darkSpyro

You're so petty lmao

Ugh, I'm so clumsy today.

WHOOP! There I go contemplating self-harm again...

god does my ****ing existence make her mad

she was doing better she went to bed happy but then after me basically whispering on the phone after me having the TV down to barely anything while the loud washer goes after I kept the dogs quiet all night she comes in and says me being up keeps her up and that i needed to get off the phone and game right now and go to bed
i asked her what i did wrong because i was literally being as quiet as physically possible and she said that the fact that i wasnt asleep yet "disturbs" her and it keeps her up and night, then she went on a tangent about how i once again dont take school seriously and im probably gonna fail because i decided to relax for ONE HOUR after a really hard day of trying to get her mood up and doing nonstop chores
she complained that i didn't get any school work done and im just!!
i washed 4 dogs!! i cleaned 2 rooms!! i scrubbed the bathtub and toilet!! i made dinner!! all by her request so she has NO RIGHT to get mad that i didnt get school work done today because i got a ****load of housework done i cant ****ing do both
im at my wits ****ing end im so close to just saying **** it and moving out and figuring out how to pay for school and medicine and everything on my own because im so sick of this treatment when im trying so hard to appease her that i get physical twitches during the day from the stress

thanks dad
i thought the rest of this week would be amazing
but now i'm just going to think of what you said in regards to that person
and it's going to hurt
cause you'd say the same thing about me if you knew

thanks, i really needed that self esteem boost today

this weekend just proved that none of you actually give a **** about me despite your claims that you care a lot and want to help.

you all freaked out as soon as i left the house because now you didn't have someone to guilt trip and order around to do your **** for you. and then proceeded to harass us on the phone as i'm a 20 year old adult who is not allowed to go anywhere for no reason other than that.

family who lives out of state comes up to visit? any other time i'd get a phone call at least just to talk, but nope. not a ****ing thing. disappointments in the family are not worth even speaking to in her mind and she's made that quite clear.

and although he threw a hissy fit before, he didn't even notice i was gone from the house. further proving that i could actually be dead in my room and he would not care.

while we all were in that apartment together i felt like the unwanted guest in the place because all you did was talk to my brother and his girlfriend, and play with his kid, and of course hand them hundreds of dollars while i got nothing. you simply ignored me most of the time i was there unless you wanted something out of me. disappointments don't get shown the time of day, not even a glimpse of it.

i try to talk about anything regarding stuff going on and immediately get dogpiled by my brother and own mother telling me i'm wrong, to shut up, and more importantly DEFENDING that man who verbally attacked me three times for no reason and constantly going "i don't understand why you don't like him", and on top of that you told me to my face it was my fault he attacked me because i was talking. following that lovely piece of info with you telling me that i was totally in the wrong the whole time those fights were happening, because i retaliated to defend myself. you essentially told me right there that because i didn't bow my head and accept the abuse without question and chose instead to stand up for myself, i deserved it.

and then when i very openly admitted that for the past several months i have lost the will to live whatsoever, and that i wanted to die if only to get out of this miserable existence you screamed in my face. not that you were shocked, that you were upset at that and wanted to help. nope, you just screamed at me to shut the hell up. i told you that chances are i'd be dead within the year because of how **** keeps progressively running downhill without stopping and you snappily replied "well i guess i'll have to go around and tell the family to say their goodbyes since you'll be gone soon."

you and him sitting there telling me that i'm bringing all this pain on myself because i won't be quiet, that i need to "learn when to speak up, but especially learn when to shut up." i've spent 18 years being silent, and have only started speaking up for the past 2 because it's unbearable at this point but you all keep telling me to shut it because no one wants to listen.

i tried to reach out for help like you all told me to do at first but evidently you were just doing that to save face, to hide the fact you don't care if i live or die. that's fine. i'll be quiet for good then.

I don't understand why you still talk to me. I never have anything insightful to say, nothing useful, nothing substantial, nothing even remotely intelligent. The most I can do is ****post and that isn't amusing for even five minutes. You're really the only person who talks to me, so shouldn't it be obvious that I'm useless to you? If I was worth a damn at all then more people would talk to me, but it's evident that's not the case. There's absolutely nothing unique or special about me, there's no reason why you should want to ever talk with me. You have so many other friends who have so many more interesting things to say; everything that comes out of my mind is lackluster. So why? Why the hell would you ever bother with me? What prompted you to ever start talking with me in the first place, and what the hell was it that made you stay? It baffles me to no end. I'm so undeserving of your company. Any time that you spend talking to me could be spent taking to someone who's actually cool and worth your time, who can make for a fulfilling conversation. Every time I see a new message from you I die a little more because while I'm of course grateful, I know I can never provide a satisfactory conversation with you. I really value you, but it should be completely one-sided. It makes no sense for this to be requited. You'd be doing yourself a huge favor by leaving me in the dust of isolation. I'm not worth an ounce of your time. I never will be.

please just ****ing make it all go away

For a community that's constantly ostracized for rule 34 and fetishes, I'd expect you to be a little more understanding of other communities' stereotypes.

A science fiction story has lore on alien sex that's conventionally sexy: Ew, it's fanservice and wish-fulfillment!
A science fiction story has lore on alien sex that's NOT conventionally sexy: Ew, it's fetish fanservice and wish-fulfillment!/It's weird and creepy and gross, who would write this?!

Um... wouldn't alien sex BE weird, creepy, and gross to humans by default? That's kind of the point here.
I mean, to each their own, but at least have a little respect for a medium that other people appreciate. You'd wish people would do that for you, so it's hypocritical to treat others that same way.

Can't win for losing, I suppose...