darkSpyro

So I was going to wait and make a topic about this, but seeing as how I haven't been very active and probably won't be very active for awhile, I figured I would just do it now.

June 8th will be 6 years since a very close friend of mine committed suicide, and my dad took his own life when I was 4.
I know this is a very heavy topic for a place like DS, but this is something I wanted to talk about here especially because I see a lot of users struggling with depression and making references to suicide in PT. Mental illnesses are uncomfortable to talk about, and I feel like that makes a lot of people not want to come forward when they feel like they're struggling with depression because they worry about being made into a social pariah. In the US, suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers, and 1 out of every 6 teenagers will seriously consider suicide in their lifetime.
If you feel like you may be depressed, please talk to someone about it.

If you think someone you know is depressed, reach out and talk to them. Reach out to the people you care about regardless and make sure they're okay, because people suffering from depression won't always "seem" depressed. Anxiety, insomnia, sleeping too much, over eating, under eating, apathy, mood swings, loss of interests. These are all signs of depression and if you're actually concerned for your mental health it's okay to seek help. You won't be seen as someone just looking for attention, doctors and psychiatrists want to help you. Depression isn't something you can control. No matter what Tumblr tells you it can't be cured with hiking, art, or music. You can't just "be happy" and make everything okay. It's an illness that needs to be treated medically like any other illness.

If you're depressed, it would also be a good idea to find the number for your country's suicide hotline. The calls are always confidential, and they don't take any action unless they feel like you're in immediate danger. Your family doesn't have to know that you called them if you just want to reach out.

This is really cool, you put it so well. Remember that everyone here on DS as well as your other friends and family want you to get better, you're not weak for needing to get help. Your life is worth more than anything in the world, and sometimes we lose sight of that, but remember that you're entitled to the same quality of life as any other human being, and depression shouldn't make you think otherwise. Stay strong, stand proud, and we all believe in you.

I know I come off as a happy go lucky person here, and while I am in real life, I'm actually pretty lonely and have few IRL friends. The ones I do have, are very close.

I also never truly feel relaxed.

My issue isn't just specifically depression, it's just a feeling of loneliness that I CONSTANTLY feel all the time. I always feel like I'm a third wheel in any situation I am in. My friends rarely ever talk to me when we are in a group and I just get left out of conversations way too often. My social skills are ****ing awful. Plus, I see people all around me in happy relationships and I look back at myself and think... Wow, I am super pathetic! Why can't I be like that? I'm jealous of everyone in a relationship at all times. It's not a healthy mentality to have but I just can't help feeling that way. Especially when you're flirting REALLY LOUDLY in front of me! Luckily, it's not that strong of a feeling for me to want to consider committing suicide.

my boyfriend is depressed and i don't know what to do for him. he's tired all the time and he's always sad and he barely goes to school because it makes it worse for him. i give him short-term happiness, but nothing that'll really make an impact on him. it makes me so sad and i wish there was something i could do to make it go away but i don't think there's anything else i can do. depression sucks.

I've always felt like an outcast.

I also really often have the feeling that I'm not important and I can be easily replaced. I'll never be special.

I've tried so hard to make friends and be happy, but I always seem to piss people off somehow and they all leave. I know something is wrong with me.

darkSpyro is great in that people can just talk to each other about their problems, you put this thread in the right place!

Uh yeah

You put it really well, Bumblebunnii. I try to give a little support over the internet though, but the truth is I don't know people on it much unless I've been on skype for half a decade or more talking(and there is one such case). It's easy to try and make them happy,but a serious talk of 'you really need to work on it, do you need any help' doesn't go well with everyone and could even make it worse since it's a random stranger, or a less than a stranger, trying to scold them. So I try to keep myself as listener more than anything, since most people aren't coming back if you wrong them once in the internet.

Friendly reminder, please don't self-diagnose.

Quote: Bumblebunnii

No matter what Tumblr tells you it can't be cured with hiking, art, or music.

Fu-

I've dealt with depression on at least one prolonged occasion (diagnosed) and other possible times (not so diagnosed), particularly last year and 2013.

It may be a fool's errand and a way to get around the matter without going back for therapy (after my therapist left the agency last year, I felt it wasn't worth starting all over with someone new), but I find that a good way to avoid dwelling in general (not specifically depression) is staying productive in some way.
Note that I don't say hiking, art, music, or any other specific thing. Nor do I say to consume art in the form of playing video games (though it doesn't hurt). I just mean to be productive, in any way you see that as such. It just so happens for me to be artistic.

This attempt to avoid laying around miserable doing nothing all day is what got me into focusing on music full time, compared to the past where I dabbled every now and then and would give up. Exosphere was born out of this attempt to stay busy and say "I can complete an album by the end of the year", and Null was flat out about that negative place I was in to begin with.

It's also part of what got me to finally get off my ass and say "ok I've had enough of a break" and get into college, of which I've (up until recently) been having an outstanding time, and may have even found a more natural skill/talent than the admittedly unnatural music (I've forced myself to learn). The quest to remain productive rather than sit around doing nothing but overthink things and get upset about it has not necessarily killed negativity, but has done a lot to keep it at bay.

That said this was 2015/2016. The past was different, but frankly I'm not sure what really helped during that time other than that I found Ice Dragoness, who I remain grateful to for putting up with my **** during the rougher periods.

Keep in mind that I'm a little biased. I had a bad experience with "anti-depressants" before and have always wanted to avoid becoming dependent on it to get by, so I would often fight to find ways to deal with it with just the therapist and no meds. Results vary wildly though so don't be discouraged.

Quote: TheToyNerd

My issue isn't just specifically depression, it's just a feeling of loneliness that I CONSTANTLY feel all the time. I always feel like I'm a third wheel in any situation I am in. My friends rarely ever talk to me when we are in a group and I just get left out of conversations way too often. My social skills are ****ing awful. Plus, I see people all around me in happy relationships and I look back at myself and think... Wow, I am super pathetic! Why can't I be like that? I'm jealous of everyone in a relationship at all times. It's not a healthy mentality to have but I just can't help feeling that way. Especially when you're flirting REALLY LOUDLY in front of me! Luckily, it's not that strong of a feeling for me to want to consider committing suicide.

This is so true.

I have the loneliness issue as well,but that's because I've just lived more than half my life thinking that everyone was out to get me because of bullying. Thankfully if I had depression it's long gone, but it's still a huge hit to my self esteem to be so dependant on parents and roomates to hang out or the friends in the internet for company, because everyone else just goes away once I'm done talking/listening to them rant.

Quote: CAV

Quote: Bumblebunnii

No matter what Tumblr tells you it can't be cured with hiking, art, or music.

Fu-

I've dealt with depression on at least one prolonged occasion (diagnosed) and other possible times (not so diagnosed), particularly last year and 2013.

It may be a fool's errand and a way to get around the matter without going back for therapy (after my therapist left the agency last year, I felt it wasn't worth starting all over with someone new), but I find that a good way to avoid dwelling in general (not specifically depression) is staying productive in some way.
Note that I don't say hiking, art, music, or any other specific thing. Nor do I say to consume art in the form of playing video games (though it doesn't hurt). I just mean to be productive, in any way you see that as such. It just so happens for me to be artistic.

This attempt to avoid laying around miserable doing nothing all day is what got me into focusing on music full time, compared to the past where I dabbled every now and then and would give up. Exosphere was born out of this attempt to stay busy and say "I can complete an album by the end of the year", and Null was flat out about that negative place I was in to begin with.

It's also part of what got me to finally get off my ass and say "ok I've had enough of a break" and get into college, of which I've (up until recently) been having an outstanding time, and may have even found a more natural skill/talent than the admittedly unnatural music (I've forced myself to learn). The quest to remain productive rather than sit around doing nothing but overthink things and get upset about it has not necessarily killed negativity, but has done a lot to keep it at bay.

That said this was 2015/2016. The past was different, but frankly I'm not sure what really helped during that time other than that I found Ice Dragoness, who I remain grateful to for putting up with my **** during the rougher periods.

Keep in mind that I'm a little biased. I had a bad experience with "anti-depressants" before and have always wanted to avoid becoming dependent on it to get by, so I would often fight to find ways to deal with it with just the therapist and no meds. Results vary wildly though so don't be discouraged.

I've delved myself into acting, friends, the internet, my dog, music, etc. And it's gotten me nowhere. Depression is an illness you can't just decide you're going to do something and keep doing it because it's not how depression works. I want to get up everyday and go outside or write a script or play with my puppy but I don't have the motivation, I'm too depressed. It's not that easy. If I could get up everyone day at a good time or go to bed at a reasonable hour and then go out into the world and get a job or do something and genuinely enjoy it the entire way or even at least half way through without feeling like im worthless and there's no point then i would love that, but it just doesn't work that way. I've had days where I'm doing what I love to do and I feel like being dead.

I mean, it's kinda different for everyone. Like any other illness, it'll always be there, and everyone has various outlets that negate its presence. However, it's a mental illness which, to me, places it in a different ball field. I don't doubt the legitimacy of mental illnesses, but the brain is a unique and mysterious organ that has substantially different ways of healing itself than, say, the lungs or the heart.

For some people, it is as simple as finding a productive outlet; for others, it's medication coupled with therapy. Neither one makes the illness any more nor any less real.

And yes, I do speak from experience.

Kudos to you for making this topic, Bumblebunnii. I've also noticed the high levels of depression expressed in personal thoughts and it makes me sad because you guys are all awesome and deserve to feel awesome.

Quote: Lunarz

I've delved myself into acting, friends, the internet, my dog, music, etc. And it's gotten me nowhere. Depression is an illness you can't just decide you're going to do something and keep doing it because it's not how depression works. I want to get up everyday and go outside or write a script or play with my puppy but I don't have the motivation, I'm too depressed. It's not that easy. If I could get up everyone day at a good time or go to bed at a reasonable hour and then go out into the world and get a job or do something and genuinely enjoy it the entire way or even at least half way through without feeling like im worthless and there's no point then i would love that, but it just doesn't work that way. I've had days where I'm doing what I love to do and I feel like being dead.

It's absolutely not easy nor a complete and permanent solution (if how I've been feeling the past couple weeks is anything to go by). And it can hit motivation hard to where even when trying to be productive, you can't do anything (third album is currently at a huge roadblock as I'm creatively dead).

I mostly mean that even attempting to be productive is a much better alternative to sitting and doing absolutely nothing, making no effort to do anything. It lets you wallow in your thoughts of self destruction and pity and you'll get no better, reaching a point where you also have the "I'm a useless waste of space" thoughts crawling in.

Some attempt at work, even if you end up hating the work like I often do, is better than no work at all.

Attempting to work even if you don't like the results is advice for life, even without depression. It's very easy to lower self expectations if you just, say, write a short text once every 3 months and you hate it. Practice, practice, practice, and 'I never get it right' quickly becomes 'I know I need to improve/ I can do better than this' and don't stop or it'll revert again. Drawing couse and uni wouldn't be so "needed" given I'm pretty good when it comes to learning alone, but the discipline they gave me into always getting *something* done I'd never gain with my low self esteem alone.

I understand the message of this topic completely. I, too, was depressed for a long time last year, and coming into this year. No, I am not really depressed anymore, thankfully. But, the sad thing is, I had to distance myself from everyone just to be happy.

Ever since around March of this year, I have barely communicated with anybody when out of school. I refused to let myself grow close to people because I know that every time I do my state of well-being always goes downhill. I cannot fathom the thought of growing so close to someone like I did last year and then, out of the blue, being left as if I was never even there. Yeah, I spent six months of my life in a relationship putting my all into it, just to figure out that I had been lied to the entire time. That relationship is also the reason that I am basically asexual at the moment.

I have always been a loner, yes, and I prefer to stay that way. As I have already mentioned, I tried to grow close to people last year for the first time in my life. My family has always told me that I should try to go out and become friends with people. I did that, and it just made me hate people even more than I already did. That is why I quarantine myself from the plague I call society. I have learned that almost all people are the same when it comes to apathy and selfishness.

You know, my preference to be alone and away from society's culture is one reason that I spend a lot of my time here on darkSpyro. Here, there are so many people of different countries, ethnicities, cultures, social structures, etc. Everything and everyone is so diverse here. I wish the area that I lived in had more people like the users on darkSpyro, because living in a small town on the east coast of USA is kind of like a form of torture to me. So many people in my school are dumb, cynical, under-achievers, and bigots. Gosh, you should see how people treat homosexuals and Muslims around my area. Not only do they treat them bad, but they also treat outcasts like me as if I am a comedic fiasco. My depression links greatly to my treatment.

So, in conclusion, I am an introverted loner because I have learned the cruelty and apathy of the people that surround me in the society I live in. If you suffer in ways similar to the ways I have, my friend, I have so much empathy for you. If you ever need someone you discuss your depression, oppression, and repression with, you can always discuss it with me. I may not have a fantastic way with words, but I will try my best to cheer you up. Hang in there. Trust me, I have contemplated suicide before (no, not actually attempted, don't worry), and it is not worth it in any way that you interpret it. Especially if you are a teenager, because you have not even started the base part of life that society has arranged for us yet. You are better than that. So much better than that. Stay.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA): 1-800-273-8255

The problem with certain psychiatric medications (namely antidepressants and atypical antipsychotics) is that side effects are reported significantly more often compared to other types of medicine. And while many of the side effects are mild, they can give patients the impression that the medicine is not working. Weight gain is one that I've seen occur fairly frequently, for example.

This topic was meant to have deeper meaning other than what I said about medication, which I do still stand by.
Please don't get too lost on the one minor part of what I said in all of that.

I've delayed posting on this thread long enough.

I don't know what it is with me, but it's not the little things like dysphoria or failing a math quiz that get me depressed, it's only ever the big things with me. I've only ever gotten REALLY depressed three times in my life, those being when my grandfather died (and the resulting drama THAT caused here >.>), when my manipulative ex broke up with me, and when I got in my wreck very recently. Those who know me well and have Skype calls with me and such like TheFlyingSeal and CAV know how much big moments like that effect me psychologically, and its not so great. When my ex and I broke up, the dS Skype Group members of the time can attest to how scary I was. Most of them were afraid I was going to hurt someone or myself. I was a different person, not the kind I ever want to be again. But they were the ones who dragged me out of it. They dragged me kicking and screaming, but that's what friends are for. They're supportive when you need it, and are prepared to kick your ass if you need that. The whole experience really changed me as a person, and I can truly say I'm a very different person without her than I was with her. I'm more free, I'm more honest with myself, and although she really damaged my confidence, I'm slowly getting it back. I couldn't have done that without people like Seal, CAV, Baro, Sess, Arceus, Disnick, Iceclaw, and Pixil. They supported me in the time that I really needed it the most.

As for the other two times, I've learned I can either wallow in my sadness for months at a time and barely recognize myself after the ordeal, or I can move past it. Now I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, and how you get past it may vary person to person, but regardless, everyone CAN do it. No matter what hard times you're having, no matter how bleak it seems, you can get through it! I got in a fairly bad wreck recently, and it was the little things I did with people that pulled me out of that depression. Late night calls with CAV while playing Star Wars Battlefront. Long calls with Seal that end with pretty much gut busting laughter. Cute messages my boyfriend left for me during work. What I'm saying here is that what brought me back to reality was people. Like I said, it may very from person to person, but my interactions with people I care about is what showed me life was worth living.

Like I said, there's always a way to move past it. It may not be easy, but it's possible! It varies from person to person, but if you stick to your guns, things WILL get better!

Also, if you're ever are in a situation were you can't call anyone, text "GO" to 741-741. That's the Crisis Text Line, and it's basically what it sounds like. It's free, it's open all the time, and it's confidential. I'd highly recommend using it if you're in a pinch. Here's their website for additional information and resources.

Quote: Drawdler

this is what i thought but then i ended up taking it to an extreme, couldn't/still can't let myself relax, and how the **** do i fix that without the motivation to improve myself or work towards anything

I just created my own vicious cycle of constant attempts to work and stay productive at the risk of relaxing and falling back down into a pit (or if I'm already in it, digging down further).

Maybe I just say this as someone who doesn't want to start over and spend money on a new therapist and is unsure about talking to new people (there's very few I can trust like that, and the few who I do can attest to how much of a basket case I can be sometimes).

That said while I have my really bad spells I refuse to claim I currently have depression. I just can't see it as such.

It's nice to see a depression topic that hasn't been de-railed

I have family and friends who suffer with depression and it's horrible when you feel like there's nothing you can do to help them.

I don't think i've ever had it myself, but i have no idea what to look for so it's possible, because i do tend to get quite sad some times.

Hopefully this place will help some of the members to be able to speak up.