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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Jaggedstar Platinum Sparx Gems: 5402
#44401 Posted: 18:05:56 30/12/2019
i've had ENOUGH
---
hell yeah
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44402 Posted: 22:33:31 30/12/2019
one
step
at
a
time

what is my next step going to be

---

ok now im mad because i have to reorganize my whole class schedule
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 20:14:47 31/12/2019 by ThunderEgg
Eevee88 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3499
#44403 Posted: 21:21:44 31/12/2019
Wheeee I haven't been on here in a while. And quite honestly, I am still confused on what is a personal thought and what is a random thought. If you think about it for too long, cannot a random thought be personal?

---

Ever since I was eleven or twelve, I wanted to better myself as a person. Ever since I was around seven or eight, I had a feeling that once I am fifteen, everything will be all right for the better, everything will somewhat be in alignment. I am now fourteen. Is this a sign that me taking a step to better myself is actually going to happen this upcoming year? Ehehe, if only I would be in my younger mindset... I've always wanted to be fifteen. Now that it will come in only, like, eight months, it is....exciting, yet scary. Cannot wait to be a sophomore in high school, lol!
...
This was all over the place-. Let's just hope that I stick to this promise. That Mom sticks to hers.


---

Being a freshman in high school has been a blast so far. Though, sometimes the responsibilities get me stressed out. I wonder if I'll ever manage to find a balance.
---
"Um...it seems like my name is Otonashi Ryouko...maybe?"
“D-Don’t lie! I’m not ugly! I’m cuter than most people in this world!”
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5182
#44404 Posted: 06:40:21 01/01/2020
I'm not scared
Not at all
Why would a star, a star, ever be afraid of the dark?
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44405 Posted: 07:29:29 01/01/2020
Quote: willspyro
Ok, THIS IS THE LAST ****ING TIME I'M DOING THIS, I WILL GO TO BED AT A REASONABLE TIME TOMORROW NIGHT


Ok Mr. 7:30 AM
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44406 Posted: 14:02:44 01/01/2020
hfdhmdshd :incoherent mess coming up:

grumpy. i had anxiety about my class thing last night and had trouble sleeping. i know it was new years and all, but i had planned to *sleep*. woke up at 2 or 3 am an couldnt go back to sleep, so here i am.

id call the school today, but since its new years day, i dont expect them to be open. might try an email and then a call tomorrow.

i think i just have problems right now feeling powerless over my own life. i know that for the most part, its just a cognitive distortion borne of my past experiences. but the powerlesness of being poor under capitalism doesnt help.

tangentally, did you know that the mormon church has 100 billion dollars that its just saving up? you could end homelessness in the us with that kind of money. if only the rich would share their cash. wouldnt have to worry so much about the things i do. but the mormons are giving my family food, so...
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5182
#44407 Posted: 17:34:49 01/01/2020
Quote: Lunar


man i havent been in a relationship in almost exactly a year and i actually love that so much. i went through so many ****ty relationships in 2018 and it left me in a really wierd place once the last one ended on january first. ive certainly tried to get into things to varying degrees of almost success but the fact that they never ended up working out left me to my own devices for a long while. add that to all of my new found freetime with school over and i just kinda learned to appreciate myself and good friends and family and experiences. i thought last years halloween was going to be the best in my life so far and for months i wanted to recapture that feeling of last fall, it was so good it got me depressed thinking about how i couldnt have that feeling again as long as i didnt have what i had back then. but as i learned more about myself and relationships and especially the people i went after i realized i can be so much more than i was back then. i worked at hhn over the fall season to give myself a buffer year from the event. the memory of last years fall season was so intense i needed it. it was the best decision i ever made, because i realize now in retrospect how honestly terrible last season was. my hhn cast was the most fun family i ever became a part of, for two months i did nothing but stay up until 4am playing smash bros or just dance,joking around, watching dumb videos and movies, vibing to music, and doing our show as best as we could. it was such a positive atmosphere and everyone was so alike and loving and fun and it went to show that i hadn't even begun to realize what a good relationship is, friend, family, romantic, literally anything. im so much happier than i was a year ago in everyway and i can't go back. 2019 was insane and great for me.



Hell yes, dude. So glad to hear you say this.

I've been single for almost 2 years now. Very little sexual activity in that period as well. And it's been the most drama-free 2 years of my life. Makes you appreciate normal connection that much more.
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1769
#44408 Posted: 20:31:19 03/01/2020
you know im extremely sick of having an item or enjoying a thing or playing a game just for someone to go "oh dont you know thats OBJECTIVELY BAD in such and such way" so you know what im really done with this little friend group who constantly berates me for things i enjoy because they think its cringy or whatever

its 2020, cringe culture is dead, like what you like and dont apologize for it, world is a ****
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
StormDragon21 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4041
#44409 Posted: 02:56:26 04/01/2020
I just want to get free possibly hacked tough and rare Pokémon from people around the world without having to pay $30 a year for something I’ll never use otherwise, is that too much to ask?
---
"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
Eevee88 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3499
#44410 Posted: 03:01:43 04/01/2020
I know how to absolutely crush a person if they cross me. Some people don't understand why we must not cross paths ever again; if I start ignoring you after we've talked for months at a time, it usually means you are bad for my health. Okay? Okay.
If the people happen to read this, you two know who you are.

---

Having a crush is hard...I've had one on the same person for five years now. And, whenever I think about the possibility that I do notice him anymore, I either feel empty or I start to tear up. Heck, I once started having a lowkey breakdown after talking to Mom about it. I wonder...if romance will start to blossom sometime in the future?
I have a good feeling about 2020, hehe! Specifically when I am fifteen and onwards-.


---

On an unrelated note, so far, Mom has NOT been keeping her side of our promise! D:
---
"Um...it seems like my name is Otonashi Ryouko...maybe?"
“D-Don’t lie! I’m not ugly! I’m cuter than most people in this world!”
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44411 Posted: 00:15:47 05/01/2020
i think im slowly learning to cope with feeling helpless
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5182
#44412 Posted: 06:48:04 05/01/2020
String me along like a beautiful love song
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44413 Posted: 04:41:44 06/01/2020
This is not the grandmother I once knew. This is someone different talking. I don't know who the hell you are.

If she isn't going to comeback home and has to live elsewhere, I do not want to move again. After all I have ****ing been through last year I do not want to go through the mental gymnastics of moving.
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44414 Posted: 19:03:23 06/01/2020
f in the chat
---
I AM ETERNAL!
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44415 Posted: 04:01:45 08/01/2020
when you use a word that you think is cute but don't know it means something completely different
---
I AM ETERNAL!
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44416 Posted: 09:53:12 08/01/2020
I love you mom
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44417 Posted: 22:03:12 08/01/2020
thieves den is not fun. but i do like the level concept
---
I AM ETERNAL!
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44418 Posted: 07:50:36 09/01/2020
I hope I can successfully transfer out soon
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 5531
#44419 Posted: 15:16:18 09/01/2020
The best way to trick yourself into thinking you're better than others is saying it rather than proving it
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44420 Posted: 23:06:14 09/01/2020
i hate capitalism
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1769
#44421 Posted: 03:34:11 10/01/2020
[User Posted Image]

- - -
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44422 Posted: 07:07:28 10/01/2020
How do you function
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すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
Trix Master 100 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6356
#44423 Posted: 09:16:12 10/01/2020
My guy, after thinking of this big time. That's kind of a ****ing sceezy scuzzy scummy way to attempt to pay off a debt. Idk if it's hard to just hand me money, but like... Wtf? Literally all I am gonna do tbh since I cannot make up my mind is use my cat sitting money to get the mechanical keyboard, then just save for a pretty damn awful day (probably just some card sleeves or some ****... Some good cards got damaged by a binder and not too happy about it, still.). Because ngl, a lot of **** seems to break around me and I don't think that is fun.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
trix is a
icon from Empoh
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5976
#44424 Posted: 19:55:52 10/01/2020
I've had a lot more free time which while I enjoy, just kinda makes me feel like I'm wasting time lol. I just feel the hours pass like nothing and suddenly it's time for bed, wake up and repeat. I feel like i'm not doing enough, i'm not doing what I should be, but what is it that I should be doing? For the past couple months my sense of time has escaped me, months go by too fast and before I know it, it's the end of the next month. Periods of thought like this isn't uncommon and it's not like, awful. It's just kind of, frustrating? Depressing? I'm not sure.
---
Gay 4 GARcher
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5857
#44425 Posted: 22:25:55 10/01/2020
uuughhhh i don't want to have to do things
i don't want to look for another job and go through that **** process. why can't this be like the 80s/90s where you could literally just walk into a new job :'))))))
i want a new good paying job but i hate the ****ing process skdkfk;kklsj
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44426 Posted: 22:53:09 10/01/2020
oh mood.

i have to start my next semester in college soon and i don't want to have to look for another job, too
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Trix Master 100 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6356
#44427 Posted: 23:40:18 10/01/2020
Okay... Mega ****ing rude of you. Nearly everyone freezes their nips off to get a gallon of milk in the house, what makes your nips so special to not do that?
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
trix is a
icon from Empoh
PDiddy Green Sparx Gems: 143
#44428 Posted: 03:25:50 11/01/2020
Yeah, no.
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44429 Posted: 03:28:20 11/01/2020
Get a life what the ****
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44430 Posted: 03:45:22 11/01/2020
nooooooooooooo loud tv problem is back

i will never sleep again
---
I AM ETERNAL!
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44431 Posted: 07:42:10 11/01/2020
[User Posted Image]

Ight imma head out
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 07:43:19 11/01/2020 by willspyro
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 7582
#44432 Posted: 03:24:16 12/01/2020
Hiding true feelings is what I do best it seems. I've felt the need to cry these past few hours and it's only a matter of time until I break down to be honest.
---
Twinkies and 2hus
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44433 Posted: 04:11:52 12/01/2020
bye bye

im sleep now

ive noticed that my posts this evening have gradually gotten crazier, so i am going to sleep

love you all <3
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#44434 Posted: 19:53:45 12/01/2020
I said one thing, get off my ass.


Family is fun. : )
---
A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage.
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44435 Posted: 08:10:20 13/01/2020
You won't even see me graduate from your highschool if you go
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すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 5531
#44436 Posted: 02:32:55 14/01/2020
The desire to look smart is what causes problems
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44437 Posted: 03:50:00 14/01/2020
i am very afraid that i accidentally signed up for a class i already took last semester

in my defense, it had a different name on the sign-up thingy
---
I AM ETERNAL!
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44438 Posted: 07:12:40 14/01/2020
Please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better please be better

HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE
PLEASE NO PANCREATIC CANCER
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#44439 Posted: 23:30:20 14/01/2020
And so the madness begins.
willspyro Platinum Sparx [online] Gems: 5300
#44440 Posted: 19:33:03 15/01/2020
I'm tired being sick because you're sick
---
すみません、白人が最悪かと心配でした
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#44441 Posted: 00:16:51 16/01/2020
No luck so far. I guess it's productive at least, definitely fun, but I can't seem to find anyone willing to cooperate. I need to find people who can help me on this.

Ah, it's so late. I'm tired. Two hours wasted, now I can't think straight. I'll get some sleep and think this over tomorrow. I've probably already made several mistakes.
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1769
#44442 Posted: 03:26:56 16/01/2020
days like today can be really rewarding, but one day of happiness out of nine thus far really isnt worth it
i know this what im getting my degree in, but id rather do anything else as a profession, the people above me can be so ruthlessly cruel at the drop of a dime and sometimes its impossible to get work done... im really tired of crying myself to sleep every night because of what people will say to me

but! if i can suffer through this until may, ill be done... i can finally do something that doesnt feel awful and ill be free of my cage in so many ways
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44443 Posted: 03:47:37 16/01/2020
My water tastes salty because of the salt particles in the air
---
I AM ETERNAL!
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5857
#44444 Posted: 06:26:53 16/01/2020
i don't enjoy digital art anymore :(
hopefully buying that ipad will help ... but i need to get the damned apple pencil too :')
but yeah, digital art isn't fun anymore
drawing isn't fun anymore
i enjoy ceramic and sculptural work so much more now
but i can't do it for another two weeks because rn im working six days a week and have no energy to make art!
now i know why the girl feels antsy when she doesn't make work lmao. it's been a week and im starting to pull my hair out. it's probably because im working on pieces for and exhibition and i feel like being at work is taking up precious time. because they still need to be detailed, and then dry out, and then fire, and then surface treatment/paint. ****. itll get done.
being an artist and an adult at the same time sucks ****. i didn't realise i was this frustrated till i started writing it out here lmao
But ... it's scary. ive only just begun adulting, and ill be working ~ five days regularly in the future. i won't really have time for art? and that's super scary? unless somehow i break it, which i won't any time soon lol come on
damn
it's alright!
ill live!! least im earning monies
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#44445 Posted: 21:58:14 16/01/2020
Five more hours. Dammit, there's nobody I can trust. Then I'll do it alone.
ThunderEgg Yellow Sparx Gems: 1122
#44446 Posted: 01:48:31 17/01/2020
trying to recharge today smilie
---
I AM ETERNAL!
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