That feeling you get when your dad is hiring people your own age to work at important positions in his company and you're reminded of just how grossly under-qualified you are compared to your peers...
Ah well, sorry to let you down pops. *Goes back to playing Skylanders*
I wish I could get closer to someone....Be closer to someone...Be there for someone.
I feel so far away and so dead. It feels like all I am anymore is bullet holes and lead.
I just wish for someone to be there, for someone to be a good friend...A close friend, understanding, unminding, accepting of all my highs and lows. Of my night and day...But it's always me that ruins that....I just wish I could stay by someone's side, and call them a friend I can be close to. Willing to have my back, to fight back to back with me.
I'm so afraid of being hurt, and being judged, I can't possibly be open. No one can know how I feel about...Everything, anything that is deeper within me....
I know how you feel brother. : /
I want to be closer emotionally to my friends, but I'm scared of being vulnerable and what could happen if I were to get close to the wrong person. The fear and the loathing of oneself is incredibly inhibiting to creating deeper friendships.
The fact that you bring it up a gallion times frustrates me. I get it, thank you. I know I'll never be as good as you. Tsch, get over it I can't do it "perfectly". NO ****ing wonder I'm like "well sorry" when you bring it up cuz its the unteenth time you bring this ****ing issue up. I'm tired of being adressed on something I know from ages ago, ****ing heck. Then you tell me to leave you the **** alone even though ****ing yesterday you said you'd be there for me. Well, ****ing excuse me, but look righ tnow. You're not even with me to comfort me. Ooooh not that I TRYYY to comfort you but as soon as I aproach I get a mouth full of fangs snapping at my face ****ting me over like I'm some piece of rotten ****!
I started my rant politely, but I just don't bother on the end.
We got the keys to the new house today, and we're in the process of moving. Thank God we're leaving this hell hole. And all I can say to my old town is "Bye ****es!"
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Why do you hate everything I like, just because I like it? It's the stupidest reasoning ever, and it just makes me feel like **** to be honest. If you're still going to do it, then keep it to yourself.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
if you're fishing, and you have no worms do you look for the worms, or do you cast you line out and expect not to fail?
my school is basically telling me that if i don't pass state issued tests, then i can't graduate. this is an online school.
it's also telling me that i need to take PE twice in order to pass (even though i got a B last year and have passed PE every single time i've taken it...and it's an elective.)
basically, i can take two math classes this year. Geometry (which i've never been prepared for period, but they put in me in it last year and surprise surprise i barely passed with a D) and an algebra class. now i can refuse the algebra class but i get put into consumer math, which is basically code for "you get put into the special class
so this year is going to be hellish no matter how i look at it and if i dont graduate this year im not going to go to college and if i dont go to college my parents are going to be really dissapointed with me and if they're dissapointed with me i wont be able to mentally handle it.
and it's all because the school thinks they can catch a fish without any worms. meaning they think i can pass a test that i've never been prepared for.
luckily my mom is opting out of the common core aligned tests and is putting me with a CAT test so i have better chance at passing.
/vent
*sarcastically* Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
**** these headaches, why do I keep getting them? I have nothing to help me, because I feel like Google results are just going to tell me I'll die, like they always do.
It's starting to worry me and I'm just stuck.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Holy, ****. That is NOT how you hug. Do you even realized what could of happened? Obviously I couldn't breathe when you put your arm around my neck. Now there's an itchy feeling from the inside of my throat, and I don't know if it has anything to do with it. Thanks a lot for the anxiety.
My computer is **** and I left my tablet at the new house. ****
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 21:12:28 20/08/2016 by Spyro Lover122
You know I'm pretty sure the reason no one's written your hypothetical bestiality vore porn fic is because it's ****ING DISGUSTING and no one in the right mind would ever want to.
OMFG CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I'M STILL HELPING A CUSTOMER AND THAT THERE ARE TWO, TWO, OPEN TILLS DOWN THE LANE FROM ME
BUT NOPE
YOU COME TO MY TILL, EVEN THOUGH THE CONVEYOR IS LOADED WITH GROCERIES
SNJKFASKFBHUSEDHFULFIF
my customers are blind and impatient. This one lady literally started unloading her groceries on the belt even as the lady I was currently helping, was still putting things on the belt and wasn't even half done.
---
Gay 4 GARcher
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 02:51:10 21/08/2016 by DragonCamo
Okay, but we really need Wi-Fi at the new house now. I don't want to wait any longer for it to be set up. When we're waiting for all the stuff to get brought over it just wastes my time. Plus we're there all day so it gets really tiring. I can't do anything but lie down on the floor of my empty room with Crash music on repeat. It's so boring, and it would be better if I could at least go on dS while I'm at it. I want to hurry up and move in so that we can finally get it but there's just so much more to do.
---
Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Sometimes it has to be known to others, seriously wow, in a group of not even5 people you freak out... you blame others including me, close ones that care for you. you hurt them all caring only bout yourself..
Its so nice you're pointing everything out. I don't want to talk is that such a bad thing? I'm not in for using my voice whatsoever because I'm dead by the screaming I did 10 minutes ago, sheesh, give me a break.
Also, sending me mutlple msges over and over isn't going to make me go any smoother on you.
---
Dammit I miss that pudding. It was so tasty and it actually gave me a calm, soothing feeling. Right now I have to do with cookies and milk. I feel like I'm dying
Why yes, the timing, gg. ;>>
inb4 they call it again.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 15:46:15 21/08/2016 by BlackWing116
There are times you can feel stuck. Times where you just sit and think, even if it's hard to identify what it is you're actually thinking about. It's sort of like being spaced out, yet you're too deep in thought that holds you back. It's like being balanced between what's real and what's not, having a clear mind but it still holds too much. The problem is how it builds up, mostly with the thoughts of both good and bad. It creates a mixture of such feelings and it becomes hard to comprehend. My mind is bursting with thought and energy, while my body is not. It makes me want to run and experience adrenaline, but at the same time I feel completely drained. It's like a sort of longing for something that I can't quite grasp, but the meaning changes from time to time, and it makes me feel so lost. Sometimes the will to escape something is strong, like the firm hold of something. It makes me feel anxious and fills my mind with curiosity, and recently I've been distracted by it more and more. I want to figure it out, I want to discover what it is I seek. But I feel like I'll never know. It's been far too long since I cared about these things. Before all this I felt like life had a meaning, even if I couldn't quite see it. But when something, someone, so important to you is pulled away, it suddenly changes. You then search for something, anything out there for you to pin point. Maybe I wont ever find it, maybe it's too far out of reach. Or is it right before me? Perhaps there is something that I haven't noticed waiting for me out there. Even if I never do make that discovery, I think that's what I've been looking for all this time.
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
Edited 3 times - Last edited at 21:02:42 21/08/2016 by Spyro Lover122
And today, I found out my Aunt and Cousin are stupider than I thought. My Aunt had allergies, went to a BONFIRE, even though she felt like crud, and my cousin didn't feel to well, and she had 6 corn on the cobs....Wow, just...Why do I have to be related to them? >~>
------
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Heading out, my liege? A commission, I presume? Then I shall accompany you. Just...ah, allow me to indulge in one more chapter...
"I used to zone out in boring classes in school, maybe those were seizures, hahaha". No. No.No. Thats not how it works and that's not funny to joke about, my god. ALSO "The person zoning out has no idea it happened, they don't even know afterward" JESUS CHRIST THEN HOW WOULD ANYONE KNOW IT HAPPENED of course you know after! That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard! How could you miss up to a minute of your day and not know it! Of course you do! Because it's not just blanking out! You forget where you are, why you're there, you forget everything!! PLEASE for the love of all that remains good, DO NOT be constantly telling people what epilepsy and different kinds of seizures are like when you literally know NOTHING accurate!.
Not again with this. I am tired and see no particular interest in wallowing in these dark thoughts. It seems that getting all this new motivation and strength is just a help tool to be even more efficient in misery and indifference. What is the point? Why one does things in general? I know that I don’t make a difference and I am just obeying some biological code and imperative which seems to make me only worn out and not at all alive in philosophical sense of the word. Sharing the oxygen with the world does not equal meaning. I don’t know, maybe the answer to all this is simply not there and there is no real higher meaning, purpose and calling for anyone or anything.
That was my personal thought of the day. Carry on being personal, people…
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Yeaaaah, that was pretty ****ing rude I gotta say.
No, my certifications (CompTIA A+, TestOut PC Pro, and TestOut Server Pro) are NOT easy certifications that just anyone can get on their first try (like I did). I mean, they are entry-level and they're not Cisco or Microsoft certs but they're not kindergarten, and I absolutely do not appreciate you underestimating my hard work by implying "oh, anyone can get those certs" when you don't even ****ing know what they are. You only assumed because I said two of them are over "computer basics." I didn't mean basics like being able to differentiate between a keyboard and a mouse like you oh-so-knowledgeably assumed, I mean basics in networking, troubleshooting PCs, security practices, and Windows operating systems. Do you really think you could pass any of them right now, without any training? Especially on your first try? Do you know anything about password hashes, network topologies, subnets, different network cables, what CAT is, how a network transmits data, what HTTPS is, what a VPN is, how to edit your registry (or even what the registry is), what the symptoms of failing RAM are, different types of monitors and the situations where each is best suited, and so much more? I doubt it, somehow. (And contrary to popular ignorant belief, A+ covers a bit more than just "what a computer basically looks like" :) ) Not that any of this is advanced or anything... But it's certainly a bit more challenging than being able to tell apart a keyboard and a mouse.
And don't even get me started on the SERVERS. You don't know jack **** about servers, about Windows Server 2012 R2 operating system, and how to configure these servers. It's not easy work. It's not something that anyone could do without any training or preparation. Again, it's not ADVANCED but I'm 17 for ****'s sake, do you expect me to have a huge industry-standard certification by now? These are DEFINITELY entry level, but they show that I know a little bit and that I'm serious about wanting to work in this field and get experience. I know I need experience and need to learn more. But, y'know, for my age I'd say I've made a few decent steps already. I'm even working on TestOut Network Pro, CompTIA Network+, and maybe even Microsoft Office certs this year. (Don't mean to come off as bragging here... Honestly, none of this is worth bragging about anyway, it definitely is pretty basic but y'know I'm trying :| )
Either way, I wasn't even talking to you. I was asking my friend something and it had nothing to do with you. Maybe you should keep your big fat nose out of my ****ing business and mind your own. Your nosiness is not funny and it never was. Don't underestimate me. Don't make assumptions about **** that you don't know about and only heard a small out-of-context bit of because you were ****ing eavesdropping on my conversation. You're lucky I didn't tell you off tbh, it pisses me the **** off when people practically call me stupid and underestimate all of my work because "oh ANYONE can get that!" Shut up. You don't know what I was even talking about. This isn't your field. And even if anyone could get it, it's still worth mentioning in a resume, I'd say.
You wouldn't even listen when I was saying that it's more than just being able to tell what a keyboard was and went on to say, "Yeah, I wouldn't hire you, Jessica." Great, did I ask for your worthless opinion? (Hire me for what, anyway, because the A+ cert alone could maybe get me into entry-level jobs?) Aren't you studying to become an English teacher anyway? That's great, but I don't think you'll be doing much hiring in general, let alone in the business and technological field. I'm pretty sure you were joking and didn't mean anything by it but god damn did that piss me off. **** off and mind your own business. I'm getting sick of your **** now.
-------------------------------------
"I'm so sad that we don't see each other much anymore!"
... I'm not.
I almost got into a car wreck last Friday (it was not my fault at all this time) and the only thing you said was, "Oh really? So there were hardly any people on my bus..." **** you. You didn't even comment on it, ask if I was okay, or anything until I snapped, "Great but I thought we were talking about me almost getting into a car wreck?" Maybe you don't understand because you STILL don't drive or even have your permit despite being older than me but that kind of stuff is REALLY upsetting and I do kinda expect some concern for someone you consider a friend, y'know? This is the second time this happened actually, and you didn't give a single **** the last time either. :')
Besides that, you're pretty much only talking about yourself all of the time again... And not giving a crap whenever I mention having any troubles, but expecting me to listen to all of your troubles, big or small (which I do, of course, but it doesn't help when you don't give a crap about me, lol)... And giving me the most basic, minimal responses whenever I try to help you or mention something about myself... And complaining about you not being able to find answers in your culinary workbook, but instead of using Google to search them, you just left them blank and then you're just "Yeah'ing" me whenever I mention that you could've used Google... And repeating yourself over and over and over and over ("I love sour cream! I love sour cream! I need more sour cream!" I GET IT FFS STOP)...
I don't like one-sided friendships, man... I can't deal with them for very long.
I want to say I'm being unreasonably harsh, and maybe I am... I'm not going to say "**** you" and ignore you or anything. But you've been like this throughout the entire like 6 or so years that I've known you and it's so frustrating sometimes. I want to stay in contact, but only in small intervals... Sorry if I'm being an unreasonable asshole.
WHOO BOY
that felt better. now back to work
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but i love it all smooth
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 00:43:38 23/08/2016 by LevanJess
Well I guess that I am, by the social definition, miserable. What difference does it make? Let me answer to that because the answer is that is does not make any difference. We just are and that is that... Damn it...
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
The "message to darkspyro" trend is not funny, it's annoying when i'm asleep when they happened and wake up and can't tell which thread started the trend, that is all
oh god if that wasn't a sign that I'm stressing waaaayyyy too much then I'm probably dying of some disease farewell friends :''''))))
ripip
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Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.
as if you actually have real problems ***** but um excuse me you have like 10000 friends who lick your ass clean and will literally praise everything you do so stop pretending like you're the most hated person in the world because youre not fooling anyone *****
I don't like to say that I'm having a bad day. Usually I'm good at making positives out of negatives.
But I've only been awake for a few hours, and this is a bad day if I've ever seen one.
First, I wake up to one of the cats waltzing into my room and peeing on my bed a few inches from my feet. It soaked all the way down to the mattress. I hurt my foot trying to shop her away. Then, we had to remove my sheets so quickly that one of my electronics got chucked into the washing machine. (Thankfully, it barely got wet and it still works, but I've never thrown anything in a washing machine. I'm a bit unnerved.) Next, this is my last day of summer. I'm probably going to have to wind up sleeping on the floor or on a couch, which is going to disturb my soon-to-be school schedule. And now, I have a splitting headache. I don't even know what to do with myself.
...I got an interview offer from a medical school. One of my top 3 choices, too.
Deep breaths, Notes, deep breaths...
<.>;;
You can do it!! We believe in you <3
Thanks! Yes, I'll need a wing and a prayer, since it's an MMI school. Instead of a conventional interview, I have to do 8 "scenarios," some of which have student actors, for judging panels. It'll be tough. 0.0;
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Congrats! You wasted five seconds reading this.
Can I just say that I'm having a really hard time with these fanfics right now? For the first one I had so much ideas and planning for it, yet I'm running out of stuff for the chapter. (It's tricky because I've only just started doing full length chapters) My ideas are all over the place no matter how much I organize them. The second one I'm just absolutely clueless, I'm worrying about whether I mess up the characters in it because they aren't really developed in any way in the canon. I always get scared of messing up, but if I don't do that sometimes, how will I improve?
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Whenever you reach too high, life smacks you down!
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