darkSpyro

oh **** tomorrows the first day
all new people probably
what am i gonna wear? i gotta make a good first impression ;~;
if i dont do that then everyone will hate me and ill have a bad semester all based on what i wear oh god

I distance myself from or don't interact with people because I genuinely believe I'm not worth anyone's time. That there's no reason anyone should waste their time interacting with me because literally anyone is a better option than me. There's nothing special about me. I'm just irritating, I'm not good at anything, and have no good qualities at all. I'm complete garbage of a human, a waste of life that has no right to pass on their genes. I'm no good at the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. I try to get better but I just don't seem to have the right mindset for it. Some people are just naturally skilled; I'm not. I wish my life could just end. There's no future for me. No friends, no relationships, nothing creative made that's even remotely good. Nothing I can be proud of. If I died, I wouldn't be upset. Besides, no one would miss me. People would be upset out of their basic value of human life; not out of personal attachment. No one knows me at all. I have no reason to go on.

Did I screw up? Am I coming off wrong? You probably just meant what you said, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being a creep and I'm on step away from being blocked

I still don't know why I've been feeling like this. I've only been this way since we came here, and it's tiring. I'm too tired to be happy. I feel ill and I don't know if I'm doing it to myself. I feel trapped in a way I can't describe and it's stressing me out.

Oh okay, is that you way of saying thank you? I don't think you realize how much that made me feel like ****. I thought you were better than that.

CRANE FLIES LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE

I bloody hate these awful teenage years, butting heads with my parents 24/7 is starting to drive me a little crazy. I can't do anything without being **** on and it's destroying me on the inside. For once in my life school is a refuge.

Gene Wilder's death is the only celebrity death that made me cry.

@GOD WHY MUST YOU CURSE ME LIKE THIS!!

If my windows aren't open then I feel like I'm literally going to pass out. I'm in the second largest room in the house and yet I still feel suffocated. Now my breathing is messed up outside of the house too, I hope I'm not ill.

AHHHHH URG YOU'RE SO ****ING BIPOLAR IF YOU'RE IN MY CAR YOU WEAR A ****ING SEATBELT
GREAT EXAMPLE FOR A PARENT TO REFUSE TO ****ING WEAR A BELT BECAUSE "I DON'T WANT TO"
I WOULD JUST TRY TO DO THAT IN YOUR CAR, BUT I'M NOT ****ING STUPID AND WOULD RATHER NOT DIE

I really need to tell my family, but I can't. What if they hate me for it? What if I get kicked out of the house? I'm paranoid that they know I'm typing this they'll ask what's wrong. I'm paranoid that somehow they can monitor what I type and read it. What if they know now that something's wrong simply by me typing it out? What if they ask what it is? How do you even say that without shocking everyone? I can't even tell anyone online, because seriously, how do you say that?

that was a close call

i would have taken it too, just so i could openly be out to some people, but im glad i didnt

if i would have, that guy would have exposed me to my parents oh god

Little sister, people do not like to be threatened at all. So threatening them with a dog because you cannot have your way or a question answered is not a good way to go about life. Hell, do that to anyone I think they'll do the same to what I would do. Kick the dog off of them in defense. And a threat from you because I defended myself from your mongrel did not help either. Threatening to bite people in the neck because you did the wrong thing first. Idk about you, but that will in fact get you to Juvy no questions asked. Also if we do get a dictionary that everyone uses I'll gluing a picture of you into the description of the word "****" because you've been one since... Honestly I lost track it's been pretty ****ing long. Granted I have anger issues myself, but you have a lot more issues than I do and I highly suggest going to a professional to give you a reality check.
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As for you "dad" or should I say Man-child? Because I am not gonna lie you are the laziest one in this ****ing house. Or at least second place in dumbest person in this house. You refused to get milk and toilet paper why? Did you not know that your oldest daughter needs toilet paper because of a week she goes through every ****ing month? DO YOU WANT ME TO SCARE A CHILD OR 2 ABOUT WHAT A BLOODY TOILET LOOKS LIKE!?! How about the dishes you didn't do for 3 ****ing days? Why didn't you work on the dishes? Mom is exhausted because the school year just started for the real kids, making them lunches and all that ****. Yet all you do is lounge around watching all these Trump speeches and **** and not lifting a damn finger into the dishes or groceries. Like mom can't carry the world on her shoulders. I'm trying to help her clean, by cleaning the local bathroom, the carpet, and I even tried helping her with the dishes today. All you did today man-child, was take my brother to work and bring him some food. That's all I have seen you do. Yet you feel sorry for yourself because no job. Let me tell you something, boo ****ing hoo for you, go do something about it. Oh you're making the sick excuse, well guess what. I'm technically mentally ill and I can still get a ****ing job. Mom busts her ass to clean despite being sick. I bust my own ass when I am sick. Go bust your ass and balls on finding a job you dumb ****. Not everything is gonna be fixed when Trump takes over. Hell it's gonna be a long before any of these 2 political parties of complete stupidity get into power, so if I were you I attempt to do something better in the meantime instead of sucking your thumb going "I'm sick!". Hell you get even more stupid when you act all ****ing lazy then go "No I don't want to take advantage of the professional dog groomer. Me and Sam will trim them" when in reality you are too lazy for that. Just let her trim our ****ing dogs it's been 3 months and our trimming is both **** and unhealthy. Plus it take ****ing hours to do. You know hours that we can do to help Mom around the house, like THE ****ING DISHES YOU PIECE OF ****!
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Actually now thinking about it. High School taught me jack **** about applications and actually getting a job. I think they vaguely tried teaching us how to make a resume, but that was taught awfully. So hopefully this program can help with a job. I like the sound of working at the senior center. Maybe it's because I like hearing the stories of elders or they're normally the sweetest people I come across. Heck the job is mainly setting up and cleaning up so that doesn't sound so bad. I'm looking forward to it, because 1 gets me out of the house. 2 money for things I would like to upgrade and cool stuff sounds really nice. 3 I'll be more productive than the man-child.

I'm in absolute agony. Nobody else understands how I'm feeling about this whole thing. I feel drained due to all the nights I've spent awake since this has been happening. I just can't breathe properly and I really need answers.

I had a prefect chance and I blew it.

Lol I got blocked by a user on this site for saying "Let it Go" to him. Why can't he just leave **** alone and stop trying to be right about everything. Like, seriously? I'd say the name but I fear he'll have a cow at me.

I'm not smart enough for my major. I really may not be.
Like, I'm not even trying to insult myself here. I'm not saying I'm stupid. I'm saying that just because I got As in some easy high school courses and did well enough in pre-calc does not mean I am cut out for computer science. I legit did exactly what this lab asked of me and then got frustrated for 30 minutes trying to figure out what I did wrong. I freak out at pop quizzes. The homework already scares me. I'm taking freaking Calculus which at the moment isn't too bad but I know it's going to get worse. I really may just not be cut out for this major. I may just be better at writing or something. I've always enjoyed that more anyway.

I don't want to deal with this **** for another night. If only I could've been to doctors today. I need to know what's wrong with me, it's been driving me insane. I just want everything to be okay again, but it just wont stop. I don't deserve this. I should be asleep.

I WAS ALREADY ANNOYED ENOUGH I JUST WANT TO RELAX PLEASE JUST ****ING LET ME D O T H A T


OH MY GOOOOOOOD

**** sleep and **** panic.

Yay, too much school, to much to do, and I have zero free time

chaotic good

dear god you make me nervous i can't stand it

Why can't I go to the doctors? Why is everyone against me going? I NEED to know if I'm okay, but you all insist that it's just my anxiety. I feel ill, and I feel scared. I'm looking for help and nobody will give me answers. You all say I'm being miserable, but do you really expect me to be a ray of sunshine when you won't drive me to the doctors? I just wish I could go myself, but it's impossible.