darkSpyro

oh god, I didn't know it was that bad. It took me a while to realize that the weird taste in my mouth was blood. Heh, I guess I should be more careful. I knew it was a bad idea from the start. I should follow my instincts more often.

wait no actually I did when I applied as an immigrant but you get the point

I'm not ready for Wednesday....I can't do this. I don't want to go here, it's not familiar, it's different, it's change. I can't handle it. I want to go back to my old school. Where I know everything and everyone, I know how to act and be, I know the teachers, the classes, the events, everything. Here I'm a new kid in a school that looks like I can be easily ignored and forgotten. I'll be that face in the yearbook you might have seen in the hallway, or saw hiding in the back of the classroom. I'll have to make new friends...if I can. I'll have to hide myself more, restart the process of watching out for myself, looking at everyone who looks at me and self consciously ask myself if they know. The pressure that took 4 years to disappear will abruptly return and weigh me down. Put on a happy mask and pretend everything's alright, try to be normal and blend in. I'm scared about the work, I don't know what to expect. I won't know things they've already learned...I'll probably struggle in half the classes like in 6th grade. The school is so big compared to the comfort of _________...I have to skip part of a class to take a bus to another class, skip part of that class to take a bus back so I don't miss my next class...How is that supposed to work? How do I even get help from the teacher in the other school? It's funny. The school I'm going to is only 9th and 10th. Which means next year, I have to go to yet another new setting where I know nothing. Life works out greatly right? Oh, I can't wait till some **** happens here, and I'll have to move yet again right when I'm actually getting comfortable. I can never win can I. I must have been a serial killer in my past life or something. I tell others to "not give 2 ****s about what others think" and to "be yourself." Well, i can't even take my own ****ing advice. Hehe...

Jesus Christ. Are you stressed today? So you are taking your anger out on me, because you don't like in general? Is that why you're beating on a few dead horses? Or did you actually get bored? I mean that's not how to go about with anger issues. Just vent them out to a person instead of getting yourself in a stress knot. You're spiraling in madness. Like a Spiral dragon.

I want to say something. I want to say a lot of things. But I'm too scared. Every single time I think about it, I think of you yelling at me. I forget about saying anything, and instead become even more closed off.
I get the feeling that I'll just have to relive my 7th grade year again. And I was trying so hard to make things different.
Oh well.