GameMaster78
Emerald Sparx
Gems: 3321
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#1157 Posted: 21:15:38 23/12/2012 | Topic Creator
Sorry for the double post, but I will add this.
When I sent my first ever written screenplay to professional readers who help people get agents, it was rushed, filled with misspellings, and I even rushed the action scenes, just so I could see what someone would think. I was wanting to look amatuerish, because I wanted to see if I could get people to talk good about my script when I wasn't trying.
So, I did so, and I will show you guys some quotes from the reader.
"This screenplay features an interesting premise and some epic action sequences that could look incredible on screen. The writer has clearly put considerable thought into his world, and it feel thoroughly rich and fascinating. He also has a clear ear for action, and has written some clever action scenes and battles. The screenplay also features an interesting and diverse cast of characters and feels mythic and epic in a manner reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings series."
"The first act is actually quite good, as it effectively sets up the backstory, excites the audience, and establishes the protagonist."
When graded, these were all in the excellent (best) box -
"The story clearly has mass audience (universal) appeal."
"The script's physical presentation."
"All of the characters are authentic to their backgrounds."
"The set-up is concise, and effective."
"The story has a clearly defined target audience."
"The story includes a conceptual “hook” that could potentially be used to effectively market the film."
"The visual arena of the script is stimulating."
"The project has International appeal."
Now then, that was them taking on not only the very first screenplay I wrote, but I didn't put much effort into it at all, as I was just wanting to see if I could get good feedback with minimal effort. Sure enough, even with a rush job, I got more good marks than bad. When I finally sell this movie, it will be much better, because it will be fully fleshed out.
By the way, here is the synopsis for said movie, written by the person who read my script. Don't steal any ideas, as they are all copyrighted and registered for years and years.
"In 1770 Romania, a man discovers a magic pendant on his doorstep and entrusts it to his son, CHRISTOPHER, before being killed by a demon. When the demon tries to kill Christopher, the pendant unleashes a force that destroys the demon. Christopher is soon discovered by CARDINAL PHILLIPS, who takes him in and vows to protect him, convinced that he is the one chosen to fight an impending holy war. Twenty years pass, Christopher grows up and evil seems to be lurking everywhere in Romania. Phillips is convinced that evil forces will open up a devil’s gate and unleash hell any day, and sends Christopher with a knight in training, CRISTIAN, to investigate a cave where creatures are believed to be gathering. There, they find a group of vampires with devil’s gates on their foreheads, but before Christopher and Cristian can kill them, the vampires awaken, and a battle ensues. During the battle, Christopher discovers that his pendant seems to give him special powers to use against evil, and he defeats the vampires. They return to Phillips and inform him of their discovery, and Christopher inquires about his newfound ability. Meanwhile, TYNER and other LEGION CULT MEMBERS are gathering in a secret place called Gabriel’s Sanctuary to speak with an omnipotent force called THE DARK ONE, who is coordinating the evil plan that is being brought forth. In need of a sacrifice, the Legion Cult members kidnap Cristian and kill him, opening a devil’s gate and unleashing a horde of undead on Christopher’s town."
"Christopher helps fight off the undead until he spots a purple light emanating from the nearby mountains, so he grabs a horse and rides away, fighting winged creatures as he goes. He then confronts Tyner, who appears before him with a reincarnated entity HELKER. Helker teleports Christopher to Dracul’s castle, where he becomes trapped in an endless maze of rooms. Meanwhile, back in the village, the undead vanish through devil's gates, just as ALYSSA, an (alleged) old friend of Christopher’s, arrives with a group of warriors called the Heaven’s Knights. Soon after, VELLOK, better known as Dracula, also arrives, vowing to offer his assistance. Reluctant at first, Alyssa and Cardinal Phillips agree to let him join their efforts. Vellok then leads Alyssa to Dracul’s castle with plans to destroy it and Dracul, his evil father, for acts against him and his brother, RADU, years ago. But inside the castle, Dracul, who has been the point man for The Dark One, summons creatures to defend the castle. Meanwhile, Tyner kills all the members of the legion cult in a sacrifice, but discovers that one has escaped his grasp. This man, called Judas, is eventually caught. Back in the castle, Christopher is subjected to a series of torturous nightmares and mind games when he accidentally drops his pendant. Christopher tries to fight it, but gives in, and joins Dracul and Helker in a trio of evil. But Vellok and Alyssa burst in at the last moment, rescuing Christopher and reuniting him with his pendant. Vellok then squares off against Helker so Alyssa can escape with Christopher – they jump out of a window and escape capture by BAKOR, a gargoyle creature."
"Alyssa then leaves Christopher to investigate Gabriel’s Sanctuary, which she saw from the castle. There she discovers that Judas is actually her father, and takes him to a secret place before he can be sacrificed by Tyner. More creatures are unleashed on the area, and as the knights fight off a huge cerebrus, Christopher fights Bakor. But Christopher is devastated when Bakor destroys the church Cardinal Phillips is in, killing him. Once the creatures all magically disappear, Christopher overcomes his grief and rallies people to gather in a nearby town to fight. Meanwhile, back at the castle, Vellok makes it to a high tower and begs to fight his father, but instead squares off against Helker again, eventually defeating him and giving him a chance to teleport to Dracul’s location, where Dracul has just sacrificed Tyner because Judas escaped."
"Vellok then squares off against Dracul in an epic fight, just as a group of vicious flying gargoyles attack Christopher (who has reunited with Alyssa) and his small army. Christopher helps his people defeat the Gargoyles, but then must square off against a giant devil’s gate that opens in the plains. In the castle, Dracul is possessed by the Dark One, who is ready to return to the world. Vellok then engages in battle against the dark one as Christopher and his army fight back hordes of creatures pouring out of the devil’s gate. After a difficult fight, Vellok defeats the Dark one, just as Angels appear to close the devil’s gate in the plains. With the threat quelled, everyone celebrates, and Vellok is able to return to his cave to finish the slumber he intended to start long before."
Now, again, here is how I wrote this movie.
In 2003 I wrote it. It has a page count of 120 pages. I wrote it in one week, rushing as fast as I could. I became a slacker in life from 2003 to 2009, where I picked up the script again, went over it in a very rushed manner, and sent it out. I wasn't even trying, honestly. I just wanted to see what my potential was when not giving it my all.
Imagine what will happen when I give it my all. The reader forgot to mention that Vellok and the Dark One (who has a new name by the way) fight on a broken piece of the castle as it makes its way to the plains via the inside of a devil's gate portal, and the fight ends when Vellok and Christopher tag team the Dark One on the plains.
Again, I wouldn't borrow ANY ideas from this. I talked to a man who made a movie once. 20th Century Fox made Jingle All the Way, and it had similar ideas. That man sued fox and won a huge sum of cash, just because ideas were similar.
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