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Which was your favourite Year of the Dragon homeworld?
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 373
#43501 Posted: 02:24:37 10/09/2018
Oh god why'd you read it and not reply what did i do oh god please message me back
kardonis Emerald Sparx Gems: 4508
#43502 Posted: 03:31:00 10/09/2018
Ugh, I need to stop doing that...
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43503 Posted: 05:49:17 10/09/2018
oh goodness ... im really not doing okay. i just ... i can't do this. i really can't.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Grizzle Green Sparx Gems: 373
#43504 Posted: 06:55:06 10/09/2018
if she doesnt message me back today i think im gonna cry. i knew something would happen to ruin things it always does without fail
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1866
#43505 Posted: 03:10:47 11/09/2018
Can I please physically remove my jealous tendencies from my body so that I won’t have to feel that ugly ass emotion ever again? I swear to god, I feel like punching myself all the goddamn time with how much I just get random bouts of jealousy. It’s not healthy and I'm such an asshole for feeling it

———

The self harm was real bad tonight. I can feel my leg bleeding from that. Ugh...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 04:11:01 11/09/2018 by TheToyNerd
kardonis Emerald Sparx Gems: 4508
#43506 Posted: 04:14:14 11/09/2018
It's a hard toll being the strong person for other people all the time...
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43507 Posted: 07:22:21 11/09/2018
Just sentimental rambling to myself. Trying to convince myself that it's alright lol.

I still miss you a lot of the time. ><;
I wish I could come see you more, I'm just paranoid that you don't like seeing me. I mean, you probably do like seeing me considering you asked me out to lunch. Oh, I'm so silly. Stop being paranoid and socially awkward lol. And you told me that we need to stick together, and to never stop asking you to do things even when you're too busy. Man, I wish you weren't so busy ha ha.


I should keep a diary instead of using this thread lol. It's become a stupid habit of mine.
I should really get a diary hahah.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
terrafin2299 Emerald Sparx Gems: 3100
#43508 Posted: 12:21:04 11/09/2018
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever actually have a friend or if I’ll be alone forever
---
In College!
Pm me to talk on discord!
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 145
#43509 Posted: 19:36:53 11/09/2018
**** it I don't feel like going anywhere. All I want to do is get this ****ing videogame done. I don't give a **** about college, I don't give a **** about "friends" if they won't help me on this, I just want to accomplish something. I want to accomplish this. But I don't know programming, I don't know art, how the **** am I supposed to do all this by myself? I'm probably still better and more diligent than most but I'm still not ****ing Superman.

Ah... guess I made the mistake of coming back to social media whilst still at this low point. I planned on writing down a short TL:DR bio for the characters but I'm running dry on ideas and don't know how to properly describe the wind character and shouldn't even be writing down ideas when I can't properly think. Maybe I should skip the stuff I don't know and move on to writing the stuff I do, like the first few events in the story, I've more or less figured those out. Maybe some dialogue too.

I'm **** at dialogue though, hopefully it'll be acceptable at least, especially if I can prepare beforehand. For the meantime I just wanna avoid as much as possible... maybe I'll need to try and cancel that thing on Thursday 'cause I really don't feel like it. I'd probably be an asshole to everyone.
---
Death is just a heartbeat away~
somePerson Emerald Sparx Gems: 4345
#43510 Posted: 21:47:52 11/09/2018
narcissism is a trait thats gonna kill us all
Beemo Gold Sparx Gems: 2077
#43511 Posted: 22:34:47 11/09/2018
If you wouldn't ****ing rush me and get on my ass over every little thing, I wouldn't get mad. Sometimes I just wanna slap the **** out of you for being such a *****.
---
Hakuna matata.
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6305
#43512 Posted: 22:41:20 11/09/2018
Why am I like this
---
looks like ive got some things to do
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 23:48:30 11/09/2018 by parisruelz12
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43513 Posted: 00:42:28 12/09/2018
The whole house is in turmoil. Everyone is at breaking point ...
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2236
#43514 Posted: 03:29:42 12/09/2018
I'm suddenly seriously ill and tbh I hope I end up having to stay at the hospital because I know from experience that it's better than being stuck here
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1866
#43515 Posted: 04:11:24 12/09/2018
Well, I just made that relationship tank significantly. I hate being socially awkward and easy to crush. I need to get help
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43516 Posted: 08:06:22 12/09/2018
This is a weird thought that came into my head after going through a stage of feeling extremely suicidal ... but, well, life is precious and it's a miracle that we're even here, breathing and thinking. I'm not religious and I don't know how someone who is may view this, but we're not here forever. One day things will completely change and we will be thrown into something different, be it nothingness or another life ... But, time is limited. Life is precious. We aren't here forever and we shouldn't cut it short just because something may not be going our way at one period in our life. If we stop it now, that's it. It's over forever. That little miracle that bought us into this world will be over, and we will never be here to experience anything again. We need to take advantage of the fact that we're here. We're here! It may suck right now, but it may not in the future! No one knows! And we have the power to make our own paths! Of course things will happen that are out of our control, but ultimately we decide where we want to be! If you end up in a crappy situation but choose to well in your pity and not change things, that's your decision. You may decide to rise above it and try and salvage the situation. It's hard, but nothing that's worth it is ever easy. The hard work will pay off. The world is beautiful, and we need to look past all the crap that happens and just ... appreciate the fact that we are even here at all. And we shouldn't take that away from ourselves, because if we take it we're never coming back. We'll never be able to experience living, breathing, feeling, tasting, seeing, smelling, or hearing ever again if we take that off ourselves.
Life suck sometimes, but sometimes it doesn't. That's just part of being alive. And it's beautiful. What an experience! We're all still here! We've been through **** and gone through periods that we never thought we'd ever get through. But look, we're still here. And we will all continue to remain here after all the bad times in the future. We'll get through it. I know we will. It'll all be worth it, okay?
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Project_Unnamed Platinum Sparx Gems: 6096
#43517 Posted: 17:23:19 12/09/2018
I guess that one has to end the chapter eventually. It is not the pleasant or anyways happy thing to do, oh no. But to identify the ability and realize the great unknown, it has to be done.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43518 Posted: 18:54:44 12/09/2018
where am i going wrong?
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43519 Posted: 19:46:53 12/09/2018
I'm tired. I might not be so active on here for awhile, I don't know. Things are just crap right now and I don't have much energy or motivation to do anything.
I just want to sleep.

Hope everyone will be alright. I wish you all the absolute best. I know it's not much, but I believe in you all. Just be patient and things will be okay in due time. Everything will be worth it. The world isn't without its problems, but with each new hardship you face you build up resilience to help you face the next problem and it won't be as hard, or you'll have an idea on how to deal with it.
You guys are strong. You're all good people that deserve to be here. You haven't done anything wrong that makes you any less deserving than anyone else in the world. If you have a mental illness that doesn't make you worthless or a burden, it's not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong, okay? And dont feel guilty. You deserve to be here and you deserve happiness. You are no less deserving than anyone else. What have you done that makes you less deserving? Seriously.
I wish you all the best. You'll all be alright. I know it.
I love you all.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 145
#43520 Posted: 22:11:51 12/09/2018
I'm beginning to realise that one of the villains in my omniverse is actually quite similar to myself... I wonder what that means? Painting myself as a villain. It makes him an interesting villain, at least. Though maybe a better way to describe him is as a manifestation of my worst traits rather than me as a whole, yet still...

He's one hell of a villain.
---
Death is just a heartbeat away~
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6866
#43521 Posted: 01:17:49 13/09/2018
this isn't going to be easy, but such a change rarely is.

but a part of me is glad for it, even amid the present turmoil.
---
Designed for military applications, it is simply called the Nightmare.
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43522 Posted: 03:22:43 13/09/2018
i really dont think i can enjoy the direct tomorrow with this hanging over my head
any of this really
i could die and make all this go away
itd be so easy
but i dont want to hurt anyone

- - -
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43523 Posted: 06:28:06 13/09/2018
She's so lovely. But it's bloody weird how similar we are? Like, we have the same feelings about literally everything. It's actually mind blowing, I swear. And we've both been suffering very similar stress conditions and fatigue ...
It so ****ing weird that I swear we're mentally connected or something. She's like, literally me but older.

But the funniest thing? I love her so much ... but I don't hold myself in the same regard. It's changing, I'm working on it ... it's just such a strange thought.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Drawdler Gold Sparx Gems: 2236
#43524 Posted: 08:55:50 13/09/2018
I had a muuuuuuch longer post but the better cognizant side of me says I'll regret posting it even though I really don't feel that way and wish I could say it to someone I knew, especially today : ) There's stuff I really want to call out so to speak and just vent about but my next psychiatrist appointment is over a week away and too short to even mention everything

I will say generic "I love you all" and "it'll get better" bull**** makes me feel much worse personally although I realise I'm in a minority there, and in my experience people who say this haven't been there when I actually ask for help nor even do as much as pat me on the back, online or otherwise, yup even (especially) family (who spout their "love" most) does this

If you really care for others and make it known, slap some sense into yourself and do something about it, don't just say it and then sit there. It makes your words empty. It's harmful if these people would then ask for your shoulder (which did happen to me). Spend time with people if you actually care about them. If you love them, but you find it hard to talk or reach out, it would make your "love" infinitely more meaningful trying to overcome that and talk to them.

Love should imply you will be willing to do something, even small, that is hard to you, for someone else

Again, the people I hear this from most are the ones who act on their "love" least. Hell, the people who I consider my best friends? We're friends and we chat about ****, we don't just say we're friends and leave it at that. We don't spend time talking about what good friends we are. (To be honest, I'm still stunned we're friends.) We just chat because that's what friends do. Lmfao. I'll take a shallow ****post friendship over one with someone who spouts "love" but never even speaks to me anyday.
If those few people wanted my help I would try instead of just offering generic optimism or "love" because imo that **** means nothing on its own, and I come from the standpoint of getting that way too often no matter what I'm trying or what I'm in or the people around me or whoever's saying it (yeah, people who say this are sometimes ones who are clearly unhappy and never preach what they say, and it seemed those were the ones who romanticised it most)

People reaally underestimate how much real issues can be pushed aside and how much optimism can be forced and how much that can build up into and be harmful
Especially since people don't call that crap out
All optimism is good right

Then again I realise I'm someone with a kinda messy perspective of relationships
And someone who's dealt with this **** even as a kid
And I know YMMV because people process it differently anyway

Just take this as my own perspective, I'm just one person and already verified garbage.

---

Yeah I'm a pretty angry here but this is stuff that built up over years that I never really got out healthily or saw change. Blame lies on myself AND others for that, plus just life, so there's my explanation. Plus I'm still holding back a lot more, plus I'm horrifically sick

If my psych appointment were this week I wouldn't be posting this though
At least she actually talks with me

---

I wish I at least had company during this cold. I can barely breathe and I'm so dehydrated and get the chills but always end up waking up with my body like a ****ing waterslide from sweat.

But I'm expecting nobody to talk to me. That's just what I expect from people nowadays. Can you blame me? Or at least understand me?
This year people keep giving me optimistic but useless bull**** even after I tell them off for it, nobody gives me pats on the back as usual even as I'm studying while I'm this sick, everyone I know I don't even know what timezone they're in anymore, and I wake up at too weird times to talk, and whenever I tried to open I got no response- lots of people just not responding thhis year, wonderful.

That's mainly why I'm even visiting here, I'm that desparate for company. Nobody is even online on Discord.

I think I kinda deserve my loneliness. I can at least see I went wrong a lot of places there, it's not like it was only people leaving me behind, but yeah I could call a bunch of people out on that. Still, I know I don't really trust others anyway, I made a lot of mistakes, I don't seriously try anymore, and the stuff that makes me ****ty more than just "apathy".

But **** I think even I don't deserve this physical torture... everything that has to breathe hurts, I'm coughing all the time, I can't breathe at all if I'm not clearing my nose every thirty seconds, I'm forcing myself to drink multiple bottles of water and a bunch of gastrolyte a day and repeatedly use the puffer, my temparature is completely unstable and still feel unbearably ill.

All that on top my period, but lol, that's just like having the hiccups by comparison

What the **** has gone wrong

---

In conclusion,

~ ~ SCREW 2018 ~ ~


This isn't even cratching the surface he
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43525 Posted: 14:48:54 13/09/2018
i dont know what to do with all these emotions
i feel like im imploding
DragonCamo Emerald Sparx Gems: 4869
#43526 Posted: 18:19:00 13/09/2018
Why do you always come talk to me everything you try to commit suicide


what.
---
Ask me about Archer Emiya
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43527 Posted: 20:04:36 13/09/2018
this feels a little better
the rain cloud above my head stopped raining, but its still there
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1866
#43528 Posted: 03:17:07 14/09/2018
STOP. GETTING. JEALOUS. U ****
kardonis Emerald Sparx Gems: 4508
#43529 Posted: 03:34:33 14/09/2018
This might be a horrible idea...
---
My soul's been wandering through time, it's given me this strength of mine, How I am standing here today, is I'm no longer kept at bay
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6866
#43530 Posted: 06:45:38 14/09/2018
i hope i get this job...
---
Designed for military applications, it is simply called the Nightmare.
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43531 Posted: 09:42:25 14/09/2018
I love her. She's a beautiful person.
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43532 Posted: 18:01:50 14/09/2018
god youre insufferable
please go back away, i liked it better when you were gone
DragonCamo Emerald Sparx Gems: 4869
#43533 Posted: 03:07:37 15/09/2018
When you're awkward and dumb and push friends away by being a rude asshole but they see that as an aspect of your relationship and roll with you insulting them constantly
Is this healthy? lol
Also why am I like this lol


lol rip
---
Ask me about Archer Emiya
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 03:09:34 15/09/2018 by DragonCamo
crystalhero37 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4364
#43534 Posted: 04:40:58 15/09/2018
Please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I hate how I'm involved with this by doing absolutely nothing. I just wish I didn't know that particular thing, I wouldn't be stressing as much. The worst part is that I can't really tell anyone what's happening. I'm on my own for real on this.

- -

annnnnd you're making this more awkward. I think you're a nice and sweet person but god, you're making this escalate to places that might make this situation look worse.
---
do the carebears countdown 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 05:03:22 15/09/2018 by crystalhero37
ZapNorris Emerald Sparx Gems: 4753
#43535 Posted: 06:24:20 15/09/2018
i just wanna be good enough for somebody to let me love them.
---
member of the Council of High Intelligence and Educational Findings (CHIEF)
DeathOfADream Blue Sparx Gems: 666
#43536 Posted: 17:30:13 15/09/2018
Ah yes, please continue yelling at me for **** I either didn’t do, or didn’t notice that I indirectly cause.
Look, I’m trying to avoid a relapse, so can you ****ing not. It’s a charger. Quit yelling. Quit screaming. My urges are returning and trust me when I say they don’t need any assistance.
---
”When the hurt gets real, and you still can't feel
When you can't escape, and you cannot stay,
Then I am gone.”
Project_Unnamed Platinum Sparx Gems: 6096
#43537 Posted: 22:34:01 15/09/2018
Thank you for being my friend. I know that I was not worthy of your attention at first place but since of your magnanimous heart, you made me feel like being part of something important. Thank you, and I wish you the utter most best in your life for the future endeavors!

I want you to conquer the world of happiness and make it your own!
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Vespi Blue Sparx Gems: 538
#43538 Posted: 04:26:30 16/09/2018
i cant help but feel like 90 percent of those rules were put into place because of my actions, since nearly all of them pertain to stuff i do
which is a shame, ive been following the rules almost to a T and ive been on my absolute best behavior because its a really intimidating place
i guess ill stay away for now...
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6305
#43539 Posted: 05:54:59 16/09/2018
why are you still here

(not about anyone on here.)
---
looks like ive got some things to do
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1866
#43540 Posted: 06:28:10 16/09/2018
My optimism is a curse. I don’t know how to experience cynicism without wanting to and/or actually beat myself up for disagreeing with someone’s negative opinions
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5125
#43541 Posted: 17:21:14 16/09/2018
The fact that your first reaction to anything of this nature is always to immediately drag out the racist/homophobic/etc. card kind of shows how big of an echo chamber you've put yourself in.

It annoys me to no end because you belong to not a single one of these minorities you go around white knighting for, but when someone that belongs to one of these minorities says something you don't like, you're quick to pull one of those cards anyways.


- - -
---
Well slap my ass and call me Richard, you seem to be mentally handicapped
parisruelz12 Hunter Gems: 6305
#43542 Posted: 18:24:52 16/09/2018
i really dont like it when you come around. honestly you make me scared to talk about my opinions. actually you make me scared to talk in general. wish you would just stay away.


i like chocolate milk


LOL WHEN I SAY LEAVE ME ALONE IT MEANS LE A V E ME A L O NE


hhahahahahahahahahhahahahah i hate myself so much
---
looks like ive got some things to do
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 19:25:10 16/09/2018 by parisruelz12
Bolt Emerald Sparx Gems: 4644
#43543 Posted: 21:27:24 16/09/2018
There's not many people that I hate, but I think there's a particular person that's trying to push my patience.
I don't like seeing you around, you make me incredibly uncomfortable, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who is extremely put off by you.

Sorry, just need to get this off my chest.
But oh, I'm "complaining" again, aren't I? Pfft. Rack off. :/
---
it's no use crying over lost kittens or spilt milk
I draw stuff.
willspyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 4045
#43544 Posted: 21:31:14 16/09/2018
Confidence be going up and up
---
The Slam Dunk™
Get Dunked On™
Buchi Green Sparx Gems: 145
#43545 Posted: 21:54:27 16/09/2018
That's a pretty good tagline. Much better than the previous one, using this new tagline would be easy and effecting, unlike that generic bull**** like before. This one defines the underlying moral themes of the game and certainly would make the viewer feel interested to discover more.

It seemed a little generic before, but it's the way it's worded that makes it so effective. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. Haha, I just wish I could find the motivation to put all this into effect, but again it looks like I need to keep brainstorming a bit. At least the tagline is settled.
---
Death is just a heartbeat away~
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5125
#43546 Posted: 22:22:37 16/09/2018
Honestly I've been feeling like I'm not getting anything meaningful out of this relationship for the past few weeks.
I understand that you haven't been in the best spirits lately due to work and personal stuff, but I still feel like I'm being ignored on purpose.

You've hardly been talking to me lately, and the times that we do talk to one another seem to only be about sex at this point. (Save for wanting to take me to Busch Gardens so that we can spend some quality time together, but still...)
Sure, I can be pretty shallow myself sometimes, but even I like being loved every now and then without sex being the main focus. I want to actually feel appreciated as a person, and not just as some sex object.

I give you plenty of love outside of just sex, don't I? Why can't you do the same for me? I have a ton of my own problems, and yet I try to make as much time for you as possible.
Yet you don't seem willing to do the same for me, so maybe I'm not important to you?

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to be constantly available, or to be in a good mood at all times.
But it's honestly starting to feel like you're almost never available or in a good mood, and that any time I want to spend with you is "inconvenient".

Hopefully I'm wrong, because I don't know if I could handle having my heart broken again. Especially by someone who I thought was different from all the others.

Regardless, to anyone who thinks being in a relationship will fix your problems: Please reevaluate that mentality, because I can assure you that it doesn't. (If anything, it often does the opposite by making more problems)


Obviously not about anyone here.
---
Well slap my ass and call me Richard, you seem to be mentally handicapped
Edited 3 times - Last edited at 22:32:10 16/09/2018 by Sesshomaru75
Carmelita Fox Diamond Sparx Gems: 8966
#43547 Posted: 02:29:46 17/09/2018
pic of u
[User Posted Image]
TheToyNerd Yellow Sparx Gems: 1866
#43548 Posted: 03:06:30 17/09/2018
I’m sorry, Carm, but... ew StoneToss.

He’s like... not a good person lol
Carmelita Fox Diamond Sparx Gems: 8966
#43549 Posted: 03:19:20 17/09/2018
[User Posted Image]
- - -
Crystal Dragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6531
#43550 Posted: 04:18:51 17/09/2018
I am sick and tired of people telling me that they will take me to events and to go see places, getting my hopes up and then finding out they just go ahead and go without me and then rub my face in it later.

And this comes after the fact I already stated that I'm tired of the trend being that I get cut out of plans or added in as an afterthought. Being told that won't happen with this and then lo and behold, it happens again. Because why bother bringing along the piece of **** who gets yelled at all the time for never going anywhere? Who makes plans to go somewhere and then gets left behind by everyone else?

I don't matter. That's as clear as day. I have never mattered to anyone, and I never will.


i thought i was doing so much better with my depression lately and now it came back with a vengeance
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