darkSpyro

looking back over some old messages, i can’t believe a place that makes people feel like that is not only allowed to exist, but almost manditory. the education system is a joke. it NEEDS to change drastically. the best part about my experience with school is that despite not getting adequate points for my course... i still got my course. so why the torment?

Oh good, this is one of those days when I am constantly angry all the time and lack of any kind of strength to do anything useful.

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wow this is the most ive wanted to die in months. lovely.

it’s real depression hours now apparently

haven’t cried in a while, probably go give it a spin

now that i have my license i need to start looking for another job. working with old people isnt my thing. it's too depressing. the ones you like and get attached to die suddenly or have a stroke and then they don't know what they are doing anymore. when i was younger i never gave dementia or alzheimers any thought but once you see what it really does to people it has to be one of the worst diseases to ever exist. some of those people are just begging to die. and the worst thing is the families are never around once they go off the deep end.

Imagine throwing explosives at animals.

I admire Greta Thunberg for how she deals with Trump and Putin.

The end is near.

It must be nice
To be able to be loved by someone
To be able to have people who consider you precious
To be able to have anyone to talk to about problems and wants to talk to you back about their own
To be able to have anyone who considers you one of the people they are closest to
To be able to think about the future you have ahead of you
To be able to know you won't die alone
To be able to think "I wonder if they like me" instead of already knowing the answer
To be able to be happy
To be able to be a human worth something
To be able to believe your life is something worth continuing

It must be nice to be able to not be alone.

sis ... stop trying to be a wife to a jobless crackhead boyfriend. you are literally just a means to an end to him. you cannot fix him. let him stay in prison, they'll mother him just fine there.

Day in and day out, it's the same thing. I work, go to school, come home, continue the next day while being deathly tired. What's it all for? I'm completely messed up mentally, and the only value I offer to society is the job I do. The world, once becoming better, has been turning more and more bleak, with predictions for future generations looking worse and worse. I work so hard, to live in a world that's regressing, a world with little hope, while I'm miserable so many moments of my life because of my depression.

I lost my father when I was on the plane trip home to see him. The last time I saw him was almost exactly a year before that plane trip - he picked me up from my boot camp graduation on July 3rd, 2015, exactly a year before his death. Since then, I have had no one that has cared for me as much as he did. I still think of him every day, and it reminds me of how empty my life is now.

One of these days, I'm going to lose my fight with depression. I've had a few close calls, only stopped by people finding my preparations by being way nosier than they should have been. One of these days, I won't have the will to keep going, and no one will happen across the opportunity to intervene.

It will not be this day. I can keep going right now. My primal desire to live outweighs my misery. But I've accepted that I have my limits. I've lived an unsatisfying life, and have nothing to fear except on the most primal level.

really don't want to sound pretentious and be "that employee" but literally what are y'all gonna do once I leave at the end of the month. I literally know how to do everything and do most everything everyone else has either forgotten about or doesn't know about. I can't train someone to take over for me if we can't hire the employees for me to train. The only other closer is a 16 year old girl who can't even touch the dishwasher or even the tie machine and she barley cleans at all. But whatever guess it won't be my problem soon lol.

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yeah thats some karmic justice
i deserved that

Quote: ShylaShadow

calling it now, today won't be a good day

oof same. had a ton of anxiety last night for no reason and woke up sick so im taking a rest day : p

(edit: the tongue sticking out emoji has a smile and this is not a laughing matter)

Get out of my face.
Which one?

Two days ago I had my head together, now I am more lost than I can ever remember being. Please just give me some direction. I can't go through this again, especially alone.

wow that day sucked

Aah, the beginning of the autumn break. Time to rest and relax.

just another one of those days where i dont wanna speak to anyone lmao
anyways im ***** now

once again i am forcibly the baby driver

its like im being punished for being the only one who learned to drive a car

bruh i can’t do this gluten free diet much longer. it’s too hard especially when all my family eats is straight ass pasta. i feel like i’m starving. the school lunches i can’t eat half of or i have to remove all the breading or something stupid. i can’t do this the rest of my life. i’m about to cave in and suffer the consequences

Really? Another dream like that again? This better not become a daily thing.

Occam's razor... maybe I am just a terrible person and all the caring I show is just pretend. I really do have friends that I don't deserve. Damn it.

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ugh hot flashes are annoying but im gonna talk to my doctor so we can figure out how to fix that

Getting emotional because I can't help people who are very close to me yet.

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im so ***** tired and stressed that its quite literally making me sick

volume warning



same, girl, same

God today ****ing sucked

i feel like im starting to lose interest *thinking*

raves are fun **** clubs n bars

I can't really regret the bad times because although it hurts, they made me who I am today. I gotta believe there is a reason for all of this. Even if I cry I'll just end up stronger, right? Surely I'm not meant to live like this forever.

wow i realllly dont wanna go tomorrow

Mood.

wow guess it turns out the one thing i thought i did right i suck at alright

can i just have a gaseous form and wipe everyones memory of me for like 1 day so everyone forgets i existed