Mom. I think we both know why I go ahead and ***** about some issues to you. Granted I could tell friends about my issues, but I think the only thing that will be accomplished is that I would be less angry or given more food for thought. I put a lot of thought into some of the issues that are reoccuring through friends and self thinking, I think you need to see if you can put your foot down around the house because some of the things can be resolved if you had a tighter grip on your youngest daughter's throat metaphorically speaking (or not. I don't mind either at this point), like actually giving her a better idea that she cannot be doing **** like that to others unless she actually wants to constantly be kicked out or beat up like if she were to have a roommate that isn't me sort of speak. But I guess that shouldn't be my problem except currently I am that roommate and you are not doing anything or a lot about these issues. I get that you are sick and busy most of the time, but your husband doesn't seem to give a single **** because he doesn't want to be apart of it because "I hate it when you 2 fight". So yeah this is piled onto you because no one else in the house other than the oldest sibling, seems to give a ****. Plus I do not want to drag him into such a situation, since this is technically your child thus either you or your husband is responsible for them and need to take care of it for yourselves.
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If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Yay, I did it again. 4 hours ago I was downstairs thinking I was going to get an earlier night for a change. Now I have no idea why I even thought that for a second. This is so repetitive, and it makes me so depressed on a daily basis. I feel like everything is worse when I turn off my laptop to get into bed, because I have nothing else to occupy me when in panic. Why must I have to deal with these things?
Well, I guess it's time for me to try and sleep before I'm sitting here at 6:00 AM or something.
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
I hate science classes. All they do is lower my GPA. It's like I'm being punished for being stupid. And why ambi even still in robotics. I'm dreading thosbupcoming season. It's my second year, I will be expected to take responsibility but I know I don't be able to. Otto just be me showing up on Thursdays and then I'm given a task that in and hour and fifty kiniutes I nakebluttlwbti no progress on and then someone else takes it and finishes it in two minutes. I hate being in robotics so much but it's where all of my friends are a and I love being with them, Is it all worth it. It's not healthy it puts me through so much stress and sadness. It just makes me mad at myself. I can't quit all of my friends would hate me and I wouldn't be able to talk to them ever again but THIS year they are gonna realize how useless I am. They're gonna hate me anyway. Eaither way this year is gonna suck. I don't wanna do bowling but I'm a cowardabd I'm gonna do it because me fire,as want me to and then I'm gonna get .more stressed because I'm weak and will be iverwhelemed by my schedule and will get upset because I'm terrible at bowling. I don't know how much I can keep joking around and acting happy. Last time i,helpednwoth to otics I was,holding back tears the whole time. I, car so this to myself. Even drumline the one thing I have isn't going well. I feel like everyone hates me. I shouldn't because nobody does. I need positi city I need something I need help I just wanna get back to a way where I. Am enjoy my life without hAVin stress and depression looming over my head at all times
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go to my guestbook now and sign a petition to get Freddie benson into smash
Aagh! Bullcrap! I can't even out my emotion and feeling's without getting pissed over notthing! I want to ****ing die! All I do is ruin relations **** myself up blah blah blah! At this point I feel ****ing useless! Ugh!
Just found out about an awesome animator named Oliver Wade. How I didn't know about such an awesome man until now, I simply can't fathom.
I know the big names, John K. Don Bluth, etc. But seriously, Oliver Wade is just as awesome, If not more. He's been behind the scenes in all of my favorite forms of animation, and my eyes have just glazed over his work credit. But now I know more in depth about him, and WOW! This guy deserves more acknowledgment.
This kind of forcing does not help me at all, you know? I know that your motives etc. are based on rational and reasonable basis and makes emotionally sense as well but one fact I still won’t do it remains the same. I know that as a skill it is useful and important for the future but it requires certain level of trust to your own abilities. And I have zero trust in anything I do. I struggle with the simplest of tasks, games, concepts, etc. and after that struggle I still only manage to reach ultimate mediocrity at best. I’m just getting fed up and tired with all of this. And for what? And to what end? I don't see the point.
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I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Maybe you're getting suspicious with the routine "doctor's appointments". Trust me. If I just told even one person, it would get around the school, and my claustrophobia in crowds won't be the only reason why I don't talk to people. They'll go out of their way to not talk to me.
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"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
oh my god. oh my god. Why do you think EVERYTHING I do is against you?? "I don't understand why Erica hates me so much" "I don't understand why she shows more love to her friends than me"
You wanna know why?? First off, you guilt trip me. All the time. It's amazing how I don't hate you, because I hate people like you. Maybe I don't hate you because I feel like I shouldn't and its holding me back. Second of all, there are days where I do something and you react in such a way where it makes me believe that YOU think the world revolves around YOU. Even while I type this, I can HEAR YOU COMPLAINING to dad because OUR RECENT CONVERSATION WENT:
Me: Hey mom are you gonna have the Cannoli?
You: -glares at me- Not tonight
Me: Oh well...I was wondering because it's gonna get bad
You: -glares at me harder-
Me: okay then...
WHY.ARE.YOU.COMPLAINING.ABOUT.ME.WANTING.YOUR.CANNOLI. For god sake, at least I didn't straight up eat it. At least I asked. All I did was WARN YOU. it's almost been a WEEK since dad bought it. You know what's in the middle of Cannolis??? C R E A M. You know what goes bad really really fast????? C R E A M
You were probably gonna throw it out if I didn't bring it up, I BET YOU. Now you're gonna eat it tomorrow out of spite probably. God, I hate people like you. It makes me scared about how I'm gonna act in the future, since apparently this is how Grandma acted to you when she was your age and you even WARNED MY DAD to stop you if this happened. And my dad told me on how he did exactly what you said and you just yelled at him even more???? Hell, you even attempted to punch my sister. Apparently I got so blind with rage and yelled at you that I don't even remember it. My sister said it was hilarious because mom barely punched her and seeing a middle schooler yell at a 40 year old something lady was a sight to see. I know what she means, but man...
I directed my first film/tv project today and it was by far the smoothest and best project done so far in the class. My actors did wonderfully and camera cuts were swift. It all clicked instantly with me once I got that headset on. More than one classmate commended the job well done and one claimed I'm a surefire pick to direct the inevitable group project.
It's certain now. This is what I'm meant to do.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:55:03 14/09/2016 by CAV
The bereavement support we were getting came to and end today. Looking at it overall, I'm in a better place than I was last year. The worker was absolutely great and she really helped us improve. Of course the pain of losing him is still there, and it will never leave, but I'm so thankful for finding a way to get by. I'll miss the support, but I'm forever thankful for what I've learned throughout.
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Pathetic as it sounds having to wait until tomorrow to talk to my boyfriend (like a 22 hour wait) when we normally talk every day is killing me slowly I miss him
I don't even really have friends yet at college like the people I travel with speak to me a bit but I don't know if they particularly want to be friends with me? I spend most of my time sitting alone on my phone or reading :c
I don't like my dad, he is really annoying and doesn't understand me. I'm trying to figure out a problem but he told me to do my homework or else he'd tell my mom. :/
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Heading out, my liege? A commission, I presume? Then I shall accompany you. Just...ah, allow me to indulge in one more chapter...
if my clicking my computer makes you "ancy", you need to get your mexican ass out. the school has TECHNOLOGY in the damn name! maybe you should learn to, oh i don't know, KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A "GAME" AND A TOOLBAR.
jesus! you women have NO IDEA how technology works, do you!?
I feel so embarrassed, I've never done that before. Even when my depression was at it's worst I was always able to hold it in until I came home and I was alone. I've got a freaking Fallout party tomorrow night, what am I sad about?
I really don't want to go to the lab session tomorrow even if it is only an hour. I didn't want to tell anyone about this if it weren't absolutely necessary and I know they're gonna look at me differently now.
I wish you wouldn't lose your temper so often. I'm not this and that, you're just really impatient today. You make me feel like absolute **** when you act like we're the ones making the things go wrong. I'm sick of this happening all the time, stop saying I'm the one that ruined your day. I'm not the stupid people that are annoying you right now. Now I feel like a worthless idiot and I feel like I should be guilty. But I didn't even do anything wrong. Do you actually hate me?
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 10:50:20 15/09/2016 by Spyro Lover122
I don't care about life anymore, I don't care about love anymore. Its only killing me mentally to the point I want to jump off a building and no I won't regret it. YES I want to end in a hospital and actually be taken care of by nurses YES I want to get hurt to feel **** YES I WANT TO BE HUGGED SO BAD! This world is cruel and it deserves to rot! I thought everything would become better and I thought I was achieving new things but now-NOW I JUST WANT TO VANISH!
I don't care about life anymore, I don't care about love anymore. Its only killing me mentally to the point I want to jump off a building and no I won't regret it. YES I want to end in a hospital and actually be taken care of by nurses YES I want to get hurt to feel **** YES I WANT TO BE HUGGED SO BAD! This world is cruel and it deserves to rot! I thought everything would become better and I thought I was achieving new things but now-NOW I JUST WANT TO VANISH!
I don't like my dad, he is really annoying and doesn't understand me. I'm trying to figure out a problem but he told me to do my homework or else he'd tell my mom. :/
I don't like my dad, he is really annoying and doesn't understand me. I'm trying to figure out a problem but he told me to do my homework or else he'd tell my mom. :/
Do you really need my attention, or are you just doing this to make me run back at you crying i'm such a useless piece of toast? Sorry lad, but at this point only a real hug or a RP or a plushy I can stroke will get me out of this ****hole you made. Oooh wait nvm, you dont want to "be the giver" anymore. Whatever. One chance. **** it up and I am gone. Ta ta
Totally aside that, I wonder if I'd feel better if I drink some low level wine... Might actually try. Its tasty anyways and who minds? My parents? *lols*.
Are you really that stupid? Why did you spray LOADS of fly spray just to scare me? I have every right to fear being poisoned by it. My head is hurting and I'm fearing the worst, and you did it just because you thought it was funny. ***** you.
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
I love how I can't even watch a video with my computer stuttering. I can't even type this message without is freezing, this piece of **** is completely unusable. We have another laptop I could use, but no I can't use it just because someone might use it. Nah, I didn't need a computer that I could do anything on, especially since I'm doing online school, yet I can't have more than five tabs open.
Wow what the actual ****? ****ing seriously? That is so utterly appalling, so disgusting, so repulsive and just ****ing horrible and weird that it actually pisses me the **** off and has ****ed with my appetite. I mean, REALLY? Out of ALL of the dreams that I barely remember (I hardly ever remember my dreams; it's usually just black for me all night as far as I can tell, but sometimes I can barely recall snippets that are almost always just weird and random but totally innocent) and THAT is the ****ing one that I remember vividly? I remembered it AS SOON as my mind started working when I woke up. DISGUSTING. That is so nasty and would never happen. I am just truly, honestly disturbed to the point where I actually want to cry because it's so disturbing to me. I don't understand WHERE that would come from! Where in the world does that kind of **** come from?! That is something that I'll never be able to forget.
That is truly, utterly embarrassing. I wish I didn't even mention it to him, honestly. He didn't ask why I was barely eating so why the **** did I mention it? I need to shut my damn mouth sometimes. It's just so, so embarrassing. It's been bothering me pretty ****ing badly actually because I have no idea where something nasty like that would come from. I've known the guy for six weeks for ****'s sake. But spitting it out didn't ****ing help and just made it all worse for me. Now he's probably going to remember that forever or at least for a while. I mean, how the **** would I react if someone told me that? I don't want him to remember THAT every time he looks at me. It's very, very awkward, you know?
It was just a stupid, ****ed up dream, but it would've been better to just keep to myself. Now it's bothering me more than it should because he knows. I don't want him to think that I'm a ****ed up person or that I WANT something like that or subconsciously think that he would do something like that to me. Should've just not mentioned it at all or just stayed vague about it... ****... Can I redo the entire day, please? I mean, he made fun of it and didn't seem like he really cared or thought anything bad about me for it, but he's a hard person to read and I just tend to assume the worst all of the time. Which is a terrible ****ing habit that I need to stop. I need to get over it. I will, eventually, but just... ****...
(No, it didn't have to do with sex.)
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Haven't been here for a little bit, but I hope you guys are all doing alright...
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