yey more chapters!!!!
this time i took the right meds! oh crap where'd they go aww no i accidentally flushed them down the toilet
god thing i have back up meds!
back to topic:good chaps!
EDIT: alright! i made page three!
ravenouscynder Ripto Gems: 864 |
#101 Posted: 17:25:20 26/12/2009
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Edited 1 time - Last edited at 17:42:10 26/12/2009 by ravenouscynder
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Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#102 Posted: 20:37:08 26/12/2009
Awsome!
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#103 Posted: 20:40:11 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks. I'll try to get some more action in soon, but it might take a little while befor i can....
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Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#104 Posted: 20:41:07 26/12/2009
No problem. I can wait for action.
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#105 Posted: 20:43:34 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
I cna't either but i cant do it now! Anyways thanks again
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#106 Posted: 20:44:41 26/12/2009
I meant I can wait. I know, action is hard to build up to, right?
No problem.
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#107 Posted: 20:48:39 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Oh. Well to me it is, but i have to set up ALOT befor i can start action.
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Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#108 Posted: 21:33:39 26/12/2009
Yeah, same here with another story I wrote. For me, I just want to get to the action, but if I miss out the build up, the action means nothing.
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#109 Posted: 21:55:58 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
I know! I hate it!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#110 Posted: 23:19:53 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter10
When they reached the training grounds, a bunch of dummies came down attacking Keira. "What am i suppsed to do?!" Keira said, very confused. "Hit them with ice I want to see how you can fight befor teaching you the element. It will help me know what level I have to start teaching at." Cyril said. "But i won't hurt anything!" Keira yelled a little concerned now. "It's ok young one, they are not livving thing they only act as if they were." Cyril said, acting like he knew every thing. "No.." Keira was cut of by a dummie hitting her tail. Then the ancestors blood took over, and she started to whip then and blast ice shards. The ice shards went right throught the dummies leaving nothing but the hay the suporrtes them. Then tons of then came towards her. Cyril was astonished, it was the most powerfull ice he has ever seen then all excited he yelled. "Use you fury! It will kill them all!" Keira looked at him, breathing deep then all the dummies piled on her, she growled then a unexspected surpise happend. Instead of useing ice fury, she used earth fury. All the dummies flew off her, the fury was so strong the roof had holes in it. Cyril was speachless. "Terrador! I need you over here!" Cyril yelled, the Terrador came rushing in. "What!?" Terrador asked, then saw the roof. "What happend?!" "It seems that our new commer is a very powerfull dragon. Her ice is stornger then mine, and she now has earth." Cyril explained, Terrador looked at Keira speechless. "This is the first dragon, that is not a purple or been to the dark side, that has two elments." Terredor finally said. The two gairdeans were chatting about how amazed they were, when Keira finally asked.. "Can i go now? I want to go hang out with Spyro and Cynder." "Yes, your training is done." Cyril said, then Keira ran out.
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Ice Dragoness Diamond Sparx Gems: 7896 |
#111 Posted: 23:35:51 26/12/2009
Nice! cant wait for more!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#112 Posted: 23:38:50 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks more tonight or tomorrow.
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CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924 |
#113 Posted: 23:40:37 26/12/2009
OMG!! AAAAAAA! I RELY do NOT want to be attacked by HER and also Good Chapters! I like them!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#114 Posted: 23:47:35 26/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#115 Posted: 14:01:29 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Quote: CinderLover
Thats what Night Owl said about her dad. But in dark alley.
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Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#116 Posted: 14:05:37 27/12/2009
Quote: Cynder 19000
I meant Keira's dad. D:
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#117 Posted: 14:06:44 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Quote: Night Owl
Thats what I said!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#118 Posted: 18:16:32 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter11
Keira ran out, looking for her freinds when Sparx came in. "Did you hear that?! There was a big bang and leaves were flying every ware!" Sparx yelled. "Uh....That was me." Keira said, kinda embaresd. "There no way. You have ice, not earth." Sparx said, clearly not belivening her. "If you don't belive me go aske Cyril and Terrador. Hey, do you know ware Spyro and Cynder is?" Keira asked. "There in the garden, want me to take you thare." Sparx said. "Sure." Keira said, blushing a little. On the way thare Keira and Sparx chated they just clicked. "Hey Keria, did you see the leaves? We were walking here and a blast of leaves hit us! It was so weird." Cynder said, still confused on what happend. "It looked alot like earth fury if you ask me." Spyro said. "Well it was...me." Keira said embassed again. "It was you!?" Cynder yelled, confused and prode of Keira. "Yep." Keira said, blushing in embasement. Spyro and Cynder looked at her in amazment, even if they had four they were amazed on how strong it was. "So....can we do something?" Keira said breacking the silent. "Sure, i can go into town with you to get some stuff to make your chamber more comforting." Cynder said. "Sparx ans I, can clean it up a bit more." Spyro looked at Sparx, who was looking at Spyro. "Fine." Sparx finally said.
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924 |
#119 Posted: 20:24:45 27/12/2009
Nice! I think you captured Sparx's personality well!!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#120 Posted: 21:58:28 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
You think so? And thanks.
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IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127 |
#121 Posted: 22:12:09 27/12/2009
This is really interesting.
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#122 Posted: 22:17:39 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Really? And thanks.
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IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127 |
#123 Posted: 22:21:03 27/12/2009
You're welcome.
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#124 Posted: 22:28:09 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Hehehe. I will post another today, MAYBE.
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IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127 |
#125 Posted: 22:40:03 27/12/2009
*stares innocently*
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#126 Posted: 22:48:43 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
What?
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IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127 |
#127 Posted: 22:59:09 27/12/2009
*continues staring at page*
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#128 Posted: 23:01:29 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
WHAT!?
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IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127 |
#129 Posted: 23:08:23 27/12/2009
Waiting for the next chapter.
*stares at page again* |
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#130 Posted: 23:09:53 27/12/2009 | Topic Creator
I will soon. OK? If it will make you.... wait why was angry?
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#131 Posted: 00:23:04 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter12
Keira and Cynder were in town, for only half an hour getting some hay for the bed. When Cynder noitecd someone stareing at Keira. "Hey, i think some one thinks your cute." Cynder giggled, pionting at the young male around there age maybe a year older. "No i dont th...." Keira was cut off, by the young male walking towards them. "Hello, my names Cody. Whats yours?" Cody asked, he was a light blue with yellow horns and under belly. His crest was orange, so was the wing webbings, the wing bone was a dark blue. He was blushing. Keira was also blushing. "My..My names Keira." Keira said, smileing and then looked at the ground. Cynder was looking at them, smileing. "I'll leave you two alone." Cynder said, then walked away but was watching in the destance. "Want to, take a walk in the forest tomorrow? I can bring some food..." Cody was cut off by Keira. "Uh..sure, but im a vegetarien." Keira said. "So am I." Cody said "I'll meat you here tomorrow?" "Yes." Keira said. Then Cody walked off, and Cynder walked back. "So? What did he say?" Cynder asked. "Im meating him here tomorrow, were going for a walk in the forst." Keira said. Cynder smiled and shook her head. "I guess it's time we get back to the temple." Cynder said, and they started to walk. Keira was thinking, my first date! I can't wait! But will something bad happen tomorrow. I mean today, I attacked when something toushed my tail. Keira shook her head, no I'll be fine as long as i don't have a dream tonight.
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#132 Posted: 01:14:28 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter13
It was almost night fall, every one already ate. Cyril and Terrador told Volteer about the amazing streangth Keira had. "I can;t belive such a young drogom has so much fortitude, sturdiness, stamia." Volteer said. "What did he say?" Sparx asked. "He can't belive how much strength Keira has." Spyro cleared up, for Sparx. "I can never understand him! Am i the only one here?!" Sparx asked. "Sparx don't worry i can't either." Keira said. "Finally!" Sparx yelled. Every onr shook there heads. "What?" "Nothing Sparx." Spyro said. "It's time we get some sleep." Terrador said, then every one walked to there chambers. Keira dreded going to sleep, she tried hard not to but no luck. "You ahve gotten the ability earth, a tue marvle for the ruby dragon. A power full one at that." Keira's mom siad, then her figure apeered. "Mom! I don't want to hear from you! All my dreams have done is hurt me!" Keira yelled. "Follow you destiny dear. I am only here to help guide you till it is time, for the end. Now may the ancestors blood be with you!" Keira's mom yelled. Keira felt the edremalin hit her hard. She felt they way she did when attacing the dummies. She felt strong, the need to fight, she felt the need to...kill. She attack her mom useing earth, the ground shook Keira was floating on a peice of earth, many little one suround her she growled at her mom, then all the earth peices hit her mom. They piled on her, then trapped her under the soil, her mom them got out smileing a eviley, she looked up at her doughter who was still on the floatine peice, she blasted earth boms at Keira. All Keira did is llok at then then the bombs shatered and fell. They fought for hours, her mom getting weaker, Keira getting stronger. Then finally Keira hit her hard with eath bomb, knoking her mom back. She smliled. "You think you can't hurt anything, you almost killed me. The ansetors blood is slowly powering you, it wont be long now." Then her mom disapeared.
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924 |
#133 Posted: 03:25:53 28/12/2009
oh,I hope she does not try to kill this Cody guy... *gulp*
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#134 Posted: 12:53:46 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
So do I!
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#135 Posted: 13:24:36 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter14
"Hello, sleepy head!" Cody was right in Keira's face. "WHAT!" Keira yelled, very startled. "Who let you in here?" "The dragon you were with yesterday, now it's time to go." Cody said. Keira got up, and they took flight to the forest. When they were thare Keira couldn't belive how butiful it was. Even in winter, the birds were signing, and the grass was starting to show. They walked for a while in silence, didn't look at eachother. Untill Cody broke the silence. "So what's your elemets?" Cody asked, looking at the ground. "Ice and earth..." Keira then mummbled under her breath.."at the moment." "What?" Cody asked. "Nothing, so whats yours?" Keira asked, trying to take the topic of of elements. "Oh, ice" Cody said. "It think we should eat here, were at the end of the forest and it's nice to look at the water of the clife." "Ok." Keira replied. They ate still silent they still havn't looked at eachother. They sat there looking of the clif, looking at the water hit the rocs, the sun was seting. "It's a butiful up here, the sunsets a nice colour of orange, yellow, and red." Keira said, then sighed. Cody didn't replie he looked at the ground he didn't know what to do, show how he liked her or, what a while. He decided. "Whts roung? Cody you look misreable." Keira said, worrioed about her new freind...sh had a feeling this was gong to be more then just a freind. He rapped his tail around hers, then finally looked at her. "I know we just met yesterday but....do you want to be my girl freind? I would understand if this was to fast bu...." Cody was cut of by Keira, putting a paw on his neck. Cody did the same...the leaned in, getting closer to eachother. There lips touched, they kissed.
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ravenouscynder Ripto Gems: 864 |
#136 Posted: 14:02:34 28/12/2009
they only just met!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#137 Posted: 14:06:05 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
I know but uh...you'll just have to see. You'll see as the story go on. (and do remember it is the fist person Keira have ever liked, so..)
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ravenouscynder Ripto Gems: 864 |
#138 Posted: 14:06:34 28/12/2009
okkkkkkkk
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#139 Posted: 14:07:22 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
I gtg now, but i'll post another chapter today.
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ravenouscynder Ripto Gems: 864 |
#140 Posted: 14:08:40 28/12/2009
yeeeeeeey
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Samius Hunter Gems: 9336 |
#141 Posted: 14:28:33 28/12/2009
Okay, let me get this straight..
I personally hate.. No, I absolutely detest that old "child destined to be" type of story.. The story lacks intelligent content. Everything is explained with the fact that Keira is just simply destined to be that way.. In this story however, Keira is trying desperately to fight her destiny, because she does not want to end up as a maddog killer (that she was destined to be).. So in the eyes of the reader, she is the victim. That makes this sort of a "Hurt/comfort fic".. Quote: About hurt/comfort fictions
You should try to explain the story more, it's boring and lacks action.. Overall, I'd still like to continue reading it, if you promise to learn something from this critique.. Plus, mind the spelling.. |
Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#142 Posted: 15:06:20 28/12/2009
Awsome chapters!
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#143 Posted: 16:09:25 28/12/2009
Samius, why don't you just enjoy the story, and trust me, it will have a lot of action. I have seen it in her other stories. and Cynder 19000, good chapter, you are like me and like to keep things moving.
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Edited 1 time - Last edited at 17:25:59 28/12/2009 by CinderLover
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#144 Posted: 19:25:30 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks CinderLover and Night Owl.
Samius, im sorry for even asking you to read (Not in a mean way) Just never mind about it then, in this story i have gotten more readers then on others, and one of the new readers said she doesn't read others becuse there rubish. Yes i do need to work on spelling, trust me i know, and im sorry for that. But i would still like you to read and as a writer yourself and see if you like it through out the story, but if you don't like how the story goes on, then im sorry this isn't the type of story for you.
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#145 Posted: 19:30:42 28/12/2009
NP. I agree.
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#146 Posted: 20:50:33 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks. I will post anothwer chapter soon. Also for the 'it was to fast between Keira and Cody' thing it happens with people. *Whistles, and looking side to side*
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Edited 1 time - Last edited at 20:52:46 28/12/2009 by Cynder 19000
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Night Owl Yellow Sparx Gems: 1942 |
#147 Posted: 20:51:43 28/12/2009
Yay! I can't wait.
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#148 Posted: 21:06:29 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Hehehe!
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Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822 |
#149 Posted: 21:42:53 28/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Chapter15
They pulled apart from eachother, then looked at the ground. There faces a bright red from blushing. "I think it's time we get home i'll walk you to the temple." Cody said. "Ya, it's getting late." Keira replied. When they walked back all they could do was stare at eachother as hard as they treid they couldn't take there eyes of the other. They were finally at the temple. "Well here's the temple, i got to go now. See you tomorrow?" Cody asked. "uh..sure, how about in the garden?" Keira asked. "Ok. See you then. Bye." Cody siad, then took flight. Keira got spooked by Cynder tapping on her. "Wha! Oh it's you." Keira said. "So, what happend?" Cynder asked. "Nothing much...but i got a boyfreind." Keira said, blushing again. Cynder didn't say anything but smiled at Keira. Then Terrador and Spyro came in. "Keira tomorrow I want you to come on the training grounds. I want to show Spyro how strong your fury is." Terrador said, then Keira shook her head gustering that she will. "Thanks you Keira." Terrador said, then walked away.
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I'm batman!! Shh... |
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924 |
#150 Posted: 23:55:04 28/12/2009
cool, and yes, I agree with Cynder 19000.
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