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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > Personal Thoughts
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40701 Posted: 00:15:41 11/07/2017
For better or for worse it's all over now.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Bryman04 Gold Sparx Gems: 2116
#40702 Posted: 02:06:02 11/07/2017
Spy-Ro!
The draaaagon!
A lizard that is purple
What's up wit dat?
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6606
#40703 Posted: 05:46:17 11/07/2017
It feels so good to be home finally
---
Gay 4 GARcher
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40704 Posted: 05:51:45 11/07/2017
ppl who lurk ds after saying they hate it here, really need to get a life tbch
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40705 Posted: 08:03:41 11/07/2017
honestly I get annoyed whenever people decide to make fun of me. Not because I don't like being made fun of but it's usually because everybody who does makes the same joke as the guy before them and they all think that they're the first to say it.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40706 Posted: 19:16:38 11/07/2017
Not about anybody here

The fact that you're like this honestly scares me. You put up the facade so damn well you'd never think anything was wrong. It's really worrisome.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40707 Posted: 01:48:34 12/07/2017
Why do the people I really like always busy?

----

I am extremely depressed right now. I keep feeling ignored or talked down to by people and it just really ****ing wears on me. I'm tired of it. I'm so goddamn sick of being "that dumbass friend with the mental issues". It's nobody's fault in particular, but my own ****ty anxiety ****ing with how I think. It hurts, it really goddamn hurts.


----

I ****ing woke up crying my eyes out, today. Ugh... Thank god I'm seeing my psychologist today. I'm at my breaking point right now.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 13:35:20 12/07/2017 by TheToyNerd
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8190
#40708 Posted: 01:53:52 12/07/2017
Irl ****.
I may have asperger's but damn I see where I get my special snowflake status now. Thanks Dad you dumbass.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40709 Posted: 02:27:08 12/07/2017
My worst enemy really is indecisiveness...
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40710 Posted: 05:18:22 12/07/2017
I kinda wish you would let me talk to you when you were feeling down when nobody else did. Now those guys don't care about you while I'm just being ignored. p:

I learned 2 things about driving today. Getting stressed leads to blindness and how to turn left at an intersection.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 05:23:57 12/07/2017 by somePerson
C1nder Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10087
#40711 Posted: 11:22:09 12/07/2017
I actually feel a lot better now that I've gotten my autism diagnosis. I have the entire picture now and I don't have to let it hold me back. I work differently to everyone I know but it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40712 Posted: 21:48:18 12/07/2017
I hate being like this, I know they are trying to support me but because Im like this it just hurts.


Things would be easier if I were worse.

--

dont look for me
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:35:19 13/07/2017 by Riolu-Blue-247
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#40713 Posted: 22:06:02 13/07/2017
i've been feeling restless and exhausted for weeks like i just couldn't get enough sleep and was always tired

now last night i finally felt like i got enough sleep and wasn't tired at all
except instead of being perpetually tired i now have a persistent skull-piercing migraine that i woke up with and it won't go away

every day is like a mystery roulette of "what pain are you gonna feel today? emotional? mental? physical? all of them? wake up today to find out!" and i swear that's the reason i'm always worn out
ClassicSpyroLUV Yellow Sparx Gems: 1193
#40714 Posted: 23:37:14 14/07/2017
I feel like my life is wasted. Not just that I've wasted so much of it but like its a downward grind that I don't know how to stop. I have no friends and no clue how to make them. My town is small, I can't drive and ever since I was a teen people seem so insular, like they have all the friends they need and don't want any more.

I want to create, to make beautiful images and write great stories but I can't get out of my own way and do it. I can't force myself to be creative; I need inspiration and in the rare moments when I get it I self criticize, get frustrated and quit.

I feel like there's some imaginary boat to and undefined destination and I've missed it. I know that's all wrong but I don't know what to do with myself and I don't know how to shake the feeling of being old (I'm only 24!) and incapable.

I'm anxious a lot too. I get an idea in my head and I think no, you can't do it right. It'll suck. Don't bother.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 23:39:31 14/07/2017 by ClassicSpyroLUV
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40715 Posted: 01:33:06 15/07/2017
Not gonna lie. I feel like **** seeing everyone get together with someone and here I am, struggling to maintain the one female friend I have. I get that relationships won't make me happy and blah blah blah, but my god... it sucks feeling so flipping lonely all the time. My time will come probably, but ehhhh... I feel hopeless.


ToyNerd is sad about dumb ****
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 01:33:49 15/07/2017 by TheToyNerd
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6606
#40716 Posted: 05:12:37 15/07/2017
I'm so excited for the Paramore concert omfg
---
Gay 4 GARcher
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40717 Posted: 05:17:22 15/07/2017
i hope you die tommarow vause **** yuou thats y
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10179
#40718 Posted: 12:50:14 15/07/2017
It is not like I am at peace with how things currently are. But still for some reason, I am yet to be able to identify, I keep on conducting myself in this way. Most frustrating thing is that I am not sure how I can make things better etc. since I am really not that interesting person and my contributions lack of substance and social meaning.


---

I am tired of general feeling like this. And it is not that good kind of tiredness which makes me adjust and do something about it. It is more like I just want to give up and never look back. Well, I’ll do as I always do, just wait for some time and let overall mental numbness and indifference take their rightful place. Eventually there is no such thing as meaningful solution with purpose to take in this argument since the outcome will always and eternally be the same in long run.

---

Those were the personal thoughts of the day. Carry on being personal, people...
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40719 Posted: 19:26:27 15/07/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
Not gonna lie. I feel like **** seeing everyone get together with someone and here I am, struggling to maintain the one female friend I have. I get that relationships won't make me happy and blah blah blah, but my god... it sucks feeling so flipping lonely all the time. My time will come probably, but ehhhh... I feel hopeless.


ToyNerd is sad about dumb ****



so what happens when you and a possible gf break up?
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40720 Posted: 20:03:57 15/07/2017
Quote: parisruelz12
Quote: TheToyNerd
Not gonna lie. I feel like **** seeing everyone get together with someone and here I am, struggling to maintain the one female friend I have. I get that relationships won't make me happy and blah blah blah, but my god... it sucks feeling so flipping lonely all the time. My time will come probably, but ehhhh... I feel hopeless.


ToyNerd is sad about dumb ****



so what happens when you and a possible gf break up?



I don't know. I can't tell the future... Also, I'm sorry for posting a Personal Thoughts, I guess?
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40721 Posted: 20:40:38 15/07/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: parisruelz12
Quote: TheToyNerd
Not gonna lie. I feel like **** seeing everyone get together with someone and here I am, struggling to maintain the one female friend I have. I get that relationships won't make me happy and blah blah blah, but my god... it sucks feeling so flipping lonely all the time. My time will come probably, but ehhhh... I feel hopeless.


ToyNerd is sad about dumb ****



so what happens when you and a possible gf break up?



I don't know. I can't tell the future... Also, I'm sorry for posting a Personal Thoughts, I guess?


no I'm sorry
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40722 Posted: 22:28:19 16/07/2017
I actually want to die
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40723 Posted: 04:41:15 17/07/2017
disassociating is a strange feeling. i am sitting here typing but as far as my mind is aware my legs dont exist so i cant move from this seat and my arm feels of ice and i could claw it open and probably not feel anything. the cold feeling is spreading to the other arm and its so strange to be aware of all this happening but not being able to change it.
atleast the door is still real
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40724 Posted: 22:18:49 17/07/2017
i still dont get where you get this idea about me from
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Spellslamzer75 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1333
#40725 Posted: 20:29:10 18/07/2017
Why must it be so hard to find someone who actually understands me? I am beyond fed up with this. Fed up with everything. Fed up with humanity.

Everywhere I look, it's always "you're wrong" or "you're this" or "you're that", always trying to dismiss anything I say. For once in my entire life, can I find someone who actually understands me?! You wonder why I'm not super friendly when I always get treated like a piece of trash by everyone?! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of getting nothing but attitude! And I am NOT going to take this garbage anymore!


Frustration. That is all.
---
Strength, courage, and evil
emeraldzoroark Platinum Sparx Gems: 5375
#40726 Posted: 22:04:15 18/07/2017
My mom complemented me on doing a chore the other day, but I was paranoid that she was being angry/sarcastic.
I have next to zero self confidence.
---
Soon.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40727 Posted: 07:28:03 19/07/2017
I'm terrible and horrible and insane and no one will want to talk to me anymore because its becoming more and more obvious how much of a wreck i am and everyone is going to leave me especially the ones i care about most because they have to deal with this idiocy the most and i will be left alone until i finally get the courage to die and i hope i get eh courage soon because it would clearly be better for me to be dead rather than me existing in this pitiful form hurting everyone around me because i dont know how to do otherwise


ramblings of someone losing their mind
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#40728 Posted: 18:36:10 19/07/2017
i realized the reason i immediately break down into a panic attack as soon as anything remotely goes wrong and i can't fix it. all my life i've been accustomed to being abused because of things going wrong, even if the cause is totally innocent and could've happened to anyone. but i get the abuse anyway because i'm the dumbass that did it.

i freak out because i'm used to him busting in the room and screaming at me that i'm a ****ing idiot and everything is my fault as soon as something doesn't work. it's that thing, repeated over and over throughout 20 years, that makes it impossible for me to be able to stand a situation where stuff goes wrong. it's why i can't handle a job, because i've been trained to expect extreme consequences for the tiniest errors, and worse for bigger ones, and getting screamed at is something i can't take any more of mentally, especially from strangers.

and of course i have this revelation while i'm waiting to be on the receiving end of yet more screaming and abuse for accidentally breaking something that i can't fix. and then even more that's five times worse if he can't fix it either.


edit: crisis averted. didn't know if my brother had any way to get his messages so i wasn't expecting him to come over but he did. he knew how to fix it so things are settled for now. hopefully there's no more surprise 'anxiety tests' courtesy of life for a while.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:33:42 19/07/2017 by Crystal Dragon
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40729 Posted: 21:37:36 19/07/2017
i hate when people say im clingy and spam them just because they refuse to reply to messages :(((((
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40730 Posted: 04:42:29 20/07/2017
dont just you love it when your parents act like complete assholes and say im the rude little **** when i talk back to them. like today i was parallel parking and my dad was laughing and yelling whenever i hit the curb or went to fast (this one is retarded because have no idea what they're talking about). then to be the better person both parents acted like complete dicks and ranted on me being a ****ty person because i dont love them enough apparently. they say that i break their hearts when i talk back yet they fail to realize that they're just ****ting on me and beating an already dead horse. today in my adventure of parallel parking they decided that yelling at me and acting obnoxious is a better way of teaching than talking like a normal person. after a long time of this i snapped and said "shut up" because i was sick of their constant bickering. then they say that i dont know how to listen to them which is impossible because the way they explain how to do stuff is impossible to follow. like im up on knowing how to become a better driver but the way they teach me is useless because they're just throwing random words at me at a loud pace and not teaching me how to do it. maybe its because im just too honest and they're not ready to accept the truth so they just call me rude. so yeah i hope my parents realize that throwing words out to teach people is worthless.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7027
#40731 Posted: 00:41:43 21/07/2017
Looking forward to that.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40732 Posted: 07:32:38 21/07/2017
been looking at reviews for montelukast and it has symptoms such as anxiety, tics, and depression. is it possible for me to have these because of how long i've been using these meds?

like right now im freaking out because i dont know if i took or not today

just took it and all of a sudden my anxiety of not taking it went away. am i getting addicted to drugs?
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 07:46:41 21/07/2017 by somePerson
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 9966
#40733 Posted: 01:42:42 22/07/2017
Last night was pretty bad, I didnt think I would try to commit suicide again. I thought I was over this, but I guess not. It seems like Im getting back to step 1.
I just dont know what to do anymore. It's not the lack of people caring that has me so suicidal again. I dont know how Im going to handle the future. I cant function normally thanks to my mental illnesses, I get overwhelmed easily in social situations, I have terrible memory, I cant socialise properly, Im slow in the head, Im too emotionally unstable to keep a friendship, I frequently get depressed to the point where I cant even get out of bed, I get anxious to the point where I cant even look people in the eye, I struggle to understand basic instructions, and Im unpredictable thanks to my DID. I already know Im probably not going to live for long because of my other health problem anyway.
Im not useful to society or to anyone, why should I even bother.

I didnt finish the job last night, maybe I should tonight
---
Twinkies and 2hus
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40734 Posted: 06:00:56 22/07/2017
i want write a letter to the family i got my liver from...

i dont know their names, or even if they'd want to talk to me...


......i'll find them someday, and thank them for my liver.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Waaksian Emerald Sparx Gems: 4906
#40735 Posted: 06:09:14 22/07/2017
"Abortion isn’t murder. Murder is illegal. Abortion is not illegal. IE abortion is not murder."

What the ****. Laws regarding human rights are based on morality, not the other way around.



controversial opinion
Spyro Lover122 Gold Sparx Gems: 2147
#40736 Posted: 21:07:20 22/07/2017
Gotta love how everything always gets worse and worse with each day huh

I don't even have the energy to type out vents or anything because no matter how much I whine or complain it never fixes anything. I fail to take action because I'm just that pathetic and useless

I thought I'd be happy after coming out and getting that weight off my shoulders but I'm still feeling just as bad as I did before because not only do I continue to suffer from this dysphoria but also my intrusive thoughts are getting worse and my life hasn't improved in the slightest. At this point I've just given up completely because I'll never be the stronger person I wanted to be.

I know I shouldn't be looking so far ahead but I can't even see myself having a future at all at this point. I'm so surprised I even got this far anyway as I should have just called it quits in 2015 because my life has been more **** than ever before without one good day since my dad died. The only reason I haven't left is because I'm such a coward and that's only dragging me down even more. There hasn't been a single day where I've been able to relax without a panic attack or another long and painful depressive episode. I've always had things to worry along with foul and toxic people that have stuck around me too. And I've had nothing to take it all out on but myself because I still care too much about other people to tell them how much I'm being affected by everything.

Counselling didn't work because I keep everything in, that camp made me want to shut myself in even more and never talk to people again, I never get school stuff done, I go to sleep at 5 am and wake up at 3 pm just to do nothing but sit in my room all day wishing I could just go to sleep. I don't think I'll ever break out of this cycle...

I've lost the inspiration and motivation I once had and I don't think I'm ever going to get it back, I've already tried and look how that turned out.


------------
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 18:04:16 23/07/2017 by Spyro Lover122
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10179
#40737 Posted: 23:29:51 22/07/2017
I was wrong. No way to deny it even though I have tried to rationalize it. Under the environments we are living our lives, I was wrong. And I know it and I admit it, the case is closed in terms of finding out the guilty ones.

---

People who are wrong can learn and I will. But it is more than right for me to step aside and just be and let others be.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 02:25:22 23/07/2017 by Project_Unnamed
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40738 Posted: 05:49:04 23/07/2017
i feel like no one is rly listening...so maybe i should leave..
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 9966
#40739 Posted: 00:08:55 24/07/2017
I don't know if you realise it or not but you seem to be emotionally manipulative, it's seems as though you do this sort of thing on purpose.
---
Twinkies and 2hus
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40740 Posted: 00:20:09 24/07/2017
i dont really get the point of trying to gain attention from others. like i dont know you at all but the fact that you seem to try to make others worry about you at all times is frightening
edit: not aimed at anybody here btw
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:24:39 24/07/2017 by somePerson
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8190
#40741 Posted: 01:44:59 24/07/2017
Why is that most of my family is actually stupider than me?

Why do you have to be such a constant ***** about going to a ****in doctor. You don't have a PHD, the medicine ain't working well, and you thought it was ****in fake thing thinking it was a personal issue with someone at work?! No! This **** has been going on for 2 ****ing weeks if we don't see a doctor this week I may ****ing suffer even more **** from your ****ing disability to see that I need ACTUAL help. Go blow yourself for being a hard ass on a god damn urgent/quick care doctor. Like yeah the Caravan was a ****in issue, but you got a new car. I've told you this and that. You have no god damn excuse for this bull****. What part of I NEED A DOCTOR! Does not compute for you? Is it need? Because I meant ****in need instead of want. OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME TO SEE A ****IN DOCTOR ****IN HELL COME BY MY WORK AND SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE SAY GO SEE A DOCTOR I ****ING DARE YOU!
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7027
#40742 Posted: 22:48:35 24/07/2017
Not gonna do that again, sorry people.
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8190
#40743 Posted: 00:17:58 25/07/2017
more irl things

Actually mom I am sorry for being kind of needy. I mean you do and did put in the effort to help me and actually you know understand what I am going through. Unlike dad who is constantly "Oh you're on the computer, why didn't you go to work" and shrug off me being sick. Like you don't have to be healthy to use a computer. Dad should know that, considering what he did to the toilet the other day. Like ****ing damn
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 9966
#40744 Posted: 02:07:01 25/07/2017
Being around you reminds me why I tried killing myself in the first place
---
Twinkies and 2hus
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40745 Posted: 02:27:02 25/07/2017
I should be dead, I'm a disgrace. I'm a waste of space who can't get a job due to a stupid disability which leaves me only barely able to look after myself but is never "bad enough". Everyone hates me or is tired of me. They just won't say it. It would be better for everyone if I just died


edge.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#40746 Posted: 02:34:47 25/07/2017
That was the most satisfying bball workout I had all summer.
Thunderdragon14 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8087
#40747 Posted: 12:37:00 25/07/2017
nasty girl stuff
ive never been happier to get my period oh my god
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
Beemo Gold Sparx Gems: 2828
#40748 Posted: 02:03:34 26/07/2017
There I go overreacting again.
---
I hate this name and I want to change it.
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