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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > Personal Thoughts
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#40601 Posted: 03:38:12 28/07/2017
The next year is 4 days away help.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:38:37 28/07/2017 by willspyro
Spyro Fanatic Hunter Gems: 12769
#40602 Posted: 15:54:36 28/07/2017
It's almost been three months, and I'm still feeling so lost and angry at the death of my cat. What's wrong with me!? I feel as if getting another cat would make me feel so much better, but at the same time, the goddamn irrational part of my mind says that getting another one would be a replacement when I know it's IMPOSSIBLE to replace any living thing. I know this is definitely related to my depression and that the years of treatment I've been receiving, is only shoving it to a corner and repressing it.

I feel so guilty, and I know extreme guilt is often felt when you experience loss and you can rationalize it. The problem is when I rationalize it, by my logic I am the guilty one. When I think of some improvements to make with a potentially new cat, I can't stop thinking to myself "Ra would've loved or benefited from this, you knew it and you didn't do it for him." and "Even if a new cat isn't a replacement, this one will be cared for better than Ra since you've had experience." My own mind is against me and I can't win.

It's adversely affected this semester at university since I have to repeat three subjects and wait until next year to repeat them. Now I have to find work and the job market now is terrible.

To top that all of, today I found out that the woman who introduced me to the Abyssinian (the breed of cat Ra was) and directed me towards Ra's breeders all the way back in 1999, is currently in hospital with stage 4 cancer, and it looks like she's not coming out. I don't even know if I can thank her.

But thank **** for Ayreon having songs dealing with this type of guilt.

---
R.I.P. Ra
June 16th 2000 ~ May 3rd 2017
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40603 Posted: 23:31:42 28/07/2017
I'm wearing my brace for the first time in weeks. It feels so restrictive and strange, but I should be wearing it a lot more. Maybe that's why my wrist has been extra bad recently. I'll just have to keep wearing it and see.
When I get a job I'll probably be wearing it all through my shifts, whee.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40604 Posted: 00:59:50 29/07/2017
Earlier today was really fun. Too bad I'm close to tears about what had to happen right now - otherwise it would have been the perfect day...
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
wanderist Platinum Sparx Gems: 7090
#40605 Posted: 01:52:21 29/07/2017
The school year hasn't even started yet and I'm already sick of being secretary. Tell me stuff ppl. Otherwise don't blame me when I don't know about something that I was never informed of by the people who changed it. My gosh. I'm sick of you people and I haven't even seen you in months and I have to do this full time in a month. Why why why why why.


this is why I don't want to have important jobs smilie
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3427
#40606 Posted: 04:16:06 29/07/2017
how the **** does this **** happen
why does it happen
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40607 Posted: 04:17:22 29/07/2017
Despite everything that happened today, I'm still going to sleep content, as opposed to the semi-depressed I usually feel on friday nights.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3427
#40608 Posted: 18:07:05 29/07/2017
i hate everything
HeyitsHotDog Diamond Sparx Gems: 8866
#40609 Posted: 00:00:18 30/07/2017



Being poor ****ing sucks


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Hey is there anything you want me to bring for the rest of the week and if so it’s so cool that you can do something and just do it like that
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:04:23 30/07/2017 by HeyitsHotDog
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 7372
#40610 Posted: 01:02:55 30/07/2017
Despite my inner feelings, my wants, and my happiness to be the opposite gender... There are somethings that I haven't worked on to seem more like that, especially/mainly so my appearance. I feel like I don't quite go the distance that I should and that maybe it's wrong or fake of me or something along those lines. Even though I'm not ready for nor who knows may never want to make the changes vastly physical where it'd require things like operation... Is it alright that these feelings and wants remain inner and not effect my outer self? Is it fine to be like that, as long as I'm being true to myself? Because my looks gear toward being more what I was born as rather than what I feel on the inside, and I'm not unhappy with it, I'm fine as long as people know who I am on the inside. Is it alright to do it like that too? Because there are somethings I just haven't taken care of yet and maybe won't on the outside that may not correspond with my personality or what I am on the inside, but it's not something that I mind all to much. Is it alright like that? Or will it make me seem... Will people think... Differently, like because of how I look on the outside they'll ignore what I feel on the inside even among those who I've told about this.


Some... Problems.

Edit: I'd really love to hear opinions from my friends, the ones who know me the most on this to help me through this, to hopefully know it's alright to do it this way. I just need to get over this worry and confusion, I just want to feel it's not bad this way.
---
Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 01:05:57 30/07/2017 by Dark Lord
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6710
#40611 Posted: 05:03:35 30/07/2017
The concert was fun, but I hope the guy spitting beer at people, the guy threatening to pick my friend and I up and throw us into the crowd, the guy that blew up a condom and threw it around, and the person who threw a water bottle on stage never procreate.
---
Gay 4 GARcher
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#40612 Posted: 18:16:17 30/07/2017
today is a good day. i was able to drive out to the store alone and buy things my brother needed without having any kind of anxiety meltdown. i think it's because i went out not long after waking up so my usual bs anxiety hadn't wound itself up yet.

course it's having a riot now because "u were in PUBLIC how dare u do all these things!" but i'm at home so it can suck a fat one.
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#40613 Posted: 00:37:49 31/07/2017
Irl **** again.

I don't give a **** about the cheap af hinges. It's the fact that it happens and you try to excuse it saying it's my fault half of the time. Especially when I was gently closing it when opening it at it's supposed safe angle. So what I would expect from you is to not blame me, get a job, and buy better hinges since our Landlord will allow us to paint he might as well allow us to fix the god damn hinges. You lazy fat ****.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 7372
#40614 Posted: 00:56:25 31/07/2017
I'm not doing this anymore.
---
Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 01:15:26 31/07/2017 by Dark Lord
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40615 Posted: 05:48:43 01/08/2017
Why don't you act like a good supportive mother? Why with the half answers, ignoring me and harsh comments? I am sorry I am not a 'normal' person, Im sorry I am mentally unstable and physically disabled. I know you can't wait for me to leave, but until I do can't you just treat me like I am a good person?


edge post
----

Wow, I am so bad that I feel like I should stop existing because of that small disagreement. I'm terrible.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 06:10:14 01/08/2017 by Riolu-Blue-247
ThroneOfMalefor Platinum Sparx Gems: 5538
#40616 Posted: 21:03:29 01/08/2017
The amount of anonymous people who have commented so positively on my looks (and even voice and demonstrated composure) these past few months is so odd considering they're always outta left field. I can't help but smile thinking about it, even though I still do literally nothing different than before regarding my appearance. Really helps me grasp that I'm gorgeous in my own way and maybe me being myself more since starting this job is that catalyst to the positive inbound vibes I've been getting. Feels great when anyone but family says such nice things about me as a person. Really adds value to your character.
---
BREATHE AIR.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 21:04:04 01/08/2017 by ThroneOfMalefor
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#40617 Posted: 04:51:36 02/08/2017
*Irl stuff

I am very sorry for that. It just actually needs to stop. I can't mentally of physically handle that **** anymore.

-------

Oh thanks for forgetting to send that email containing the link to the site to get my health card. It's not like I need it to get a job or something (I even emailed ya back on "hey where the link at?" too.)
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Waaksian Emerald Sparx Gems: 4906
#40618 Posted: 13:00:35 02/08/2017
Well, my internet friends either left or haven't been online for months, and my IRL friends are about to be busy with school again soon. I have literally no one to talk to anymore. Good to know that one way or another, my social life will crumble to pieces again.
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 11078
#40619 Posted: 15:32:00 02/08/2017
I don’t know how to react to this news. I guess that knowing you, I understand that you decided to do what you did. I don’t know should I be in moral dilemma right now, to set your act straight, support you or just ignore. Kind of annoying when people I care about are doing some things I don’t have strong ethical opinion about. I guess that I’m going to just be objective and react towards facts and not let my emotions dictate my judgment on this one. I know that I’m not empathetic about it but I’ll be observant, strict and truthful in my support. But I’m still going to be a friend to you no matter what.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5540
#40620 Posted: 20:17:37 02/08/2017
**** man, I know I already say it so much but I really genuinely love you a lot. I can't state that enough, or ever justify the magnitude of it with words. Can't believe it's already been a month since this started, it still feels like a fresh new thing. It still doesn't feel like it's real to me. <3 I legitimately feel like you're the most ideal match for me, I 100% don't believe I could ever find someone as perfect as you. What did I ever do to deserve someone as great as you in my life?
I hope you know you make me happier than anything. Happy one month, I excitedly look forward to so many more and I love you so much! <3


wheee
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
HeyitsHotDog Diamond Sparx Gems: 8866
#40621 Posted: 23:04:41 02/08/2017
[User Posted Image]

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Hey is there anything you want me to bring for the rest of the week and if so it’s so cool that you can do something and just do it like that
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 9376
#40622 Posted: 01:48:15 03/08/2017
emotions can break as easily as glass but can be as tough as rubber
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40623 Posted: 02:20:30 03/08/2017
Quote: HeyitsHotDog
[User Posted Image]

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Perfectly describes me on most of my days
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Rise and Shine Ursine
willster8 Gold Sparx Gems: 2383
#40624 Posted: 02:39:25 03/08/2017
teachers should not be allowed to assign summer assignments because I am unbelievably stressed and the year hasn't even started yet :(
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3427
#40625 Posted: 02:50:07 03/08/2017
dropped my mom's phone in a sink full of water

yay

another example of how i ****ing ruin everything
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8324
#40626 Posted: 03:43:26 03/08/2017
Irl ****.

K dad I get it. I need to move out and disown you. BUT here's my m*****ing problem. The economy is complete ass and rent prices are ****ing huge too. So really I can't go anywhere. OH and I have a list of reasons why I cannot move yet and you need get a ****ing clue to stop being such a major ****.

  • I need a health card to even work at food related ****
  • Driver's license to actually ****ing get to work and away from you
  • Money for food and rent
  • An actual house/home
  • Mother ****in time
  • An actual job that pays better and won't get taken from the Work Experience

You know all that good **** that you clearly don't do anymore because you are mooching off your wife for a house you did not earn to be in. I don't give a **** who I came from, I am at least a decent person that actually tries ****in help the family instead of talking bull**** politics on facebook. Seriously just end yourself.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 11078
#40627 Posted: 15:07:45 04/08/2017
I hate this contradiction. I know that it did not mean a thing and is just a collection of scenarios from my subconsciousness but still that dream reminded of how things were. It fights against the reason and right thing to do and gives too much room for emotion-based hasty rationalizations. Well luckily I identified this with clear mind so I just ignore it and classify the whole thing as class A hogwash.

---

So again with this, eh? I honestly don’t know if I’m done or not. It seems to me just unnecessary waste of my emotional and rational resources to give a damn about this anymore. And the only subjectively right thing to do is to continue and see if the situations change. No harm done.

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Those were my personal thoughts of the day. Carry on being personal, people…
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7158
#40628 Posted: 03:43:24 05/08/2017
Being in the right place at the right time is the best thing possible.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 9376
#40629 Posted: 17:43:07 05/08/2017
remember not everybody shares the same opinions as yours :)
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40630 Posted: 02:47:18 06/08/2017
This is gonna be the first time I'm going to go in depth with real life stuff:

I'm lonely. I'm so friggin lonely. On Snapchat I see other people doing amazing things and hanging out and stuff while I'm spending my time just sitting in front of a computer or PlayStation for hours on end. My "friends" never text me back and we never do anything together, so I have no choice but to be alone, even if I don't want to be. I'm so jealous of other people that have like 50 million friends and do something amazing every day.
I wish I was popular, and not just the background person who nobody seems to know exists. I'm sick of the fact that only outside voices I hear nowadays are those on the radio. I act kind and happy on here but I have lots of stuff going on and not many people I can put my trust in. I want to have fun and be with friends. I want people to know I exist. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my life to be a 'no notifications' screen and the sound of nothing but the air conditioning going. But I think it's too late to change that. I just want to scream, but I know no one would understand. I'm so lonely.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Spyro-Gamer Hunter Gems: 7727
#40631 Posted: 10:08:54 06/08/2017
-----
lol
okay
**** you too then
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#40632 Posted: 21:48:38 06/08/2017
it's nice when your depression is constantly digging away at you, telling you that no one wants you around and they all want you to **** off for good and never bother them again, and you desperately look for proof that people do like you and do want you around.

and all you find is confirmation that your depression was right and everyone does want you to **** off because you're a burden. and of course your mind's immediate and only solution to the problem is "well, guess you need to die. you're just going to burden someone else by living :)". it's getting really hard to not listen to it when no one believes you're actually having those thoughts and refuse to get you help because they don't think you need it.


agskfdskf
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 21:48:48 06/08/2017 by Crystal Dragon
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40633 Posted: 22:41:28 06/08/2017
At this point I'm fairly sure that the issues I've been having are anxiety related... As soon as I was back in this environment at home its all come rushing back. I really hope that I can find a way to get this to stop happening
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3427
#40634 Posted: 22:30:48 07/08/2017
why the **** is it so hard to communicate for me
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8385
#40635 Posted: 09:41:53 09/08/2017
I wish I wasn't autistic lol im struggling
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3993
#40636 Posted: 10:57:49 09/08/2017
Thank you American school system for being ****ing horrible.
---
Dead
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40637 Posted: 02:27:30 10/08/2017
Go away feelings. I'm not the only person who doesn't want you.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Underian Emerald Sparx Gems: 3095
#40638 Posted: 05:02:43 10/08/2017
i hate feeling so weak and lonely when i have so many friends , i feel like i have nobody i can speeak to well that i can docthings completely free with i dont want to deal with constant jusgement
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#40639 Posted: 07:17:07 10/08/2017
tucker carlson is my spirit animal tbch
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8385
#40640 Posted: 12:59:04 11/08/2017
when ur trying to work out and not be a fat **** but you live on a mountain and the uphill jog is IMPOSSIBLE
it's only half a mile uphill and i literally had to walk half of it and by the time i got home i was light headed and my legs were done wtf im so out of shape

my muscular ostrich legs need help
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 12:59:25 11/08/2017 by Thunderdragon14
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 11078
#40641 Posted: 16:04:50 11/08/2017
The word of the day: alright. What else is there left to say? Nothing of substance that would make a damn difference but that is more than ok, it is actually how things should be. Time to ride the waves, find new shores, etc.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 9376
#40642 Posted: 07:05:12 12/08/2017
its kind of silly that the people who say im rude are the guys who usually talk behind my back and victimize themselves to make me look like the bad guy. when in reality im the one who usually gets constantly **** on by these guys because they are insecure losers who attack me to make themselves feel better.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8385
#40643 Posted: 18:30:47 13/08/2017
im gonna cry my cat has so many ****ing fleas and i cant get them all off
its one thing after another with him. first deathly ill, then considering putting him down, he gets better and now hes losing fur and hes covered in sores bc hes crawling in fleas
and my mom says shes gonna kick him out if they don't go away well maybe you shouldn't ****ing refuse to buy flea shampoo??????????????? im tired of washing him in dawn
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40644 Posted: 18:32:26 13/08/2017
Quote: Thunderdragon14
im gonna cry my cat has so many ****ing fleas and i cant get them all off
its one thing after another with him. first deathly ill, then considering putting him down, he gets better and now hes losing fur and hes covered in sores bc hes crawling in fleas
and my mom says shes gonna kick him out if they don't go away well maybe you shouldn't ****ing refuse to buy flea shampoo??????????????? im tired of washing him in dawn



*Reads about consideration of putting an animal down*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PLEASE GOD, SPARE THE ANIMALS
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8385
#40645 Posted: 18:34:06 13/08/2017
Quote: King-Pen Krazy
Quote: Thunderdragon14
im gonna cry my cat has so many ****ing fleas and i cant get them all off
its one thing after another with him. first deathly ill, then considering putting him down, he gets better and now hes losing fur and hes covered in sores bc hes crawling in fleas
and my mom says shes gonna kick him out if they don't go away well maybe you shouldn't ****ing refuse to buy flea shampoo??????????????? im tired of washing him in dawn



*Reads about consideration of putting an animal down*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PLEASE GOD, SPARE THE ANIMALS

hes a lot better now so im glad i didnt make the decision to put him down but THIS FLEA THING OMG WHY
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3427
#40646 Posted: 22:43:00 13/08/2017
You have nerve to call me a ***got? At least I'm not the junkie, lmao
emeraldzoroark Platinum Sparx Gems: 5589
#40647 Posted: 23:58:41 13/08/2017
Probably gonna be miserable again when school starts. There's just gonna too much pressure.
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Soon.
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