darkSpyro

I thought what we had was a good plan?

thank you for not grading my missing assignments before the cutoff date. (which i turned in a week before btw..)

best teacher 10/10

God, sometimes I feel like an idiot, even over simple, every day confusions everyone encounters, for some reason I need to sulk in it and feel stupid.


As always I'm also just getting to hard on myself.

-------------

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

God, sometimes I feel like an idiot, even over simple, every day confusions everyone encounters, for some reason I need to sulk in it and feel stupid.


As always I'm also just getting to hard on myself.

me 2 tbh

I've seen Cartoon Network pilots and minisodes with so much potential... why can't they become full series? Tell ya' what. When Regular Show and the other cartoons come to a bittersweet end, why not put some minisodes into the fulll series slot? Back to Backspace, Infinity Train, Twelve Forever, etc..... Those were awesome!

Whew, I got most of the fighting in my house to stop! Things have been a lot better since I told my mom about my problems! Hooray! On top of that, my best friend is coming over for my sleepover birthday party (although he's the only one coming/invited)! Life's feeling so much better!

I'm still just a little concerned that you're gone. Are you okay? This really isn't like you...

- - -

Totally sad emo thought ahead, you have been warned

Quote: Windumup

Totally sad emo thought ahead, you have been warned

Reveal Spoiler

Cut my arm for the first time today with a shaving razor on purpose. It has stopped hurting (Boo) and seems to be healing. Left 2 noticeable marks, one small wound and another slash that ended up turning a very light green after I washed it out. Tomorrow I may move onto the underside of the same arm. Ugh I can't take this break a longer

i know its kind of taboo to respond to personal thoughts, but **** the rules im doing it anyways

19.
19 scars, 19 nights spent crying, 19 regrets that will NEVER come out of my skin.

I speak for myself as well as countless others when I say that self harm is a horrible slippery slope that you REALLY don't want to go down. Sure, it hurts to feel the pain you go through, and I know it feels better to literally bleed it out, but do you know what else hurts? The tears falling down your mother's face when she notices your scars for the first time. The dead silence in Skype calls when you confess to your best friend that you gave in again. The urgency in your partner's voice when she tells you not to make the mistakes she made. It hurts the most knowing the pain you've caused others my oh so selfishly cutting the feelings away. Just like drugs, just like alcohol, its a very dangerous addiction, and addiction you really don't want to start. All self harm does is destroy everything around you, until you're even more pained and desperate than before. I've seen it tear people apart and throw people I called my friends off buildings. Trust me, you do NOT want to start this. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, one that leaves all too lasting and noticeable marks on both you and everyone you care about.

"But Greeny..." You may be wondering, "I've already started! It feels good, and there isn't really any good alternatives!"
That's where you're wrong. You're just starting, it can be undone, and I beg you, undo it while you still can. You can always express your feelings into art or have a conversation with friends and family who really care. If you're dead set on feeling pain, try putting on a rubber band on the area and snapping it until you feel better. Are the red marks what make it worth it? Try drawing a line in the area with a red pen or marker. I promise you, It WILL get better. I know that sounds like nonsense, I know that I can't know that for sure, but from personal experience of both mine and many close friends, it does.

Windumup, I know I don't really know you as a person that well, but I do know this: You're stronger than this, you're better than this, and you're above this.

I try to be nice and i get nothing back.

Screw you, you've shown your true colours.

i'm sorry

Quote: StriderSwag

Reveal Spoiler

thats GOING to be me
ill do whatever it takes to get to the top, and ill fight tooth and nail to keep my rightful place there

if im going to maybe make this into a legitimate career, i need practice and determination, and i already have one of those under my belt
for now i just have to have it as a side hobby, a VERY important side hobby, until i 1. get out of school and 2. start transitioning
but then, oooooh man, i dont think the competition is prepared

Denver PlayOverwatch, here i come

- - -

Quote: CAV

Quote: StriderSwag

Reveal Spoiler

thats GOING to be me
ill do whatever it takes to get to the top, and ill fight tooth and nail to keep my rightful place there

if im going to maybe make this into a legitimate career, i need practice and determination, and i already have one of those under my belt
for now i just have to have it as a side hobby, a VERY important side hobby, until i 1. get out of school and 2. start transitioning
but then, oooooh man, i dont think the competition is prepared

Denver PlayOverwatch, here i come

Reveal Spoiler

Did New York call for a doctor?

- - -

- - -

as if this night could get any ****ing worse

Quote: StriderSwag

Quote: Windumup

Totally sad emo thought ahead, you have been warned

Reveal Spoiler

Cut my arm for the first time today with a shaving razor on purpose. It has stopped hurting (Boo) and seems to be healing. Left 2 noticeable marks, one small wound and another slash that ended up turning a very light green after I washed it out. Tomorrow I may move onto the underside of the same arm. Ugh I can't take this break a longer

i know its kind of taboo to respond to personal thoughts, but **** the rules im doing it anyways

19.
19 scars, 19 nights spent crying, 19 regrets that will NEVER come out of my skin.

I speak for myself as well as countless others when I say that self harm is a horrible slippery slope that you REALLY don't want to go down. Sure, it hurts to feel the pain you go through, and I know it feels better to literally bleed it out, but do you know what else hurts? The tears falling down your mother's face when she notices your scars for the first time. The dead silence in Skype calls when you confess to your best friend that you gave in again. The urgency in your partner's voice when she tells you not to make the mistakes she made. It hurts the most knowing the pain you've caused others my oh so selfishly cutting the feelings away. Just like drugs, just like alcohol, its a very dangerous addiction, and addiction you really don't want to start. All self harm does is destroy everything around you, until you're even more pained and desperate than before. I've seen it tear people apart and throw people I called my friends off buildings. Trust me, you do NOT want to start this. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, one that leaves all too lasting and noticeable marks on both you and everyone you care about.

"But Greeny..." You may be wondering, "I've already started! It feels good, and there isn't really any good alternatives!"
That's where you're wrong. You're just starting, it can be undone, and I beg you, undo it while you still can. You can always express your feelings into art or have a conversation with friends and family who really care. If you're dead set on feeling pain, try putting on a rubber band on the area and snapping it until you feel better. Are the red marks what make it worth it? Try drawing a line in the area with a red pen or marker. I promise you, It WILL get better. I know that sounds like nonsense, I know that I can't know that for sure, but from personal experience of both mine and many close friends, it does.

Windumup, I know I don't really know you as a person that well, but I do know this: You're stronger than this, you're better than this, and you're above this.

It already feels like torture being on break with my girlfriend , she said I have done nothing wrong and it's just her and that she would "get back together with me once she is ready to be in a relationship again".
Bull, absolutely bull! I believe her but every time I have heard those words it NEVER ends up the same, it didn't in the past so why would it this time?

I am ugly and worthless, and don't deserve to be with someone as sweet as her.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: StriderSwag

Quote: Windumup

Totally sad emo thought ahead, you have been warned

Reveal Spoiler

Cut my arm for the first time today with a shaving razor on purpose. It has stopped hurting (Boo) and seems to be healing. Left 2 noticeable marks, one small wound and another slash that ended up turning a very light green after I washed it out. Tomorrow I may move onto the underside of the same arm. Ugh I can't take this break a longer

i know its kind of taboo to respond to personal thoughts, but **** the rules im doing it anyways

19.
19 scars, 19 nights spent crying, 19 regrets that will NEVER come out of my skin.

I speak for myself as well as countless others when I say that self harm is a horrible slippery slope that you REALLY don't want to go down. Sure, it hurts to feel the pain you go through, and I know it feels better to literally bleed it out, but do you know what else hurts? The tears falling down your mother's face when she notices your scars for the first time. The dead silence in Skype calls when you confess to your best friend that you gave in again. The urgency in your partner's voice when she tells you not to make the mistakes she made. It hurts the most knowing the pain you've caused others my oh so selfishly cutting the feelings away. Just like drugs, just like alcohol, its a very dangerous addiction, and addiction you really don't want to start. All self harm does is destroy everything around you, until you're even more pained and desperate than before. I've seen it tear people apart and throw people I called my friends off buildings. Trust me, you do NOT want to start this. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, one that leaves all too lasting and noticeable marks on both you and everyone you care about.

"But Greeny..." You may be wondering, "I've already started! It feels good, and there isn't really any good alternatives!"
That's where you're wrong. You're just starting, it can be undone, and I beg you, undo it while you still can. You can always express your feelings into art or have a conversation with friends and family who really care. If you're dead set on feeling pain, try putting on a rubber band on the area and snapping it until you feel better. Are the red marks what make it worth it? Try drawing a line in the area with a red pen or marker. I promise you, It WILL get better. I know that sounds like nonsense, I know that I can't know that for sure, but from personal experience of both mine and many close friends, it does.

Windumup, I know I don't really know you as a person that well, but I do know this: You're stronger than this, you're better than this, and you're above this.

It already feels like torture being on break with my girlfriend , she said I have done nothing wrong and it's just her and that she would "get back together with me once she is ready to be in a relationship again".
Bull, absolutely bull! I believe her but every time I have heard those words it NEVER ends up the same, it didn't in the past so why would it this time?

I am ugly and worthless, and don't deserve to be with someone as sweet as her.

she's not worth it.

someone who keeps saying "lets take a break" isn't worth **** and you deserve better then them

i know from experience. don't be naive, windy.


=============
Tell me that you can forgive
Bring me peace that I may live

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Windumup

Quote: StriderSwag

i know its kind of taboo to respond to personal thoughts, but **** the rules im doing it anyways

19.
19 scars, 19 nights spent crying, 19 regrets that will NEVER come out of my skin.

I speak for myself as well as countless others when I say that self harm is a horrible slippery slope that you REALLY don't want to go down. Sure, it hurts to feel the pain you go through, and I know it feels better to literally bleed it out, but do you know what else hurts? The tears falling down your mother's face when she notices your scars for the first time. The dead silence in Skype calls when you confess to your best friend that you gave in again. The urgency in your partner's voice when she tells you not to make the mistakes she made. It hurts the most knowing the pain you've caused others my oh so selfishly cutting the feelings away. Just like drugs, just like alcohol, its a very dangerous addiction, and addiction you really don't want to start. All self harm does is destroy everything around you, until you're even more pained and desperate than before. I've seen it tear people apart and throw people I called my friends off buildings. Trust me, you do NOT want to start this. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, one that leaves all too lasting and noticeable marks on both you and everyone you care about.

"But Greeny..." You may be wondering, "I've already started! It feels good, and there isn't really any good alternatives!"
That's where you're wrong. You're just starting, it can be undone, and I beg you, undo it while you still can. You can always express your feelings into art or have a conversation with friends and family who really care. If you're dead set on feeling pain, try putting on a rubber band on the area and snapping it until you feel better. Are the red marks what make it worth it? Try drawing a line in the area with a red pen or marker. I promise you, It WILL get better. I know that sounds like nonsense, I know that I can't know that for sure, but from personal experience of both mine and many close friends, it does.

Windumup, I know I don't really know you as a person that well, but I do know this: You're stronger than this, you're better than this, and you're above this.

It already feels like torture being on break with my girlfriend , she said I have done nothing wrong and it's just her and that she would "get back together with me once she is ready to be in a relationship again".
Bull, absolutely bull! I believe her but every time I have heard those words it NEVER ends up the same, it didn't in the past so why would it this time?

I am ugly and worthless, and don't deserve to be with someone as sweet as her.

she's not worth it.

someone who keeps saying "lets take a break" isn't worth **** and you deserve better then them

i know from experience. don't be naive, windy.


=============
Tell me that you can forgive
Bring me peace that I may live

No she has only said it once, I mean past exs have said it then never come back.

But I believe she will get back with me, but at the same time I am scared she won't.

She isn't worth hurting yourself over, then.

To be fair, nothing is worth hurting yourself over.

~ ~ ~

It's getting late again. How many times will I have to keep telling myself it's the same as last year?

What could have been....

These situations are fascinating and quite interesting. Every time I’m in the presence of person or people who start to open up, maybe cry a little or etc. I just don’t have reaction at all. I can empathize on rational level i.e. identify the issue and conduct myself accordingly. But to get a clear emotional sign out of me is near to impossible. And it is not like I don’t care because I really care if people involved are important to me but it is more to do with my honest belief that life spent acting up on your feelings and emotions, either good or bad, is life wasted. But I guess that most people are not robots or monsters without the figurative heart like I am so there is that argument too. But what difference does it make anyways?

That was my personal thought of the day. Carry on being personal, people…

Just realized through browsing my mom's Amazon history that she has been buying lots of stuff for my cousin, and she wonders why we don't have a lot of money.

>.<

Dammit I love her. <3

Life seems a lot better than it was before. I'm probably not going to post in here as much as I did before.

I really don't want to.
I need someone.
I want help.

Alright well, I'm just gonna leave this here. I'm sorry, I know I pushed too hard and came off like a creep, and it still urks me months later. It's probably a good thing this "relationship" if you can even call it that, was cut off. I get really obsessive when I have a crush and it's really bad, I need to try and, like, not do that.

Again, sorry.

I've been blocked by someone I have never even spoken to? K.

Everyone is together and holding hands and doing couples things and I'm here watching Mr. Robot.

****.

Im tired of listening to the druggies at course, Im tired of my stupid body, Im tired of not being happy here and not being able to do anything about it. Im just... tired.

HIHD checks to see if he is registered to vote by going online

Finds out he isn't

He feels relived, but also like an dumdum

Quote: Spyro Fanatic

I need to stop going to bed when birds start chirping and I can see dawns light at the top of my curtains...

thats the best time though.

What happened? I went from loving what I do to feeling like a wreck. I need a good game to play and some rest, waking up at 4 in the morning tends to tucker you out come daytime.
...I guess moodiness from having no sleep to begin with can sabotage your thoughts, hope this blows over by tomorrow.

I love how everytime you ****ing join, you attack me and call me retarded.

Well, it was nice knowing everyone. When the Affordable Care Act gets repealed and I lose my parents' health insurance I won't be able to afford the treatments stabilizing my condition so, uh, I guess it will just be allowed to run rampant until I pass away? >.>

How I'm reacting to the election vs How everyone else is reacting.

I said that I would never find true happiness. I was wrong
I said that I would never find true love. I was wrong
I said that I would be alone for the rest of my life. I was wrong
For once, I'm glad that I'm wrong

Well excuse me for being mad because my life seems ruined, and you're ****ing telling me to go to bed.

oh dont mind me i just cant sleep because of the possibility of shattered dreams

IM GONNA GO STUDY AND NOT THINK ABOUT SPUR OF THE MOMENT IMPOSSIBLE CRUSHES NOW BYE

@People Rioting b/c of election.


You're the reason he won to begin with. : ^ )

Quote: parisruelz12

@People Rioting b/c of election.


You're the reason he won to begin with. : ^ )

Not everyone voted for him you know, and not everyone chose not to vote. Yes, it's our country's fault as a whole, but that doesn't mean every single person is at fault. That's profiling in its own sense.

Everyone who voted for him definitely deserves what we have coming though. Just wish the rest of us didn't have to get caught up in the crossfire of karma.

I'm so tired

---

I am seriously annoyed and tired of people not remembering things that I have been saying for a long time, or things that have not changed. I am tired of tutors forgetting I am physically disabled and that it cant be fixed, I have had to think about it all day and now I feel like I am a useless waste of space because I cant do ANYTHING. I am tired of my mother forgetting things I've told her all year.

---

I hate myself so much, no I do not want to think about my birthday. I don't want to think about the fact that I am alive, and I am here. Its hard, I don't want to think about myself for extended periods of time because I start freaking out and my destructive habits kick in. Last night I didn't sleep, I just sat there picking and reopening wounds.
Plus last year I organised a huge thing and EVERYONE cancelled on me. It was terrible. Why would I do something THIS year? Whats the point? So what I'm turning nineteen, it doesn't mean anything.