darkSpyro

This is an RP about an Olive Garden that's owned and managed by my character, Ol' Smiley Joe. You can join as an employee or customer, or even just some people who loiter around the store and don't buy anything. Don't expect the breadsticks unless you're a paying customer, though.

Name: Ol' Smiley Joe
Age: Old
Species: Likely human, although some rumors cite him as part Vulcan
Appearance:

Abilities: Managing his Olive Garden, playing Through the Fire and Flames on his trusty banjo, handling unruly customers, supplying mostly endless free breadsticks to customers
About: Thoughtful old man who can put his foot down when he needs to, gets almost irrationally angry at people who have talks of betrayal in his Olive Garden, fashion conscious

Now, to begin.

Ol' Smiley Joe unlocked the doors to his beloved Olive Garden, ready for a new business day. He made his way back to his secret office and grabbed his trusty binoculars off his desk. He admired his framed photo of Kevin James for a few moments before going back outside the store and sitting on the stool behind his moderately convincing cardboard bush by the front doors. Slipping his binoculars through the designated slot in the fake bush, he kept watch for homeless people to guard his establishment from, and also for his employees to arrive.

Name: Herrington Wessler
Age: Middle Aged
Species: Human/Ginger Hybrid
Appearance:



Abilities: Running the register at Olive Garden, waiting tables, complaining.
About: Barely able to keep a job, Herrington, aka Harry, likes long walks on beaches, complaining about everything, and enjoys eating bread sticks whenever he can. He used to be assistant manager but couldn't keep the job and was demoted recently.

Herrington was walking up to the door. His clothes were a mess and he forgot to comb his hair. He was grumbling because his alarm didn't wake him up and he had to rush to work. Ol' Smiley Joe was probably there with his binoculars and he hoped Joe didn't think he was a homeless guy again because of his sloppy clothes. He scratched his balls and prepared to go to work.

Ol' Smiley Joe got up from his place behind the bush, ready to confront this perceived hobo. "Hey!!! Get away from my Olive Garden you dirty homeless assmunch!!!" He used his binoculars to observe his threat closer and look for weak points, which was easy because the weak spot on every homeless person was the same: everywhere. It was then that he noticed that it was just Herrington, his least favorite employee. "Oh, it's just you again. Listen, I was thinking of laying you off because I have one of those weird bald people from the future that will do your job for way cheaper."

OOC: Yesterday I went to Olive Garden for the first time in years after making this thread. Parents just randomly decided to go. I think it was fate.

Name: Édouard Von Stein
Age: 30 but acts 15
Species: Half homeless/half human
Appearance:

Abilities: Edouard has a super skateboard that he uses to attack, he can easily escape from the authorities by skating away as well.
About: Edouard loiters around the Olive Garden and gets free food from the bins. He has been homeless for all of his life, identifying with homeless culture more than human culture. In his younger days Edouard was a stuck up prude and fought for homeless rights, however, Edouard regrets this period of his life and is convinced that he needs to rebel against the system to regain his years lost to prudeness.

Herrington sighed and looked out the window sadly. He turned back to his boss and said, "You know, first that asshat stole the assistant managers job, now this. Everyone keeps takin my job!!!!!!" He looked straight into Smiley Joe's eyes and said, "You better not fire me. You will regret it for the rest of your life."

Heading to the back to sign in, he started softly crying. Nobody would take his job... Nobody...

Name: Spyro the Dragon
Age: 16
Species: Dragon
Appearance:
Abilities: Flame breath, gliding short distances, climbing
About: He typically acts very cool, but Spyro has PTSD from working at his past job.

"Fine jeez you stupid *****. Go do your job," Ol' Smiley yelled back at Herrington. Looking out in the distance, he noticed another hobo. This one was holding a skateboard. He was glad this one was so resourceful. Walking up to Edouard, he decided to make peace. "Howdy there, glad you brought your own skateboard. We just need more homeless people like you to jump using the skateboard. If only someone around here was brave enough to do so..." he trailed off after noticing Spyro nearby. "Hello, young man. Are you looking for a job at my fine establishment?" He thought this dragon looked like a capable skateboarder, but was going to see what kind of man this dragon was first.

Edouard gazed at Ol' Smiley with disgust.
"Mate, I don't like you stuck up manager types, so I suggest you head off back to where ya came from." Edouard said bitterly, holding his skateboard up in an offensive stance.

Herrington sighed again and hurried to the register. He knew it was going to be a busy day. What was worse was, they were a little short on help that day and he hoped Ol' Smiley called someone in to help. He doubted it though. Looking at the store, he complained silently in his head for a while, before noticing Edouard. He knew the man meant well and had a point, but he was worried he would have to call the cops again... Just last week some guy came in and took a dump all over the register counter and the cops had to haul him away. But guess who had to clean it up?

He reached for the phone, preparing to call, but wanted to see where things went first. "Hey! Now, are you here to eat or cause problems?"

"I just want my ****ing food in peace, if ya can't understand that then I'll kill ya." Edouard spat, walking up to Herrington. He examined the ginger haired man, Edouard had always disliked gingers after one had taken his lunch and put pickles in it, the cruelest form of punishment Edouard could imagine.

Ol' Smiley moved out of the way so Edouard could walk past into Olive Garden, in order to pay money for a meal to obtain the coveted breadsticks. He did not let down his guard, however, in case this slobby hobo still wished to fight. He assumed a secret fighting stance he saw in the hit anime Dragon Ball Z to keep up a facade that he knew how to fight, when in reality he is a man who has been beaten up by his 9 month old granddaughter.

"You ain't one of those guys who buys something cheap so you can get all the bread sticks are you?" Herrington asked Edouard. He was cautious with the man, but had dealt with his kind before. He knew a lot of venusian aikido moves that would surprise even the most talented martial artist, but he didn't want to have to use it. "What can I get you?"

Name: Emperor Mustard
Age: Unknown
Species: Unknown, but likely part person
Appearance:
About: Loves mustard, Jedi Master that acts, sounds, and looks like Palpatine, uses the force more than lightsabers, Talks about the Jedi like Palpatine talks about the Sith, always talks about the enjoyment of mustard, often uses the force to enjoy mustard
Abilities: Can use the force on anything, drinks mustard at every meal, cannot have enough mustard, Jedi mind trick (often says "no, I do not have enough mustard" in people's minds)

Emperor Mustard arrives at Olive Garden and walks up to Old Smiley Joe and asks "May I have one of everything, please?"

Ol' Smiley was shocked that someone would order so much. He rushed to seat Emperor Mustard and placed his order. "That's a strange robe ya got there. Kinda ugly though. No offense," he said, gesturing to the piss yellow robe donned by his latest customer. Ol' Smiley sensed his power and didn't want to get on his bad side, but just had to know about the robe. He hoped Spyro hurried with cooking the food. He had been so quiet lately.

"It is heavily stained with the mustard I use the force to enjoy properly," Emperor Mustard replied, taking no offense to Ol' Smiley Joe's comment due to his respect.

Spyro's face twitched into a deep frown for a millisecond when he heard the word 'job', but he quickly regained his composure. He shook Ol' Smelly Joe's hand firmly.
"Yeah. I need a new one. Last job was at Su-" Spyro's hand began to shake a little, he let go of Joe's hand, "a sandwich shop. Figured subs are pretty Italian. So I have experience making Italian food. I can also climb ladders and stuff."

After being hired, Spyro was sent to work in the kitchen immediately. He pulled out a box of frozen raviolis and put them in the microwave. He glared at the nearby hobo shifting through the trash for breadsticks.
Spyro began to walk over to the hobo. Alas, he had forgotten about the much desired raviolis. They began to burn through the plastic container.


Name: William "Big Willy" Shears
Age: 30
Species: Real Human Being
Appearance:
Abilities: Dictating his Applebees, Gay and Republican
About: Billy is the manager of the Applebees across the street. He often visits Olive Garden to taunt and insult the staff. He is ruthless.

Ol' Smiley quickly hired Spyro. "Welcome aboard. I was wanting to test your skills by having you jump some homeless people, but there is no time. This fine gentleman," he gestured towards Emperor Mustard, "Ordered one of everything. Go get to work, uh, please." He almost forgot to add a crucial detail. "Oh, and your ladder climbing skills should serve you well here. I'm glad to finally have someone like you on the team."

Ol' Smiley went back out to scold the hobo now searching for breadsticks and hoped that Big Willy wasn't up to his old tricks again.

Herrington overheard Emperor Mustard order one of everything and figured he would tip really well if he did a good job with that guy so he abandoned Edouard, making his way towards the Mustard-color clad man. He looked kind of scary but he wanted that tip.

"Hey Ol' Smiley, I got this covered. He'll be treated like royalty." Herrington glanced at the mans mustard-stained clothes and thought to himself what could have possibly made it THAT stained. He thought maybe the man bathed in mustard while wearing the cloak.

"I am glad you care about my presence," Emperor Mustard said to Herrington as he approached, sensing his intention to get that tip, "I can sense your intention on getting that tip." Excellent, now I can get as much mustard as I want, he thought to himself.

Ol' Smiley rushed back inside, not yet seeing Big Willy on the horizon. He wanted to make sure his customer was enjoying the food, water, and atmosphere of his restaurant. He truly cared about Emperor Mustard's presence. "I care about your presence," he told him as he cared about his presence.

"Um... a tip. Of course it is only optional really, but I'd greatly appreciate it." Herrington said quickly, his face turning red. He wondered how the man knew what he was thinking and was scared. This man was not to be trifled with. "Um, your food will be right out. Is there anything else you'd like at this time?" He asked.

"Mustard!" Emperor Mustard replied "I would like to drink some while I'm waiting. If you add a straw, I will be sure to increase your tip," intending to increase the tip.

"Of course, sir." He said quickly as he rushed to the kitchen. Pouring a large cup of mustard, complete with a straw. He added a cherry on top, hoping that would be a pleasant surprise addition. He returned to emperor mustard quickly, handing him the drink with a large smile.

Ol' Smiley froze in fear. He glanced over at Herrington, hoping he would bail him out. "Hey, Herrington, why don't you tell this feller our mustard policy, I gotta go." Ol' Smiley took off, hiding under a table on the other side of the restaurant. Strangely enough, he didn't even choose a table that was out of the line of sight of the Emperor. He didn't want to be the one to tell this gentleman that he didn't have regular mustard. He hoped now that that frickin frick Herrington posted too fast, that Mr. Mustard would not notice that was Italian mustard.

"I can sense that you gave me Italian mustard, but I also love Italian mustard. It is good to have variety once in a while." Emperor Mustard, who truly loves Italian mustard and likes variety, replied.

"Oh, I'm so glad you like it!" Herrington replied. "I hope you enjoy your meal. Would you like anything else at this time?"

Emperor Mustard, not wanting to use the Jedi mind trick yet, asked "Are refills free?" ,wondering if refills were free and took a sip out of the mustard cup and used his Jedi powers to pick some globs of mustard out of the cup and put it in his mouth. He then said "I am enjoying this mustard properly with the force and appreciate the hospitality," truly enjoying the mustard properly with the force and appreciating the hospitality.

Name: Joe Average
Age: 32
Species: Average human. Very average. Nothing unaverage about this guy. So average that he might just qualify as his own species. Which I'll now call average humanity. Let me call the environmental department and request them to classify average humans as their own species... okay... they just told me to sod off. No matter, they're still a separate species in my book.
Appearance: Average-looking, with average hair, average skin, average eyes, average height and weight, and average attire. Basically has every feature that's statistically average.
Abilities: Being so average that's it's unnerving
About: Works as a waiter at the Olive Garden. Has an average family with average kids and an average wife. Seems to have a lot of friends due to his friendly attitude but actually has none, since he has no depth other than fitting in the average stats. At this point the word average doesn't look or sound like a word anymore. Average. Average. What even is the English language. Accept me.

Ol' Smiley left from under the table after he saw Emperor Mustard calmly accept the Italian mustard. He greeted Joe as he clocked into work and decided to brief him on the situation. "Howdy Average. We have a customer who ordered one of everything. He seems very powerful. No other customers yet, though. He might tip very well. You could steal the tip from Herrington if you want since I am thinking of laying his ***** ass off soon anyway."

Joe stands stiffly and solidly as Ol' Smiley explains the situation with the customer. As per usual, he never moved, broke eye contact, or dropped the small, basic smile he always had on his face. "Yes sir. I will make sure the customer feels at home." He pauses, seeming to process something, and winks dryly. He then turns his head in the direction of Emperor Mustard, his body following in unison, and walks jaggedly to his table. He stops directly behind Herrington, processing what was going on at the moment.

Emperor Mustard, upon seeing Joe Average, asked him "Do you know Tad Strange? He closely resembles you."

As Spyro scooped out the spaghetti with his unwashed hands onto the plate, he smelled the raviolis boiling in the microwave.
"BOGUS!" Spyro yelled. He quickly opened the microwave. The white cheese filling splattered all over his face. He sighed, shrugged and took the surviving remains of the raviolis out and put them on a plate. The cheese was still on his face.

Joe turns his head to Emperor Mustard, stares blankly for a few seconds, then responds. "I can't say I have, sir. Do you know him from somewhere?" His head turns slightly again at the sound of Spyro shouting in the kitchen, but then turns his attention back to the customer.

"I met Tad Strange at a restaurant called Gravy Balls in Gravity Falls. You remind me of him." Emperor Mustard replied, having met Tad Strange at the Gravy Balls in Gravity Falls that Joe Average reminded him of. "I was so thoroughly enjoying this mustard that only now can I sense that you don't know him," he continued, having thoroughly enjoyed the mustard to the point where he was less aware than usual of his surroundings and sensing that Joe didn't know Tad, taking no notice of what was going on in the kitchen, figuring that it was Edouard's meal being messed up.

Ol' Smiley hoped that Emperor Mustard enjoyed his meal that Spyro made him, watching for his reaction. He wasn't sure they had enough mustard in the back to satisfy this man.

Mustard took a bite of the best looking dish. "This meal is awful!" Emperor Mustard yelled, "There is no mustard and everything is poorly prepared!" truly hating the preparation of the meal and the lack of mustard. Everything was burnt, poorly done, or uncooked in Spyro's rush to finish the meal. Sensing Ol' Smiley's shock and how desperate he was to get a new cook, the Emperor spared him and directed all of his rage at Spyro, yelling "Is this what you call decent attire?! You cooked this meal completely naked and didn't even do it well! Nobody gets away with this level of indecent exposure in the Mustard Empire! I can sense that a fellow nudist named Sparx absorbs your hits and follows you around. Making another face your damage isn't exactly my idea of goodness! I can see him right behind your naked ass!" Mustard then grabbed Sparx and squished him over the trash can so Herrington didn't have to clean it off the floor. "Let's see how well you do without Draggyfly." Emperor Mustard said coldly. He then used his super cool force lightning on the nudist dragon, knocking him over.

spyro died with cheese and mustard on his face

Ol' Smiley couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. His finest employee, killed right before his eyes. He had to do something to remove the customer. Adopting a slightly off-kilter fighting pose from DBZ like before, he gazed deep into Emperor Mustard's eyes. "I'll kick your ass if you do not leave my Olive Garden immediately," he said, managing to keep his voice steady.

Joe had been frozen in the same position until Emperor Mustard began his outburst. Once he starting shouting, Joe pulled out his smartphone.
"This is sure to get me lots of--'likes'-- and-- 'subscribes'-- on my social network channel(s)!" he said, and began recording.

(I got nothing better to do and this looks like it could be worth quite a few laughs)

Name: Dr. Alive
Age: 2300 years
Species: It's rumored to be some kind of spirit. That's impossible though because it's very much alive. Alongside that, there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that the spirit is evil and/or malicious.
Appearance:
Abilities: It touches the ground, cannot walk through solid objects, and definitely doesn't have eternal life. The age you see above was a typo that I never bothered to fix where I accidentally added extra zeros. Most importantly, this creature cannot drain power from other living beings. That would be ridiculous.
About: There are a lot of wild stories going around that Dr. Alive is some kind of evil and malevolent spirit that eternally haunts the Olive Garden. There are even wild speculations that it is the spirit of a murdered doctor seeking revenge for the wrongdoings done to it, a being of power and terror that will one day drain the life from all living things. But that's a nonsensical story. It's a completely harmless customer... that never leaves... and has no family. At least it pays for it's food.

Ol' Smiley noticed the other Joe filming. "Boy, get a good angle for this battle. Let an old geezer like me show you how to lay a beating and the post it on the Twatter," he said confidently. He felt a chill down his spine, figuring the local ghost was nearby.

The recent death and fighting had drawn the definitely-not-sinister spirit's attention. After a while of watching from the shadows, the ghost finally showed itself, nestling into a nearby seat without saying a word to watch the fight.

"Dude, I just shot super rad force lightning at that freak and killed him with little effort at all," Emperor Mustard said calmly towards Ol' Smiley, "I can do far worse, so you should consider my offer. I may even tip you a billion dollars if you do good enough."

"Yes sir, I'll post it on the Twatter," Joe said immediately, not processing everything that Ol' Smiley had said this time. He waited for the fight to begin.