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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Bumblebunnii Yellow Sparx Gems: 1474
#40451 Posted: 01:50:22 30/05/2017
I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop thinking about you with her. You with her and not thinking about me in that moment when I was absolutely thinking about you. I apologized to you so much for being crazy and having trust issues. You promised you understood, you know what it's like to be cheated on just like I do so you always reassured me that you needed only me. You told me you were in love with me, you tell your friends you'in love with me, you gush about how amazing I am and you tell me you want to marry me. We were planning a serious future together, we were going to get that apartment, we were going to start our lives together. All I ever heard from you was how important I was to you, and how you had never met anyone like me. I gave you every single ****ing thing I had to give and it still wasn't enough. I gave you pieces of me, I exhausted myself trying to make you happy. I tried to be everything you wanted because I wanted to be perfect for you. Every minute of peace I get where I'm not thinking about what you did is incredibly brief because my mind immediately goes back to thinking about you with her. I was so good to you, you told everyone that. You told HER that. I don't hate you but god I wish I could because I can't stand the thought of loving you when you don't deserve it. I'm so embarrassed. You let me go on for a month not knowing. Everything I said to you, everything we did. I'm so ****ing embarrassed. I feel physically sick. I can't stop crying. I don't know what I feel right now but everything hurts. I miss you so ****ing bad and I just desperately want everything to go back to normal but that can't ever happen. I just want to be someone else. I want to be someone you've never touched, someone you've never met or experienced. I don't want any of you to have anything to do with me. I'm miserable.


-----
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40452 Posted: 01:53:10 30/05/2017
Quote: Bumblebunnii
I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop thinking about you with her. You with her and not thinking about me in that moment when I was absolutely thinking about you. I apologized to you so much for being crazy and having trust issues. You promised you understood, you know what it's like to be cheated on just like I do so you always reassured me that you needed only me. You told me you were in love with me, you tell your friends you'in love with me, you gush about how amazing I am and you tell me you want to marry me. We were planning a serious future together, we were going to get that apartment, we were going to start our lives together. All I ever heard from you was how important I was to you, and how you had never met anyone like me. I gave you every single ****ing thing I had to give and it still wasn't enough. I gave you pieces of me, I exhausted myself trying to make you happy. I tried to be everything you wanted because I wanted to be perfect for you. Every minute of peace I get where I'm not thinking about what you did is incredibly brief because my mind immediately goes back to thinking about you with her. I was so good to you, you told everyone that. You told HER that. I don't hate you but god I wish I could because I can't stand the thought of loving you when you don't deserve it. I'm so embarrassed. You let me go on for a month not knowing. Everything I said to you, everything we did. I'm so ****ing embarrassed. I feel physically sick. I can't stop crying. I don't know what I feel right now but everything hurts. I miss you so ****ing bad and I just desperately want everything to go back to normal but that can't ever happen. I just want to be someone else. I want to be someone you've never touched, someone you've never met or experienced. I don't want any of you to have anything to do with me. I'm miserable.


-----


Aw jeez, this has really hit you hard.
If there's anything at all that I can do to help, don't hesitate to let me know. I'll help anyway I can.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8190
#40453 Posted: 02:24:38 30/05/2017
Sometimes I feel like you are way too dependant on me to help you out. Granted I want to help out, but I do not have the strength of 3 people all the time and I know for hell you don't. You need to get more of the kids and father involved imo. Especially 1 of the 2 younger ones that never ****ing cleans.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
TheFlyingSeal Diamond Sparx Gems: 8523
#40454 Posted: 02:31:21 30/05/2017
I'm so tired of being disappointed by you, being on the verge of tears or straight up crying at night because of broken promises. At this point, I should stop getting hopeful over anything you say. But I can't.

It just feels like you're dangling this little string over my face like a cat. A stupid, trustful, cat.
---
#CynderIsAFireDragon
wanderist Platinum Sparx Gems: 7081
#40455 Posted: 03:20:32 30/05/2017
I'm thinking of you, constantly. And suddenly the person who reminds me of you reappears and says we're still friends. Can't be a good sign. But I am happy to hear from him again, at least. I'm glad he still thinks of me enough to still reach out to me. I just wish I could reach you. But I know that's wishful thinking, and maybe it's for the best that it is. I did what I did for a reason, I know I did. But still, every time I seem to be moving on, I come back. It's like I just can't move on. I want to see you. I want to talk to you. Even though the you I knew probably no longer exists. Even though you probably want nothing to do with me. Even if I'm not in your heart at all. It's pretty pathetic, but it seems to be a vicious cycle I can't get out of, even if I spend years fighting.


pointless
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40456 Posted: 11:57:33 30/05/2017
You know, I was gonna try to post something positive here today, considering this weekend was kind of, down.

But then I look at all of these posts today and now I am sads.

Don't worry, I understand there is things in your life
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40457 Posted: 13:10:19 30/05/2017
Quote: Eevee88
Tfw your Father is a pedophile and a pervert. ._.



I'm still incredibly concerned about this post. Hope you're ok, dude!
Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5738
#40458 Posted: 16:41:04 30/05/2017 | Topic Creator
bumblebunnii it makes me sad to see what you're being put through, boys are disgusting dogs that do and don't think. i am going through a similarish situation and if you ever need to vent to a stranger on a forum i'm here (disclaimer: not ALL men because i know one of you would have a problem if i didn't say otherwise)
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#40459 Posted: 16:56:14 30/05/2017
i know i'm screwing this all up but i just choose not to think of it


ignorance is bliss
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5528
#40460 Posted: 19:38:51 30/05/2017
Quote: Thunderdragon14
he never said that lol boohoo
all guys suck and all girls suck. how's that princess?


Quote: Darby
(disclaimer: not ALL men because i know one of you would have a problem if i didn't say otherwise)


I was exaggerating and being half sarcastic with my post. I know Toynerd didn't mean it that way, I just don't like generalizations. But it's clear people didn't like my post. I'm sorry I'm such an inept idiot everyone.

(No sarcasm or hostility intended with this, completely genuine apology)
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40461 Posted: 19:45:27 30/05/2017
I never get enough sleep

I'm surprised that I haven't fallen asleep in class
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40462 Posted: 20:08:57 30/05/2017
can someone airlift my house and put it in a republican state with like no people.

like wyoming.

please and thnx


(ps i hate washington)
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5738
#40463 Posted: 20:59:52 30/05/2017 | Topic Creator
Quote: 84skylanderdude
Quote: Thunderdragon14
he never said that lol boohoo
all guys suck and all girls suck. how's that princess?


Quote: Darby
(disclaimer: not ALL men because i know one of you would have a problem if i didn't say otherwise)


I was exaggerating and being half sarcastic with my post. I know Toynerd didn't mean it that way, I just don't like generalizations. But it's clear people didn't like my post. I'm sorry I'm such an inept idiot everyone.

(No sarcasm or hostility intended with this, completely genuine apology)



to be totally honest, i didn't mean to make that about you, it was more of a general "i know at least one person is going to complain about that statement", and i would have made the same remark even if you hadn't posted that. i don't like singling people out
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6606
#40464 Posted: 21:05:42 30/05/2017
I FOUND TURKISH DELIGHT AT TJ MAX <33333333333
---
Gay 4 GARcher
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5528
#40465 Posted: 02:14:39 31/05/2017
Quote: Darby
Quote: 84skylanderdude
Quote: Thunderdragon14
he never said that lol boohoo
all guys suck and all girls suck. how's that princess?


Quote: Darby
(disclaimer: not ALL men because i know one of you would have a problem if i didn't say otherwise)


I was exaggerating and being half sarcastic with my post. I know Toynerd didn't mean it that way, I just don't like generalizations. But it's clear people didn't like my post. I'm sorry I'm such an inept idiot everyone.

(No sarcasm or hostility intended with this, completely genuine apology)



to be totally honest, i didn't mean to make that about you, it was more of a general "i know at least one person is going to complain about that statement", and i would have made the same remark even if you hadn't posted that. i don't like singling people out


Sorry, since that whole fiasco had just played out I figured you were singling me out. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

My apology still stands though.
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
CAV Platinum Sparx Gems: 6253
#40466 Posted: 02:27:30 31/05/2017
Quote: Darby
to be totally honest, i didn't mean to make that about you, it was more of a general "i know at least one person is going to complain about that statement", and i would have made the same remark even if you hadn't posted that. i don't like singling people out


The alternative is to just not say the original statement to begin with.

Sorry about what the both of you are going through though. ****ty situation all around.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 02:30:40 31/05/2017 by CAV
Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5738
#40467 Posted: 02:33:07 31/05/2017 | Topic Creator
Quote: CAV
Quote: Darby
to be totally honest, i didn't mean to make that about you, it was more of a general "i know at least one person is going to complain about that statement", and i would have made the same remark even if you hadn't posted that. i don't like singling people out


The alternative is to just not say the original statement to begin with.

Sorry about what the both of you are going through though. ****ty situation all around.


it pertains to the situations i'm discussing, i don't see why this is an issue....
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40468 Posted: 03:23:57 31/05/2017
****! I'm such a worthless piece of ****. Just ****ing end me now! No one will care... No one likes me anyway. I'm just a loser who obsesses over girls and sucks at art. I ****ing hate myself
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8190
#40469 Posted: 04:31:25 31/05/2017
God as much as I don't want to miss a day of work because I slipped in oil in the Credit Union Parking lot, but I fear I am gonna be that sore.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
Spyro Fanatic Hunter Gems: 12108
#40470 Posted: 17:06:53 31/05/2017
I'm relieved and yet I'm angry at my potential ADD diagnosis (not ADHD since I'v never been in a hyperactive state in my life). If the treatment works, life will be so much easier, but on the other side, if I had known this and had it treated years ago it would've saved so much pain to not only me, but to my family, friends and literally anyone who had to deal with my odd antics.

I'm really excited to start my course of Ritalin tomorrow though. I have two practical lab tests tomorrow so I'll see if it makes any difference...
---
R.I.P. Ra
June 16th 2000 ~ May 3rd 2017
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 17:11:37 31/05/2017 by Spyro Fanatic
Beemo Gold Sparx Gems: 2828
#40471 Posted: 17:33:36 31/05/2017
I'm so fed up with everything. I'm nothing but an outcast and a creep.
---
I hate this name and I want to change it.
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#40472 Posted: 17:49:56 31/05/2017
why am i so bad at doing everything

even when i think i'm doing it right, i'm not

i am literally *this* close so setting that sketchbook on fire and never attempting any kind of art medium ever again

- -

people like you are the reason we need walls rather than bridges.

- -

aaaaaand this is why fandoms are generally a bad thing. do us all a favor and leave this site.

- -

(you know you suck when the UNDERTALE fandom of all people says your work sucks. welp, time to lose sleep again)
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 18:04:17 31/05/2017 by ZapNorris
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40473 Posted: 19:46:59 31/05/2017
Quote: ZapNorris
why am i so bad at doing everything

even when i think i'm doing it right, i'm not

i am literally *this* close so setting that sketchbook on fire and never attempting any kind of art medium ever again

- -

people like you are the reason we need walls rather than bridges.

- -

aaaaaand this is why fandoms are generally a bad thing. do us all a favor and leave this site.

- -

(you know you suck when the UNDERTALE fandom of all people says your work sucks. welp, time to lose sleep again)



Well the Undertale fandom can suck a fat one.
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#40474 Posted: 21:00:29 31/05/2017
i guess i should accept the fact i'm inherently bad at this
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40475 Posted: 23:19:05 31/05/2017
****... ****! I can't believe I actually drove someone away because of this ****...

I feel so empty and barren. My depression just keeps getting worse and worse. I need help. Please, I don't want to be a burden anymore. I can't lose more friends like this.


The depression is hitting a bit early tonight
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40476 Posted: 00:40:41 01/06/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
****... ****! I can't believe I actually drove someone away because of this ****...

I feel so empty and barren. My depression just keeps getting worse and worse. I need help. Please, I don't want to be a burden anymore. I can't lose more friends like this.


The depression is hitting a bit early tonight


Hey man, my door is always open if you need to talk. I hope you know that.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40477 Posted: 02:00:48 01/06/2017
It may sound stupid but owning a meme page has actually somewhat boosted my self-esteem. When people like and laugh at the content I put out there, it makes me feel good and better about myself. It's nice to know that people find me funny and actually enjoy the things I do. It really does seem to make me happy.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Eevee88 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4397
#40478 Posted: 00:30:30 02/06/2017
Quote: Lunarz
Quote: Iceclaw
Quote: Eevee88
Tfw your Father is a pedophile and a pervert. ._.



You should really report that



You should. I'm sure it's scary but you can do it.


I can't, haha.

In order for my Mom to have full custody over me and the house, we don't report him. My Mom and Dad made that deal. I would LOVE to report him, though!
---
Heading out, my liege? A commission, I presume? Then I shall accompany you. Just...ah, allow me to indulge in one more chapter...
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40479 Posted: 00:39:25 02/06/2017
Quote: Eevee88
Quote: Lunarz
Quote: Iceclaw



You should really report that



You should. I'm sure it's scary but you can do it.


I can't, haha.

In order for my Mom to have full custody over me and the house, we don't report him. My Mom and Dad made that deal. I would LOVE to report him, though!



Wow! I... have no idea what to say to this.

Are you ok, though?
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40480 Posted: 01:03:24 02/06/2017
Why does everything have to be about food nowadays?

Seriously, it's not making being a diabetic any easier. Like a pizza party can be fun but it can also be my worst nightmare. I'm either having my blood sugar skyrocket or not eating and feeling awkward about being around everyone who is.

*Sigh*
It ain't easy having a insufficient pancreas.
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 9966
#40481 Posted: 01:13:13 02/06/2017
Quote: Eevee88
Quote: Lunarz
Quote: Iceclaw



You should really report that



You should. I'm sure it's scary but you can do it.


I can't, haha.

In order for my Mom to have full custody over me and the house, we don't report him. My Mom and Dad made that deal. I would LOVE to report him, though!



Wouldn't he be sent to jail and you'd be able to stay with your mother though? Pedophilia's pretty serious
Hope you're doing okay though :c
---
Twinkies and 2hus
huge dotd freak Emerald Sparx Gems: 3354
#40482 Posted: 01:26:37 02/06/2017
I realized on my 18th birthday that I'd likely never see my dad again. Now I know it's true, because I don't want to. I'll text him on his birthday and fathers day, that's it. Ive known the truth for a long time, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how it makes me feel. I was raised by my step dad. I met my dad when I was 4. I'm 18 now and haven't seen him in almost 3 years. I've hardly seen or spoken to him at all, ever. But, I was raised thinking he loved me, cared about me, liked me. But now I know, because I've been told. Now I know he never actually cared to see me, he only ever saw me because it meant seeing my sister, whom he dies love. He only see me enough and gets me enough to seem slightly fair so that my mom won't cause a fuss. He doesn't even respond to my messages, but talks to her all the time. I've always known about the substance abuse, but I didn't realize how bad it is. He is doing hardcore drugs, and going completely insane. And while I accept that he doesn't feel for me, I was raised thinking otherwise. I was suddenly told that my father never loved me. Knowing the truth doesnt make what feelings I had for him go away, and as much as I don't want to, I miss my dad. I cry because I miss a man who doesn't even like me, and that man is my father
---
Do you not like my mouth words?
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40483 Posted: 02:09:42 02/06/2017
Why does anyone ever put up with me? I don't deserve the people in my life.
Eevee88 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4397
#40484 Posted: 03:33:13 02/06/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: Eevee88
Quote: Lunarz



You should. I'm sure it's scary but you can do it.


I can't, haha.

In order for my Mom to have full custody over me and the house, we don't report him. My Mom and Dad made that deal. I would LOVE to report him, though!



Wow! I... have no idea what to say to this.

Are you ok, though?


Yeah, I am fine. He only targeted me a couple of times- He mostly targeted my Aunt and cousin. And my Sister when she lived at the house.

Still scared about what could of happened if I became drunk when he gave me wine ._.

Quote: Iceclaw
Quote: Eevee88
Quote: Lunarz



You should. I'm sure it's scary but you can do it.


I can't, haha.

In order for my Mom to have full custody over me and the house, we don't report him. My Mom and Dad made that deal. I would LOVE to report him, though!



Wouldn't he be sent to jail and you'd be able to stay with your mother though? Pedophilia's pretty serious
Hope you're doing okay though :c


I guess not. According to my Mom that wouldn't work. I tried asking my her about it, but she didn't know. She didn't want to argue with Father, I guess,
Yep! He really only ever sent me texts and calls wanting me to go to his apartment before summer. Now I am safe at my step-dad's house, no worries. Hopefully.
---
Heading out, my liege? A commission, I presume? Then I shall accompany you. Just...ah, allow me to indulge in one more chapter...
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#40485 Posted: 04:15:31 02/06/2017
this is bull****. this entire thing is bull****. no matter what i do, i **** it up, and i'm put on the spot. how the **** do i grow as a person when i'm always being told that i'm doing it all wrong!? i know i'm bad. i'm stupid. i'm a slob. but i WANT to change. i WANT to be better for you people, and yet you STILL act like i can't handle myself! i'm so ****ing tired of this. i'm trying SO HARD to be better, to gain skill, to be something special- yet i'm just shot down EVERY. ****ING. TIME

just... **** this. i quit. you all win. maybe i can do THAT right for you all.
Bumblebunnii Yellow Sparx Gems: 1474
#40486 Posted: 00:29:59 03/06/2017
smilie^ COCONUT OIL SAVED MY LIFE

I bleach and dye my hair all the time, to the point where I should be bald. I tried to go from blue to platinum blonde in one night about... 4/5 years ago? And I had to cut my waist length hair to right above my shoulders because the rest of it turned to literal goo. I started using coconut oil on my hair and while it isn't in perfect condition (because I can't stop dyeing it, help I have a problem) it's pretty dang soft and 27.5inches. I just went blonde a few months ago and I have to touch up the color every so often and I haven't had any more damage than what I had before while keeping it blonde. It's literally like a jarred miracle and I recommend it for everything. It's good for everything.

What I did for the length specifically though was every month for 7 days out of the month I would spend 10 minutes massaging coconut oil into my scalp, and I would get crazy crazy growth from it.

Sorry if my advice was unneeded or unwanted, but I've ****ed my hair enough times to know a little bit about it cx
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3847
#40487 Posted: 05:25:30 03/06/2017
Holy **** do I hope you don't make me regret this. I can't do anything about this now, just hope you're not an asshole.


anxiety
---
Dead
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8459
#40488 Posted: 05:31:43 03/06/2017
i still wonder where I went wrong with you.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
ThroneOfMalefor Platinum Sparx Gems: 5391
#40489 Posted: 15:41:30 03/06/2017
Quote: somePerson
i still wonder where I went wrong with you.


You and me both. You think you know someone, and then...
---
BREATHE AIR.
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7569
#40490 Posted: 18:37:00 04/06/2017
there is no i in team, but there sure as hell is a "me" so stay the hell out of my way.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Chompy-King257 Gold Sparx Gems: 2956
#40491 Posted: 19:23:34 04/06/2017
Quote: parisruelz12
there is no i in team, but there sure as hell is a "me" so stay the hell out of my way.


there's no i in me but there's an i in win
---
i made the "bus" look like my "dad"
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40492 Posted: 21:42:44 04/06/2017
I thought I could go one ****ing week without getting depressed or anxious, but apparently not! **** this jealousy and inferiority I'm feeling right now. Why must I be an utterly worthless idiot and take things so personally? Ugh, I want to ****ing kill myself...

---

Well that certainly was a panic attack. Thank god I didn't draw any blood during that. I feel embarrassed now.


It's happening again...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 22:44:02 04/06/2017 by TheToyNerd
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#40493 Posted: 23:57:08 04/06/2017
I haven't felt like this in a LONG time.
Lunarz Emerald Sparx Gems: 3328
#40494 Posted: 01:37:38 05/06/2017
I am not okay. I don't think I will be.
---
Lanky Kong saved me despite having no style nor grace.
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#40495 Posted: 03:05:26 05/06/2017
I honestly wish so much that I could directly transfer my thoughts to a medium, any medium. Though I guess that would make all art forms null and void huh?

Should edit this away before it is viewed by the wrong person.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:37:01 06/06/2017 by kardonis
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#40496 Posted: 01:13:15 06/06/2017
AND IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!!! I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF! PANIC ATTACKS ARE JUST GONNA BE A REGULAR THING NOW, HUH!


****in anxiety man

----

I'm so lost. I don't know where to go from here. Making change is hard. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore. The only course of action I want to take is the wrong one, and I don't know where to start for the other solutions
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 02:14:05 06/06/2017 by TheToyNerd
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#40497 Posted: 02:16:29 06/06/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
AND IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!!! I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF! PANIC ATTACKS ARE JUST GONNA BE A REGULAR THING NOW, HUH!


****in anxiety man

----

I'm so lost. I don't know where to go from here. Making change is hard. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore. The only course of action I want to take is the wrong one, and I don't know where to start for the other solutions



Here's something to make you happy


DERE'S A SKELETON!!!!

That better?
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#40498 Posted: 04:05:04 06/06/2017
Great, I get home and the first thing I do is make her feel like ****. I really am the worst.

--

I'm glad we worked it out, and I'm glad the parcel came today. I think we are both just as excited to finally have one as each other. Can't wait to take it for a spin
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 06:48:31 06/06/2017 by Riolu-Blue-247
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