darkSpyro

he is taking me to dorney park on sunday I am crying

I feel so guilty. I don't control my anger, and in return I mess things up.

I'm of no use to anyone.

everybody assumes they are better than others

I can do it.

Oh decisions decisions...

today was my last day of high school

^Time for college soon!

Quote: willspyro

^Time for college soon!

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tbh i apologize for anything weird/creepy i mightve posted here in the past , dont have much memory of the posts specifically but yea

lol youre not funny

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: willspyro

^Time for college soon!

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Miles better than high school. Relax.

idk. depression is weird.

tonight i laid there and watched the fireworks with him. i havent seen fireworks in years and i was scared about how loud they were gonna be so he was holding my ears. and i was laying with his arm under my head and we were just watchingn them together and i am so happy

i never knew a brownie brittle obsession and begging him for food at school would turn into this

After talking about you to one of my most trusted friends, I feel really depressed. I thank you, person who shall be unamed. Like, I can smile a bit, but I won't laugh, it dies in my throat. I hate deeling like this... I am really glad you are my friend, and after saying something, I am worried I ruined it. I know i am probably over reacting, but...

(Nothing here involves Darkspyro. I just needed to post this somewhere)

Quote: CAV

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: willspyro

^Time for college soon!

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Miles better than high school. Relax.

im just mourning my lost sleep. lol

I'll flourish. I already am. And you'll regret it.

I ****ing suck at video games and it's caused me to not enjoy them as much anymore.

Today I just feel really low, and I feel like everyone I've spoken to has been the same way.

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Oooooo, I messed up!

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I thought I was getting better. I thought I could stop being such a retard and get over the fact that no one likes me like that. The **** is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal? I wish I could just do everything over... I ****ing hate myself

i feel really irritable today and don't want to talk to a lot of people

oops i guess

(better to keep my social interaction to a minimum so i don't fly off the handle)

- - -

do you take pleasure in this?

hurting me won't change me.

This is like the fifth night in a row where I woke up with a racing heart at 6 in the morning.

I'm honestly nervous to go back to NY and see all my old classmates. It's one thing going to visit for 3 days and hanging out with my closer friends, but seeing everyone i went to school wih at their graduation is scary. I wasn't in a good place at that school and I have a lot of bad memories there, but i stil have a lot of good ones that i hope will overpower the bad ones. I really don't want to see the people who harrassed me and made me feel like **** everyday again. I don't want to feel the opressive atmosphere that i felt there again. I can't go there and experience the same fear that haunted me for the 4 years i was there. I've embraced who i am recently thanks to the bluntness and joking manners from my friends at this school and the help Seiki gave me. I'm much more confident in who i am then I was when i went there, but it's not enough to stop me from thinking of the bad. Even though my friend knew about my sexuality and even my boyfriend when she came here to see my graduate, it was hard to talk about Seiki or even bring up that I was gay. I didn't have this problem with my current school friends, but to be fair 3/4 of them are LGBT. It's not that i'mhush hush about things, it's just hard for me to talk about that kind of stuff, even with my current friends if I was trying to talk about my boyfriend i'd usually say "him" or "my friend" rather than boyfriend or his name. It's not that I want everyone to know "Hey, i'm gay" but it's not something I want to bury under a mountain of insecurites and fears. I've stuck with my rule of "No straight up coming out to people" and i'm going to stick with it, and i'll only bring up my boyfriend if i have a reason to. It's just scary, you know?

I think this might actually be happening...

THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

I can't even form my own opinions anymore without you telling me i'm wrong. At this point, you are LITERALLY HOLDING AUTHORITY OVER MY OWN THOUGHTS.

I've dealt with this for too goddamn long. How is it, that in all my years of being part of this family. i'm still portrayed as a problem to you!? I can't even THINK without being wrong now! This is BULL****!

I'm ****ing tired of this. Every ****ing time i speak, or act, or even ****ing THINK, you come and shoot me down because you somehow feel threatened by my very existence in your life.

I'm not going quietly into the night. I will show you, and her, and that ****ing failed abortion of a daughter you had. I WILL OVERCOME!

go away pain

come back again never

- - -

i love how you tell me you're my dad and so i can talk to you when i have problems

and then i do and not only do you brush them off, you pile on the hurt by mocking me

the rare instances where you're actually helpful don't make the risk worth it

nothing like a further understanding that you never think i'll be successful as a music major despite having a nephew in the same business im going into. i get it, you're only investing in my musical endeavors because it's another thing to brag about. i get it.

i don't understand. why are you still giving me problems even though i've done everything i can? work with me dammit.

Damnit, I'm not gonna make it past this week, aren't I?

i can't wait until the day i get you out of my life, even though that'll probably never happen
you're a parasite - you're little a part of me and have been for most of my life
i expect i will die with you still part of me, but god i hope i get proved wrong
you are impossible and incredibly annoying

I need a hug.

Really, all you do is freakin do is complain about the emotional problems I have, and act that I'm terrible for having them, instead of helping me fix them

Whatever though, I only have to wait 1 more year and then you are of to college

i really want to leave.

thats not criticism , that's nit picking

Haven't used this thread in a while. Want to kick someone into the stratosphere. I'm not the kind of stupid person to write off an insult just because you act friendly, that's not how it works.

the more i grow up the more i notice how school is just a competition which creates unnecessary rankings.

god dammit you ****ing ***** i don't remember the last time you did something beneficial for anyone with your pathetic life except for your saint of a boyfriend, he's the reason we're all in this mess.

I destroyed another pair of headphones. Maybe I should try a different brand.

Every time people complain about gay stuff being "shoved down their throats" I get so frustrated like these are the kind of people who "support gays" but want to go through life having everything pandered to them and throw a tantrum if one gay character gets added to a game they play like cmon

Quote: StormDragon21

I destroyed another pair of headphones. Maybe I should try a different brand.

Update: I apparently broke the headphone port on my phone instead. On a phone I've only had for a month.

Quote: StormDragon21

Quote: StormDragon21

I destroyed another pair of headphones. Maybe I should try a different brand.

Update: I apparently broke the headphone port on my phone instead. On a phone I've only had for a month.

Double-post: You know when they tell you to turn it off and on again? IT WORKS.

Oh, you just got up, oh, so sad.

I don'g give a **** that you just got up, I haven't had a good sleep in 3 years, so you can shut up about having 1 bad sleep

ahhaha i am so much happier without your ass

How about you **** the **** up, let me draw whatever the **** I want, and let me learn **** at my own pace. GOD! And you wonder why I get apathetic about drawing **** sometimes... This doesn't help me. What you do doesn't help me in the slightest and only makes me feel patronized and worthless. **** you!

everytime i think im getting better i realize im still just as bad