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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43651 Posted: 12:49:00 09/10/2018
I'm probably not a good person. Nobody likes me and I only irritate other people when I speak. The best option is to shut up and get back to Theater of Pain, that's the only productive thing I can do right now. I'm worried that things will go wrong but it's not like I've got anything better to do anyway. What have I got to lose anymore?

EDIT: Oh yeah, and as I remembered last night, I have a perfect alternative if ToP fails. That may become the best mistake I have ever made, who knows? Sometimes mistakes are good things after all. I still don't understand why anybody liked that but it certainly seemed to have worked.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 12:51:51 09/10/2018 by Buchi
kardonis Emerald Sparx [online] Gems: 4602
#43652 Posted: 13:40:44 09/10/2018
Aaaaaaaaaargh this is so damn confusing
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43653 Posted: 16:16:09 09/10/2018
Man, I need to find a better place to dissociate besides the bathroom.
Skyhunter Platinum Sparx Gems: 5080
#43654 Posted: 17:28:54 09/10/2018
Mm hmm. Exactly as I expected. I call you out on your bull****, and backed into a corner with nothing to say for yourself, you break down and play the victim card to get me to sympathize with you. Well it's not gonna work. I ain't falling for that anymore. You brought this on yourself and now you get to suffer the consequences.
---
*default dances*
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1697
#43655 Posted: 17:58:25 09/10/2018
Seriously, could you at least tell me before you DELETE ALL THE WORK I DID LAST NIGHT!
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
willspyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 4139
#43656 Posted: 18:28:57 09/10/2018
Down and back second whistle! *first whistle* *second whistle*
---
The Slam Dunk™
Get Dunked On™
FedUpWolf Green Sparx Gems: 340
#43657 Posted: 19:43:40 09/10/2018
I am really unhappy -.-.
---
My wolf and fluffy kitten role play 15 days until the big day!
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43658 Posted: 20:01:20 09/10/2018
Wishin my holidays away just for the chance to see you again ~
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43659 Posted: 20:21:40 09/10/2018
I knew it. Trying this will just make me really depressed and I don't think I will have the willpower to go through that again. I completely lack the motivation, the only real reason I can think of that would keep me going is the idea of money. I need to try it anyway.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43660 Posted: 21:06:30 09/10/2018
damn, i forgot what its like to be happy and confident
i LOVE it
Jaggedstar Emerald Sparx Gems: 4263
#43661 Posted: 21:37:26 09/10/2018
i wanna message my ex girlfriend because it's been 4 months and i still miss her so much and think about her all the time and it's ****ing me up...but i dont know if i should.
---
saving...do not remove memory card
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43662 Posted: 00:01:18 10/10/2018
I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. It's 1AM and I don't feel sleepy. Well I guess that now I'm effectively suspended from college there's no reason to keep any kind of sleep pattern again... I've got something far more important anyway. I shouldn't care about anything else now.

Why don't I skip the main descriptions and move on to the minimal right now? I have plenty of ideas I want to write down but I'll likely forget about them if I spend too long deciding how a single battle will play out.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:01:49 10/10/2018 by Buchi
Jaggedstar Emerald Sparx Gems: 4263
#43663 Posted: 00:47:40 10/10/2018
@the person who PM'd me regarding my PT: i tried to reply but it appears you've blocked me...? :/
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saving...do not remove memory card
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43664 Posted: 00:48:00 10/10/2018
can't let anyone in. they all hurt me eventually. gotta distance myself
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43665 Posted: 01:11:25 10/10/2018
Okay my eyes are starting to feel heavy so I guess I should sleep now. I've got a basic outline of the first part of the game, that should be good enough for now.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Jaggedstar Emerald Sparx Gems: 4263
#43666 Posted: 02:40:01 10/10/2018
lol so i was reading through an old topic in the yotd board and came across an argument between me and mariofanstar, in which i saw he made ME apologise for HIM being a dick...well, it's been six years, but if you ever read this mariofanstar..you're a ****ing idiot and no i am not sorry. dick.
---
saving...do not remove memory card
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 5754
#43667 Posted: 08:29:11 10/10/2018
I almost did it

It was pressed against my skin, I was thinking that I knew what would happen and I was ready for it. It's something I deserve, I make so many mistakes but this wouldn't be one. It'd fix things... This is how things should go...

Then I got scared again... Please it would've been small... Please do it, stop hesistating... Stop telling me this is stupid...


-----
---
It's almost been X years since I've been here, and my Soul resonates with it.
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43668 Posted: 11:34:30 10/10/2018
There are several things I could do right now. Which one would yield the greatest positive results? I'm not sure. I'd like to go full steam ahead with ToP, but that might not be a good idea in my current mental state. Perhaps I should try using this time to ease my mind a little instead. But can I even do that, when my mind is only thinking of how useless I am? I need to try and achieve something no matter the cost. Forget my limits.

On another note, I vaguely recall her showing up in my dreams again. I don't know if this is a good thing or bad thing. One thing's for sure, it probably means I'm not in a particularly good mental state, it only seems to happen when I'm feeling down. I am feeling kind of pissed off come to think of it. Do I want the dreams to come back? Maybe.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1697
#43669 Posted: 12:29:53 10/10/2018
*Breathes in*

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
somePerson Emerald Sparx Gems: 4433
#43670 Posted: 17:02:56 10/10/2018
stop.
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43671 Posted: 17:50:51 10/10/2018
listen, i know im a hypocritical ***** and literal human garbage that pisses everyone off, but can you please stop ****ting on my city?? thanks
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43672 Posted: 19:33:13 10/10/2018
I guess I'm not in a good mental state at all then. I'm feeling particularly more confused and conflicted in these past few weeks than the times before. This will be fun.

Nobody would care if I were gone, maybe nobody would notice either. I give no compassion and obtain none in return, just as things should be. I have nobody who cares about me besides my parents. If anyone else says "I care" or "I notice" then that is false because I'm sure I'm not any different than the thousands of other people with their own problems, most likely even greater than mine (who am I to complain about anything?). The only reason anyone would remember me in particular is as some emo edgelord. I'm no different, I don't have a right to complain like my life is **** just because of some minor inconveniences. I live and die just like everyone else... we all die eventually.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43673 Posted: 19:33:28 10/10/2018
I have nothing going on in my pathetic ass life
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43674 Posted: 21:34:27 10/10/2018
I wonder what would actually happen if I just left right now? I wouldn't know, I wouldn't be here anymore so how could I know? It would only be a question of what happened next. I don't believe there is nothing but blank nothingness in the thereafter, perhaps she is waiting for me. Maybe that's what those dreams were about. There's nothing to say otherwise... yes, maybe that is the thereafter. I have no reason to stay, maybe I really should just go?

I mean, why should I care about anything anymore, I could just be denying something so much greater by refusing to leave. Because of my goals? What about them? Would they really bring me the peace and happiness I desire so much? No, perhaps not, maybe going to this place is the only way I can achieve true happiness. My goals here mean nothing.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43675 Posted: 21:59:42 10/10/2018
Okay, this has been in my mind for a long while and I think I'm finally content with the conclusion. I'm pretty sure I'm only interested in pursuing a relationship with other women at the moment. My head has been all messed up wondering if I want a romantic relationship or just a platonic one. Still not sure, but if I ever want a romantic one I think it would have to be with another woman. I've become a little more open to the idea of sex I think, still very very uncomfortable and not sure if I'd ever want to participate in it ... but I would only feel comfortable with it if it was another woman. I don't know what's happened over the course of the past few weeks. I'm not so much of a "prude" anymore and my mind has opened up more to it. But I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. I wouldn't look at someone hot and think "oh I want to have sex with them". It's only if I was in a very deep relationship with another woman that I'd ever consider it, and they'd have to be the one to initiate it.

Sorry if this is tmi or whatever, I just felt the need to write it down to solidify my thoughts.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1960
#43676 Posted: 23:53:17 10/10/2018
Oh no, it’s happening again... urgh
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4730
#43677 Posted: 03:36:20 11/10/2018
We got her in to a rehab place and it sounds really good. It's more so a mental hospital than a rehab, but she isn't able to leave without parent's permission! And they've fought so hard to get her in here, they're not going to just let her go. AND if she tries to leave she'll get actually admitted to the actual mental hospital. So she's there for three weeks! HOPE TO GOD that it's going to help change her mindset. The therapy sounds great and they have a drug addiction program as well.
My stress won't be as bad for three weeks at least. ;;
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
kardonis Emerald Sparx [online] Gems: 4602
#43678 Posted: 06:05:29 11/10/2018
when I heard THAT, well, I should probably just be happy for you instead of being petty, or, whatever this feeling is supposed to be. It's just hard sometimes, seeing "opportunities" fall.
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43679 Posted: 06:38:17 11/10/2018
youre really making me reconsider our friendship...
TheJMAN184 Gold Sparx Gems: 2418
#43680 Posted: 09:10:08 11/10/2018
You remind me of who I was in 2016 and it's made me realize how much of a garbage piece of **** I was. Please, just ****ing die.
---
DON'T @ ME
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43681 Posted: 12:52:13 11/10/2018
I'm not depressed at all. Maybe I was, admittedly, but I'm not now. Just a little conflicted is all, I'll get over it.

Anyway, I had another nightmare last night. Part of it was a typical zombie apocalypse which I get a lot, albeit feeling a lot more realistic this time. But doesn't it always feel realistic? Eventually the Grim Reaper showed up. He said he was going to kill me, that he was going to take me down to where nothingness is, just the black void and nothing more. He started waving his scythe about and almost hit me a few times, it was kind of scary especially considering how real it felt. I started screaming like a little ***** and woke up. How cowardly of me. But still, I wonder if it really was the reaper, maybe I really was going to die and I was lucky to have woken up. Well I'm not dead so I guess he failed.

Despite my trying to make Theater of Pain better than it was before I feel like I'm only making it worse. First it was everyone getting killed off for no reason, then it became some emo **** where everyone was just crying over their own problems. What happened to the horror? The first draft opened with the main character's mother getting brutally murdered onscreen for ****'s sake. It turned from that into... this. I gotta sort this **** out. I thought I seen some potential but did I really? If I can't get my **** together I need to abandon it. Making money is becoming my primary goal, edgy emo bull**** is the kind of thing nobody likes and therefore don't pay for.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5234
#43682 Posted: 15:32:24 11/10/2018
I really appreciate the fact that you've been trying to make more time for me these past few weeks. I'm sorry that I doubted your affection, but it makes me so happy to see you try to make me feel loved. <3


gay

- - -
---
If all you ever do is look down on people, you won't be able to recognize your own weaknesses
somePerson Emerald Sparx Gems: 4433
#43683 Posted: 17:14:23 11/10/2018
opinions and truths make us dumber
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43684 Posted: 18:08:01 11/10/2018
oof x100
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 5754
#43685 Posted: 18:29:47 11/10/2018
I feel like I'm going to throw up so hard from the sheer fact that one feeling I have.

I'm going to have a breakdown again, it hurts so much, please stop hurting.
---
It's almost been X years since I've been here, and my Soul resonates with it.
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43686 Posted: 20:39:57 11/10/2018
i dont agree with this decision but theres nothing i can do about it so... (shrug)
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
FedUpWolf Green Sparx Gems: 340
#43687 Posted: 21:03:08 11/10/2018
I keep wanting to kill myself and I feel horrible.
---
My wolf and fluffy kitten role play 15 days until the big day!
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5234
#43688 Posted: 22:42:27 11/10/2018
I should just stay quiet. Everyone would be happier that way.


- - -
---
If all you ever do is look down on people, you won't be able to recognize your own weaknesses
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43689 Posted: 23:19:05 11/10/2018
lol that messege was aimed at you fam. you should listen.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
crystalhero37 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4445
#43690 Posted: 10:55:09 12/10/2018
I don't think we should speak to each other.

It's not gonna get better.
---
"Hey Jimmy if you just asked me I would have lent you some stupid-looking clothes."
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 200
#43691 Posted: 11:42:14 12/10/2018
I'm not sure it could be considered a positive or a negative that I keep coming up with new ideas. On the plus side, it means I never run out of good ideas, on the downside, I usually find I can't stay focused on one idea for long because sometimes my new idea seems better. Anyway at least I'm starting to figure out why every script I wrote for Theater of Pain has been bad so far. Altogether, if I can't get my **** together, maybe a new idea would be called for after all.
---
Nico Nico Nii mother****ers
40 more days or something till Article 13 idk
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3191
#43692 Posted: 13:18:31 12/10/2018
after everything he's done, he's just allowed back? I'll tell everyone if they try to tell me you're a good guy again. And I won't let you harass me again
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43693 Posted: 17:55:43 12/10/2018
i hate myself. lol
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5234
#43694 Posted: 18:14:48 12/10/2018
Personally kind of glad that I'm not in there. A good few of you annoy me to no end, so reducing my time and interaction around you is a blessing for my well-being.


Not about anyone here.
---
If all you ever do is look down on people, you won't be able to recognize your own weaknesses
Jaggedstar Emerald Sparx Gems: 4263
#43695 Posted: 18:26:40 12/10/2018
*screams*
---
saving...do not remove memory card
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1697
#43696 Posted: 18:27:18 12/10/2018
Quote: Jaggedstar
*screams*



Can I borrow one as well?
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
Jaggedstar Emerald Sparx Gems: 4263
#43697 Posted: 18:31:14 12/10/2018
Quote: King-Pen Krazy
Quote: Jaggedstar
*screams*



Can I borrow one as well?



there's plenty to go around, take as many as u want
---
saving...do not remove memory card
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1697
#43698 Posted: 18:32:45 12/10/2018
Quote: Jaggedstar
Quote: King-Pen Krazy
Quote: Jaggedstar
*screams*



Can I borrow one as well?



there's plenty to go around, take as many as u want



Thank you

*screams*
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6402
#43699 Posted: 18:36:37 12/10/2018
i feel better now..
---
looks like ive got some things to do...in hd
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 635
#43700 Posted: 21:33:23 12/10/2018
im really worried i dont mean as much to you as they do, it always feels like your friend group is vastly more important than me. they always get first priority, and all i ever get is second pickings. i just want my girlfriend to spend some, y'know ACTUAL time with me. im happy you got the job, but im worried i wont see you at all any more. you told me over the phone that we're largely gonna be not-so-long distance now, but half the time i cant even text you because youre with your friends and its annoying? what does that make us?


only ONE persona is allowed to read this and if youre questioning if its you then its not you, gtfo
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