darkSpyro

>logs on to facebook
>is immediately greeted with something stupid
>closes facebook

All of my damn good Friends: Don't get me a thing, treat yourself

Me: I LITERALLY DO THAT ALL THE TIME!

reading about all the stuff that was cut from skyrim to make the 11/11/11 release date makes me sad. :(

I bet no one noticed I was gone

Breathe Kard, breathe. This is how it's gonna be, and it's gonna be okay. He said it was fine, and I can say/do whatever I want with "them". Still, it feels weird, and I really need to just, get used to it I think.

i!! am!! tired!!

i wish we could have an ACTUAL christmas dinner at our house. i like going to grandma's house during the holidays, but she can't cook anymore...why are they both so insistent on not letting you cook? i personally think its because they know they cant out do you, mom. please don't let them get to you..

me in the first literal minutes of "we wish you a metal christmas"

Why am I such a ****ty ****ing artist?

I just listened to my first Christmas song this year not counting those heard in shops. Felt ****. I really doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year, probably because I'm a ****ing neckbeard with no social life. There has been nothing Christmas-y this year so far that I can recall, I've done absolutely nothing but play games and watch anime. I've really ****ed up lol.

there are probably 3 people max that care about my existence but at least i got me animals merry xmas everybody

merry christmas lmao

NewWave19 is almost here!

I am also reminded stupid never does change.

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why do i regret everything i do lol

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This CD player must be ****ed. How many years since I got it? Think I was still a Rammstein fanboy... 2015? That'd be three to four years? Either way, it skips over random parts on the CD more often than I'd like - not much (usually 2-3 times near the beginning) but it's still jarring. I've never had this kind of problem with any other CD player I've used. Maybe I'll start using my portable again if it persists.
It seems to happen more often with longer albums, around 60-80 minutes in length. Now that I've got an Evergrey album over that length (Recreation Day, about 76 minutes iirc) I'd really like to listen to that at some point without the fear of it jumping every hour... only minor but very irritating, like stubbing your toe.
My TV plays CDs too but I've started using that for Disgaea and like to listen whilst playing. Speaking of which, I have a feeling Evergrey would be a nice band to listen to whilst playing. SRPGs and symphonic/melodic metal tend to mix well. Or any game of this pace really, Battalions of Fear is more suited to something intense.
Guardian of the Blind is a good song but damn they really should have used the chorus more or shortened the song. This holds it back from being my immediate favourite from the album.

I should try experimenting cleaning Discs with that old Batman movie too. Some old CDs and stuff are scratched or smudged and this movie which I got for cheap secondhand can't even play properly at all. It's only cheap and as I said doesn't even work, so if something goes wrong then there's no loss. If it does work then I can clean discs myself and have a new movie to watch.

I wish I was a good enough person to be able to do the world a favor by removing my worthless, poisonous life from it

At least I can view animated/drawn gore without getting scared now. That's one step closer to overcoming this fear. Kind of weird that anime helped me overcome it but whatever. Now I just need to be able to not got creeped out at all, even when realistic. I'm too much of a coward as it is now. If I want be a horror maestro then it's better to understand fear rather than pissing my pants whenever a ghost appears. Of course, to do this, it requires overcoming fear. I think this is a good thing. What good has being scared ever done anyone?
As I'm sure I've mentioned I expect I'd make a good horror maestro. The stuff I see in my nightmares tends to be more terrifying than anything I've seen otherwise... the mother and daughter, the faceless, the reaper, and those are just the more recent ones. If I put these into a story then I've already got a good base to work with.
Ironically, whenever I get scared during the day I'm much less likely to have nightmares. I've never understood why. I'm more likely to have nightmares over SpongeBob or Kirby than IT or Tokyo Ghoul. Wish I knew... same way melancholic music makes me feel happier.

Ah well. Who cares? I'll never become a maestro of any kind, just a neckbeard dreaming of better days. Yet even if I can't use fear to my advantage at least it makes me feel happier. Like melancholic music, fear makes me feel the same way. I kind of like it. It relaxes me, helps me to think and generally makes me feel better. There's still the problem that I'm afraid of so much. When I realise how it makes me better in the long run then maybe I'll accept it more.

**** it, we'll do it live. **** IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE

Legit ready for 2019

I should change my background. I originally chose this one as a kind of jumpscare, I think it was to deter me from using my laptop too much (and therefore becoming too reliant on it) or something, but now it's more cute than scary. Well Irisu is actually pretty cute so that makes sense lol. Anyway I should find something better because I've got used to this whole horror kind of theme now. It's fun.
Like a vaccine. The more I view these kinds of things, the more used to them I become, until I'm not scared anymore.
Typing "creepy" into Google yields way more interesting results than "nightmare fuel". I just tried it and most of nightmare fuel was just edgy crap. Then again it's just basic search terms for nothing more than morbid curiosity, I doubt searching for any basic terms will find anything particularly interesting. More keywords narrows down the search.
Ah ****. My visions getting blurry. I probably need some sleep now.

anyone else here lost in this ****ing vast ocean called life

The only thing that's ever stopping me is me, hey!
I testify if I die in my sleep
Then know that my life was just a killer dream

It's different but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is bad. Maybe we all need this change. Time to conquer new lands.

2018 was a pretty good year for me

2019 IS GOING TO BE MY ****ING YEAR! I'M GONNA GO BEYOND PLUS ULTRA!


SAY THE MAGIC PHRASE, ALL MIGHT!








BRING IT ON!!!

I just hope there's an actual apocalypse in 2019 this time and not another boring doomsday cult theory or whatever.

Quote: Buchi

I just hope there's an actual apocalypse in 2019 this time and not another boring doomsday cult theory or whatever.

id actually like to live pls

Quote: Vespi

Quote: Buchi

I just hope there's an actual apocalypse in 2019 this time and not another boring doomsday cult theory or whatever.

id actually like to live pls

Go to another planet or something. I don't think the Martians are as interested in ****ing themselves up as we are.

Quote: Sesshomaru75

the apocalypse will happen when i decide to let it happen

so good luck with that because i'm lazy as ****

Please hurry up I'll even sacrifice my family and pets if you agree to do it next year.

This year I’m gonna work on being a better moderator.

This year I'm gonna actually ****ing improve my **** attitude to going through and cleaning. Maybe then I would feel clean of sins of having things properly fit into my drawers and having a nice actual set up.

im already off to an uncomfortable start
i hope this will actually last, because it seems like its going away fast

2018 was year of losses. Grandfather left us and I lost a friend. But all around I think that it was a year of rebirth, younger older sister had a child which is a subject of joy for all the family, I got my driver's license and got accepted into university of applied sciences and I found a direction. So all in all it was a human year. Losses were devastating but also cleansing. Now is the time to rebuild and make 2019 a year of something. It remains to be seen.

P.S. What is the deal with people wanting to take selfies with a tall person nowadays?

I'll probably never make a videogame ever. Dreams don't come too and it was just a childish one at that, hoping I could ever achieve anything. That I was by default better than everyone else when I'm actually terrible at everything. Except, maybe, for one thing. One thing I am at least decent at.
Either way just because I probably won't, doesn't mean it's completely impossible. I should continue keeping track of my ideas anyway. Some of them are pretty good and as I learn more about myself the stories I come up with tend to be better as a result.
This one has a certain charm to it that I like and it feels exactly like me too. Not something I made based on one concept, instead something I made on my own emotions. Like how Theater of Pain felt when I first conceived the idea. I like it so far and am interested to see where I take this idea - hopefully a better direction than ToP.
But of course, though not completely impossible it is almost so. Chances are that indeed nobody but me will ever know this story. As long as I write it down then I'm good and maybe it'll be nice to look back at in the future like all the other crappy ideas I've came up with. Stuff I created as a kid looks **** now though that nostalgic value is still there.

i just found out that hotel mario is a real game and not a joke.

i'm off to a good start... i think.

2018 was mostly a blur to me. I mean, I can remember a few of the things near the start but like... what all even happened last year? I stopped listening to the news a loooong time ago.

2018 sucked just like every year

this has not been a good start of the year, but theres nowhere to go but up at least??

2019 more like im gonna die here lmao

I got a notebook for Christmas and so far I've been writing everything about this new idea into it. Better than having a ****load of notes all over my computer background. I've got the title, possible tagline (all bestsellers need taglines!), and main cast names with one word descriptions of their personalities. And some side characters. Maybe need to add some locations and jumpscare ideas, **** like that. Can't keep this all in my head (on in notes), that's bad practice. Nor will I ever probably use them though maybe they'll be useful someday... or for looking back on.
I wonder if I'll end up killing off any of the characters? I'm not sure how to feel about that. Also reminds me of cast size - smaller cast means lonelier (and creepier) atmosphere, larger cast means more characters to kill off. Preferably in a graphic manner. You also need to make it so that the characters are in-depth and likeable. Then when they get killed off, it's even worse. So much better than killing someone the player actually wants to die. There's no coming back from the dead either - when characters keep coming back to life it really loses its effect.
Then if I do kill them off... what then? I've lost people I could use so well. Maybe near the end I'll kill them all off, everyone the player has gotten close to, because once a character doesn't need to be used anymore then I can kill them off without any drawbacks. And a longer buildup to their death. Just imagine having to go through the entire game with these characters you're so used to, then they're dead... I've never looked too much into horror but this is my vision of what it should be like. It's certainly how I'd go about making something like this.
Jumpscares as well... they'd need to be something that sticks with the player. And used sparingly. Maybe only a few here and there, and make them something that's hard to forget. Use them too much and they lose their effect.
There's more than jumpscares and death. Those are just two aspects of what I want to create. I've got so much more I need to think through... oh, this is so fun just thinking about it! If I can't make this a reality, at least I can look back on it with joy. I love this idea the more I think about it.

It seems like windows and mirrors are good for jumpscares and stuff. Maybe. I dunno, but looking into either of those can make you feel like something's... there. It's like looking into a different world. I'm not too knowledgeable on the whole specifics but basically looking into a window or mirror is really terrifying when you've just seen some scary ****. A little. I have a tiny bathroom with little space besides a toilet and sink, with a mirror directly in front of those and a window just above and behind. It's like even taking a piss can be scary now in the right circumstances. Fun as ****. Pretty sure getting killed after doing that would be a pretty pathetic way to go too... undignified.
There's also the darkness. Maybe that's another aspect of looking out a window when it's dark outside, because even the light inside can't help a fear of the dark. I've started sleeping with my light on again. I guess it's a little cowardly, but after all this I can't get anything out of my mind no matter how hard I try. Even if I did try my mind would just go back to my own ideas and concepts like those I mentioned before.
At least horror makes my dreams nicer with less nightmares. I usually sleep a lot more but damn those dreams are worth it. No zombies, no apocalypses, it's usually just me chilling out with my dream friends and generally being a lot happier than irl. This only happens when I try to scare myself during the day (or night). Funny how fear makes me less afraid.

so far 2019 has proven itself to be the exact same as 2018. gotta deal with school for almost 6 more months. these will be the worst 6 months of my life.

maybe 2020 will be better

I'm seriously afraid that my body can't take this. But whatever. We are all just chemicals in some certain order doing things that DNA has programmed us to do.

There always seems to be another coming up from time to time, maybe even depending on what exactly I'm looking for... there's no end. This world is infinite. Maybe this will be the next one. I doubt it but it'd be cool, this place is going too soft. If it's a "big thing" then it'd definitely shake things up a bit. Never put me in charge lol. Or do, it'll yield some interesting results.
Oh yeah. Don't bring the dead back to life, that's important. Knowing they'll be perfectly fine once they've had some medicine or whatever really takes the fun out of it. I mean, there's more oppurtunities for graphic deaths without jeopardizing loneliness but it takes a large aspect of it away at the same time... or does it... maybe I could consider this. I'm still much more drawn to a "the dead stay dead" outlook though.
Green is a pretty cute hair colour. My favourite is still pink but green is nice.
I gotta write down all these beautiful ideas down asap. Speaking of which, how unique does something need to be in order for it to not be compared to something else? Is that even possible? Ideas are stolen all the time. Maybe my own ideas are like that also. I hate stealing so I do try to make them all as original as possible but looking back on stuff like Theater of Pain I'm sure I got the inspiration for that somewhere as well, although admittedly that's probably the closest I've come to being truly original. And it was a horror. So, going by all this, I'd say horror really is my strong suite. I'll try to change things up a little more because the current idea could be compared to something else I know. I don't like that.
I should probably try to complete that map in Disgaea. Haven't played that for a while. Too busy with Smash, even though I know I don't like it that much and it just makes me frustrated. Disgaea is more my kind of game.
Feeling a little sleepy now. Maybe I'll just write down some notes and go to sleep... soon. Maybe.