Dark Lord
Platinum Sparx
Gems: 7365
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#25927 Posted: 00:53:54 17/12/2014
All I do anymore is spend my time alone, and I know what this is...It's a problem with me...It usually happens after a recent heartbreak, or seeing two people with each other, or something like that...I take it...At first...In a light-hearted manner, with a smile on my face, happy that others happy, I go back to my innocent roots, the roots where I just have fun and am just happy for those around me...Then I start spending my time more alone and getting colder and colder...But I still be there for my friends, I still talk to them but then they stop talking to me...I loose everyone around me I was friends with and soon I'm cut off from everything I loved...I return with a resolve to make new friends, be happier, see them happy...But...Again I start getting close to someone, the other guy is always chosen over me, and the cycle starts again...And I dunno...Why I can't keep the resolve in my heart to be happy that they're happy, just go to my roots of having fun and stay there and if something comes along, then I'll pay attention to it...It's like my feelings are like a switch, one turns to hot, to warm, to happiness...One turns to cold, to loneliness, to being bored, to being sad...But either way one thing still stands, I keep on living, keep on the walk of life, I don't falter into death and although one time I was really close to doing so...I was soon helped up and started walking again...Why do I do this? Can't I stay in at least the area of gray...The hot and cold...For longer than this? If not toward the light...At least between the darkness and light...The twilight...Can't I stay that way much longer than what I've been doing...Even though usually in the past it's my friends who stop replying to me...I feel as everything that has led to this point is my fault, it's on my shoulders...I deserve every bit of suffering I get...Yet I won't give in...I'm going to stay in that gray area somehow...I'm torn between I don't know if I'm making sense or if I'm talking nonsense on this and if I want this said or if I don't want it said...About the stuff I'm saying now but I don't want to spoiler it...
Want to let this off my chest...But I also want to keep it inside, deal with this on my own and let it not be known.
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Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
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