darkSpyro

WHY THE BEEP DID YOU DO THAT? Now we will get our toys messed up and everything, like, what the underworld?! Guess you couldn't hold back your envy, huh? It's only a matter of time before you get every single one I get. Two can play at that game, by that, I mean get more! (Not really, I'm not that evil, but it's how I Feel.)

great... im doing it again...
**** me
i dont know how to not hide my feelings, even from my boyfriend...
god why am i so secretive
i hate it i hate me i hate everything

I had a conversation with my best buddy that turned sour and even though he apologized, I still feel horrible. Normally I'm fine when he humble brags about stuff or asks me how I did on a certain assignment, it's just a dynamic of our friendship. But these past few days away from college I've just been feeling lonely and self deprecating. When you have a man trying to guess your GPA when he's a presidential scholar with a 3.9 and a penchant for proving he's better than people, you just start to feel a bit inadequate, even when you know that person knows how you struggled with apathy towards the tail end of the semester. It hurt, yeah, but it hurt more coming from them, especially when they say that "honestly, you shouldn't be ashamed of it" in their apology. I mean, I guess they mean well but that doesn't mean the feeling of sadness and stuff goes away. I'm a firm believer that everyone is special and has potential, but when a person starts to think that they aren't all that, the worst thing to do is fan the flames, even unintentionally. This is mostly me typing while crying so maybe I'll regret it later or maybe they'll read this and stuff, but I dunno. I just feel inadequate.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HERE I GO AGAIN, PICKING FIGHTS AND BEING GENERALLY SELF DESTRUCTIVE

oops I was found out
should really start writing about this stuff in a journal so I don't start spilling an unnecessary amount of info like I did when prompted sighs

hahaha here come all those doubts again
i don't want to hurt him and that's all i ever do to people
i hurt everyone, im not worth having in anyones life
i ought to just save everyone the trouble and disappear

Omg you need to calm down and learn how to ignore certain insignificant things. You can't wonder why people are telling on you when you constantly say that they're pissing you off and that you'll shoot them all simply because "they won't shut up waaaah!" Ignore them ffs. At least they're not talking about or to you. I know it's definitely annoying when the whole class is really loud and you want to do some work, but you don't threaten them like that, even if you're "joking."

You can ask the teacher to go to one of those quiet rooms where students can go if they need to concentrate, because I'm sure she'll let you. I'm sure if I mention this, though, you'll just say "yeah" and never actually do it because you never listen to me and it sure is ****ing infuriating. I can't stand it when you constantly complain about something when you refuse to do anything to fix the problem and ignore all of my suggestions to help. It's not that the solutions don't work, it's that you won't try them. When you don't even try to fix the problem and blow off everything I say by "yeahing" me, you do not have my sympathy anymore. As I see it, it's your fault, now you deal with it.

Does that make me an asshole? I guess. I just hate being blown off when I'm trying to help, you know? You don't even grace me with a response besides "yeah" pretty much ever; no reason why it's a good or a bad suggestion, just a quick "yeah." And then you continue to complain and/or talk about nothing other than yourself, while not even listening when anyone else talks about themselves or about anything you aren't interested in. It's so ****ing rude, boring, predictable, selfish, and one-sided and I'm sick and tired of it. I just can't care if you don't care about me or, really, anyone besides yourself (and I know it's not just me; you did this to her too, and she despises you for it, yet you haven't seemed to have learned even after I talked to you about it!). I really can't wait for a break from this. Sorry if I'm an asshole, you just bring it out of me.