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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > Personal Thoughts
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Spyro-Gamer Hunter Gems: 7727
#41501 Posted: 09:21:52 19/03/2018
-----
You kept creeping into my mind yesterday. And you should not have. Especially while I was with this person. You should not have been creeping into my mind, as I have moved on from you. Have I? No, I haven't. At least, not fully. It's coming close to a year now since then. Tears still come to my eyes when I think about it, but you know that happens.

I want you to know that I have changed. I am happier. I can control my anger. I hardly ever feel depressed anymore. I have a job.
I just wish that you hadn't thrown away our friendship, just like that. Just threw it away, like it was nothing. It was not nothing to me, and I hope it was not nothing to you.
It would be nice if you could say something. Although, it might be extremely awkward. I'd just like you to know that I've changed. And it would have been nice if we could have stayed friends.
I...I'm glad you are happier though.

These things are going to be a lot different. They are not going to be the same. And I should stop trying to make it the same. I need to understand that.
It's awkward. And it's probably going to be awkward for a while. But hopefully, that will change, and it will not be awkward anymore.
I guess we'll see.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 10:00:47 19/03/2018 by Spyro-Gamer
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41502 Posted: 10:00:10 19/03/2018
I'm scared. I dont want to be any more broken than I already am.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41503 Posted: 18:28:41 19/03/2018
Oh man... that was so hard. I hope I got a B on that.

Damnit. I’m such an idiot. I tried so hard to understand the ****ing material but it was all for nothing

----

****, I really hate myself... I actually couldn't feel worse if I tried. My face is so sore
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 21:00:48 19/03/2018 by TheToyNerd
Rickorio Gold Sparx Gems: 2463
#41504 Posted: 22:22:14 19/03/2018
The world would probably be better off without me. Doesn't mean I want to kill my self, I'm way too scared of my existing to do that. But I think a lot of how people would react if I killed myself. I figure most people wouldn't care. They hardly know me anyway. No one really knows the real me, whatever the hell that is, because I always put on a different face for whoever I'm around. I'm just glad we got that band convention over with because it was causing me lots of stress and I was already really depressed, so that didn't help.


Boop.
---
#hu
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#41505 Posted: 01:28:30 20/03/2018
These past few days have actually been hell

Like jc i've been under so much pressure lately it's insane

and to top it all off i'm sick as a dog and my blood sugar is being an uncooperative little brat.

oh joy
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Vespi Gold Sparx Gems: 2866
#41506 Posted: 22:08:27 20/03/2018
the only thing keeping me here is you guys
between all the panic attacks and puking ive had ive wanted nothing more than to just die tbh
this is all way too intense and i seriously dont think i can handle it anymore


i really need a therapist for something other than my gender
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
ClassicSpyroLUV Yellow Sparx Gems: 1193
#41507 Posted: 00:02:22 21/03/2018
NSFW
post too short

Why did you have to hound me for nudes? I so rarely ever make friends and when you wanted to not only be my friend but date me I felt good. Really good. I told you up front that I wasn't ready for a relationship though and you were okay with it which made everything better. But why did you have to go and ask for nudes when I already told you I had no romantic interest? Why did you have to keep WHINING for them when I said no? Why did you have to try and beg for them by saying how a skin mag would be too embarrassing? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO IMPLY THAT IT WAS OKAY FOR ME TO BE EMBARRASSED IF ANYONE FOUND MY PICS AS LONG AS IT DIDN'T INCONVENIENCE YOU?! Why did you have to go and insult my intelligence by saying you're sorry and felt bad? IF YOU WERE SORRY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE ANY OF THIS!!
TheFlyingSeal Diamond Sparx Gems: 8761
#41508 Posted: 02:57:42 21/03/2018
Article: If your gut is telling you to leave the friendship, then you should.

Me: hmmm....

Me: *suddenly remembers that I tend to jump to conclusions when it comes to my own problems, and that my own gut overreacts and overthinks many situations because it wants something that is very hard to give, especially in friendships. Because of my lack of a romantic relationship, I've begun seeking close friendships that somewhat simulate, or to the very extent, fill the hole that I've wanted to fill for a long time. Friendships have their own hardships and expectations, and should not be held under a similar standard when it comes to problems. Friends sometimes never forgive, even if it was a misunderstanding. Friends sometimes never reply to you, because they have their own schedules that don't always have to include talking to you. Friends sometimes connect a lot more and easier with other people than they do with you, and that's because we all have different interests that change over time. What matters in the end is that respect and love transcend through the friendship. You may not be as close as you once were, but you should always value their friendship regardless. If you have a problem: talk to them, and have a good conversation about it. It's definitely hard at first, so maybe ask a friend for advice for how to go about it. All that matters in the end is that the moment they stop respecting and showing (in their own way) how they care for you, then it is time to leave*

Me: oh
---
#CynderIsAFireDragon
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41509 Posted: 06:15:02 21/03/2018
I'm scared.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#41510 Posted: 18:30:07 21/03/2018
at this rate wanting to just die already is a common thought
Bryman04 Gold Sparx Gems: 2116
#41511 Posted: 18:41:32 21/03/2018
is there a way to skip edited messages on this site? it's ****ing annoying when I want to read the newest messages and it takes me to the first ****ing page to an edited post
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#41512 Posted: 19:39:44 21/03/2018
thank the lord for today

after what's been going on the past few days i actually needed a day like this

i can finally relax for what feels like the first time in forever
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41513 Posted: 01:47:36 22/03/2018
I don't want to be alone, but I dont deserve company. What a mess.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Vespi Gold Sparx Gems: 2866
#41514 Posted: 15:09:33 22/03/2018
man, yesterday went pretty well!!
even though some bad things happened, i didnt let them get me down! hopefully i can do just as well today!

[User Posted Image]


- - -
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41515 Posted: 09:27:36 23/03/2018
im so panicy i dont know what todo
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 09:43:49 23/03/2018 by parisruelz12
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#41516 Posted: 17:29:05 23/03/2018
I might be too ****ing tired to argue, but yeah the **** would they expect me to arrive when they know I have siblings that my parents have to drive for, especially on Spring Break. **** were they expecting us to not really have plans for Spring break? Like this scenario of questioning would be different if I was out on my own.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Spyro Lover122 Gold Sparx Gems: 2271
#41517 Posted: 10:32:51 24/03/2018
Things have taken quite the turn recently, I've been sleeping better than I probably have in years. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up for though. I realized that having a schedule that I'm actually supposed to sometimes makes me feel more worn out than before, but that's probably just because I need to get used to it.

In other news, I feel really bad for falling out of contact with everyone in the past few months. I'm so bad at keeping track because I barely have the energy to check in most of the time. It makes me feel pretty bad. I've barely been visiting the same sites I used to including this one, but I have no idea how to approach anyone after not being around for so long. I hope everyone's alright and I can only hope that they don't think I'm careless. I haven't forgotten about any of them but I'm not sure if they remember me haha


------
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41518 Posted: 21:42:29 24/03/2018
Holy ****, where did all this anxiety come from? I’m on the verge of a panic attack for no reason
Ezajium Blue Sparx Gems: 684
#41519 Posted: 00:46:45 25/03/2018
it's been over two weeks since i've cried now. it's been honestly wonderful. but yesterday and today, those feelings of lonliness and neglect are starting to creep back in... idk if it's just the homework overload, but i'm doing things i regret a lot now, and my performance in things i used to be good at, like chess and video games, is dropping a lot. but it's different this time. this time, i know it's me. and i know not to take it for granted...
---
and next off, i'm stuck needing to post this here, cause i really don't want to be a bother on people who are already also having just as bad of a weekend as i am...
3 people all coming to me at once with stuff is a little much, and idk if i can keep up a facade that everything is fine.
but i'm not going to tell any of them to stop, because i'd rather be selfless and try to help than bring up myself.
...even though i'm literally doing the opposite of that by even writing this...
ugh
---
Just relax, and the stream of time will take you wherever you need to go. Just gently drift along with the flow and you'll be there before you know it.
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#41520 Posted: 13:25:23 25/03/2018
Man, I really miss New York City. It's been too long since I've gone there.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6267
#41521 Posted: 23:43:36 25/03/2018
That feeling of just wanting to die never goes away. Maybe not die, but just not exist. Disappear.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#41522 Posted: 00:09:37 26/03/2018
I thought it was over. But it really just isn't ever gonna go away is it? It's something I'll have to live with. Forever.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41523 Posted: 03:53:48 26/03/2018
It would be nice if my anxiety would leave. Please. I'd like to breathe.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41524 Posted: 10:07:18 26/03/2018
Stop feeling romantic feelings for people on the Internet, ToyNerd. It’s never gonna work out! Nothing good will come of it... Especially if you feel this way about multiple people. Just stop it! It’s just becoming pathetic


Love is scary
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6267
#41525 Posted: 10:35:37 26/03/2018
Oh god ToyNerd, I feel you. I get internet crushes a lot, and it sucks being in Australia because literally no one lives here.
I get crushes all the time and I can never act on them. >.<;
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
AestheticDragon Ripto Gems: 1658
#41526 Posted: 19:13:24 26/03/2018
This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I don't even know what's wrong, all of a sudden my mood just nosedived.
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#41527 Posted: 21:18:20 26/03/2018
I hate how the world has become such a land of sex jokes

Like, I'll look like I'm happy and having fun

But on the inside I want something more original, more funny

Something that isn't related to sex
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#41528 Posted: 21:40:05 26/03/2018
Some gross venting.

Do you ****ers not know how to think before posting your dicks out art on DeviantArt and Weasyl? Super disappointed in 1 of you (especially since you're a chill person for the most part), but not ****ing surprised with the other since it's a collective group.

There's "Don't like, don't look" which means basically someone is going out of their way to yell at your art specifically. As in you actually used the censor filter the site provides.

Then there's just being what you draw. A dick. Because you are not using the censor filters, basically forcing people to look at your collection of dicks.

There should not be a resistance bull**** to this, either take your art to ****ing FurAffinity, where they actually do not care or ****ing use the damn censor filters on the site. Should not be that hard to keep your dick away from my eyes.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8385
#41529 Posted: 23:32:09 26/03/2018
i want cuuddleesss smilie
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 7372
#41530 Posted: 05:17:56 27/03/2018
What is the point of trying to take care of myself if all I'm going to be is nothing? If all that I amount to is nothing, I can't help out, there's nothing I can do. All I can do is watch this happen, pray and hope that things get fixed... but even my hopes can't reach anyone, being here it means nothing and my presence doesn't help at all, people just worry about me as i take up this space unable to do much and i have nothing to return i'm lying that i'm alright because you have your own problems and mine probably aren't helping so i make sure to tell myself my problems aren't important so i can try to help the others and even that doesn't help, what can i do? what do i do to help? my worth is nothing even air is better than me i just want those worth it to be happy and then let myself fade away into the nothing i am play my part until they're content enough to forget about me so the weight of my worth of nothing plays it's part, i have no right to cry at all... i have no right to cry at all

i have no right to cry... it should all be held in, the tears everyone else deserves, everyone else deserves to let out their pain and find comfort, happiness, content please just... let me go... please let me go... because i can't do it myself please... let me go...


it hurts
---
Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#41531 Posted: 20:07:15 27/03/2018
Another alone day wondering why no one likes me anymore
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#41532 Posted: 20:27:09 27/03/2018
Everything is piling up. It's too much but I can't just give up. This is not what I signed up for.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
TheFlyingSeal Diamond Sparx Gems: 8761
#41533 Posted: 23:30:09 27/03/2018
[User Posted Image]

lmao.
---
#CynderIsAFireDragon
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41534 Posted: 01:19:04 28/03/2018
i am failure in every sense of the word.

im not funny
i dont have talent
i cant hold a converstation
i cant do anything right
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41535 Posted: 01:44:31 28/03/2018
Man, I hope to god this works out. Cause you’re great and I’m glad to be around you. This is just what I needed right now. Thank you for being so goddamn sweet!

And hey, if it doesn’t work out long term, then I’m glad for the brief period of happiness that it’s gonna bring me.

~<3


Local Dork Finds Joy
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41536 Posted: 02:04:27 28/03/2018
I'm scared. I'm tired of being scared.
----

NO MORE FEAR! Confusion, but NO FEAR
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:57:23 28/03/2018 by Riolu-Blue-247
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#41537 Posted: 02:12:49 28/03/2018
Thursday can't get here fast enough.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6267
#41538 Posted: 04:24:19 28/03/2018
I'm so glad that I can actually make you feel happy ... that makes it all worthwhile. In a world full of bleakness, you're one of those little lights that helps me see clearer. Lol how cheesy does that sound? It's been a long time since I've been too happy to fall asleep. I can't say that this is curing me, but it may definitely be helping. You're always making me blush and giggle, and I'm starting to feel like the world may actually be worth living in.
I can't thank you enough. I really, really can't.


Also, charcoal sucks. Who was the wise guy who thought that it could possibly be a good material to draw this?
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#41539 Posted: 19:20:30 28/03/2018
For an average Wednesday, today was pretty good. Hopefully tomorrow's even better.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41540 Posted: 04:06:36 29/03/2018
well....you're not in pain anymore.


you can sleep easy, mi amour.

i hope you knew how much we loved you, for the short time you were with us....

goodnight ozzy. sleep well.



its been a long day..
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#41541 Posted: 07:56:29 29/03/2018
Mmmm idk where to put this
I should ****ing stop playing this game until the night vision is fixed. Because jfc, I might as well be playing Blind man simulator when the night cycle kicks in.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6267
#41542 Posted: 08:02:58 29/03/2018
Learn to ****ing stop when people ask you too! You never know when to just ****ing stop and let it go, even when someone is visibly uncomfortable and CLEARLY TELLS YOU TO STOP.
You don't even know half of the story or my reasonings, quit assuming things! Wait, just quit talking to me in general! I never tell you personal things for this very reason, and I hate that she tells you things when I'm not around.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41543 Posted: 10:28:20 29/03/2018
forget it. im pathetic
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 23:20:00 29/03/2018 by Riolu-Blue-247
TTD Hunter Gems: 6738
#41544 Posted: 22:47:05 29/03/2018
I'm meeting two of my favourite actors in a few months and I really can't contain my excitement!
GaiaMemories Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#41545 Posted: 00:03:36 30/03/2018
I love my family but I'm getting tired of the movies they insist I watch.

Almost all of them are terrible B grade sci/fi and horror with the occasional B grade comedy.

I feel bad saying"I don't like these" but I really, really don't.
---
Hahahahaha
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41546 Posted: 00:33:18 30/03/2018
I am not ready to be an adult and I’m scared...

———

Back to feeling lonely again. That meditation from earlier help a great deal with releasing those emotions without getting aggressive, but I still just feel empty inside. Damnit, I should be stronger than this. More productive than this! I need to seek help soon... I’m way too dependent on others to carry my mood. I’m so stupidly clingy it’s starting to annoy myself
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 01:49:41 30/03/2018 by TheToyNerd
Vespi Gold Sparx Gems: 2866
#41547 Posted: 04:14:13 30/03/2018
[User Posted Image]

- - -

[DIFFERENT PT]

well my night went to **** real fast
time to go to bed and not get any sleep
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 05:14:20 30/03/2018 by Vespi
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41548 Posted: 05:12:55 30/03/2018
all i do is screw things up..
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
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