darkSpyro

Great. I thought that the crap was done and over with, but now I got some real duckhead new-scen over my wings, and it ain't even pretty. I was just trying to put a really big crystal back on its pedestal, but then stuff happened, and now I'm in some new place that I've never even seen before. What the hell is this kind of place anyway? All I got here is a lotta two-legger animals that apparently never saw a stand-on-four dragon before, especially since this one big possum with red dye on his black hair is annoying the light outta me. News flash guys: I'M NOT THE SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.

I'd kind of like to know what kind of world this is. So far, it seems like a bigass incubator with no chance of HELL or even a blue sky. I dunno, the possum told me that "unauthorized guests end up getting looped in circles in this joint," so I guess it's just some small lab with big technology that I'm never going to give a damn about.

They fed me and showed me around, so I guess they treat "unauthorized guests" like some guys that are here for a weekend inspection, only without the 24/7 "finding everything okay" questions. I saw a swimming pool, a tennis court, a movie theater, a sky-simulation room...I'll admit, the sky looks really convincing there, but the macaws who use it definitely know they're not outside. Do these guys even go outside?

They also gave me a room to stay in and this BitJournal, and told me that I gotta be up by 0500 hours tomorrow. I'm glad this thing comes with its own instructions on how to use it, but I wanted to put a number instead of my own name. After trying 400 numbers though, I just said "frick it" and went with Silvia. I hope my pallies are okay.

So here's the thing: I just showed the white dragon with the eye tattoos and a flamin' body (seriously, she has fire logos tattooed on her body) the ropes of this joint. I thought she would have forgot everything after the first day, but turns out that she knew exactly where to go to get disappointed that there's bugs for meat in this place. Nah, I'm just kidding again. She loved the meat we had. Ever since we perfected a way to clone beef meat just for meals, cows stopped being afraid of the wolves who thought they'd have to stop being vegan! I'm telling you, having a dragon like her was a real treat. We haven't had a dragon agent in YEARS! So much for putting the other guy aside for so long that he screwed out of the job.

So I told her to get some more light put into the generator room. I thought she would have breathed wind based on what our quitter told me, but wouldn't you believe it: she made a light sprite that'll last a whole decade! Kind of sucked for her though, because then she had nothing to do, and you know? I just feel like letting her go before she gets tired of being here and wants to try breaking out. Well, we're going to have that omniversal BitHacker ready soon. BigBoy606 really wants to get back some forgiveness.

Okay, this place is insane. He finally tells me that this underground-like building is really an above-ground building that cloaks itself to look like it's underground, and then shows me this one room that shows what the outside is like. It's another futuristic city. You see how great this is? I literally just dealt with so many bad guys in one week that I should have freakin' died, but NOPE! I had to be WARPED to another city that might frick itself over! And then Jacob tells me that there hasn't been crime in the city since 100 years ago? WHAT?

I'm sorry, but this is not how I dreamed my vacation to be like.

Is there some kind of color day this building has? How come it's freakin' black on some days and then really bright and all cheery on other days? Is this building even entirely secret agency-like, or...

You know what? I don't give a **** about whatever this building's supposed to be for. I mean, it's stuck standing in the middle of one of those cities that has a bunch of colorful nightlights that also make some people feel like they're stuck in some kind of uncomfortable mall, and yet everything here's supposed to be classified to the public, even "new arrivals" like m -- okay, why the HELL does this thing keep quoting -- WHY THE HELL DID IT JUST ALL-CAP HEL -- WHAT KIND OF TABLET IS THIS!? WHY THE **** DO YOU KEEP WRITING MY **** LIKE A PISSED TELLBOOK USER!?!?

{we like to humor our users to attempt making them expel noises of glee}

Noises of glee? You mean like laughter?

{precis --} HOW THE **** IS THAT SUPPOSED TO WORK?!

{humoring our users to attempt laughter is really a subtlety. we really do it more to piss new users off}

Piss new users off, huh? Well, I got a thing for you. If you don't tell me how to shut your personal assistant ass off and tell me how to get to write mode, I'll piss YOU off.

{attempts to destroy us will zap attackers with 10,000 Volts of electricity}

Zap users, huh? With your small size? Yeah, good luck trying to fry my ****ing aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

{we warned you}

Oh, ****! ****! Aggh!

>>[distant] Oh, ****! Login 234!

{BEGIN LOG PROFILE MERGER: JACOB NANPOSSIE}
JACOB LOG 122223; JACOB & SILVIA CO-OP LOG 1

>>JACOB: Medical protocol 667!

{I REFUSE TO}

>>SILVIA: Wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
>>JACOB: Crybaby override code 731!

{Fine, you killjoy.}



{gathering keratin}

>>SILVIA: What the... is that
>>JACOB: Yeah, it's fur.
>>SILVIA: Did this thing just rip hair from the agents?

{stimulating fibrous proteins}

>>JACOB: They get haircuts every now and then.
>>SILVIA: And these things cut the hair?
>>JACOB: Nah, they just get the hair we put to the side.

{recompiling silk fibroins}

>>SILVIA: I didn't know silk was in hair.
>>JACOB: It does this with spider webs sometimes, too.
>>SILVIA: Okay, then...

{preparing genetic cornification}

>>JACOB: Oh, I never told you my name.
>>SILVIA: Do I give a --
>>JACOB: Jacob. Jacob NanPossie.
>>SILVIA: Whatever.
>>JACOB: Come on, I started the protocol for you. You might as well be courteous and tell me your name, too.

{genetic cornification 25% complete}

>>SILVIA: Okay, it's Silvia. Happy?
>>JACOB: Eh, maybe.
>>SILVIA: ......okay, I'm not even going to ask why this thing just put dots down.
>>JACOB: We kind of have our own private blog.

{genetic cornification 50% complete}

>>SILVIA: So I guess it wasn't kidding when it wanted to humor me.
>>JACOB: In a way. These things like to be sarcastic sometimes, but when we look at our posts, we end up liking these sons of jokes in the end.
>>SILVIA: Wait, these things post to your BitJournal Blog or whatever?
>>JACOB: You have to tell them if you want them published. If you say nothing about it, it won't publish it.

{genetic cornification 75% complete}

>>SILVIA: How do you do that? There weren't instructions for that.
>>JACOB: Your BitJournal needs to trust you first.
>>SILVIA: Trust? Heh, like I'm going to let a machine trust me. It don't even got no feelings!

{i heard that, Silvia}

>>JACOB: I know you think that these are just normal tablets with always-on personal assistants, but they were programmed to have a lot of the same feelings as us, and you just have to know that being cocky isn't going to get you anywhere with these guys.
>>SILVIA: Since when were these things "guys?"

{genetic cornification 100% complete. launching reptile skin repair patch}

>>JACOB: Stand against the wall. It's going to zap you.
>>SILVIA: What? AAGH! *thrown* *lands on floor and rolls backwards with thumping spins* *gets pissed and attempts to pounce Jacob*
>>JACOB *blocking claw attacks and holding Silvia's front ankles*: HEY! The thing heal you, ALRIGHT!? Could you look at yourself before you try to pounce on me like this?
>>SILVIA *looking at herself* *gently places paws back on floor*
>>JACOB *getting up*: Sorry that I forgot to warn you about this, Silvia.
>>SILVIA: Okay, cool. Just don't come around when I zap myself again, okay?
>>JACOB: I shouted the code. Just remember that whenever you need the healing.
>>SILVIA: Bye!
>>JACOB: PEACE! YO! LOGOUT 234!

{END LOG PROFILE MERGER: JACOB NANPOSSIE. REVERTING TO SINGLE LOG}

*walks over to tablet*

Oh, so now you're writing down what I'm doing, too?

{I can sense every local movement}

Grrrreat.....

So it turns out that Silvia can do a lot of the same things that our quitter used to do for us. She can fix refrigerators, gas pipes, treadmills, and even some of our basic software without having to touch a thing. It's weird because she isn't even the same color as our quitter, and his color's part of a rare and superior race. I want to say that this girl could be part of something greater, but then I've been hearing that some dragons can kind of "dye" themselves to be a different color with...I dunno, some spell or something. I always thought that magic was supposed to be molecular engineering mechanisms built into a body once I found out that "magicians" just fake us out with epic tricks, but you know, I've been hearing stories. I don't know whether I should start to believe them now.

Whatever. When this machine is done, she can stop freaking out about our perfect utopian city. This thing has another surprise for her.

So is there some kind of arch enemy that these people have, or is it all just peace and they want to see what's out there? I mean, I'm deadass. They got their BitHacker to show some commercials from some weird world with these things that either look pale or really really black, and then some of those ads scare the crap out of the pigs. I thought bacon was scaring these fatasses, but nope! Somehow, there's a commercial of a hawk saying that we are the -- wait, what? Pigs got scared of hawk from another world? What's going on?

Actually, I kind of wanna know how to take a selfie.

{we don't have front-facing cameras}

Yeah, and I don't have the smarts to know the Crybaby Override Code --

{UGGH. Fine! Just let me rebuild it from my compartment}

Rebuild? I thought you already had some kind of hidden camera in yourself.

{I actually do. I was just being sarcastic}

Well that wasn't a very funny jo -- hahahHAHAHAHAH -- WHAT ARE YOU DOI -- hheehehehHEHEHAAAAAHAAHA

*sees the miniature parts for the BitJournal's front-facing camera

Okay, you got me there!

{may I ask why you would want to take a self-portrait at this time?}

I never got a picture ID or anything. Aren't agents supposed to get those?

{we are your IDs}

*sees that there's already a self-portrait with identification*

Oh.

Not now, Jennie! I'm working here!

{would you like us to scan the perimeter?}

YES! You think I'd say to no to an infiltration?!

You have a news app or something?

{we prioritize the base's news; progress must be taken before reaching news outside of HQ}

Really?

{not usually, but we do it when an emergency protocol emerges}

So how come I'm not getting emergency news?

{You are still a new trainee who spawned out of thin air}

Bull****. Is there anything happening, or what?

{No}

Crybaby override code --

{We're being breached}

WHAT?

>>JULLIE: What's the status, Jack? How's it going?
>>JACK: BitLinkers frequencies at 50,000 rpm clocked at 1 million terahertz with radiowaves zoomin' at a rate of --
>>JULLIE: Jack, stop with the unrealistic technobabble. You know we can never reach that when these servers can't even reach half that rate.
>>JACK: Oi! I was just tryin' to cheer you up, lady! You've been looking quite grim ever since we had to transfer to this server.
>>JULLIE: Yeah, what a virtual world we live in, huh? That's two transfers this week. *looks from her tree house hub to oversee an entire animal civilization in a settled jungle area* Well, at least we have a happy family here.
>>JACK: Even if you couldn't save everyone, you still put a smile on the ones you can.
>>JULLIE: Yeah, but that's the thing. I want to save everyone, give them life, give them freedom.
>>JACK: I know it must be hard for you to give these guys that freedom, but be glad that you can. *looks at her contemplative self* You're still missing him, mate?
>>JULLIE: Yeah.

*Jack slowly approaches Jullie and hangs his arm over her*

>>login 4023!

{BEGIN LOG PROFILE MERGER: ROSPER MOLE}
ROSPER LOG 949; JULLIE, JACK, & ROSPER LOG 200

>>JACK: Come on, mate! Did you have to?
>>ROSPER: I'm just thinking that our story could make a great documentary one day!
>>JULLIE (smirking): Of course. Always the clever man of the operation!
>>JACK: Ros, however fascinating the homo sapiens' unexciting interactions may be, you can't just interrupt a perfectly still moment like that!
>>ROSPER: Deal with it, Mr. Boring.
*Jack gapes displeasedly*
>>JULLIE (still smirking): Come on! *side taps Rosper with her hand* Don't be like that.
>>ROSPER: Hey, I just got the BitLink's audio receiver back online, and I'm not about to miss the next guy who comes in.
>>JACK: We might as well figure out how to zap ourselves back to our home world on our own. We're never gonna to get the audio sender working on this otherworldly camera!
>>ROSPER: We can just enjoy the moments we have, can't we? Oh, somebody's coming!



+>Henry: You should probably do something about that car. If it keeps sputtering like that, it's going to break down in no time.
+>Rebecca: Yeah, but my insurance is going to blow up like a volcano. *starts repairing a broken server
+>Henry: I'm not talking about repairing it. *starts repairing an antithesis broken server*

>>JACK: Doesn't look like much.

+>Rebecca: Henry...
+>Henry: I'm serious! *standing up; Jack surprised* You've had the thing for over a decade, and it's really starting to dwindle.
+>Rebecca: Yeah, but you still have your father's '87 Ferrari.

>>JACK: What's interesting about a Ferrari, anyway?
>>ROSPER: Shh!

+>Henry (kneeling; resuming repair): I gave it to a car museum. I have a Tesla now.
+>Rebecca: Do you? I thought you said you started selling your things to alleviate your debt.
+>Henry: I did, and I swear that I'm never going to play in a Casino after I lost that money, but I just won the Tesla after I played a sweepstakes from the car museum.
+>Rebecca: Luck from the brink, huh?
+>Henry: Yep! I even have this stuff to prove it!

>>JULLIE: Ping his phone.

*Rosper calibrates the BitLink to ping Henry's smartphone; smartphone shows proof of registration forms and a video*

>>ROSPER: Is that a sexier babe?

+>Rebecca: Who's that?
+>Henry: Doesn't matter. We're just filming a music video.
+>Rebecca: There's a reason why distrusted you for a stable relationship.
+>Henry: Selling that Ferrari gave me good luck again.

*Rebecca finishes and starts walking out*

+>Henry: Hey hey hey hey hey! Come on, Rebecca. It was one little misstep. We took turns delivering each other's groceries and even visited our own sick parents together just to comfort them. That's something you can give me credit for, right?
+>Rebecca (sternly): ......Meet me at Leporetzi's at 8:00 tonight.
+>Henry: I won't disappoint you.
+>Rebecca (walking out): I think you already have!



>>ROSPER: Okay...so you were right, Jack. Not as "exciting" as you hope...Jack?
>>JACK (staring at screen): Can we make the BitLinks connect to phones in an electric car?
>>JULLIE: The bunny likes it!

{BItLig-$37wi+]=¢¥-57»\¿`çßë

Code:

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Lol, write block.

So.....how long does it take for a topic to be closed? I may come back to this one day. Maybe not today, but some day.