I guess that this decision of mine has the temporary meaning of that I really like to be around people with whom I can feel like home. I have always had this illusion of myself being just a emotionless pile of flesh and blood but that is not the case since I am human being as are all the other over 7 billion of others around this planet. I do decisions based on animal instincts even though I’d like to consider me and everyone else to have “free will”. Maybe on philosophical level we have but eventually we are all programmed to make decisions based on our own biological status.
But to live in the moment without over-thinking, I must admit that I am now waiting enthusiastically for the party and having good time with people I really care about. It is all about making this temporary stay in our own current consciousness the happiest as possible. Just live and do not over think and seek for purpose and spiritual perpetuity. This is my personal thought of the day,.
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I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
*drools*
it's been so long...since...since something like this....
So many lonely nights
so many times i've been bored out of my mind
finally....
A ****ING AMAZING FANFIC! ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN READING FANFICS LATELY THAT HAVE BEEN GOOD BUT NOT WHAT A FANFIC SHOULD BE
BUT THIS ONE
THIS ****ING ONE
HURRGGGGGGG
*shivers in bliss*
This must be what having sex after the awkward first time is like
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Gay 4 GARcher
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 01:21:09 28/03/2015 by DragonCamo
That's it, next Thursday I am going to do something about this. I can't handle it. I'll tell you, and then I won't see you for 10 days. It's perfect. I just hope it'll help...
I feel as though I've been doing nothing but causing pain and stress to my friends, both in real life and online. I'm not used to having so many friends at the same time. I talk to one and upset the other and vise versa. I sometimes wish my life was like it was in primary school. No friends, only myself. Play by myself, eat by myself, everything by myself. Then I wouldn't upset or hurt anyone. Really the only thing I feel like I'm good for is just to hurt others. Not intentionally but it always happens. For every friend I've hurt or lost a piece of my heart goes with them. Soon I won't even have a heart. Maybe it's because I care too much and cause I'm constantly asking if I'm hurting or bothering someone that I've lost so many friends. I know when I'm hurting someone. I can feel it in my heart and mind. My mind gets clouded and confused and my heart feels pain. Either way I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry and sorry for having inexperienced social skills. I'm sorry for hurting you, my friends... But I still love you all.
Happy birthday, Grandpa. Hoping you're in a better place now.
Makes me mind of sad that I know my stepmum's parents more than I'll ever know you - I can only hope to stay connected with the rest of my family while I still have time with them.
Please get better soon. I don't want to lose you. ;u;
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Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.
You know what? Forget it. I had to wait with this pain that made my life impossible for 2 years, and then you have the nerve to say I should wait even longer? Just forget it. I'm done taking medications that won't work. I'm done dealing with people like you. I'm just done. I'll just put up with the pain for the rest of my dang life if I have to. Because nobody'll care anyway. Whatever.
I came to you hoping you could help in some way. But no. Nope. You terrible person.
And now I get to hear my mom brag about how she was right. And now she'll tell me to suck it up whenever I say it hurts to move. So, I'm just not going to say anything. I will just suck it up. Nobody'll hear from me.
what do you do when all the sadness you've felt for the past year and a half has turned into extreme anger and the only way you can think of to let it all out is by hurting yourself but you know you shouldn't
huh...it's funny. I always told myself i never had friends back in New York, never had those friends that would want to spend time with me or hang out after school or choose me over everyone else..
Yet, i move here, and then i learn that all along I did have friends, people who cared that i moved, people who give a damn how i'm feeling, wish that i didn't move, wish i stayed.
So now i'm lonely here, floating through school, avoiding everyone, giving the cold shoulder to people who try to talk to me. I feel if I do begin to talk to them, i become too much and annoy them to the point where they don't want to talk with me anymore.
New York wasn't as bad as i told myself. I can see that now that i truly have no one here.
Wow, I hate it when people take out their anger on you, and then stress you out, and then act like it's your fault that they're mad ;>.>
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I think my dad thought I was watching porn last night, I have no idea why, as I don't even do that stuff anymore, I see it as a really stupid thing to do now, <.>
- - -
My drawing skills are improving!~ Or, at least I think..
- - -
My beliefs have been challenged, and as always, I'm intensely thinking on what I should do, and be like, and what will cause me to have a better life, and should I keep thinking the way I do? I know I shouldn't.. but, also I think I should... but I really don't know, whoever reads this won't know what I mean by this, but I feel better at least typing this~
I also really think I have put a wrong impression of myself on the forum, but, still, I change a lot in real life~
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Edited 1 time - Last edited at 18:26:33 29/03/2015 by Badwolfmichael
Thank you for distracting me from that, I really started to forget things for a while and laugh for a little.
~
Here comes another week of torture...
~
Why do you always have to ruin our plans with your "need" to go there? I understand you would be wasting money like your friend who is always sick, but come on. You're not going to die if you stop for one day. Same with that freaking drink. You're wasting money on buying those sugary things. I'm just annoyed at how "independent" you think you are now that you can drive anywhere you want so we can be stuck home doing nothing. I spent forever cooped up in my room hunched over on the computer or doing whatever else and I'M TIRED OF IT. The weather is starting to warm up and we all are frustrated because then you don't wanna stay home alone.
So this is the eventual prize up for grabs when I actually open up, let myself be vulnerable, speak and act from my heart. It did not lead me anywhere yet again and just enforces my antisocial behaviour. I tend not to give either outcomes meaning of any kind, they just are there and nothing more but it really does not help me to even try to adjust myself in a way that my friends and family won’t assume that I’m miserable. I am neither miserable nor happy, I am content and sometimes fantasize and work on new intriguing experiences that is all. So this is my personal thought of this day.
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I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Are you ****ing serious? You say that **** behind may goddamn back, and then expect me to still be friends with you after that? No, **** you. I do NOT care about you anymore. To think I almost trusted you. You're a ****ing *****. Get out of my ****ing life. I NEVER want to see you again.
- - -
Welp, time to reevaluate all of my friendships again...
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