darkSpyro

well that was expected
ive had it too good for too long, a life-wide ****storm was bound to happen soon, i was like 3 months overdue
whatever i deserve it for being a ****ing ***** anyways

I feel like a burden to everyone here. I isolate myself, I'm claustrophobic so just walking down the hallway in this houseboat makes me freak out. Even thinking about it scares me. I'm so screwed up I can't go and play games with the family, because I know I'll just end up crying. At least you're happy though. I hear you guys laughing and having a good time. That's all I want for you. To be happy and not freaking out and worrying about me. I still feel terrible for that. I made you have a panic attack because of how I'm feeling. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to do things.
Plus I'm in so much pain. I should've brought my braces. I can even go out and get my meds because I've been crying and I don't want to talk to people because it will make me worse. I just have to pull myself together before you get back, or you'll be sad. I don't want that. I'll just sit here and listen to Final Fantasy 7 music and wait.

i dont know why i bother holding back anymore
i went for a few months but now i broke it again
its not like it matters anyways

ive been super sick for 2 days and today didnt help

i haven't slept in 3 days save for a 2 hour nap after work today that's probably why im so sick and being such a *****

oh wait that's my personality

I can't tell whether you're a troll or not because you gave me a boat load of points in donations and didn't want anything for it. But then you say you originally wanted to troll fans and make really.... detailed fanfics. How the heck do I respond without looking like an idiot or a jerk because other than the odd behaviour on your page, you seem genuinely nice to me and have other friends too.

HOLY **** THAT WAS SO MUCH WORK THAT TOOK SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF

Wish I didn't have to live with you. "Oh you don't really hate him, he's family." So what? I hate him because he's a whiny *****, he constantly annoys me, and never has any consequences, no matter what he does. He can refuse to do anything, and it's fine, but I can't refuse to take care of the neighbor's yard IN 100+ DEGREE HEAT, WHICH I DIDN'T WANT TO Do, and I was signed up against my will.

god im such a ****ing idiot
the only reason they even hired me is so i can lift stuff but once i get hrt then what???
im just gonna be even more useless...

Why does it feel like everything is about to come crashing down? I feel like I can't breathe... I want to cry, but the tears just won't come.....

I get it mother, you dont understand me and you never will. Can you just not get passive-aggressively angry when I become nonverbal or start to crash. You know that going out to shops where there are lots of people drains me and makes me twitchy, but you always act like Im doing something wrong. Im sorry I cant change this, Im sorry I cant be your idea of normal.
Please... you say you make an effort to understand but you dont, if you did by this point you would KNOW and UNDERSTAND that I get nonverbal, and you would not speak so condescendingly when Im bordering on a crash. And yea, saying things like "It would be nice if you talked" when Im nonverbal is not a good thing to do, because it just makes it harder for me to talk because I start beating myself up. Youre the reason I want out mum, you are the reason I want to leave.

No, I don't need more sleep. Why do I need more sleep because you are tired? I'm not some ****ing baby, I know when I'm not tired, don't tell me to get sleep when it's the middle of the day.

i miss you so much
i wish we spoke more, i feel so lonely without you

I wish this mind blockage would go away.

It's literally taken over my life, and no matter how much I try I can't stop. This year has been so different for me. I've changed. A lot of good has come out of it, but at the same time, it's ruined me.
If I continue at this rate, the doctor is going to probably intervene. I can't deal with that. I want to reach out and ask for help, but I can't. I'm embarrassed and feel so weak. I felt so uncomfortable last month when they kept asking me questions.

My coworker has only known me for four weeks now, and she's already figured it out. She's worried about me. ****. I don't want to be pitied.
I'm so stupid.

I have erased one terrible person from my life. For years they hurt me and stressed me out. But it's all done now.

im tired of you ignoring me
did i do something wrong? what did i do to deserve this treatment from you?
i just want to be with you, please don't ignore me like this....

You constantly whine to my mother about how you don't like the way I think, you don't like the way I throw away your ****ty ass advice that deliberately preys on my self-loathing, you don't like the fact that I stay at home and work on my own personal projects and goals because my anxiety makes it impossible for me to hold down a job even if I'm excellent at landing one.

You also tried to convince my mom that I'm a horrible child who is trying to drag her back to the toxic environment she fled from to save her sanity.

You're so ****ing high and mighty when you're a 54-year old man who was babied by his mother for your entire ****ing life, you don't know a god damned thing about saving money and you blow it on the first thing you want but as soon as me or my mom need to do something suddenly you're up in arms about us wasting money. All you've done the entire time I've been out here is belittle me when I talk about anything trying to make me seem like a dumb piece of **** and that I'm clearly wrong no matter what I say.

And you haven't properly ****ing worked a day in your god damned spoiled life, running your own 'business' which was just you and no one else and you've got a debt so ****ing high because you didn't feel like you needed to pay taxes since you didn't work for anyone. You can't even work because your anxiety makes you unfit and yet you say it's all my fault I feel like **** and that I'm just a lazy spoiled brat when I have to drop a job because of mine!

Don't like me at all, you say? You really won't ****ing like me when I reach the end of my patience with you and your BS, asshole. I don't give a **** if you're my mom's boyfriend and you feel that it gives you automatic authority over me; I'm an adult and I will put you in your place if you push me one more time.