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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45101 Posted: 19:49:14 08/12/2019
ugh humans are always cheating each other for personal gain

_____________
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I AM ETERNAL!
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45102 Posted: 06:47:45 09/12/2019
My dad is weirdly *****y today.

It's been really really hot.

A tiring day, I see it in my face, but not really a bad one.

My fingernails are growing, so that's pretty nice.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1480
#45103 Posted: 21:44:15 09/12/2019
i think ive finally accepted that im probably just gonna play a support role in someone else's life, and you know what? im okay with that
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45104 Posted: 22:43:46 09/12/2019
yay feeling better today!!
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45105 Posted: 10:46:00 10/12/2019
Rambles about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING follow

What frustrates me as well is how I know there could be much better. Of course I deserve much better, of course I simply want to not listen to your real bull****, but if you two [parents] knew your **** rather than acting like you know ****, like you're smarter because parents, you could have taught me. You could have supported me. You honestly don't even know your ****. Not even about yourselves, it seems. Not even enough to admit you stifling me.

Momma, you even realise how much you leave me at home with that jackass? Right now. Recently. Do you even understand that? You can change it. Right now. You know that hurt me. Stop making it worse. Do you have some other idea with doing it, are you just selfishly avoiding him? Would you ever even explain? Do you even know why, are you even thinking about why? You act like you're not whenever I confront you, like it's just a habit, give into it. As with so many other issues.

And I'm not okay with it, I tell you all the time- I'm so tired of telling you no, I'm not okay with it, you telling me "oh, I thought you'd be okay with it"- are you not going to aim to treat me better or even listen when I explain? And you always repeat that **** I tell you off for.

Look, it's not ruining entire days for me anymore but I'm not okay with you being like this. I'm unhappy that this is part of my life.

Of course I don't know much **** either, I certainly fall in similar traps, but at least I know enough to see how ignorant you really are. And admit I don't know much **** and ****ed myself up and that I just throw my arms up a lot. And I want criticism, to this day, to be quite honest. I think I don't try to pretend I'm better than I am. Maybe I think I'm better than I am but that's not the point. I don't try to pretend I'm better than I think I am, but I do try to become better, but there's a difference- you just try to pretend like you're better and it killed me so much. Much like that other thing, it isn't ruining my days anymore but I'm certainly unhappy that you are part of my life and a bit hung up on it right now so I'm not going to claim I'm totally past this either.

And of course you two yell so much when you're so ignorant. It's really ****ing sad how behind we are on a lot of things because, to start, you don't even understand them- you don't even admit that to yourself, you try to be blissfully ignorant when you really COULD do better and I've tried to help with better and provide for myself more. Tried to point out issues. With you two, that's just constantly a brick wall. Did you ever even teach me how to cook?

Trickle-down ignorance?... hah. Well, I think they call it "learned helplessness". But see, I did teach myself to cook SOME things. I'm doing so much better for myself than my ****ing parents have done for me in years which is equally depressing and empowering.

My parents are the kind of people who would tell me not to use Bannerbomb out of fear, dear god it's kind of hilarious to think of that, they stress over any ****ing thing I do despite... themselves, and how little they ever "allowed" me to do (of course, I'm forcing more and trying much less to look for approval very very recently), which is the sad part

One of my friends once told me my parents sound "kind of dumb" which... I do view them as "kind of dumb". Jesus what does that say about me?

My parents aren't yelling or even picking on eachother right now, so worry not to any readers. However, after a string of efforts to mitigate my ****ty Internet (not looking optimistic) I'm pretty frustrated at how held-back I feel. Of course that wraps back to them... but another topic, too-

I've totally ****ed myself a lot and I don't do enough work at all, but holy ****- I can't wait to live somewhere else. I don't wanna live somewhere art is as much of a joke as it is here, where Internet service is this bad, where weed is still illegal, where the sun burns constantly, and where you get to choose exclusively between living in the suburbia with no actual breathing space or the literal outback, just loads of little **** here. drawdler wants to live quietly

I'm sure everywhere has problems, sure I'd have to compromise on some things I have now, but god damn. There has to at least be somewhere fun I could live which isn't such a burninator. I need to look for better (not even perfect, but better), I'm willing to put the effort in, I'm going to look. I'm going to travel, I'll find places that seem nicer- and hell, I just wanna take trips. I always did.

I mean, I'm putting some effort into myself right now. Again, maybe not enough, but could you blame me for taking a lot of **** easy?

I fear the possibility of throwing my hands up and settling for the things I hate about this place because it's "good enough" and I would have to put effort in to look elsewhere- I fear the possibility of giving up on myself AGAIN- I also hate the idea that this place, with all its issues, may be "best", as I've wanted to live elsewhere for so long, and some of these issues are so painful to me, I so vehemently believe this can't just be it. Surely.

I know I'm willing and able to put effort into some things... because of my efforts with art last year. A literal dozen hours of work a day, solely for and enforced by myself, for two months. I can say I'm proud of that... though it was a year ago... ._.

Anyways, I've had some people tell me it doesn't take much to be better than America but that's honestly how I feel about Australia. HOLY ****.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 10:47:58 10/12/2019 by Drawdler
Metallo Emerald Sparx Gems: 4888
#45106 Posted: 01:09:04 11/12/2019
I'm beginning a story in which the bad guys are a very Nazi-like faction, and like any bad guys, I want to make them compelling.

In order to do that, I have to humanize them - or at least, understand how they could become humanized. The Nazis in real life were obviously evil, but someone had to think they were good, otherwise they would've never risen to power in the first place.

In order to understand that, I've spent my spare time researching Nazi propaganda and browsing alt-right forums and subreddits.

It's not fun at all. It's depressing and frustrating and enraging and subverting. Nothing I will ever write can match the horror I feel knowing that this crap actually exists, and people actually believe it.

If anyone has any cute animal pics or videos, my inbox is open.
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45107 Posted: 04:30:13 11/12/2019
^ ^ ^ ^ ^
[User Posted Image]
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5587
#45108 Posted: 07:27:03 11/12/2019
Excuse me while I write a sappy love letter to the world.

...

I just want to say that ... I love being alive. I love it. What an absolute miracle it is that we are here today. That the universe made itself to be the way it is. To support life. To have fungi, poppies, crows, cats, bearded dragons, humans, everything. And that we are all blessed enough to be able to experience it. That we have been given these human brains to be able to fully comprehend and appreciate everything that we have. We go through absolute ****. We have absuive families, crap dead end jobs, horrible strangers with no respect ... but to be able to simply experience the breeze on our face? The grass between our toes? The endless stars in the night sky? Doesn't that make it all worth it? That we were blessed enough to be alive and just be here, at all?
I know the world is **** and brutal, but I am so so happy to be given life. To be able to experience love and friendship and sex and cats. Nothing is beyond our reach if we just change our mindset.
I think I am finally happy and content. It only took 20 years, but dear god I appreciate every year that I've had on this earth, and anymore to come is truely a blessing.
Thank you universe. And thank you for giving life to anyone who bothered to read this.
Please value yourself. You were given life for a reason and I am so so happy that you were able to exist with us at this current time. <3
How wonderful it is to just ... be.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45109 Posted: 04:09:45 12/12/2019
i like videos about internet history... but some reddit/4chan rips are written in a tone that messes me up. its fascinating to experience the writings of angry teen boys, but also an experience that can hurt if taken too seriously. i love learning about others, but i need to be sure to do it in a way that preserves and promotes my sense of kindness and respect for others.

its just been on my mind recently i guess
---
I AM ETERNAL!
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45110 Posted: 05:44:35 12/12/2019
I'm ready to put this semester behind and move on

Next semester and the next two years I will do great, I know I will. It'll make this semester look meaningless, and I'll be able to go the college I've wanted to go to.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 06:58:44 12/12/2019 by willspyro
Ice Dragoness Diamond Sparx Gems: 7586
#45111 Posted: 19:55:06 12/12/2019
Quote: ShylaShadow
The evil is defeated



We can't say that about Onision just yet.
---
★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★
I've reached Diamond Sparx so I can leave now.
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45112 Posted: 04:09:42 13/12/2019
whining again, but i am ok and safe

uhhhh dysphoria of all kinds gives be a bad image of my actual appearance.
wish i could afford all of the surgeries and stuff that'd help me fix that
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Trix Master 100 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6118
#45113 Posted: 05:43:55 13/12/2019
... Ya know as soon as either me or mom dies, everyone else is ****ed. That's how helpless people have become.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you cannot handle me at my pumpkin sweetest

icon from Empoh
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45114 Posted: 07:45:12 13/12/2019
I'll say it loud and clear because it came up in another conversation.

Reach me directly if you have a problem with me. I'm guarunteed to see it on my guestbook.

Not directed at a specific user.

I'm not going to change to please people and my aim is not to change peoples' mind nor get along with everyone. I want to be aware of my flaws, that's my aim, at this point.

I don't expect this to get through to anyone who does have an issue with me. This ****ing website. My ****ing self for sticking around here. Ah well. Vices.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 7259
#45115 Posted: 20:16:29 13/12/2019
Quote: Drawdler
I'll say it loud and clear because it came up in another conversation.

Reach me directly if you have a problem with me. I'm guarunteed to see it on my guestbook.

Not directed at a specific user.

I'm not going to change to please people and my aim is not to change peoples' mind nor get along with everyone. I want to be aware of my flaws, that's my aim, at this point.

I don't expect this to get through to anyone who does have an issue with me. This ****ing website. My ****ing self for sticking around here. Ah well. Vices.



If you aren’t willing to change, why in the world do you need to be aware of your flaws?
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Riolu-Blue-247 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7244
#45116 Posted: 02:08:06 14/12/2019
i apologisr to everyone that they had to see an unsightly side of me. I will endeavour to not show this again.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 10:41:08 14/12/2019 by Riolu-Blue-247
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45117 Posted: 15:49:23 14/12/2019
One time, even my psychologist told me she made a mistake, expected and gave me too much, or something- for something that was very old at that point- even with it being her job, even with that being water under the bridge, with me not having mentioned it, she knew she could make a mistake and put the effort to admit it.

Look at you! Unless it's in your next menagerie of messages then you didn't admit, even with my clear pain and just what you did.

I sincerely hate you, at this point.
It's strange, some ways that such hate mirrors love. How indescribable this may be. How multifaceted it is. How it came about. How sharp and rare it is.

Did I really have to learn these lessons such a hard way?

-

And other than that, I've wondered a lot recently... maybe really "moving on" is being able to actually discuss something. Not solely feeling better. Not a lot of my typical, inconclusive blathering. I don't know, I suppose there are other ways to do it. Maybe if I move on from this I'll realise what that means alongside it, maybe it's something you know when you see it, maybe the method is particular to problems, it is certainly subjective, eh- maybe I'm thinking about this out of my lust for the dramatic.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 6552
#45118 Posted: 03:56:41 15/12/2019
in a few days it will be the day of my birth, truth be told i wish the day didsn't exist and wasn't boirn,l i haste myself and it hurts so much, cryng by myself is best because i dn't want to be a burden to any ome


......................................
---
I'm just praying for the rain to stop, and the sun to shine. If need be, I'll be the sacrifice.
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5173
#45119 Posted: 05:26:01 15/12/2019
tfw you’ve had a huge crush on a girl for over half a year, thought she was the most perfect girl ever, and then you find out she smokes weed and that’s enough to completely make you lose interest

I know my mindset on this is unreasonable but I can’t help how substance usage makes me feel


Oopsie bad night for me

———

I’m really ****ing worried about your well being. I hope I can talk to you about this tomorrow.
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 11:29:05 15/12/2019 by 84skylanderdude
Project_Unnamed Platinum Sparx Gems: 7032
#45120 Posted: 00:14:48 16/12/2019
Will I end up the same way? Angry and bitter with the best friend know as THE bottle. Perhaps it is time to re evaluate things or whatnot.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 7259
#45121 Posted: 06:57:06 16/12/2019
Whats gonna be left in the world if you're not in it?
What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45122 Posted: 08:19:20 16/12/2019
I wanted to tell ya something else about love that pisses me off!
But not having thrown it on top of today's stuff.
It's not really something I think I specifically have to tell you, though; of course I'd appreciate you reading it, but I just need to put it out to the ether right now. To nobody in particular- or perhaps just myself...

... It went on longer than intended. So it's good that I'm leaving it here. Honestly, writing to myself instead helped me to solve more.

It frustrates me much how it just feels like love should be a silver bullet to problems when it absolutely isn't, there's **** to work out and maintain and do. It feels like if you could have it, you could just indulge in it with no strings attached- my whole ordeal with that guy made me just want it again, largely just to feel good off that- but not at all. You'd want stability in it, understanding too, but they take effort, that can be some unstable work to keep up the patience or perhaps work on eachother.

I learned with that guy, I need someone I can learn with who wants to learn about me, who I also want to learn from, both knowing a lot the other does not. But there's work in that to be prepared for. Maybe it's farfetched and I'm certainly getting ahead of myself- I probably shouldn't be at this subject, and it's another thing where I don't know and I'm just asking questions- but I bring this up now because with that effort and working on oneself... something so important to me anyway- maybe it's because I realise you have to put effort into the stability of a relationship... or something. If you're both putting effort into self-learning anyways... maybe you'd take that stuff more seriously and handle it better. Something.
And I just like it! I know I need someone who will indulge at least most of my rambling and maybe- this I don't know- someone who also rambles sometimes! With interesting points! I like interesting people and I want, even as friends, people with interesting experiences and growth and just stories to tell. Who knows. It's a lot to take in that kind of thing but that also means it's really engaging but that also means more work... I suppose if you make it through a lot of work it makes it more likely for things to last. But that, I don't know how much I could take. And I want some criticism, obviously. And obviously I want someone who can be stupid with me a lot of the time anyways, crack a JoJoke or ten.

And I already told you! I'm afraid some of these things might just need to be solved or found with experimentation, but that seems like a risk, but then I wanna love for sappy relief and feeling good. It's nonsense.
Maybe this ideal stuff just wouldn't cross my path anyways; after all, you can do everything right and have things fail, or just not feel it, or some other third thing. I thought I had many of these things with that guy last year, but we know how that went. A ****ty thought.

Love comes with some of the most infuriating emotional dissonances out there imo. And I don't know if this is just me, but when I did fall into it, it stupefied me. There were so feelings so strong and it's worse when it's been so rare, and I think will stay so rare, and I have so many emotional issues, that I fear it's something I'd cling onto and bend my spine just to feel it, if I come across it again. Or maybe I'll feel it and be really triggered thinking of him. I heard the brain has similar reactions to drugs and love and I haven't looked that up but I'd ****ing believe it.

I have problems with emotional dissonance. How do you even fix that? 'Cause I'd fear suppressing my emotions too much. Or, in an effort to put them aside, going and doing things that would make me feel worse and begin D O W N W A R D S P I R A L.

Maybe sex is more of a no-strings relief. I'm glad I can do it without some commitment to love- well, and actually enjoy it, without that love. But of course I'd hate having sex with someone I dislike. It wouldn't save a dying relationship. And there's some reason I would only have given my offer with this little gig to you-know-who-you-are. We already had something to work off for that. Obviously there's still emotion in this stuff for me. A want to make this **** goooood, not just getting off because my crotch is whiny. You-know-who-you-are, you know what I mean well enough and I appreciate that I could let it off on someone.

More likely, there is no silver bullet in life, but it's so frustrating it makes me want one more. Basic wanting what you can't have. And life has so much bull****. Yare yare, for real... :'D

Diverging more from this, another thing is that guy told me he think the feeling of love eventually, always, fades away. (I suppose that would be for him.) I wonder about that. I don't really think that sounds too absurd but the way he said it was pretty blunt and I believe some connection to the memories would stay and that matters. If you made it painfully practical and strict instead, then oof. But you cluld be too strict about what you wanna feel, I guess.

Anyways, at this point I do feel much more okay discussing love than I used to. I don't know what changed there, but it's become much less of a private subject for me. I'm fine with this happening because love isn't really sacred. It just felt like it, so badly, it's infuriating. Maybe I'm fine with just discussing this because that guy made me realise how it's not sacred.


I'm reading my bee book immediately. There's a bit of self-love. Grounding the subjects in my head.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6099
#45123 Posted: 03:51:08 17/12/2019
Don't know why I try to begin with...
---
Quote: William Blake
He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence.
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45124 Posted: 07:22:03 17/12/2019
Everything will be just fine
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45125 Posted: 16:34:27 17/12/2019
FOUR IN THE AY EM

SOMETHING WILL BUCKLE UNDER MY GOALS AND MAYBE I'LL JUST LET IT BE SLEEP FOR NOW

THAT'S SO HORRIBLE BECAUSE THEN I'LL ALWAYS BE SLEEPLESS AND NOT DO OR LEARN IT RIGHT. UGH

I wonder if people with normal sleep find it as simple to sleep as I do WHEN I'VE BEEN UP FOR FORTY HOURS AND CAN ONLY CONK OUT THEN
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45126 Posted: 23:40:11 17/12/2019
One more exam
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 7259
#45127 Posted: 16:10:03 18/12/2019
Doing a giveaway on another website and ppl either aren’t reading the rules or they’re not looking at the creature list.


why tho
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45128 Posted: 17:26:32 18/12/2019
I just had to cry tonight. I don't understand how I ended up here tonight which makes me worried.

I knew him since 2013 or 2014 so he was one of my oldest friends. I remember trying TF2 with him, I remember he told me about a time a bee rested on his hand. Remember Chatzy.

He seemed like a cool guy. It's hard to explain but I always looked up to him. He seemed more mature and there he was at college and some other **** and he still liked Skylanders and had fun chats. It's weird to say but he seemed to want to nurture me, he asked me about stuff when we did talk and encouraged me.

The thing is we didn't even speak for most of those years because he was just away or I went away or other stuff- to this day, I don't understand, perhaps I forgot some circumstance- but he must have went and followed me around and he had this website to reach me. He told me, he only joined this website because of me. But he didn't reach out to me most of that time at all. Maybe it's because I kept dying, I don't remember that. I assumed he just moved on or was too busy and it was only me looking up to him.
He had sent one message trying to reach out to me that I didn't reply to for I don't even remember how long, because I was scared to check it, I thought I deserved to be shat on at the time.

When we did speak again in 2018 he said he was always "interested" in me. I still don't know what to make of that. How it might paint his old messages. Those messages are long gone but wondering about them makes me feel emptier because of that. I'll really never understand, but it makes it hard even to think back to a lot of those. I can never have an answer, not even a real answer to how I would react to seeing those messages. They just "exist" as smeared memories.
Why do they still cross my mind? Why do they seem so relevant? I think I'm sentimental to cope with life, tryna hold onto what I can, perhaps because those memories are so tainted for me I feel really bad about that or scared of losing them... I do think I should just be able to enjoy them casually like anything else from that time, but as of now, I can't.

My overall point is that I think I could have been really good friends with him. And all that older stuff still means a lot to me which makes me feel like something is very wrong with part of me. We hardly even talked but I really did think he was cool, he was one of those people I hoped I would run into again. Was he really like this the whole time?

If I said this to him, I'm sure he'd just try to force me past it. I hate assuming so poorly of someone. I know that's really ****ed judgement. But I know it's not worth fighting for and honestly, nothing makes me doubt my decision, to say goodbye. I haven't just because I'm still not all that stable.


I hope I just figure out how I ended up here tonight. The daytime was good. Maybe I'm sleep-deprived.

I need to check his messages. Maybe thinking about that sparked it.

At least I'm actually sad rather than depressed. That sounds so ****ed but it's progress.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5173
#45129 Posted: 00:52:53 19/12/2019
Ah... I guess I am still interested in you. Finding out you’re dating someone new made my heart sink as much as it did the last time this happened.

I know I wouldn’t be able to make you happy though. I hope he can. I always knew it would end up like this anyway. You’re too lovely to not get in a relationship with someone else.
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 5250
#45130 Posted: 21:07:55 19/12/2019
I am not bothered by this.
---
"Well, the gate swung open and a fig newton entered."
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45131 Posted: 23:03:14 20/12/2019
I don't even know what to say to you.
Literal family does not matter to me but it will never get through.
You wanna see why, then just look back at my actual history with the lot of you.

****ing mad.
I don't even know what to say about it.

This is one **** of a night.

---

I get to wake up for an argument today (well, on like the third time I've woken up today). I can't help but feel like I'm somewhat responsible for this, but I don't feel very bad about it, because at least I stood up for my opinion when my family hates it.

It kind of illustrates (or at least reaffirms) my point about family too- down to the **** I had made out from their fighting (? still not sure if they're done for the hour)- but I'm pretty ****ing unhappy about it, the same way I'm unhappy to go and point at the weather as an argument. If things were okay there wouldn't be this argument or at least someone in this family would help me get away from it or have breaks.
But I have to work out **** they're responsible for, but elsewhere, but they're still family they still "care" completely intangibly and irresponsibly and inactively so it's all good. Instead of giving me any support, they act like I should still have normal family values.

I think they don't have to understand what I'm feeling or why, but there's no respect for me having a different opinion and experience here. They completely discard the feelings I bring up, they ask where I've read these and who told me what I think, they tell me that my goals are bad some way or another, they leave me to die even when I do ask, they can't keep even mundane promises. I can't even fathom how you can do this and then peddle that you truly care.

When I was a kid, my mother, for whatever reason, heavily discouraged me joining swimming lessons. I asked for them for so long, one of the only things I pushed that I wanted. I remember looking onto them from the other end of the pool longingly. She doesn't even remember saying those things.

But maybe I'm not respecting these people. I'm not the older or more knowledgeable or more adult one here though, I should have been given much better, continuously, they know it. Yet will never be responsible for it and act like I shouldn't be upset about them. And simple- I'm not putting on big girl pants for them. Big girl pants are for **** I actually care about. I hate my family. I really do.
---
Quote: dark52
Error: You
Edited 3 times - Last edited at 05:00:06 21/12/2019 by Drawdler
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45132 Posted: 10:14:36 21/12/2019
Eternally grateful for everyone.
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5587
#45133 Posted: 21:43:27 21/12/2019
Quote: willspyro
Eternally grateful for everyone.



We love you Will, we are all so grateful to have you here with us too <3
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45134 Posted: 21:47:40 21/12/2019
[User Posted Image]

Yes

..
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 7259
#45135 Posted: 01:36:25 22/12/2019
Tell me that you can forgive
Bring me peace that I may live

Show me now
How to find my home
All I am
Surrender

Oh sweet rest
Find me at my home
Stay with me
Forever
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45136 Posted: 13:52:51 22/12/2019
I almost checked to see if he was online, I logged in wanting to do that, but I saw that I had a note from my friend. Just seeing that made me happy. It distracted me. She was impressed at the coloring on my drawing. I feel pretty good now. Though pretty tired, too.

I need to remind myself I deserve better than just giving into my habits. Seeing that I had a note from her reminded me of that, it took me out of that ****. Some habits really do end up nice, some habits would be healthy to have, but there are ones like this that I know are not yet I almost/do give into. Maybe I almost/do give into bad habits so I don't deal with wrestling myself out of them but maybe if I learn to let more of them go or how to drag myself away from some then it'd end up really nice. Maybe. I'm still human.

...

I'm only awake right now because I've been trying to bring myself to read your messages. smilie you suck.

-

I still didn't read those but it was a huge pick-me-up to have one of my favorite games working properly again.

I just didn't sleep. I hope I'm OK. I will be OK.

I wrestle with the idea of just reading these messages or having someone around to help while I do? I'm going to have to wrestle alone with them anyway. What a sad fate.

I finally have time with nobody else at home but I'm so tired, I wanna sleep.

I'm still seriously a cuddle slut. Haaaah.

Also I wish I could've had my friends here for MKWii. I kept laughing at memories of playing it online and dumb **** in the game. The kind of absentminded laughing where you wonder what the hell I'm even laughing at.

Good mood, looming stress?
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Quote: dark52
Error: You
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 22:48:25 23/12/2019 by Drawdler
ThunderEgg Blue Sparx Gems: 841
#45137 Posted: 19:28:46 25/12/2019
i will give you another chance today because its christmas

i hope i wont regret it again. please dont screw me over again. i hope you know that it is your behavior that drove me off. if you can change for the better, i think we can make up. i want to be able to make up. but im scared because when you had power over me, you used it to make my life especially difficult.

but its christmas. i can try for one day.

____

that went surprisingly well. thank the stars above. im not sure if this will be a trend, but i am grateful this worked.
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:25:45 26/12/2019 by ThunderEgg
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5792
#45138 Posted: 22:55:57 25/12/2019
I still am refuse to forgive you, but why

....,
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Gay 4 GARcher
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5000
#45139 Posted: 03:59:57 26/12/2019
Damn the oven said **** you to me by burning my middle finger
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6099
#45140 Posted: 05:23:11 26/12/2019
I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, but you're gone. ;;
---
Quote: William Blake
He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence.
spyro and sonic Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5307
#45141 Posted: 10:15:50 26/12/2019
well today kinda sucked
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this is weird
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5587
#45142 Posted: 07:59:22 27/12/2019
christmas is crap and i hate family, thanks for ruining the week, never want to do this again : ' )
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you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Jaggedstar Platinum Sparx Gems: 5121
#45143 Posted: 19:18:07 27/12/2019
Quote: Bolt
christmas is crap and i hate family, thanks for ruining the week, never want to do this again : ' )



same bro :') much love <3
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hell yeah
Clank Yellow Sparx [online] Gems: 1351
#45144 Posted: 00:56:10 28/12/2019
Everything about this is so infuriating. I'm this close to throwing up my hands and just saying **** it.
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"*runs around like a headless gnorc*" ~Jaggedstar©
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1480
#45145 Posted: 04:07:00 28/12/2019
titties
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(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2987
#45146 Posted: 07:08:06 28/12/2019
Mmmmbruh I'll just post about a nice day

It's really nice to lie down in bed a lot eh :> You know what I mean if you've seen that one image of Homer rolled up in blankets and smiling. I mean like that.
I stayed there a lot and just rubbed my own back there at some point.

Then I decided to just lift my prissy handweights and stretch a bit. At least I feel like I'm more aware of my body, I mean how it feels, doing this ****. Though definitely not doing what I could, it's a start, eh?

I got start with drawing again more too. I do draw more than I used to, y'know?
Feels good to have some starts.

I have a to-do list too. I ended up just drawing on the side of it! Ha ha ha...

Anyways, Australian weather sucks still, but I did get out and walk around some. I still have to get some sunlight, eh? It's really stupid how much my prents want me to accept staying in and A/C to avoid heat! Like nothing's wrong. They're wrong, I'm glad I'm looking out for myself in spite of it. In a worse state I would just give up because it'd feel like pushback, discouragement, no happy option. I feel happier just doing what I can now. It sucks that I have to accept the weather, but I do feel better getting natural light and I can actually get away from this too.

My internal tirades left me with that, being happier doing stuff for myself, y'know? It took a long time to get there, but it's finally a consistent thing. It seems.

I still have a long way to go but I'm content today. Good day.

I feel like I have more to write because I certainly didn't capture it all but I'd rather just bathe in contentedness...
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Quote: dark52
Error: You
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