I'm going crazy being cooped up in my house all day. I'm so lonely and I'm sick of not being able to go anywhere because of my brother doing stuff and my dad working. It's depressing! I'm ****ing depressed
I don't want to leave this room. Actually, I do want to leave this room. I want to leave this house and find a new one and hide in a room there. Why go outside anyway, everyone hates me. Why do anything, everyone will end up hating me.
It'll happen in the end, I hate myself and so will they.
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
All I do is eat everything, stay up late, sleep all day, play video games, and cry. I'm not a man. I'm just another waste of flesh who can't do anything right.
I want to start my projects but I can not because of lack of money, I wish I had the support of my family; they do not support my projects.
I'm alone in this.
I feel like I if I get this off my chest and post it publicly, I can fully move on.
This is incredibly embarrassing, and my biggest secret, but I think I need to do this.
Last year, I was heavily anorexic. I had lost my period for 8-9 months. I had gotten to the point where I was eating merely 500 calories a day. Food terrified me. I avoided it as much as possible. I ignored hunger pains, and starvation became the norm. I had forgotten what it felt like to be satiated, because eating a protein bar became an entire meal for half the day.
My weight consumed my life. It was all I could think about, and no matter how thin I became, it was never enough. People kept complimenting how great I looked, and it only further encouraged me. I couldn't stop. I only kept dropping weight. The thought of gaining anything terrified me. I would weigh myself every morning, and if I gained even an ounce, that day had been a failure.
The few times I would binge on food, I felt so ashamed. I couldn't control myself, and the scale would be my punishment the following morning.
I was so emotional, and I was so drained. I would cry for literally no reason. It didn't help with work either. Last summer had been the most stressful period in my life. One of my coworkers had immediately caught on to what was happening to me, and would constantly try to intervene, but I ignored her help. I was in denial. I felt this is what I had to do, or else I would gain weight.
She was the only one who figured it out. No one knew about my anorexia. I went through it alone. Not only was I too embarrassed to reach out, but I feared if I did, others would try and make me eat more. Nothing scared me more than gaining weight.
As a result, I ruined my body. My hair became frail and brittle, and is disgusting. I had to cut most of it off, and only recently is it starting to grow back and become healthy again.
Transferring over to veganism has changed my life. It gave me a breath of air I so desperately needed. I'm now happy, healthy, and full of energy. No longer do I count calories. I eat in abundance. I can't imagine myself now living any other way.
If anyone is struggling with their weight or feels like they might be developing an eating disorder, please talk to someone. It's so important to feel like you're not alone. I've been there and done that.
You can change. I know I have.
Another day, another fit of jealousy and another wave of sadness. Ugh... **** my emotions sometimes! I just want them to go away and die forever.
I wish people didn't have to tiptoe around relationship talk with me. Why can't I just accept that I'm lacking in the girlfriend department and move on!? It drives me insane. I'm utterly ****ing worthless
ToyNerd rambles again about things he doesn't have
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 02:44:06 04/07/2017 by TheToyNerd
I know you were meaning well by sending me that, but it hurt so much to see. I know I can't do it, I wish i could. Gods, I wish I could follow my passion and actually do something with my life but I can't. I am stuck like this because of my stupid disability.
You meant well, but since that message I can't stop sobbing. It stopped me right in my tracks and hit me like a tonne of bricks. I'm worthless and useless, I know I am and this just reminded me.
Not about anyone here.
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
*slams head against desk*
So, this is regret? Out of everything I've ever done, all the awful things I've done to people, this simple lie is what really caused me to regret. What have I honestly become...
EDIT: And that sent me off. Completely. It's like I'm grieving for a death that happened years ago. Like I've been bottling it up and only now realizing the void they left in my life.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 04:23:58 04/07/2017 by kardonis
honestly youre just an idiot who gets easily taken advantage of. i hope to know that you ****ting on others to make you feel better about your pathetic life which will never get better because you are too shy to do anything. see you next week i guess.
jesus did soulja boy write this post because all i see is the word "you"
so you make plans with your girlfriend for the night of the 4th, to hang out and have dinner and go see fireworks.
totally ignoring the kid in your home who you regularly berate and put down for 'not going anywhere and just staying at home' when any time plans are made said kid is never invited or asked to go.
funny how when I ask if I'm just supposed to stay home again I get 'well I guess you could go, but we'd meet up first, go have dinner and then come back and get you.' like you couldn't make it any more obvious how much you want me to **** off for good, huh? but you're such a wonderful a+ father, I forgot.
oh, and there's also the bonus irony that you get all huffy puffy whenever I don't go to 'events' while staying at my mom's (usually that's only when no one goes and we just hang out), yet when it happens here (where everyone else goes except me) it's ok. totes not a double standard or anything, nooooo.
another holiday spent alone in a dark house. woo.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 14:46:58 04/07/2017 by Crystal Dragon
Dear asshole who took my god damn shaving cream. **** YOU IN PARTICULAR! Thanks for reassuring that no one asks to use **** and just up right steals it. You know what that shaving could've helped with? My god damn hairy legs and thighs. Granted I can do my shins and ****, but mother ****er I need that **** for my ****ing thighs for when I intend on swimming. Other wise I look a step closer to the missing link of Bigfoot and man. I hate the fact everyone in the god damn house just sort of runs wild when they see my hygiene basket, which I use since you know there's no ****ing room in that pathetic excuse of a medicine cabinet. I am highly considering moving out soon when I get a better job and into a program. This is ****ing bull****.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
communication is great if you want to leave a message to another instead of pretending to be a tree which is existing and being useless. if you want to speak up about something speak up you pathetic basket case because in the real world nobody gives a single **** about you unless you attempt to become a better individual. growing up sucks i know but cmon man if you are a ****ing loser at this early age in life than what will you look like when you have no support in a decade. seems like the only people you want to talk to are those who pamper you and if they trouble you they just get tossed away. i dont want to be thrown away as garbage because that will hurt my already quite low ego. now cmon dude talk to me because i dont want to fail my class before school starts yet it seems you do. do you want me to do all the work? i really dont want to but if it comes to that then i'll do it but immediately after i will just see you as trash that you also seem to love to make.
you ever wonder what would happen if time travel was possible? would an individual try to prevent their sins from being done before or perhaps try to fix it and give it another chance because it seemed like a good idea at the time. if that traveler decided to erase their past is it really erased? lets just say that this particular traveler was in an abusive relationship with their spouse. sure they avoided getting into an abusive spouse but the acts of love and lust that came before also never existed. would that individual have fond memories of that relationship and how great their love for their spouse was? humans are social creatures who only exist by communicating with others and if they try to prevent relationships from forming they are deemed as useless in the view of our society. should an individual sacrifice past memories to prevent a future event from happening? what if that event that was awful wasnt so bad in the first place. is it really worth killing past memories with that individual who you no longer want to see anymore. what if the traveler can fix that relationship? well they can but the traveler has to move forward and not backwards in time. bad stuff happens all the time in relationships but that doesnt necessarily mean they should end when something goes off course.
when you go to a store and knock down an item off a rack do you ignore the item leaving it on the ground for a worker to pick it up or do you put it back and fix your mistake? if you do the former then you should think to yourself "do i do this to others? how many relationships have i killed in the past that can easily be fixed?" one should never assume the worst is to come because most of the time that event will never happen and warning others about that lie will make them believe in a false ideal that will never come. spreading lies and rumors about others is frowned upon you know?
back to that time traveler thing. would they use it to go back in the past to prevent a relationship from happening or go forward to help build it back up. humans start life as a child where they know nothing about making friends and ends life with knowledge of the many friends that they made. humans however can never revert in age and only grow old. dont grow up and revert in age mentally when dealing with relationships with other people by not knowing what to do when something goes wrong so they run away and pretend that nothing happens. please learn how to mature because acting like a child is pathetic and makes you look pathetic to most of the world.
a lot of people think i hold grudges but i dont. in fact i think more people hold grudges over me because im a pretty forgiving person. sure i can get mad at people but i dont hold a grudge against that individual forever, i usually get over it in like a day or even an hour most of the time. :/
I'm getting just somewhat annoyed at people around the internet saying what games is like Dark Souls. It's not like Dark Souls is a bad game or anything, but it's not the perfect game... I especially dislike how people say that Code Vein will be the next Dark Souls, especially since Code Vein is being made by the same people of a game I really love, but because that game isn't as popular as Dark Souls, the conclusion people jump on instead is it will be Dark Souls. To me, Code Vein looked like it would be like God Eater... Especially since this is the team that made God Eater.
Though I swear, if it does end up like Dark Souls, I'm just going to feel really peeved, Like I said, Dark Souls isn't a bad game but now it's feeling repetitive how many times it's gameplay is virtually the same thing over and over in the series and people still go stir crazy over it. And I don't want a "From Software anime version"... I want the team of God Eater to do their own thing, make their own things, we don't need another From Software, From Software is the ones that make Dark Souls and we don't need another team going around making Dark Souls also but just in anime.
But I guess I shouldn't be so surprised... What sells well will be used and will be beaten to death until all of it's money has been bled out. I'm just really hoping that Code Vein will be it's own thing still and just not another Dark Souls or Bloodborne.
--- Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:37:24 06/07/2017 by Dark Lord
Really good to know that none of my friends actually give a damn about what I do. Really,
yesterday I was happier than I had been in a long time but nope forget that. Forget everything about that. I was ignored again, I should have known better. But I guess "hey guys, I just completed one of my dreams" isnt important enough for any of them to notice for a single moment.
They wont even try to redeem themselves if they see this either. I know they wont, because it doesnt matter. Nothing I do matters. Its clear now.
Good day ruined.
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
I wish I could tell you that you were right all along. I desperately want to talk to you again, and I can't find you anywhere. I don't know why I was too scared to talk to you.
-ed.: insert meaningful quote here-
---
"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
Ugh... It's hard to stay positive about myself when I'm always messing up and being a nuisance to talk to. I don't get why anyone puts up with me. I'm a worthless idiot.
I hope I didn't just push you away further. I've had a history of losing friends with no warning or clear reason, so I don't know how to trust myself around people.
everyone's always blaming their problems on me. people just seem to find some way to correlate their shortcomings and the things they do to me, and make me out as this bad guy who can't do anything. I'm really tired of this, you know. I don't want people to automatically assume I'M the problem. I'm not the bad guy. I'm better than all of this and all of you and someday i will do great things that will put you to shame.
Goddamnit, brain. Why must I always get crushes on every girl I meet? Ugh... This one is especially bad and literally impossible to pursue. Why do I feel the strongest about this then? Hormones are stupid.
honestly I get annoyed whenever people decide to make fun of me. Not because I don't like being made fun of but it's usually because everybody who does makes the same joke as the guy before them and they all think that they're the first to say it.
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