darkSpyro

YOU DON'T HAVE THE ****ING RIGHT TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
YOU DON'T HAVE THE ****ING RIGHT TO TELL ME GOOD MORNING OR CALL ME BABY OR EVEN YOUR SON
YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO MESSAGE ME AFTER 5 YEARS OF SILENCE FROM YOU ONLY TO COME UP WITH EXCUSES AND TRY TO GET ME TO TALK TO YOU
NO, YOU DON'T ****ING UNDERSTAND THAT I'M NOT READY TO TALK TO YOU
I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOU
YOU CAN'T SAY YOU FOUND MY NAME YESTERDAY ON FACEBOOK WHEN YOU'VE BEEN POSTING SINCE LAST YEAR
BUT MAYBE YOU JUST ****ING FORGOT MY NAME BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BUSY REPLACING ME WITH YOUR NEW CHILD
HOW COULD SHE "MISS ME" BECAUSE SHE SAW A PICTURE OF ME THAT YOU SOMEHOW HAD AROUND YOU WHEN SHE HASN'T EVEN MET ME
YOU TOLD ME ABOUT HER 10 MONTHS AFTER SHE WAS BORN. NOT THAT YOU WERE PREGNANT OR GOD FORBID REMARRIED
SO BULL**** COULD YOU HAVE LOST MY CONTACT INFO IF YOU COULD HAVE SENT THAT TEXT 5 YEARS AGO
DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME IF YOU WEREN'T ****ING THERE
DON'T SEND ME PICTURES OF THE CHILD THAT YOU REPLACED ME WITH
DON'T TELL ME TO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY
JUST DON'T ****ING TALK TO ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE

I've been on Paxil for over a year because i started getting severe panic and anxiety attacks to the point i couldn't function, I'd have seven a day. The problem was that paxil gave me side effects, bad ones. It made me impotent, near impossible to orgasms without pushing myself immensely, little to no pleasure, rubbing my dick felt like rubbing my arm, I had 0 sex drive, like i could tell when i would be horny but i never was and i was horrible, I couldn't get or keep a boner and i jsut felt so depressed. I told my psychiatrist and he said "oh well they'll probably pass" and i was like kk. well fast forward half a year, they didn't ****ing pass it got worse. I moved to minnesota in october with my dad while my mom and brother stayed in canada so he could finish school, and in march i think my mom saw the psychiatrist and told him my symptoms hadnt changed and i needed a med change, and this man, who had been seeing me since i was like 7 and btw had never once truly helped me my entire life, he has the gall to say "it wouldn't be ethical to prescribe him meds because he's in the states." Which is bull, and I was in discomfort and in such a deep depression and I thought that I'd never be able to have sex because of this, and my dad's company are retards and refuse to give us health insurance until my mom and brother live here (Which I'm p sure is illegal to withhold it like that because companies do health care all the time when the whole family isn't there) eventually i got into a doctor who isn't incompetent and he actually listened to me and he changed my meds to sertraline, and i was worried cuz all SSRI's which are these types of meds have the same side effects so i was scared they'd carry over, but I actually have a sex drive for the first time in over a year, I can actually get an erection and it doesn't feel like a numb arm. I'm just really happy and much less miserable now. And even if my new meds give me the same side effects at some point at least now i know if i get a med change the symptoms will stop.

come on.

i'm right here. i'm waiting.
just give me a chance to show you people that i can rise to the top and be great.
cut out your ass-backwards agenda and give the opportunity to ME, dammit.
just because she's young and stubborn (or as you call it- "empowered") doesn't mean she's gonna go on to be some kind of prodigy.
i've got the brainpower, the creativity, the determination- and yet i'm not good enough for you. for ANYBODY. i'm just human garbage at this rate.

And if this world keeps going completely backwards, reducing science and any kind of progress into nonsensical liberal tumblr bull****, i'm gonna work a minimum wage desk job until i pass. mediocrity until death. but i'm MORE than that.

you're clearly just too arrogant to notice it, dip****.

hell, i'm just dead weight to this world.
if i just vanished, nobody would notice i was gone.
if i ended it all, if i took myself away from this- it would just be another day.

you know, i'm waiting.
come and find me.
discover the power within.
use it.
i need to discover myself through somebody else.
someday.

there are only two genders

all i did was make a suggestion to help make the dinner better, which was a simple thing of adding milk to the cheese sauce so that it was an actual sauce and not a crusty, tacky attempt. and you snapped at me and said it would make no difference and did your usual growling out of anger bull**** that sets my anxiety off. then yelled at me that the milk ruined the sauce because you just poured it in there haphazardly and only stirred it four times.

and then you have the absolute gull to sit there afterwards and go "well I don't understand why you're in a bad mood and being mean". surely couldn't be because you yelled at me for making a harmless suggestion, and then stepped on me further by telling me i'm in the wrong for being upset at all.

Man, nothing like feeling as if your closest friends are ignoring you and using you for their own gain. Nothing like it. MMhmmmm. Nothing like feeling that physical rift between you and your friends MMMMMMMMMMM. Nothing like the feeling that they only talk to you so they can talk about their day, and then ignore you or never even ask about your day. NOTHING like feeling as if your intimate, emotional needs comes off as clingy, which inevitable makes you annoyingMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Feeling like you're imploding isn't fun