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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
FedUpWolf Green Sparx Gems: 340
#43451 Posted: 17:48:06 04/09/2018
I feel so awful, I don't think I have any nice qualities, it made me cry. This is an awful mood.
---
My wolf and fluffy kitten role play 15 days until the big day!
Carmelita Fox Diamond Sparx Gems: 9053
#43452 Posted: 21:12:34 04/09/2018
[User Posted Image]
- - -
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43453 Posted: 22:08:51 04/09/2018
If only I wasn’t still on suicide watch
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
willspyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 4139
#43454 Posted: 01:02:12 05/09/2018
Tired as **** lol
---
The Slam Dunk™
Get Dunked On™
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43455 Posted: 01:32:34 05/09/2018
^^^^^ ****ing same
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
somePerson Emerald Sparx Gems: 4433
#43456 Posted: 01:45:44 05/09/2018
tired of people doing nothing but feel sorry about themselves
Skyhunter Platinum Sparx Gems: 5080
#43457 Posted: 04:06:25 05/09/2018
God, I'm such a coward. I just wish I could be upfront with people and tell them stuff I need to say without being afraid of how they'll react. Instead, I just keep my mouth shut, come up with excuses, and pretend to agree/disagree with whatever they say to me.
---
*default dances*
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43458 Posted: 06:24:17 05/09/2018
yeah ... haven't felt this way in a while ....
man im worthless
............
sometimes i just get reminded about what a ****ing waste of a person i am and how pointless it is for me to continue being alive
i know im going to get nowhere
who the **** am i kidding
****ing worthless
worthless
worthless
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
AestheticDragon Ripto Gems: 1658
#43459 Posted: 06:56:56 05/09/2018
^a bit unrelated but im feeling very happy right now and just wanna express that i think you're very cool and im sorry i dont talk to you anymore.
willspyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 4139
#43460 Posted: 12:32:21 05/09/2018
Can't wait for more conditioning
---
The Slam Dunk™
Get Dunked On™
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43461 Posted: 15:11:05 05/09/2018
why do i even try to be happy when life is just gonna butt**** me at every opportunity
ShadowMewX Emerald Sparx Gems: 4731
#43462 Posted: 19:19:35 05/09/2018
uhhhhhhgggghhhhhhh

_____
---
Quote:
"Putting Skyward in a coma has given me the most amusement of this month. I think I'm going to do it."

-StormDragon21
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43463 Posted: 21:43:14 05/09/2018
Ever just meet a person and think to yourself, “what the hell you are exactly my type”?

That’s how I feel right now, and it is very bizarre
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43464 Posted: 04:58:11 06/09/2018
Quote: AestheticDragon
^a bit unrelated but im feeling very happy right now and just wanna express that i think you're very cool and im sorry i dont talk to you anymore.



oh, thank you so much aes, i really appreciate it ;;
and it's okay if you don't really talk with me anymore, i understand
but thank you so much c':
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
AestheticDragon Ripto Gems: 1658
#43465 Posted: 05:34:40 06/09/2018
Now i feel bad ;-; its nothing you did. I have to sort myself out
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43466 Posted: 05:40:08 06/09/2018
don't feel bad!! you're fine and i understand! i wish you the absolute best of luck with everything ;;
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
kardonis Emerald Sparx [online] Gems: 4602
#43467 Posted: 07:23:24 06/09/2018
It's 3:30AM, why the **** am I awake?
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
crystalhero37 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4445
#43468 Posted: 08:40:08 06/09/2018
I. Need. Help.

- -

You were the ONLY reason why I didn't do this earlier. Now I don't care if you ever see this. I'm going to be who I always wanted to be.

Besides, you'd have to be some desperate creep to be stalking me that far anyway, that's gonna be all on you and your own fault if you get bothered by this. (you'd be an idiot to have this annoy you in the first place too lol)

--

I'm sorry, I suck at replying in general. I haven't been in the best state for a while. I'm awful with talking to everybody, which isn't a great excuse, but I'm trying to get out of this. Isolating myself like this when feeling bad isn't really helping me at all, it's probably what's making it worse. I'll be fine though, I just want to be able to get in the groove of replying to people in a quicker pace again.



im hungry
---
"Hey Jimmy if you just asked me I would have lent you some stupid-looking clothes."
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5234
#43469 Posted: 09:11:59 06/09/2018
I feel kind of hurt that you didn't wish me a happy birthday. (Or maybe you did, and I just forgot? If I did, then I apologize)


- - -
---
If all you ever do is look down on people, you won't be able to recognize your own weaknesses
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43470 Posted: 09:24:05 06/09/2018
its not gonna be enough is it? ill work and work and work but nothing will ever get better.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43471 Posted: 11:49:05 06/09/2018
I get let out of the hospital today. Yay I’m still as alone and depressed as when I walked in there. I wish I was in a body bag, not a hospital
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43472 Posted: 14:37:59 06/09/2018
This has been weighing a lot on my mind lately. It seems like I finally have the abilities needed to complete my lifelong goal, so what's stopping me? Only myself. I can totally do this if I so desire.

I've started looking at this whole thing from a more professional viewpoint now too. I'm not messing around with LEGO or whatever anymore, should I succeed, I've got potentially thousands of people judging me. That's not a bad thing. I mean, I always wanted to be famous, but that's no longer my main goal, though it would be useful if I knew how to use it. It would certainly be quite a responsibility.

As for the actual idea itself, I had little hope for it at first, but after fleshing it out it's turned from a gritty time-warping story into an actually meaningful one with characters you can relate to. That's progress. Though, it'd definitely need to be interesting if I wanted any wider form of success. So that's one problem I needn't worry about anymore. Still a little boring in places, but overall my changes have massively broadened the potential of this game. I'm going to need to make changes here and there as well as fully accepting them, but I didn't even like the original idea so what? I'm turning a bad idea into a good one.

Still a few cons and drawbacks, for example, it looks like I'll need to carry the flame myself rather than getting a team together. This means I'll need to learn a bit of art, programming, as well as handling the income and social side of things. So maybe I'm overestimating? No, I don't believe in limits, never have and never will. I'll keep going until I reach that limit and let nothing stop me until then. It may be hard at times but ultimately worth it.

Well it looks like I'm searching up old Kickstarters to get my expectations together, then maybe finalize some character/place names, then..? Well none of this right now is final and won't affect much in the long run, maybe. But small steps are important. Just small steps can evolve into big steps, and if I take those small steps right now, then that's a start. I'll be there before I know it! Way more productive than procrastinating... I think I can feel the ball rolling already.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
DeathOfADream Blue Sparx Gems: 760
#43473 Posted: 16:55:45 06/09/2018
Aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha my hair is falling out
---
”The reason I’m alive, the reason I can breathe,
It’s all because of you, and I’ll pull through.”
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43474 Posted: 19:51:14 06/09/2018
oh my god why the **** does this k e e p happening to m e
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
ZapNorris Emerald Sparx Gems: 4830
#43475 Posted: 03:57:40 07/09/2018
it hurts the most to look back.
---
walter
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43476 Posted: 06:51:10 07/09/2018
(patiently drums fingers against my desk) the day will come, im sure.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
crystalhero37 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4445
#43477 Posted: 12:25:31 07/09/2018
oh goddd my heart hurts. I'm worried beyond belief.

I hope you two will be okay.
---
"Hey Jimmy if you just asked me I would have lent you some stupid-looking clothes."
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43478 Posted: 14:43:53 07/09/2018
Oh boy! I slept in past my alarm today.

Probably should stop that before it becomes a legit problem
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43479 Posted: 19:51:31 07/09/2018
this whole thing really isnt working and that scares me
it feels like its breaking apart and i dont want that

- - -
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43480 Posted: 20:20:49 07/09/2018
I feel really tired right now. I doubt anything useful will have come out of today. I spent most of today looking up on pointless videogame controversies and similarly useless crap :/
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43481 Posted: 23:41:15 07/09/2018
Always alone...
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1697
#43482 Posted: 00:56:10 08/09/2018
Gratz to me


Slicing my feckin back open trying to sit on a plastic container
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43483 Posted: 01:15:02 08/09/2018
My card in meditation today said "Hope. Stay positive, the world is behind you, look to the light."
I've been desperately looking for a sign, or just ... something from the universe, and I think this might be it. I know it's silly, but little things like this help give me faith in something bigger than myself. I know the universe may not even care about every "insignificant" person, but this just helps me stay at least a little helpful. Thank you. Thank you, universe. Thank you everyone.
I will get somewhere. I will do okay next year. I'll get back into the tattoo shop and I will do something great! I can!
I have to put effort into my goals instead of just wishing for them to come true. Push myself forward. Step out of my comfort zone. Have faith and confidence in myself.

...

But at the same time ... things are crap here ... again. Sorry. Sister never came home and didn't show up to work ... lost her job ... everyone's mad at her and the house has gone to ****. Again. I am so sick of this. Dad's probably going to kick her out ... I just want her to get better. I want her to go to rehab but at this point I don't think my parents care enough, and I don't have the money to pay $100+ a week for her to stay there ...


Im not going to let this ruin anything ...
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43484 Posted: 02:22:35 08/09/2018
Yet another night alone and depressed. Glad to see people wouldn’t have cared if I had died
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 449
#43485 Posted: 02:29:51 08/09/2018
Quote: terrafin2299
Yet another night alone and depressed. Glad to see people wouldn’t have cared if I had died



I know this is personal thoughts but when you were in the hospital a lot of people were genuinely concerned and when you came back okay everyone was relieved. I guarantee people care about you, I mean your mom who posted here to tell us what happened at the very least you have her. I understand not having anyone, it was like that for years but **** gets better eventually you just gotta get through the bad to get the good sometimes
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43486 Posted: 04:05:18 08/09/2018
I actually had a lovely day all things considered
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43487 Posted: 10:56:06 08/09/2018
Wow, I... I feel really inspired right now! Shovel Knight, A Hat in Time, et cetera, this is great! I can totally do this! So I should. So I will. I'm going to do this!
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
crystalhero37 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4445
#43488 Posted: 14:24:56 08/09/2018
I'm hoping with all my heart that I'm wrong.

Why did you have to tell me all that, it was completely obvious that you were talking about me. There's no other options. I feel like I caused you guys to feel awful, and I've done nothing, and I can't do anything. It makes me feel even worse knowing that I might have to say no to you.

I feel so bad that it's made me sick. andivehadtroublebreathinglolormaybethat'sanormalthingandimoverrreacting.

I'm not worth doing this over. That's not me putting myself down- I am literally not ready for this sorta thing right now (also you know who wouldn't be accepting of it). If you did this whole thing just for that... then oh god I'm going to feel like the biggest jerk ever in whatever I end up saying.

I can't ****ing believe this is happening. why why why
This is so much pressure you have no idea


my heart hurts lmao
---
"Hey Jimmy if you just asked me I would have lent you some stupid-looking clothes."
Beemo Gold Sparx Gems: 2166
#43489 Posted: 20:23:16 08/09/2018
I wish insecurities didn’t exist.
---
"Violets are blue, roses are red. We're coming aboard -- prepare to eat lead."
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43490 Posted: 23:32:57 08/09/2018
Eh today was a pretty bad day :/
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43491 Posted: 01:18:45 09/09/2018
Stop falling for the online girls, me. LDRs are not the way to go

———

Why the **** am I so angry and pissy all of a sudden? My day was going fine and now I feel like I wanna punch things
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 01:29:29 09/09/2018 by TheToyNerd
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43492 Posted: 04:09:10 09/09/2018
Egotistical.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43493 Posted: 04:23:46 09/09/2018
Plleeeeeeeeaaaaase let me be alone for once before bed
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 449
#43494 Posted: 20:34:57 09/09/2018
I don't understand why you havent checked my messages, you're the one who messaged me first, so I'm concerned there's something wrong i mean it's been like 26 hours. This is really strange and I'm worried about you
ShadowMewX Emerald Sparx Gems: 4731
#43495 Posted: 21:19:32 09/09/2018
This weekend was so good! Think we might be on to something here. Finally!

_____

Follow-up thought:

So far, college has been such a great experience. I've been talking to people, staying focused, taking care of myself, trying new things and even reconnecting with old friends. I'm happier and prouder of myself than I've been in a long time.
---
Quote:
"Putting Skyward in a coma has given me the most amusement of this month. I think I'm going to do it."

-StormDragon21
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:53:03 10/09/2018 by ShadowMewX
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 449
#43496 Posted: 23:51:30 09/09/2018
please be okay and please get back to me soon...
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43497 Posted: 00:24:18 10/09/2018
I’m dimmadissociating y’all
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 449
#43498 Posted: 00:39:52 10/09/2018
I am miserable and alone.
Beemo Gold Sparx Gems: 2166
#43499 Posted: 02:08:09 10/09/2018
I’m nothing but an angry, self-centered, ungrateful little brat. I don’t deserve to live.
---
"Violets are blue, roses are red. We're coming aboard -- prepare to eat lead."
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 449
#43500 Posted: 02:24:37 10/09/2018
Oh god why'd you read it and not reply what did i do oh god please message me back
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