I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop thinking about you with her. You with her and not thinking about me in that moment when I was absolutely thinking about you. I apologized to you so much for being crazy and having trust issues. You promised you understood, you know what it's like to be cheated on just like I do so you always reassured me that you needed only me. You told me you were in love with me, you tell your friends you'in love with me, you gush about how amazing I am and you tell me you want to marry me. We were planning a serious future together, we were going to get that apartment, we were going to start our lives together. All I ever heard from you was how important I was to you, and how you had never met anyone like me. I gave you every single ****ing thing I had to give and it still wasn't enough. I gave you pieces of me, I exhausted myself trying to make you happy. I tried to be everything you wanted because I wanted to be perfect for you. Every minute of peace I get where I'm not thinking about what you did is incredibly brief because my mind immediately goes back to thinking about you with her. I was so good to you, you told everyone that. You told HER that. I don't hate you but god I wish I could because I can't stand the thought of loving you when you don't deserve it. I'm so embarrassed. You let me go on for a month not knowing. Everything I said to you, everything we did. I'm so ****ing embarrassed. I feel physically sick. I can't stop crying. I don't know what I feel right now but everything hurts. I miss you so ****ing bad and I just desperately want everything to go back to normal but that can't ever happen. I just want to be someone else. I want to be someone you've never touched, someone you've never met or experienced. I don't want any of you to have anything to do with me. I'm miserable.
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