darkSpyro

I love you so much... please feel the same. I can't take another heartbreak like this.

For me about to loose your trust, you still give me so much. You are amazing, Mom.

I remember why I don't like to eat suckers now, er, two/three days ago.

I miss you so much, but a punishment is a punishment, eh?

(Random personal thoughts I had on my mind. Needed to share them somehow, y'know?)

Where did you go?

Busting up and breaking my hand from punching things sounds like it'll feel a hell of a lot better than being used as a hacky sack ball by everyone else when they feel like it.

People need to take me more seriously.

I have the rights to do whatever i want on the internet.

Dear little sister, **** you. You let my dog outside in the middle of the night and locked her out there. She could've gotten sick or eaten by a coyote. So **** you, you irresponsible *****.

WHY do i keep going to that place. Seriously damn it always goes sour somehow.

Also oh boy do i want a month for myself. No such luck for a long time but hey keep dreaming big boy

i really hate it when people join calls, see that the person they only talk to isn't in it, and then leave. what's the point of being a group when people don't want to socialize with others?

*Sigh*

.....

I'm sorry

it's weird when I suddenly feel no emotion about anything. dunno how I should feel right now.

oh well. i'll try to enjoy myself. (lets see how long that lasts.)

Sure, it's okay for you to be loud at all hours of the day while I have school to do, but God forbid that I make any noise when you have something to do. Like always, it's okay for everyone else to do anything, but not for me.

---

I'm really loving this laptop. It clicks even when my hands are nowhere near it, the track pad has about a 50% chance of working, it randomly zooms in on things, it's CD drive doesn't work and brings up 3 error messages, and the only browser that works is Firefox. This thing is ****ing brand new, how can it's CD drive not ****ing work already. Nobody has ever used it before, yet tons of things don't function properly. And now because my old computer broke, I can't access half my accounts on places because I have no idea what the password is.

**** anxiety. **** it with a spiky, metal rod. I hate myself for being like this all the goddamn time. Why must I be such a massive freak?

Quote: TheToyNerd

**** anxiety. **** it with a spiky, metal rod. I hate myself for being like this all the goddamn time. Why must I be such a massive freak?

Oh, I love that song!

\sorry for breaking the taboo of replying to PTs

I dun wanna grow up qahey

Aye it's just the way you are and I know this but it doesn't mean that didn't make me feel cold

how much more past our best do you need? what more does it take?

Could people would stop ignoring me? Like it´s starting to annoy me.

Well let’s see how this decision will end up serving me. I’m afraid that eventually no matter what I do, in a decade or a two I’ll look in the mirror and instead of feeling pride or indifference I feel hatred towards that man who stares at the other end. But what options does a man like me with no passion, ambition or calling to do anything have? I guess that it is just question of survival and life going on as usual.

It consumes me more and more daily. It's driving me insane, I can't handle this much longer. I'm going to breakdown sooner or later. If they are there then I'll recover. But what if I never do go? What if it's tomorrow and I miss it? What if I have to find it? What if they aren't there? If not then it'll cause me worse and worse until I can no longer handle it. I-I just can't. If I have to I'll run away... anything.

Im a wreck, even if i can be saved i dont deserve it

----

honestly I'm disappointed in your behavior and how you choose to react to it

You must be ****ing me right now. NO

Lonely and Anxious should be the name of my emo rock band

I miss talking to you so much. I can't wait until Saturday/Sunday to do so.

I’m No Hero

On an average day
I have a dream
To see the world
For more than it seems
To take a look
At all the great sights
To cross the seas
To reach new heights
I preach my vision
But i’m pulled off stage
No criticism
But a violent rage
Two long, dark hands
Grab my face
A mouth screams loud
“GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!”
The voice spews it’s hatred, deception and lies
I try to make peace, but they don’t hear my cries
My once bright future, now far out of reach
Sentenced to death for a hopeful speech
My grip then loosens
I hit the floor
They grab my neck
Throw me out the door
The people on the street, they see my tears
They turn away, in a rash of fears
I try to get allies, but they all run away
I go back home
No sun for today
I look on my paper
A blank world to make
I pick up a pencil
But my hands still shake
The door bursts open
My jaw hits the floor
Those hateful, dark hands
Are back from before
“I TOLD YOU TO STOP!”
Screams a deep, dark voice.
I drop my pencil
I have no choice
I beg for mercy, but i am too late
The hands ignite, setting fire to fate
My room begins to burn
Every archive left to die
I hang my head
I begin to cry
“YOU’VE MADE A BAD CHOICE!”
Calls out the dark man
“I KNOW MORE THAN YOU, I DO AND I AM!”
He reaches out his hand
No attempt to be kind
He grabs my head
And steals my mind
Every idea
Every choice, every trust
Crushed in his palms
Withered to dust
I try to stop him, but i’m far too weak
“YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN WRONG- CEASE TO SPEAK!”
The hands slither back, like a long, sly snake
As the door slowly closes, i begin to shake
My world and my life
Burnt, left to rot
Death to every wonder
End to all thoughts
I stand up with courage
Yet still filled with shock
I straighten my back
And begin to talk.

“What did i do
To deserve my fate?
What actions have lead
To the lingering hate?
I stand for no person
I sit for them all
I try to speak out
But my world begins to fall
Their voices cry out
Readying for war
They tell me i’m worthless
I’ll never be more
They say i must halt
For everybody’s good
And on nights like this
I wonder if i should.
What makes me better than what they believe?
What makes me think i’ll actually achieve?
I think to myself that i’m drowning in strife
Yet i’m an average man with an average life
And it will go forth, until my average death
With meaningless words on my final breath
And now that i think it, i begin to lament
Will anybody be there at my deathbed?
Will i ever have a wife to cry when i pass?
Will i ever have a son to make my legacy last?
Will i ever have a daughter to mourn for my days?
Will i ever have a family that wishes i had stayed?
I’m thinking too deep
I put fear in my head
I hope that these days
Are filled with no dread
That i can be better
And rise to the top
And ignore the dark voices
That tell me to stop
I know that i’m better
That i can be more
With one stroke of a pen
I be loved and adored
I can rise above the hatred, the halters, that man
And i say to myself
I will! I can!
I must gather my strength
And climb from below
I face the world!
I’m a hero!”

I race for the streets
A note in my grasp
I bolt through the night
I take the last lap
I see it above me
A destination i crave
A palace of crystal
Waiting to be saved
I climb it’s steps
They dazzle with light
The guards say “STOP!”
“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!”
I push past their message
I skip to the door
I shout to the masses
“I CAN BE MORE!”
Then i see him again
The hands of the hate
He snaps his fingers
The crowd migrates
He summons his flames
They begin to elevate
“YOU MEAN NOTHING AT ALL!”
“THERE IS NO DEBATE!”
I stand up tall
I clear my throat
I close my eyes
I read my note.

“I want to see our world
For more than it’s said
I long for a land
With no such dread
Where children run free
And the men are at ease
The people have freedom
To do what they please
Your eyes have been tainted
You only see hate
You grow angry and jealous
Of a better fate
You pick on the people
Because you’re upset
You wish to be happy
But all you do is regret
So summon your hellhounds, your devils, your crooks
Destroy every pillar, burn every book
But there is one thing i have
That cannot be undone
In my own free mind
I’ve already won!”
The hate grows angry
His hands begin to shake
The ground starts moving
The earth begins to quake
He takes his hands, and grabs my neck
I look down at his crevice
The worst i’ve seen yet
It’s filled with darkness
A pit of despair
“YOU MADE THE WRONG CHOICE!”
“YOU MUST GO THERE!”

As my body drops
Into the hell below
I take a deep sigh
One last sorrow
The world has no mercy
I wish to speak my mind
I’m only met by hate
I am set to flatline
I always set to be something more
Like nobody has ever done before
The world spits in my face, sends me to the floor
death is in front of me, i’m at it’s door
I look to the sky
As i’m dragged down below
I shout from my heart
“I’m no hero.”

im not going to ever achieve anything in my liftetime..

ugggggggggggggggggh

**** this

Quote: TheJMAN184

Been purging all the political channels from my youtube feed. I'm really over everything having to be political and these videos while interesting sometime I have been really putting my mood down. While I believe the issues these channels bring up are important, for me my happiness is more important right now.

I upvote this. Because I agree, I've had enough of politics, jesus christ.

Aahhhhhhhhh!

Holy crap that sucked. Oooooooh that SUCKED! **** Chemistry sometimes, man. I couldn't even finish that. Why would you lie about having to turn it in at the bell like that? Ugh.

I guess that I always say and do something wrong even though I cannot identify it. And then the people I care about fade away. Well... that is how it goes, it would be nice to get some feedback in order for me to make some adjustments, though.

To be honest, I am tired of giving myself second chances. If I end up in the fight I cannot possibly win again I just don't see the reason to put the ring gear on anymore. Only anger and indifference.... only them.

That was my personal thought of the day. Carry on being personal, people...

No, it's not getting better. In fact it's getting worse. It got much worse today.

I feel alive.

i still don't get it

Do I question your shenanigans when you're sick? No. So why the **** are you yelling at me for being sick ****?! Also don't act like this won't go unnoticed. I told mom about the **** you just pulled. Please actually die you miserable man that has no intentions on supporting his family or even doing anything to help the family.

Sometimes when I hear something being talked about in a manner that makes it sound like it's disgusting, and said thing is something I like. It makes me feel bad or feel like that maybe I am also a disgusting person, or makes me feel uncomfortable and should be ashamed liking said thing. Making me gravitate away from the conversation. It doesn't or hasn't stopped me from liking what I like, but it does make me feel like not sharing my likes or stones might be thrown at me, most likely while I'm not present rather than when I'm there. Makes me afraid of sharing these things. The thought of being talked about my likes being disgusting, that thought would make me feel worse and linger with me if anyone found out or if they knew. So I guess it might be better if I don't speak about them, that I don't tell them unless I'm really close to such a person.

I guess that I am not worthy of your time, then. Look, I know that I come across as a bitter, rotten. distant and emotionally incapable S.O.B. but that does not mean that I don't care about you and how the world I perceive is reliant on the participation of people I care about. My isolation is based on rational argument of avoiding unnecessary pain but years of loneliness have distorted my view on what is rational isolation. I'd like to give all the chances in the world but that sort of behaviour hasn't paid off in any way at all. Maybe it is my turn to fade away.

Love this song

In this dirty old part of the city
Where the sun refuse to shine
People tell me there ain't no use in trying
Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true
You'll be dead before your time is due
I know
Watch my daddy in bed and tired
Watch his hair been turning gray
He's been working and slaving his life away
Oh yes, I know it
He's been working so hard
I've been working too babe
Every night and day
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
We gotta get out of this place
If its the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
'Cause girl, there's a better life
For me and you
Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true, yeah
You'll be dead before your time is due
I know it
Watch my daddy in bed and tired
Watch his hair been turning gray
He's been working and slaving his life away
I know
He's been working so hard
I've been working too babe
Every day baby
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
We gotta get out of this place
If its the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life
For me and you
Somewhere baby
Somehow I know it baby
We gotta get out of this place
If its the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Believe me baby
I know it baby
You know it too

oh man i was maaaaad

.,.,.

Sometimes I wish I could see you in person again.

Prom was eh. I mean, I guess I don't regret going? But it was boring and hot and stuffy and even the after party was hot and they basically had kids gamble. Honestly the best part was the dinner at Panera with my friends before prom and the stop to mcdonalds between prom and after party.

I may have had to stop spending time with him early, but I have come so far. I can do so much that I never thought I would be able to do, I never thought I would get over it and my past would always stop me but now I'm getting further and further and I'm actually growing. I'm proud of myself, and she is too. She wouldn't stop cuddling me after I showed her how far I have come. It's nice to feel proud of myself.