darkSpyro

Why do I let that stuff still bother me?
Literally everything I hear from you makes me really upset. Not because I hate you (I don't hate you, despite the crap you put me through). But because lately, whenever I catch wind of your inner thoughts, I want to tell you the things I used to tell you. Tell you that you're wrong. And that someone DOES care about you enough to do those things.

But I can't, because you're not the same person to me. The person I used to know isn't around. And it's aggravating.

And a part of me hates having this cynical attitude, because in the off chance that the old, profound, and beautiful you still exists, then I'm probably hurting her. And the thought of doing that is still a painful one despite everything you turned out to be.

I know about how you laugh at me and hate me, but I didn't anything to hurt you. You just became overly pampered, among other things, and, well...the rest is history.

I'm glad that no matter how much time we spend apart, I still always have you. You're like my sister- except we don't fight. I can't even describe how much you mean to me.
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I'm not a monster. I'm a human who's made mistakes and I have feelings. I'm sorry and I don't know where to start to fix things.
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I'm so exhausted with the way my life is going. I can't go through a simple day at school without tearing up or just plain out crying, and I feel absolutely pathetic. I'm constantly lonely, confused, angry, hurt, anxious, and just plain depressed, every minute. I'll start feeling pretty happy at some points, but then bad thoughts pop into my head and I remember why I feel the way I do. I can't sleep without taking medicine or else I lie in bed for hours and think about all the bad things. It takes so much effort to think of good things.
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I'm absolutely going to fail this class. I'm slacking off way too much but I don't have the motivation not to. Sucks because art is what I aspire to go into.
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Living under your roof is so stressful. You'd have anyone outside looking in convinced that you hate your family. It makes me sad.

You guys coming to me has made me feel so great and eager to help in your performance. I'm glad you look up to me.

except for u. ur a beetch.

I feel so apathetic lately. I could stand to be a bit more apathetic, but in some ways, I think I'm going too far. I mean, I'm not even afraid of death. I wouldn't feel like me dying would be such a surprise, or a big deal. Not that I necessarily want to die, it's just that...I couldn't care if I did. I feel empty.

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Why do I get handed so many responsibilities? Why do people see me as a really nice person? Why do some people continue to try keep watch over me, or worm into my life, when I've made it clear that they shouldn't be doing that? What is it that people see in me? Sometimes, I wish I wasn't someone who stood out so much.

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Let me just say - you're an eejit. The way you're messing with this guy's head is grinding my gears. I can't stand people like you - putting up a sweet and innocent and damaged image, but you're really just a shallow person who expects everyone to love and respect you automatically, and you manipulate people to do all sorts of things for you. In any case, you should stop, unless you want that sweet mask of yours to be destroyed forever. Because I've got some dirt on you, that would absolutely ruin you. I'm not a person who forgets. You try to mess with my friends, or even me, and I'll take a mental note of every little thing you do, and bring your injustices to light, and nobody will have any reason to fall for your tricks. And I'm not like him - I don't care if people think I'm an asshole. I want the truth, and nothing but the truth, to be what people see.

If you want to be sweet and nice, be legit about it, for once. And try developing some depth.

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That...makes me EXTREMELY upset to hear.
Ugh...I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be forgetting about you, but I'd be lying if I said I have no room for you. Because the deepest parts of my heart still care about you, even if it's a past you, which is stupid of me, because there is no guarantee a person can redeem themselves once they start losing the run of themselves. But when I hold a special bond with someone - when I value them, even if they may not give a damn about me ever again - no matter how terribly they treat me in the end, I will always have room to accept them back as long as I see the good in them come back, especially when it comes to you. I just feel like, it'd be weak to accept you back. Like, things will just go downhill again, eventually. And I wouldn't go easy on you, not for a while, anyway. You'd have a lot to explain. A lot to make up for.

...I'm not going to come to you. It pains me to hear about the state your in, but a part of me thinks it would be better to let you and your community of pals take care of you. I feel like I've overstayed my welcome - that's how you made me feel, last we talked. I just think I'll hurt myself if I come to you and ask "hey...are you alright?". I feel like I'll make a fool of myself.

...But you can come to me if you wish. I've been trying to be ready for a while. I saw what you did, the one thing that confirmed you were going to try and speak to me again, someday. And it's had me EXTREMELY confused, because I was shore you had thrown me out in the trash. Why you would would do that one thing, is beyond me. But maybe I know why now.

I just hope that if you do intend to speak to me, you will be a bit more genuine this time around. I want no more games. And if you comong back into my life will only stress me out, if you intend to be the ditzy, shallow, and entitled person you became a few months ago, then just forget about me. I haven't got room for more stress. And more confused feelings, and all around, having my soul ripped out of me and toyed with.

YOU TRIED TO READ MY DARKEST SECRETS. D:

I'm sorry, but you aren't the one. You probably figured this out by now, but sometimes... I grow worried. I'm sure this is all quite silly, but I tend to become afraid that you love me in that way. Meanwhile, I only love you a brother, and nothing more, since I cannot ever make our relationship 'something more'.

I just hope my fears are incorrect, but the way you act sometimes... It's hard for me to not think 'irrationally'.

Probably doesn't help that my parents at one time seemed to think I loved you in that way. Well, my mom no longer does now that she knows, but my dad? Not so much.