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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Fandom > Non-Spyro > Gyaogen sagas, Book 1; The Lightning Clashes [Rough draft]
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Gyaogen sagas, Book 1; The Lightning Clashes [Rough draft] [CLOSED]
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#51 Posted: 08:47:05 17/06/2011
Okay, Ill stop asking then smilie

Now... I've just read it and I'll tell you what I think...

You're story lacks paragraphs, which makes it harder to read. You should break a lot more, and remember when a character speaks it goes onto a new line. Umm.. spelling mistakes (but that doesn't matter) and there are several speech mistake but thats fixable. That's pretty much the grammar.

The contents of the story... A prologue is about description, not the story itself. My book's prologue does not mention any of the character's name until they are spoken by another character. You begin describing the scene, using the most creative and greatest language, then lead them on by giving them a hint of what is happening here at the time. THAT is what hooks the reader in.
A huge point to say, is avoid using, 'then he...' and 'and then' whenever you can. Try to say that absolutely as little as you possibly can.
The action scenes must be quick and snappy, and not built purely of movement sentences. For example, here's one from my book:

" The group plouged a few hundred metres through the gargantuan storm until they as was predicted predators began to swallow them from every side. The hunger-driven beasts snapped and lashed out at their necks.
The rolls of thunder shook Matt by his shoulders only to be followed by a blazing streak of lightning slashing across the face of the battle right beside them. Norva pulled upwards suddenly, and Matt had to lunge to hoist himself up enough to be stable. Norva's jaws snapped, closing down on a predator that was unlucky as its decrepit tail caught between Norva's bladed teeth. The predator was decapitated and its headless body began falling through the darkness that gaped from the valley below. His tail whipped, slashing many Predators across the face and they screeched in the pain.
There was an assaulting screech from above, and Matt’s head was drawn to see the snarling no faced form of a Predator diving towards him with wings pulled aerodynamically, arms outstretched and attempting to maim him in any way it could. These predators were suicidal, not considering the consequences of anything nor did they care if they were killed. That was the first thing he had learnt from Whitecraft: Predators, they were the perfect soldiers.
With one swing of his long sword, he coincidentally struck the Predator in the mouth and down its throat. It recoiled and with a desperate flap of its wings, it failed and released its last scream. "

I wrote there, after that you would find an interval in a way where you have more story. because a fight scene needs to be more than just bolts of fire everywhere... you need to have a progression of events. My book next talks about Valora falling off her dragon, but it is built into the fight scenes.
Also, with more than two characters talking you need to state who talks at what times.

Overall, I like your style because the fact that a character is built around the circumstances at the beginning, not the choices which is more common. My book begins circumstance driven, then turns to choices.

oh and here you go:
//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=25108

I started writing then I was about 11... so its not nearly as good as the later chapters
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 08:49:04 17/06/2011 by BEST FAN EVER
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#52 Posted: 08:48:52 17/06/2011
^ Very intresting.
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#53 Posted: 08:50:01 17/06/2011
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
^ Very intresting.


whatcha mean by that? smilie
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#54 Posted: 08:51:08 17/06/2011
Quote: BEST FAN EVER
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
^ Very intresting.


whatcha mean by that? smilie



I mean i agree with you.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#55 Posted: 08:52:36 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 6; The Subpense is killing me (punny no?)

I swung my arms into the air and said, "I'm sick and tired of all of this boring ass training! When do I get to fight something?!" Rage rolled his eyes at me.
"Lord Vega says you need to train under his watchful eye."
"I don't care."
"Nether do I, but if the leader of the GW wants it, he better get it."
"Hahahaha."
"What?"
"I just thought of that in my perv-vision." (I swear, if black dragon says one thing about this I might just have to shoot someone)
"Heh, leave it up to you to hear things inappropriately."
"HEY! I'm relying on you two to save the plant here." Lord Vega yelled at us. I just rolled my eyes at him. He's one eregant prick. It's been three weeks sense Garrenal landed. I was staring to get really pissed at Lord Vega. I had started reffering to him as Lord Ve###na. Rage laughed every time I did. I had started disliking him the moment he called me "Zackary Volts". If there is one thing I hate more than anything, it's not being reffered to as my real name.

I was walking with Rage the same day, we were confined to a two mile radius to a large domed building called the WGA or Warrior Guardian Academy. The academy was large, yet it felt small in comparison to what me and Rage are accustom to. We usually just wander around town and get in fights with the strongest opponents we can. Things were getting dull until the fight with Mehem. Anyhow, we were walking and spotted a mysterious cloaked man handing fliers to children. Naturally, as any good hero would do, we walked up to him and asked for a flyer. He gave us two, they said "Welcome to the Subpence training course, I am subpense. I am not a predotor. ( smilie ) I am but a humble old man who, just so happens, to like training elementals like you two." We turned to him. All we saw was a flash of energy, and BAM! We were now in his domain. It was a large round room, no walls, just space. He looked at us and smiled. "Hello, I am Subpence, you are my first two students. I was aware of your little problem. I am a trainer of the highest caliber. I am assigned to train and raise the strongest hero the universe has ever known. You are going to have to train under me from now on. I don't train my pupils like Lord Vega does. I take an aproach you two are firmilliar with. I force you two to fight the strongest opponents of all of time."
I raised a brow, and then said with a smile,
"I would like to sign up for a premium membership please."
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#56 Posted: 08:53:30 17/06/2011
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
Quote: BEST FAN EVER
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
^ Very intresting.


whatcha mean by that? smilie



I mean i agree with you.


hehe, well thankyou. I have quite an... experience with English smilie So I always love to read others stories
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#57 Posted: 08:55:01 17/06/2011
Quote: BEST FAN EVER
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
Quote: BEST FAN EVER


whatcha mean by that? smilie



I mean i agree with you.


hehe, well thankyou. I have quite an... experience with English smilie So I always love to read others stories



No problem.

I can tell.

Same.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#58 Posted: 08:59:28 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I have to say, I have been trying to think of a way to foreshadow my favorite part I have planed
Someone throws the BLOODY FREAKING MOON!
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#59 Posted: 09:01:21 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
I have to say, I have been trying to think of a way to foreshadow my favorite part I have planed
Someone throws the BLOODY FREAKING MOON!



Dear God.....
Is Majora in town? Jk.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#60 Posted: 09:05:54 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Fine here is a snippet of the fight with Gyogan
The thunder shook all around us. Me and Ohm circled the monster, lashing at him with wave after wave of blast. We are blurs. He lashed out, sending a wave of fire spiraling. He would have killed anyone but Ohm with that hit. Fortunately it hit Ohm, and only Ohm. I dived in for a shot. I cut into Gyogan's arm barely. I spun and kicked the back of his leg before he could hit back. The fire still consumed Ohm, until I knocked Gyogan off balance. He fell backwards and caught my neck under his elbow. He would have snapped my spine, but Ohm was to quick. He dove to the side and launched one of his gakogen balls at me. It managed to knock me out of the way of the attack.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#61 Posted: 09:07:56 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
Fine here is a snippet of the fight with Gyogan
The thunder shook all around us. Me and Ohm circled the monster, lashing at him with wave after wave of blast. We are blurs. He lashed out, sending a wave of fire spiraling. He would have killed anyone but Ohm with that hit. Fortunately it hit Ohm, and only Ohm. I dived in for a shot. I cut into Gyogan's arm barely. I spun and kicked the back of his leg before he could hit back. The fire still consumed Ohm, until I knocked Gyogan off balance. He fell backwards and caught my neck under his elbow. He would have snapped my spine, but Ohm was to quick. He dove to the side and launched one of his gakogen balls at me. It managed to knock me out of the way of the attack.



EPIC!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#62 Posted: 09:08:59 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Wait until the fight with Biohm, Biohm makes Gyogan look like a kitty cat in comparison.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#63 Posted: 09:09:45 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
Wait until the fight with Biohm, Biohm makes Gyogan look like a kitty cat in comparison.



That is gonna be awesome!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#64 Posted: 09:16:00 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I still love the moon thing the most though, and Biohm vs Zerohm is still a long ways away.
We need to go through the training ark, the future, Empreal, the battle with Ohmega, Zeor, the ultimate battle with Gyogan, and most of all every SINGLE BLOODY FIGHT WITH OHM!!! there is so much that it reaches the point of insane.

I have to restart my comp. I need some music, and my computer has stopped me from getting on youtube for the time being. I'll brb.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#65 Posted: 09:17:21 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
I still love the moon thing the most though, and Biohm vs Zerohm is still a long ways away.
We need to go through the training ark, the future, Empreal, the battle with Ohmega, Zeor, the ultimate battle with Gyogan, and most of all every SINGLE BLOODY FIGHT WITH OHM!!! there is so much that it reaches the point of insane.

I have to restart my comp. I need some music, and my computer has stopped me from getting on youtube for the time being. I'll brb.



We are all gonna die from awesomeness!

Ok!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#66 Posted: 09:20:06 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I hope so, it would suck if we all died to Ohm. He turns into the most psycho, pervy, evil, sadistic, bastard, evil, mofo on earth.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#67 Posted: 09:20:37 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
I hope so, it would suck if we all died to Ohm. He turns into the most psycho, pervy, evil, sadistic, bastard, evil, mofo on earth.



Yay for insanity!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#68 Posted: 09:29:41 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
He kills orphans, don't cheer for him... now cheer for him.
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#69 Posted: 09:31:12 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
He kills orphans, don't cheer for him... now cheer for him.



..... Do whut?
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#70 Posted: 09:34:45 17/06/2011
Don't make you're books too outrageously... out there. Sorry but pulling the moon down, if you wanted that you need to write a sci-fi... :/

Thats my opinion of course, I dont know how it will play out
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#71 Posted: 09:39:04 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
It takes power from the entire planet to throw the moon, and haven't we already established that Ohm is an alien (I hope we have).
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#72 Posted: 09:44:46 17/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
It takes power from the entire planet to throw the moon, and haven't we already established that Ohm is an alien (I hope we have).


well yes, but alien doesnt mean its full scale sci-fi. Anyways, carry on I look forward to more
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
Fireball Emerald Sparx Gems: 3156
#73 Posted: 16:55:30 17/06/2011
Quote: BEST FAN EVER
Quote: SpyroVSGanon100
Quote: BEST FAN EVER


whatcha mean by that? smilie



I mean i agree with you.


hehe, well thankyou. I have quite an... experience with English smilie So I always love to read others stories


Well, then read my stories. I could really use help in editing and revising. smilie
---
OblivionSkull21, up and coming indie developer
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#74 Posted: 18:39:32 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 7; The trio, the enemy that Subpense fears?

My first solo mission was to go fight a giant robot (chicks dig giant robots, if you get the reference you win at life). Rage was going to be sent to fight a dragon, the first elemental of fire. I got onto a small symbol Subpence had drawn up. My vision blurred, I thought I was going to pass out. I stumbled off the symbol, now I was in a ruined city. I looked around, what I saw was a city bellow my feet, it was in ruins, there was giant robot that had a blood red lizard. I noticed the small lizard first, I knew it from my brightest dreams, and my worst nightmares. I saw Mehem. I jumped down from my mysteriously floating platform. I started falling straight towards the ground. I started spining, giving off lightning. I landed and shot off down a road, I hit the corner and used just one foot to zoom down the next. I kept blasting down each street, one by one. I hit the Last road to Mehem and the robot.

I saw a third figure, a cloaked man. I stood there, the last road in between me and a fight with Mehem and the robot. I starred at the figure, it was a man with a long grey beard, a head of spiked grey hair, and an armored gauntlet on his hand. The gauntlet was gold, it had the symbol of a Reapergan on it. I noticed the gauntlet from stories we had to read in class about the deadly super demon, the first Reapergan, but he had always worn two of them, and he had a helm made of the skull of an Ohmarian lord, he had a pair of wings made of Phoenix feathers. This man had non of those things, just the gauntlet.

I rushed up to the deadly trio, he just stepped aside, he had been reading a book and it surrprised me how nimble he had been at avoiding me. I was going at nearly fifty miles an hour. There was no doubt that that guy was going to be my main concern once I was done here. I shot up the leg of the robot, it noticed me emidietlly. It launched hundreds of missiles
from two turrets mounted on it's shoulders, they were heat seekers. I dodged one then the next, fires burst all around my on the still unscratched shell. I hit the waist and launched off it. I used the second wave of missiles as stepping stones up to it's breastplate. I jumped, spinning sideways, and landed infront of the left turret. Mehem was on the head and leaned to the right. I set a spark of electricity free, and BAM! The next wave of unreleased missiles blew up inside the turret. The robot's left arm was completely severed. It reached for me with the right, I nimbly backflipped out of the way. My hands collided with it's neck bone like armor, and I used a blast of my kitos to shoot off.

I hit the head and the robot started sending smaller drones with plasma-bassed weapons mounted on them. I dodged them as quickly as I could, I ducked under the last one in my way. I was now tow to tow with my current adversary. Mehem shot at me with his claws extended. He slashed at me, but I leaned out of the way and kicked his gut. "Always falling for the same attack still." I mocked him. He landed and got up. He turned and shot a blast of fire from his mouth, I leaned to the side. He was shocked when I grabbed the fire-ball. I threw it back at him. He was so surrprised by my attack that he didn't realise until it was to late that I had thrown the blast back. He got hit with the full force of his own attack. It wouldn't have done much aside from push him away, but we were on the head of a giant robot. It knocked him off, he was sent falling to his doom. He hit the ground with a terrible 'crunch'. I stood over the edge and looked at him.

Then I remembered the drones. I sent a spark out that cracked the main container of the liquid they turned into plasma through super speed heating, it blew them all up at once. The liquid was now a ball of plasma that took up the whole head. I looked down, apparently the head is this things weakest point. It had lost the entire upper half of its head. All that remained was the charred remains of the top of the skull. I hopped down from the head toward where I saw the man with the gauntlet. He looked up and saw me. He stuck out his hand and let loose an attack that would have killed me for sure. Suddenly my vision was blurred and I was back stumbling in Subpense's H.Q., "Why'd you take me out coach?" I asked wearily.
"Because you are no where near ready to take that enemy on, he happens to even scare me."
"Well, where is Rage?"
"That's the second reason I called you back, he's in need of help. He's fighting fire with fire and loosing."
"I'll go."
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 18:40:42 17/06/2011 by spyro glitcher
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#75 Posted: 20:58:08 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 8; The fight with the Dragon Supreme Chaos

I stood on the symbol Rage had used, his was the same size. It blurred my vision again, but this time, I didn't stumble. I stood my ground. When my vision returned to normal, I was standing in a large field, the grass was high. I looked around the field, all I saw was the grass, and a few mountains enclosing the area. I looked up and say my friend had grown dragon wings, he does when pushed to his extreme, and flying through the sky spiting dark fire balls at a dragon.

The dragon was red, it had a chain of spikes down its spine. It spat red flames, as I was lead to believe. I had no way to get Rage's attention. So I did as any reasonable person would do, I shot a ball of lightning up into the air. It exploded with vicious furry in the dragon's face. Rage started diving down back to earth. He hit the ground and erupted in fire. He shot blast after blast of black flames at the dragon. "Have you tried using a 'Super Inferno Wave'?" I asked him. He turned to me and said through gritted teeth,
"He took three head on and he's still going. He was only a fraction of this strong when I started this fight."
"Get to the symbol, I'll pick up the fight while you rest."
"Gotcha." and with that, he was now stumbling toward the symbol. I looked up at the beast. The clouds from our attacks were fading, he spotted me. His eyes narrowed, and he dived directly at me.
"Oh, shi-" I barely managed to dodge out of the way before his fangs sank into the earth. I got up slowly and looked at the ferocious beast. I saw nothing but pure furry in his eyes. I leaned back to avoid a blast of fire spouting from the side of its maw. The dragon lifted it's head and turned to me. I grinned,
"What's the matter scale face, scared?" I asked in a mocking voice.
"You dare speak to an elemental of my caliber with such mockery!" It spat at me.
"So, you can talk. Bring it pepper breath." and with that taunt, he let loose a ball of fire that would have killed anyone but me. I flipped to the side three times, just to get out of the way.
He started spamming them at me. I turned to the side and started running at full speed to avoid them. He was relentless. I tripped on his tenth or so ball, he would have killed me no doubt. I put my hands on the ground and shot off with a charge of my kitos. I just barelly avoided his flames. I spun to the side in the air. He was still firing in the path I would have followed, so I charged one of my best attacks. I held the ball of electricity in the air and yelled,
"Hey scale face. Eat 'Blue lightning grenade'!" I swung my arms forward and let the blast loose. An ear shattering shock wave took up the whole field as the blast hit. The "Blue lightning grenade" is meant to be used on waves of opponents. I grinned as the smoke cleared. Then I noticed, the dragon had been only taken off guard. It wasn't even phased by the attack. It shot up at me and swatted me with it's claw. It had me trapped in its mouth, it could have eaten me, but decided to let loose a blast of fire that made the balls of fire look like sparklers.
The dragon had my caught in a nova of twenty thousand degrees of fire.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#76 Posted: 21:26:00 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
How the hell did this get in the Non-spyro section?
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#77 Posted: 21:40:02 17/06/2011
Someone would've have moved it... :/
---
I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#78 Posted: 22:02:16 17/06/2011 | Topic Creator
But who? I doubt Dark would have.
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
Fireball Emerald Sparx Gems: 3156
#79 Posted: 02:31:33 18/06/2011
Dark's the only one who can.
---
OblivionSkull21, up and coming indie developer
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#80 Posted: 02:55:31 18/06/2011
Quote: Fireball
Dark's the only one who can.



^This.

We have no other staff here.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#81 Posted: 04:00:10 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 8; The training for the battle, round two of the battle with Chaos

I would have been charred to the bones, but my resilliant skin was enough to tone the burns down to a mere third degree burn. I know, third degree seems bad, but not to an elemental like me. I was almost out, I was down, but not out. The dragon let me drop to the ground, and looked down at me with pity. "I was lead to believe you would be a challenge, a worthy opponent. I guess not." The beast mocked me. "I thought the electrical elemental was a worthy challenge for Chaos, the red fire elemental." He taunted on.
"I had no idea dragons had such an ego." I taunted back. He narrowed his red eyes. Chaos leaned his head back and sucked in air for another attack, but Rage leaped in and punched him before he could.
"I thought you were gonna take it from here."
"And I thought you were resting."
"I was until I needed to save your ass." He retorted. I couldn't get up so I said,
"I'm gonna try and charge myself on some of this grass, it might take a bit." So I did. I started dragging every separable surge of life from the plants. I slowly started to build up my strength, Rage held the dragon back with some chatter about the power of fire and whatnot. I wasn't concerned with him. I was more worried about how to charge myself up to full. I looked at the dragon and interrupted some of Rage's bragging about how dark fires are the true power of the flames. I said," Hey scale face, do you have a brain?"
"What was that small fry?"
"Do you? Because I'm thinking you do, I need some confirmation though."
"Yes, cumbersome little pest."
"Well, um. Rage would you mind if I had a little private chat with pyrobreath here?"
"Not at all, why?"
"I want to know something."
"Ok..." He took a few steps back, I rose to my feet and stumbled up to the dragon. I asked him to bend his head down. Chaos did as I asked, so I wisppered in his ear.
"Do you want to join the fight against the strongest opponent in the universe, the RED lightning elemental."
"I don't know, if you two can beat me, maybe."
"Well, it's a good thing I am a blue lightning elemental isn't it."
"Why?"
"I can drain the electricity in your brain." With that I pressed my hand to Chaos's eyelid and drained a bit of power from his brain. He stumbled back, no doubt that that gave him little more than a headache. I was back at about a third of my full strength.
"Um, Z. what did you do to him?" Rage asked me.
"I drained a bit of his brain, Chaos is a proud warrior who is the last of his kind. That's all I could get from him." I was pretty woozy, becoming a quadruped for a bit is pretty dizzying. I stumbled over to Rage, I fell against him. I winced as he held me up by my head, which took the most part of the blast earlier. I leaned back and looked behind me at the disoriented dragon. I saw Chaos lift his head and suck in a ton of air. He gathered the air in his lungs and ignited it into a ball of fire. He spit the fire at us in one solid blast. It was another one of those super powerful fire balls. We would have been dead, but Subpense broke the seals that held us in place. We were suddenly back in the H.Q.
"Jeez, there is no way you can let us finish a fight is there?"
"I'm sorry Zero." The number 0 was the name I had been given at WGA. I was assigned as Zapper-0. The second "p" on my outfit fell off. So I got the nick name "Zaperzero".
"Your first objective is to train, not die. Now then, you will fight weaker opponents until you are ready to fight Chaos the Red fire elemental again. He, unlike the other enemies you will fight, is in the same time zone as you. If you can convince him to join us by beating him, I will teach you two the ultimate technique, fussing."
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#82 Posted: 04:01:04 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I know, but why would he? Unless he finally added someone as a mod.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#83 Posted: 04:02:46 18/06/2011
He didn't.
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#84 Posted: 04:03:55 18/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
I know, but why would he? Unless he finally added someone as a mod.



Yeah when Hell freezes over!
And i ain't gonna let that happen anytime soon.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 04:14:34 18/06/2011 by SpyroVSGanon100
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#85 Posted: 04:23:30 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I doubt he would, but this is a very unlikely event that he would just stumble by and decide to shove this to non-spyro. What if there are hackers on the site 0_0, I hate haxorz. I have aids.


Edit: DAMNIT NOT AGAIN!!!
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#86 Posted: 04:24:26 18/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
I doubt he would, but this is a very unlikely event that he would just stumble by and decide to shove this to non-spyro. What if there are hackers on the site 0_0, I hate haxorz. I have aids.


Edit: DAMNIT NOT AGAIN!!!



Ha i ninja you!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#87 Posted: 04:28:54 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Shut up! I LOVE HAXORZ

edit: u-u I am gonna go ssj on some haxorz up in here.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#88 Posted: 04:29:57 18/06/2011
Quote: spyro glitcher
Shut up! I LOVE HAXORZ

edit: u-u I am gonna go ssj on some haxorz up in here.



NO!!!!
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#89 Posted: 04:31:04 18/06/2011
Please refrain from spam.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#90 Posted: 04:34:07 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I will start on the second chapter on my own, it will be a long one, maybe even multiple posts long. I'm gonna go and think on my own for now. Be back in about an hour.
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#91 Posted: 04:40:02 18/06/2011
Sure, I guess.
SpyroVSGanon100 Ripto Gems: 94
#92 Posted: 05:49:37 18/06/2011
Whatever...
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#93 Posted: 05:52:36 18/06/2011
It's been an hour, but I don't want to rush him.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#94 Posted: 05:57:50 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 9; The training session begins

[one week of healing later]
"I don't know, it seems risky. Is he really that strong?"
"Hey, do you want to be stronger on not Z.?" Subpense asked drawing the last lines of the teleportation symbol. I sighed,
"Fine, I guess you know more about him than we do. But really, how will fighting a stronger opponent help fight the weaker one we can't even beat?"
"You must be stronger and Rage must be faster. You both need to improve. If anyone is strong enough to make this work, yet not to strong to destroy you in one punch, it's this guy." with that Subpense activated the gates and we were warped back to the world with the robot. The man with the gauntlet was there still, just reading his book. He looked up as we approached and said,
"Oh, hello Zackary and Ragenald." I knew that voice, but from where?
"How do you -" Rage tried to say, but the cloaked man shushed him with his pointer finger.
We waited about ten minutes and then the cloaked man lifted his arm slightly. Following his arm was a slab of rock on four stone pillars that manafested itself from the ground. He set his book on it and looked to us. He said in a steady voice,
"So, what can I do you for? I am in no rush to fight you, but I can tell you came here for a fight again."
"How did you know, and why ask?"
"It was just a thought, I was in the middle of asking and I thought, 'Why would they be here, aside from to train'." I raised a brow at him. I didn't say anything but Rage did,
"So, how do you know us?"
"I killed you, Zero, I killed fourteen times I believe. Let me check the list... Yep. Fourteen, right on the dot."
"How did you..." I started
"Not important." He stopped. "Let's get going shall we." He spun his fingers around in a small circle. A ball of air formed, then it began to liquidize into a ball of super fast water.
He had chilled it like a water elemental or ice elemental, but flowed the air like a wind elemental. What was he? He threw the ball of water, it suddenly froze in shards. The shards shot off at us, it was like a frozen frag grenade. I dodged most of them, but rage just blocked them with his skin. I put my arms in the air and said,
"Blue lightning grenade." A ball of electricity formed in my hands, I threw it at him. He flicked it with his fingers. It flew back at us and would have killed me. I dodged with a backflip, but The cloaked man was faster. He was behind me before I could land, he kicked me in the face. Rage tried to punch him with his right fist. The man leaned back, but Rage was smarter, he opened his hand and blasted the guy in the face with a ball of fire.
The man was caught off guard by this tactic. The fire engulfed his head. I got up, holding my stomach.
"I am surprised you were good enough to pull that one off. I must be rubbing off."
"Shut up runt." Rage complained. The man shot up out of the smoke left by Rage's attack. He ducked under one of Rage's next attacks and spun around the next fireball. He grabbed Rage's forearm and kicked his elbow. Rage let out a loud yelp and fell over forward. I kicked over him, but I wasn't fast enough. The guy was behind me. I punched at his face. He swung to the side. I tried Rage's technique. He ducked under it. Rage stuck his hand to the ground and caused a ball of heat to form under the man. The ball of fire propelled him into my attack. The heat of the fire, and the charge of the electricity would have been enough to subdue most enemies. This guy was still to strong. He leaned forward through my attack, he was grinning though. He grinned as if ammused by our attacks. I ducked under a punch he emideitly threw at me. He used our technique, he opened his hand and let a ball of energy free.
The blast riddled my bones, and shook me more than hurt. It was as if I had been electrified, but I'm an electrical elemental. He shoved my face into the ground. Rage was now on his feet, he punched at the man holding me down. The man slipped out of some sandals he had been wearing. Rage had melted them to his feet, mid battle. I watched him jump out of the way of the attack when he let go of my face. I watched as the two fought. I tried to get up, but my body was numb. Rage was alone against this monster. The man said at last, "It has been fun, but goodbye." He flicked Rage in the forehead. Rage went flying through three buildings before leaving a small crater in the fourth. My vision blurred, I felt wossy, and I blacked out.

When I woke up I was back in the H.Q., "Sleep well Missy?" Subpense asked.
"Shut up, I have a headache."
"I'm amazed, you have taken a pogemo wave with only paralysis."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean you took that electrical attack head on. That wave is, or should I say was, enough to kill you before. I would think that this training is already having an effect."
"Great, being bed ridden for the third time the last year is an improvment."
"Well, you will have your kitos blocked up, so you won't be in fighting shape any time soon. I have been hoping to send you back to your world for a bit, there is one problem though. What do we do with him." Subpence pointed to the lump of broken, and bloody muscle. I saw my friend after one hit from that thing, one true hit.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 06:56:16 18/06/2011 by spyro glitcher
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#95 Posted: 05:58:51 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I got sidetracked playing with my dog. u-u I am sorry, I'll finish two-four chapters tonight.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
semp123 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3232
#96 Posted: 06:00:06 18/06/2011
Nah, it's okay.
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#97 Posted: 06:07:05 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
I'm willing to, it's fun writing these. I write them on the spot too.
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Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#98 Posted: 09:02:29 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 10; The return to earth

Me and Rage were back in our old house. It was more of a pillar with two parallel spikes we stood on to sleep. We lent against one another, mostly to ensure that one doesn't sneak off, and two to ensure that one can't die without alerting the other of it. When we awoke, we did as we usually did, we knelt, then pushed off of the spikes. Next we used each other as a wall to jump off of. We both flipped and landed on our feet. We walked slowly to our school, today was the first day that we had been back sense the landing of Ganneral. We went to see Genneral yesterday. Rage had become quite good friends with her sense she landed. The WGA kept her as a subject. They studied her Ohmarian abilities. I walked to school, Rage took a much more chaotic route. I walked through the city (twenty seven mile walk to school) and got in every fight I could. Rage decided to run across the roofs and try not to touch the ground at all costs.
When we made it to school I had gotten into fifteen fights, all of them were one on a whole gang. I kicked it into gear when I saw Rage was right ahead of me. I always made it my objective to reach school first. I bolted for the school, so did Rage. We both hit the field feet first. He hit the ground and used his kitos to shoot himself forward. I kept running until I hit the school with my index finger. Rage was but meters behind me. I grinned and bragged," Twenty to five." He rolled his eyes.
"I don't think school is started yet, what do you wanna do?"
"Let's go up to the roof and see if we can fuse some attacks." I suggested. He nodded in response. I leaped up and flipped onto the roof. He used his claws to dig some new holes into the wall. He does this every time he wants to get to the roof. When he got up I suggested our first priority," Let's put the Blue Lightning grenade and 'Super Inferno Wave' together." He nodded.
"I wonder how we'll do that. Got any ideas?"
"Nope, how about we try with a couple of more capatable moves."
"Like?"
"Hmmm... I don't know. I'll have to think on that one. What about the flamnado and air charge. They seem fuseable." I suggested. He nodded in agreement. Then he started twirling his hands around in the air, he spun the air faster and faster, he started heating it to flameing levels. He was turning the air into a funnel of black flames. I started to sense every drop of moisture in the air and electrify it. I started charging the currents in the air. The funnel expanded and started to take up the currents. The fire slowly put itself out in parts and the electricity fizzled out in the others.
"What the hell is going on?" Rage asked irritably.
"Hmmm... I don't know. I can't figure it out. I'm sure we are doing both of our techniques correctly." The bell rang, it was time for the buses to start arriving shortly.
"We'd better get down to the front doors." I suggested. Rage jumped off of the Roof before I was done with my sentence. I jumped too, The second my foot hit the wall I shot down the side of the building. I went right past Rage. I hit the soft turf with a soft puff.
I got up and walked up to the doors slowly. I Rage was just behind me, we walked in and noticed a "wanted" poster next to the door. It was for us.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#99 Posted: 10:20:54 18/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 11; Day one of school

I stopped and starred at the posters. The one for Rage was an old mug shot from when Mehem had once framed us for robbing a bank. Mine was a picture of me on the ground after our fight with Mehem. Rage snapped a spark that lit my shirt's (golden with a blue lightning bolt in the form of a z with the shadow of another z under it, I had Subpense make it for me, he's pretty good at making a causal looking t-shirt) back on fire. I fell on my back and put it out.
"Haha, very funny." I said to the snickering lizard-kid. He offered me his hand, I glared at him. I took his hand to help me up. He lit my arm on fire.
"F--- don't light my arm on fire moron. I need that to fight with."
I got up and patted the flames on my arm out. Rage was still chuckling through his teeth. I looked behind us and saw Laureen. She was standing there in shock.
"Z-z-Zack?"
"Mhmm."
"I knew you hadn't gone to work under Mehem!"
"What would make you think that?"
"Well, there has been footage lately of you and Rage fightning alongside Mehem."
"Hey Rage, do you think we should pay a visit to old green fur for making our number one fan here nervous. I mean, who in the hell does the think we are? We are no ones lackeys." Rage gave me a thumbs up. He was fiesty today, I could tell. We looked outside and stood tall. We wanted to take him on, We wanted to show that prick who he's messing with! But, school was just starting and we had no idea where he was.
"Soooo, any idea where he is?" I asked first.
"Nope." Rage said in a depressed tone.
"Well, that sucks. Wanna go see what's for breakfast. I'm starved, and there is no way Subpence wants us fighting in our condition and on an empty stomach." I said in a slightly upbeat tone. Laureen crooked her head to one side and asked,
"Who is Subpence? Your new girl?! WHO IS SHE, I'll KICK HER A-"
"Whoah there tiger. Subpence is a guy, he's our mentor."
"You've never talked about him before."
"He sorta abducted us from the street and told us we needed to be most powerful warriors in the universe to beat Ohm, the Ohmarian headed this way."
"You've been gone for little over a month!"
"We, eh. Rage?" Rage was about as pleased with this one as I was.
"We lost a fight with a dragon, giant robot, Mehem, and a wizard dude with psycho speed and strength."
"Hey, I beat the old Mehem and giant robot."
"Atleast I didn't get my but handed to me on a silver platter by Chaos."
"You got me there." I mumbled.
"What are you two arguing about? Chaos? Who's Chaos?"
"Well tell the whole tale of how we fought the 'Red Fire Elemental' and 'The Wizard Supreme." Rage said with irritation in his voice when he said "Red Fire Elemental".

Later, when class had started, we began recaping everyone on what had happened. The didn't seem to be believing it.
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" One of our piers asked,
"I heard you two are Mehem's right hand men." another insisted,
"Why are you here then?" a third asked.
"One, we are planing to take on Mehem if anyone knows where he is." I said
"Two, we don't work for anyone." Rage responded to the third.
"Thirdly, to recoop. As I said, I was paralized and Rage was thrown thorugh three buildings. My kitos is still backed up, and I might have to wait a day or two before we are even up to fighting Mehem." I told the third.
"But, I swear, if Mehem has one problem, it's us. We are no ones military dogs. I'm Zackary Voldres, not a private, not a general, not a second in command, I'm no one's right hand man, and neither is Rage."
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 00:14:16 19/06/2011 by spyro glitcher
spyro glitcher Gold Sparx Gems: 2401
#100 Posted: 01:50:12 19/06/2011 | Topic Creator
Chapter 12; Vega makes a powerful enemy.

It took about half a week before me and Rage were in peak form. I started trying to use my kitos to move objects, I figured that's who the Wizard (The cloaked guy) did the whole table of stone thing. I started with a few rocks, it took a few minutes of working but I did eventually move a rock the size of a car tire. Why such big rocks you ask? Because any smaller rocks would be to easy. I pushed it to hard wensday (yesterday/ the day I finally moved the rock) and Rage had to take me to a hospital. I was there in the E.R. when they realised we were wanted. My kitos keeps suddenly spiking too. When they figured out I just needed a bit of rest they put some cuffs on me. Rage beat the crap out of anyone who even came near. The WG and Lord Vega showed up after about ten minutes. "So this is what you've been doing. Attacking innocent doctors? I thought better of you Zero and Sixty nine. I had heard you teamed up with Mehem."
"Listen Ve----, I don't have time for this. I need to get some where Z can relax. He strained himself trying to move some rocks in preporation for our rematch with Mehem." Rage yelled at our ex-leader. Vega frowned disappointedly,
"Now now Sixty nine, I mean you now harm. I just want to bring you back under my wing."
"Like hell I'm going to re-join you!"
"To bad, I was hoping I wouldn't have to let loose for this one." Vega sighed, he took of his usual white robe with blue lines down the front and back. He set it gently on the ground, and looked up at Rage.
"I hope you are prepared." He shot at Rage, whipping a short blade from his glove. Rage's tough lizard-like skin "chinck'd" against the blade. Rage struck back, claws extended. His scratch would have ripped any normal man to shreds, but Vega used his kitos to shield himself. He put his hand to Rage's gut and sent a shock wave of kitos through him. The blast left a narrow hole in Rage's torso. I saw this and slowly rose to my feet. I looked down at my now floored and bleeding friend.
"Vega, you have just awoken a monster you aren't ready to fight." I said, my voice was doubled, like someone else was also talking. "I think you'd best run, before I wipe you off the face of the earth."
"Now now, why would you do that? And with what power?"
"This power!" I screamed, wrapping my left hand around his neck. I lifted him off of his feet. He was taller than me. I was levitating, but not just that, I was also surrounded by an aura of pure evil. My hand clenched around his throat, I punched him in the gut so hard that his kitos shield didn't even phase my speed. He coughed up blood and looked down at me.
"How did you..."
"Become so powerful? To protect my friend, he is a brother to me, and you hurt him," my eyes narrowed and I continued,"I swear, if you, or your guards so much as lay a finger on anyone I care about, you'll have only oblivion to look forward to! Am I clear?!"
"Cry-crystal." He gasped out. I let go of him and pointed to the door. He half stumbled, half ran to the door. He fell out and clawed his way up to run even more. I looked at Rage,
"So, want any help with that?"
"I'm good, except for the fact that I'm a little hungry." He gritted.
"Well, if you're ok, then get up. I'm treating us to dinner."
"I thought you'd never get tired of smashing Vega's guts into apple sauce." He chuckled. I stuck out my hand and helped him up. He was in the middle of getting up, then he looked at me and grinned in a most unpleasant way. Suddenly my arm burst into flames again.
"Damnit I said STOP THAT!!!" I yelled at my friend, who was to busy laughing his but off to notice my irritation.
---
Toonami is comin' back! WOOP!
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