darkSpyro

Lately, I've been crying a whole bunch, because I constantly think about the people I love most leaving me in some way - mostly death, but in other ways as well. I have no idea why and it's starting to drain me, because I just want to stop crying and move on with my life which is going great so far.

So far I haven't cried today, which is GOOD, but who knows when it will happen again. I need to know why it's suddenly happening so I can stop it, because now it's making my boyfriend really sad since he feels like it's his fault. It pains me to see that a personal issue of mine is making him so sad, I can't let that slide.

There are counselors on my campus, maybe I should speak to one about it. I feel like it's my fear of "too good to be true." Everything in my life has been going great so far: I'm in the college of my dreams, I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend that I see a future with, I have a job in an industry that I love, and my sister's getting married soon and I'm super excited to see her and my future brother-in-law. I feel like with all of these great things happening, something terrible is going to happen in one of those departments. That's probably why my mind goes to death and abandonment; but maybe the problem is something deeper. I'm not sure.

Yeah I really do need to fix my sleep schedule @_@

tbh there ppl there that really shouldn’t be, and the fact that one person in particular is there still really pisses me off. (:

srsly why do ppl still defend them. (:

this post is about whatever you want it to be i don’t care

I've now got basic designs done for the last part, maybe I should go back and redesign the second a little then I've more or less got the basics all done, all that's left will be decorating for these designs. Yay!

...This could potentially become my first big project, or at the very least, my first publically-released project. This could change everything, yet I'm quite calm about it all. I suppose I should be. After all, it's not much. It could get far but it really isn't much.

Of course, that's just who I am. Whenever I try to help I just **** everything up and leave things worse than they were before. So, if I don't try to help then will everything go better? I guess. I've never really tried not helping anything before, come to think of it. Or maybe I really was selfish.

if you knew me on this site from 2010 - 2015 i ask you to bleach your memories

Keep telling lies about me. Keep being rude to my friend. Keep believing those scribbles you call “art” aren’t anything but an eyesore compared to hers too.
No. Go on.
Don’t mind me; I just wanna see what happens as a result of your awful decisions.

i wanna go home but i dont know where it went

You know what? im gonna stick around. I’m not gonna fight you because that’s what you want and i'm not going to give you the satisfaction.
I would feel so frustrated with myself if i left because of you of all people


----
time to clean.

Not about anyone on here!!

I still don't trust this guy. It feels like he's trying too much to talk to me, but why? Why me of all people? Especially there, I'm not as infamous as I am here, so it's not like anyone would have any reason to help me with anything. I'm just a normal user. Looks like I'm gaining some kind of reputation as the guy with the cat but aside from that I'm literally nobody, why would anyone want to talk to me for any reason?

Decided to create my own Discord. It looks like there are some images that only show up on Discord, so this should make it easier to get those kinds of images working.

Dammit the only time I'm there for a bot slip-up is when it's Bowsette. I'm getting tired of that **** now, it was, what, a month ago? Wish it could've been something more interesting but I guess I was out of luck.

I need to do more art :/

i knew i'd end up being alone again eventually

I'm just being paranoid again...

I just need to stop.

But I can't.

But I won't.

I can try and distract myself with other things, but I know why I feel empty inside.

I need you.

I'm afraid that my addiction prevents me for being the person you want me to be. I know that I can be better and be that person but in all honesty there are demons in my own personality that I don't want to get rid off. I need once in a while extended moments to please my selfish and hedonistic side but that does not mean that I am selfish and arrogant person in general. I am not. But if the current state of our being is better for you and you feel happy about it, I am not going to defile your conviction about it. But distance kills, damn it... far away... distance.

This is the weirdest thing to ever make me nostalgic as far as I remember. I can't even remember the last time I felt nostalgic besides from this... maybe I listened to them more than I remember. I'm not proud of it. Oh well, guess it was just setting up for another chapter in my life. Who knows where I'd be now if not for this?

Goddammit, I feel so alone

“Where are you?
And I'm so sorry,
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight,
I need somebody and always,
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders,
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you,
And hear your voice of treason,
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight,
Stop this pain tonight...?”

Looks like this is it.

they know who they are.

- - -

So... Slandering me was an attempt at getting my attention?
Okay yeah you’re a psycho.

Another thing that typically happens whenever these dreams occur is that I start to lose focus on reality, like the dreams themselves are my new reality and this world is just a dream. That's weird and kind of depressing.

all i wanna do is be someones big titty goth gf

my neck is killing me

are we even friends anymore?

Not to or about anyone here.

Slapping Darkness is really fun.

i wanna change literally everything about myself so ****ing bad

Yup. Things are looking pretty bad right now, as usual. And it looks like my dreams have returned.

im just gonna give up at this rate

i'm getting worse but they'll get mad at me if i tell them

for all the bad that's happened/been happening/probably will happen because i can't catch a break... well, i'm at least thankful that for once in my life, i won't have his shadow looming over me.

I want to say something to you, I really do. But I don’t know what I could say without starting something, and I really don’t want to start something, especially not with you.

I don’t really want to talk to privately either.

****ing hell, 6:30? That's really early. Normally I get up at 9 and that's the earliest, not to mention I'll need to be up and focused for 4-6 hours. Especially when I have one of those dreams (which I probably and hopefully will), I get touchy a lot easier and everybody gets pissed off. I have a feeling tomorrow won't be a good day.

I can tell that my emotions are starting to get out of hand again. Maybe it's the dreams, but I don't know how much longer I'll be until I get to that heightened level of emotion. I'll have to leave then. All I want is to stay until my one year GuP anniversary, then I should leave. GuP was fun. I won't forget any of that in a heartbeat, or at least, I shouldn't.

I wonder what dream I'll have tonight? Assuming I have a dream, which I hope for. They leave me so pissed off and depressed when I'm awake but damn they're so much fun when I'm not, when I'm asleep, when it's just me and them. Fiction, or at least some kind of other world, is so much more fun than reality.

- - -

what did i do

One month. I'm ready.

@ god quick question why am i such a **** up

My handwriting hasn't improved a bit, it still looks incredibly childish. I find this kind of hilarious in a way.

I feel like I hardly have any time to do anything other than work these days...the past few weeks have been hours-upon-hours of coffee-fueled work.

BOY I REALLY WISH YOU ****ING TOLD ME ANYTHING ANYMORE

Everyone around me is so stressed about different things, and I'm so stressed about school, and people being stressed makes me more stressed, and I have no idea if my friend is even feeding my cat because he's not answering my texts or calls, and I'm doing my best to stay positive and calm but all it feels like is