I wish I could forget my past. I'm not talking about the things I did, or the people I hurt, or the mistakes I made, I'm talking about my friends who I would talk to every day. The people who I spent all my time with on here and other websites. Thinking about those days makes me want to cry, and I know it's pathetic, but I can't come to terms with the fact that I may never talk to them again. I don't remember why we all stopped talking, or why I left dS in the first place, but I wish I could go back and fix it. I'd never leave again, so those days would never end. I just had to get this off my chest because it's still bugging me, even after creating a new account and everything ._. I hate having to live in the past like this.
Jesus, what's up your ass? We're having dinner and suddenly you get all ****ing pissed about nothing. Nobody said anything, or did anything that should have made you so mad.
mmm, this is great, please continue getting mad over nothing
Are you ****ing serious??? I don't know why you were on the shoulder of the road like that, but when you need to get back on the road and merge with traffic, TRAFFIC SHOULDN'T HAVE TO STOP TO LET YOU IN. Especially if they had to HIT THEIR BRAKES HARD to avoid hitting your STUPID ASS. That was my right-of-way mother****er, YOU need to stop and wait until you have sufficient room to merge, not make ME stop for you. I am super lucky that the guy behind me wasn't so close that he rear-ended me when I had to suddenly brake (because he was on my ass for like five minutes even though I was going TEN ABOVE THE ****ING SPEED LIMIT). And to make it worse, you were REALLY SLOW about it. If you just stepped on it then I wouldn't have had such an issue, but you were SO SLOW. You really slowly merged in (I didn't think you were going to dare at first because you were definitely moving toward the line a little bit but it was very slow so I didn't slow down because I thought you were going to wait until the guy behind me and I passed. I didn't expect you to suddenly pass the line into the lane like a ****ing idiot, despite how close I was; of course, I shouldn't have to slow down for you anyway, not your right-of-way) and then you were driving really slow and UGGGGGGH. **** YOU.
I am so, so sick of people out here who DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE but do it anyway. I need to get my horn fixed.
Man, I don't mean to be so nasty and angry, but I'm tired of this bull****. My car means a lot to me so the idea of it being slightly or seriously dinged because someone else didn't look before they proceeded (or did but just didn't care and expected traffic to just stop for their arrogant asses because they think the world revolves around them) pisses me off. And I don't want to deal with our (minimal) insurance and/or have it go up because of someone else's stupid mistake. And I don't want to deal with the drivers who make these stupid mistakes because a.) they're probably ****ty people who may or may not blame me for it (or they could be apologetic and realized that they made a mistake, in which case, cool) and/or b.) they may not even have insurance so who gets violently ****ed over there? I do! Oh, and my airbags apparently don't work so I could get very injured... And none of it would be my fault. If it WAS my fault, if I made a stupid mistake that was 100% my fault, I'd take 100% of the blame. But so far, it hasn't been. This time wasn't. Last time wasn't. The time before that wasn't 100% my fault but I'll take some blame. Just... sick of drivers with their heads up their ****ing asses. It's scary. I can't imagine how terrible it is in big cities.
I'm having one of those happy sentimental days where I just appreciate life and everyone around me so much that I just want to give out hugs or other means of affection just to deliver the expression. It just makes me realize how often I feel so detached and cold, and it's always that way when I'm caught up in work or distracted by luxury electronics.
I feel I have an underlying insecurity but I can take on the world right now so why should I worry myself trying to figure it out?
**** man get a hold of yourself. You always get so worked up bout these things then you feel depressed. Like sure you want to do it, and maybe you should. But are you? no. Should you? maybe. I really hate when this happens. and it happens to often.
There are three levels of hating characters. The "I don't like you" the "please stop" and the "This ***** needs to die!" I'm so glad he died. Gosh I get too wrapped up in this show.
I'm running on less than 4 hours of sleep, which I haven't done for a while. I feel so spaced out and it's at least 5 or 6 hours before I can finally go to bed.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 15:03:17 26/08/2016 by Spyro Lover122
Right, so it's going to be the first night sleeping in our new house. The first time in a new house is always a strange feeling with every move. But something is quite odd about the ventilation of this place. Or at least I feel like it is, no one else seems to be noticing it. I feel like I'm not getting enough air to breathe, even though there's clear breezes throughout it. It could just be anxiety, but I've been feeling it since the day we first came in.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 20:30:11 26/08/2016 by Spyro Lover122
Well… I guess that I am just a machine or a monster, then. But why do you even care? If that bothers you in some way, I am not holding you back, now am I? It is not that I really have made an impact that makes people want to spend time with me at all. Just go on with your business and you won’t remember this and me at all. You and everything in the world will be right as rain without my personal factor in the equation, right? Just a waste of resources for a cause of no meaning for existence at all.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
The more and more I talk about it, the more and more I feel as though people are mad at me or annoyed by it.
And it sucks because I never talk about the things I like, so at first it was rejuvenating talking about it and people were listening but now? I feel so alone when I talk about it. Any moment I mention its name, I can HEAR the sag in their shoulders as they think "Oh nothing that interesting" And it's hard not to talk about it because its on my mind all of the time to a scary degree. It's the only thing that calms me. That provides me security. That actually makes me feel loved.
Because I see so many people in a relationship, being happy, being cuddly and in love. And I don't get that. I've never had it. I've been single all of life, I don't even get to say I had a relationship for a day. Y'know, those silly relationships in middle school you had because you felt as though it was the time to start dating? I was never in one. And it's coming to a point where I'm an adult now and all of those pent up feelings are starting to flood out of me.
People notice how more physically affectionate I've become, how I hug people more than I should, how I grab onto arms and act like a child. I've even said, in a pool, "Can someone hug me?" They point it out to me, thinking its adorable, but they don't get that it's because I'm so desperate.
Now I have something to project all of those affections on and it's so tiring. It's like a god damn clutch, a baby blanket. I keep a hold onto it so I can go through my life without anxiety blasting my brain with thoughts on how I'll grow up old. Lonely. Die without the dream I've always wanted, without raising a family, without someone to hold at night when im stressed or nervous. God I'm so pathetic, I'm actually crying while writing this. I'm sitting in silence and I'm afraid that's all I'll ever have.
i dont want to kill myself i just
don't want to exist is all
living at home is so insufferable
every ****ing day my parents make fun of people like me and continue to have closed minds about everything while their daughter suffers in silence
my mom works nearly constantly and in the few times i catch her not working, she builds up my ego just to break it down moments later
example: earlier today i got this email from my boss saying how great i was as an employee yadda yadda, so my mom congratulates me and i say she probably sent it to everyone, so she comforts me and says she's sure it wasn't and i was a great employee
a few hours later we get in an argument and she ends it with "you're such a jerk all the time, this is why no one hangs out with you"
thanks
then my dad constantly says he "cares" and "would do anything for me" but when i need him to do something of course whatever hes doing (usually jacking off) is far more important, and my best friend who ive been trying to actually spend some time with for the first time in two weeks can "wait a few hours"
not to mention he constantly eats all my food, takes my stuff without asking, and wont even give me the time of day without doing some task for him
im sick of it
im sick of existing
i actually cant ****ing wait until i move out, so i can finally go on hrt, so i can finally spend some time with people i care about, and so i can finally be ****ing happy
they like to think our family is like lilo and stitch but no
thats reserved for the people i care about
if anything it's like star lord and his dad in the comics
---
id cut but i dont have anything to do it with and im too sad to get up
maybe ill just pull a thumbtack out of the wall or something lmao
mercy is my wife i want her to step on me then rez me back
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 04:29:53 27/08/2016 by StriderSwag
My aunt thought I was my cousin because I was humming, okay then....
Anyways, my cousin said she wanted to watch me play a game, totally ignored it, played her phone, and went upstairs saying, "I'm heading upstairs, my phone needs to charge." Welp,that is only one thing that made me want to punch her into a wall today. :L
------
---
Heading out, my liege? A commission, I presume? Then I shall accompany you. Just...ah, allow me to indulge in one more chapter...
I’ve been so stressed recently. We’ve been moving in to our new house and been really busy. It isn’t actually the moving that’s getting to me though. It’s this new house. I’m fearing that I have some kind of allergy, because I haven’t been able to breathe properly since I set foot in this place. Last night was the worse, I was having a huge panic attack and everyone was asleep. I felt so alone and I really expected the worst to happen, as I usually do. It’s really bringing me down, and now I’m really tired and I’m still having breathing trouble. Everyone here thinks it’s just anxiety with moving, but I’m positive that it’s something else. Because of this I don’t think I’ll be getting a trip to the doctors any time soon, unless I find out what’s wrong.
This was just a vent. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
I feel as though she's drifting away from me, I feel like everyone is. Or maybe Im the one drifting? I just know Im going to be alone again, and they will stop caring and stop loving me and its going to hurt. It will hurt so much.
Im turning nineteen this year... and I have a feeling that just like last year, no one will notice or spend time with me. But its ok.. I think I will make it to that day and it will all be okay...
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
I want to slit your throat open and pull out that stupid brain of yours. Seriously, you spam, you leave, you blame me for anything and now you mock onto me its my fault. I've had it totally with you. I brb, befriending someone I kinda hurt a few days ago, you wouldn't mind because you're a brainless *****.
NOOO not like you can be ****ing nice and calm me down by saying "Lets have some fun, or RP, or anything fun." Instead of "you leave + you avoid = No fun activities"
ttyl in heavens.
Rage.
Edited 5 times - Last edited at 13:11:53 28/08/2016 by BlackWing116
What is this feeling I am feeling? Is it love? Entrancement? Just plain attraction? I can't tell, but it keeps coming back to me, and I don't know what to do about it. I haven't really known them for long, even though I see them around a lot, and I feel it would be really awkward if I did act upon this. I, I just don't know what to do.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Okay, you know what? I'm sick of this happening. I never wanted to see it, I never even did anything like it. It's like it follows me wherever I go. It's sickening and I can't do anything to stop it.
**** it.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 16:02:40 28/08/2016 by Spyro Lover122
Wow, that's just so lame. A countdown? Are you ****ing serious? Sorry but if you're just going to be like a stupid parent counting down from 3 to 1.
"It never worked on me. It's just a stupid way of making otthers listen, cause they're afraid of what happens after 1"
WOW you're so low, you didn't even check that message before sending it off. Now it's delivered to the wrong person . Even on DeviantArt it's worse than that.
People don't understand the darkness I have within my heart. I feel corrupted and unstable. Perhaps its just fate. But it cartainly doesn't make me feel good...
please please please stop trying to talk to me. I can't take anymore of your stupid bull****, and I just want you to STAY AWAY. I can't forgive you for what you've done to your friends, how you disrespected me and my orders. I don't care if a friend, who wasn't involved with anything dealing you, wants me to talk to you. I trust her very much and I know she has nothing but good intentions, but this time I'm not going to try and make amends. I'm not gonna listen to you, and whatever you have to say. It sounds stupid and stubborn, but I've given you enough chances. Everyone has.
Just leave me alone.
Not about anyone on here, or online for that matter. Be careful with who you're friends with
Ok, thats clear. don't even try anymore. You said it. not me. Don't even try to convince me you want to again. You said its over, then don't come back to me anymore and leave me alone. Thanks.
I really need to go to bed and I just messed up again. I'm going to be so tired in the morning and I won't be able to think straight, again. Well done me, well done. I also really hate these breathing problems.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
I suppose I understand? I guess I spoke out of turn and I do deserve these results. I should have stayed quiet but I'm getting really really tired of always being quiet when in fact I need to be heard if I'm not heard then how would anyone know that I do care? I know no one cares about me and that's alright I'm ****ing used to it.
I kinda wish I'd said something, maybe if I'd had the time? Curse the Subway. Maybe in an alternate universe where there was nod construction I would have done it. Would it have been a good move? If only social norms where different, I'm not cut out to be the one who asks.
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