need to be used anymore then I can kill them off without any drawbacks. And a longer buildup to their death. Just imagine having to go through the entire game with these characters you're so used to, then they're dead... I've never looked too much into horror but this is my vision of what it should be like. It's certainly how I'd go about making something like this.
Jumpscares as well... they'd need to be something that sticks with the player. And used sparingly. Maybe only a few here and there, and make them something that's hard to forget. Use them too much and they lose their effect.
There's more than jumpscares and death. Those are just two aspects of what I want to create. I've got so much more I need to think through... oh, this is so fun just thinking about it! If I can't make this a reality, at least I can look back on it with joy. I love this idea the more I think about it.

It seems like windows and mirrors are good for jumpscares and stuff. Maybe. I dunno, but looking into either of those can make you feel like something's... there. It's like looking into a different world. I'm not too knowledgeable on the whole specifics but basically looking into a window or mirror is really terrifying when you've just seen some scary ****. A little. I have a tiny bathroom with little space besides a toilet and sink, with a mirror directly in front of those and a window just above and behind. It's like even taking a piss can be scary now in the right circumstances. Fun as ****. Pretty sure getting killed after doing that would be a pretty pathetic way to go too... undignified.
There's also the darkness. Maybe that's another aspect of looking out a window when it's dark outside, because even the light inside can't help a fear of the dark. I've started sleeping with my light on again. I guess it's a little cowardly, but after all this I can't get anything out of my mind no matter how hard I try. Even if I did try my mind would just go back to my own ideas and concepts like those I mentioned before.
At least horror makes my dreams nicer with less nightmares. I usually sleep a lot more but damn those dreams are worth it. No zombies, no apocalypses, it's usually just me chilling out with my dream friends and generally being a lot happier than irl. This only happens when I try to scare myself during the day (or night). Funny how fear makes me less afraid.

so far 2019 has proven itself to be the exact same as 2018. gotta deal with school for almost 6 more months. these will be the worst 6 months of my life.

maybe 2020 will be better

I'm seriously afraid that my body can't take this. But whatever. We are all just chemicals in some certain order doing things that DNA has programmed us to do.

There always seems to be another coming up from time to time, maybe even depending on what exactly I'm looking for... there's no end. This world is infinite. Maybe this will be the next one. I doubt it but it'd be cool, this place is going too soft. If it's a "big thing" then it'd definitely shake things up a bit. Never put me in charge lol. Or do, it'll yield some interesting results.
Oh yeah. Don't bring the dead back to life, that's important. Knowing they'll be perfectly fine once they've had some medicine or whatever really takes the fun out of it. I mean, there's more oppurtunities for graphic deaths without jeopardizing loneliness but it takes a large aspect of it away at the same time... or does it... maybe I could consider this. I'm still much more drawn to a "the dead stay dead" outlook though.
Green is a pretty cute hair colour. My favourite is still pink but green is nice.
I gotta write down all these beautiful ideas down asap. Speaking of which, how unique does something need to be in order for it to not be compared to something else? Is that even possible? Ideas are stolen all the time. Maybe my own ideas are like that also. I hate stealing so I do try to make them all as original as possible but looking back on stuff like Theater of Pain I'm sure I got the inspiration for that somewhere as well, although admittedly that's probably the closest I've come to being truly original. And it was a horror. So, going by all this, I'd say horror really is my strong suite. I'll try to change things up a little more because the current idea could be compared to something else I know. I don't like that.
I should probably try to complete that map in Disgaea. Haven't played that for a while. Too busy with Smash, even though I know I don't like it that much and it just makes me frustrated. Disgaea is more my kind of game.
Feeling a little sleepy now. Maybe I'll just write down some notes and go to sleep... soon. Maybe.

I stay with my brethren, I pay for protection
My prey in my sight so I'm doing what's right and not askin' no questions
I wanna be home free, where's one that was lonely?
But I'm ready and waitin'
For my day of salvation, and I'm patient

Well how the **** was I supposed to know you were joking? You got legit mad at me the other day for the same thing, and when I asked you what I did that was so bad, you kept cutting me off and telling me to shut up.

honestly dont know how people can make fun of others when they themselves are losers and outcasts

well that cleared up my congestion but my emotional state is in the garbage now
can i catch a break today?

I don't see myself as edgy. I prefer to do what I want instead of being a tryhard.

I should kill myself

If only I could bring myself to do it

- - -

bad one tonight fellas, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad one tonight.

my self esteem has gone up a lot the past few months. I finally got rid of all my acne. the medication was rough and it made me crazy but I completed the treatment a week ago and I can feel the side effects getting easier. but now im self conscious about my weight of course. I'm 5 feet tall and I've weighed 120 since I was 15 but I'm so angry with my love handles. so I might buy a planet fitness membership and work on that. once I get that dealt with I think I'll be good lol. well I need to get some lip injections and a nose job. then I'll be good for sure.

The left side of my head was hurting really bad last night and this morning but thankfully it seems to have subsided. Not just as in a headache or anything, but it was like if I put my tongue in the corner of my mouth or something like that it felt like a vein was going to burst. That's the best I can describe it. Glad it stopped because anything involving veins gets me incredibly squeamish.
I dunno what Article 13 will mean for me if it gets passed but I'm glad I managed to achieve the one thing I wanted from this website. Then again, maybe nothing will happen. Either way I got what I wanted so if anything did happen to this website I'll be happy knowing it happened. On the other hand, I still haven't got that thing I "temporarily" returned for... why am I still here then?
I'm wasting my time with this. Still thinking my ideas will get me anywhere... they're worthless. They're little more than some edgy kid's fanfic if you took out the copyrights and replaced them with OC. Although what can I do? I'm always lost in thought. I have no friends, no social life or even a job, so I often find myself drawn back to my fantasy worlds. It's kind of depressing. Speaking of which, even my fantasy worlds are depressing now. That says a lot. They've grown from a childhood's dream world into an ungodly mess of war and eldritch abominations and waging war against eldritch abominations.
If future me went back to tell past me that I'd end up where I am I never would have believed me. I always thought I'd be really happy by now. Somehow it just seemed to get worse. Not that it matters much, I'm learning to enjoy it. The fear and state of my fantasy worlds that is. I've always had nightmares, why should I still get afraid or act edgy around these kinds of things?

Today really, fixed a lot. Found out my schedule isn't nearly as bad as it looks, I've reconnected with my roommate, and spending some time talking with my boyfriend really made me not feel as bad about having to leaving him. Things will be okay I think.

yeah im done playing games with you guys
i dont care if its ****ing tag im not playing anything with you again

lol i had to miss class yesterday and we were assigned groups, which in turn each person in the group had to read a chapter out of our book.

my group gave me the longest.

i love them already. (:

Quote: parisruelz12

lol i had to miss class yesterday and we were assigned groups, which in turn each person in the group had to read a chapter out of our book.

my group gave me the longest.

i love them already. (:

this pretty much sums up my entire school experience

I'm so bored right now but I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Maybe I'll get back to that notebook and write some more notes... I still have some characters who need some work on. I guess I'd feel a little more at ease when all this is written down? Furthermore, I feel like there's this one character I really like who has a lot of potential. Maybe I'll ditch a load of **** and just focus on orientating the stuff around them a little more. Now this could be the idea that (would) gets me rich!

Quote: Chompy-King257

Quote: parisruelz12

lol i had to miss class yesterday and we were assigned groups, which in turn each person in the group had to read a chapter out of our book.

my group gave me the longest.

i love them already. (:

this pretty much sums up my entire school experience

update: they made me do all the work today. they didnt even ask me, they just kinda pushed it on me.

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Chompy-King257

Quote: parisruelz12

lol i had to miss class yesterday and we were assigned groups, which in turn each person in the group had to read a chapter out of our book.

my group gave me the longest.

i love them already. (:

this pretty much sums up my entire school experience

update: they made me do all the work today. they didnt even ask me, they just kinda pushed it on me.

yup, exact same for me

gotta love dealing with dickpics because im the only girl, am i right gamers

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Chompy-King257

Quote: parisruelz12

lol i had to miss class yesterday and we were assigned groups, which in turn each person in the group had to read a chapter out of our book.

my group gave me the longest.

i love them already. (:

this pretty much sums up my entire school experience

update: they made me do all the work today. they didnt even ask me, they just kinda pushed it on me.

this is why people are terrible

**** I feel like I'm about to get some really good ideas right now or something. I feel suddenly inspired.

today was more ass than usual

I wonder if anyone can understand what goes on in my head? I suppose it's a good thing. Multicolour is so much more vibrant than monochrome, I like to see myself as a dash of colour in this otherwise world of monochrome. Maybe pink. I like pink.

UGH someone communicate with me please ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

so i ask an entire forum to help me get my avi not blurry and no one ****ing wants to help? did i piss you guys off or something?

Quote: Jaggedstar

so i ask an entire forum to help me get my avi not blurry and no one ****ing wants to help? did i piss you guys off or something?

http://waifu2x.udp.jp/

upscale and smooth it with this

i always say im not a furry but with all the **** i've seen and drawn im probably a closet furry

help

That was an interesting 6 days.

- - -

i don't think i'd care if i died at this point

thank you facebook for reminding me of the stupid thing i said in 2015

Quote: emeraldzoroark

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Chompy-King257

this pretty much sums up my entire school experience

update: they made me do all the work today. they didnt even ask me, they just kinda pushed it on me.

this is why people are terrible

im sorry i keep updating this but one girl got up and left halfway through class (just cause she wanted too) and didn't do the readings that she was supposed to...so...

oh no i told the professor. professor isn't happy lol.

yaaaay new semester of school, once more while the rest of my life is on fire

at least things will be better in the summer, no matter what

If I died right now at least I'd die happy. Just like I always wanted!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

nervous

Maybe I got the date wrong or something. I don't know and don't care, I was probably overreacting anyway.
I've got to get my **** together. This cannot continue. I'm weak, I'm a coward. I've got to change. Luckily, I now know how I can.